The Human can opener

By kingofdragons1 with the added comments of Arista Niara

It was one of those hot sunny days where you would do anything not to be stuck in one of the following: Number one- a line, number two- a gorilla Halloween costume, number three-your mother in law's house, number four- a turkey, and number five- an assortment of pots and pans welded together creating some makeshift armor. Unfortunately for me and my friend we were stuck in all five. (A/N1:Arista Niara "what are you talking about? … first of all we are walking down an empty street and there is not one line to be found anywhere. Second of all we are not wearing gorilla Halloween costumes. Also your not married so you don't have a mother in law. A turkey????? Come on even you can do better then that. Lastly since when do these robot suits look like welded together pots and pans??".) In reality we were off to the TMNT convention in NYC and those robot costumes of ours yep you guessed it Krang and Shredder. She had taken a liking to the stylish wardrobe that is Krang. I on the other hand found a really cool complete deluxe Shredder armor on ebay for really cheap. Arista Niara "don't listen to a word he says I am not in a Krang costume I'm in a…" kingofdrsagons1"Technodrome costume?" I butted in. Arista Niara "why you!!!!!"she yelled as she started chasing me down the street. We were about two blocks away from the convention center when stopped suddenly. Arista, slammed into me and fell to the ground "hey!! What's the big idea??" She complained. Oblivious to anything other then what stood before me, I pointed ahead and stammered "Turtles" . Arista looking confused shifted her gaze to what I was pointing at. For before us where none other then The famous four we had dedicated our whole lives to. Not only where the turtles there but so were several dozen foot solders and not to mention their arch enemy The Shredder. Suddenly an idea popped into my head (A/N2 Arista Niara; " ohh boy we know that happened when he gets ideas……..") "Arista" I said "wait right here ill be back in a second" and rushed off back the way we had came. From the side lines Arista appeared to be in too much shock to do anything of much else but stand there like a mindless zombie. Meanwhile I had returned, driving a pickup truck of boxes and parked it in the middle of the street. While Arista was still in here trance I took a can from one of the boxes and made my way onto the battlefield.

I walked right up to Shredder and grabbed his arm trying to use it to open the can that I had brought. Shredder, lost in thought (apparently) took the can from me and showed me the proper way to open it. "Ohh, that's how" I said "wait right here" I told him as I made my way back to the truck. This time I came back with a whole box of cans and when I tried to use his arm again he spun on me with an angry glare. "What are you doing" he snapped "Do you know who I am?" " and why are you wearing armor similar looking to mine?" He took a closer look at me and knocked at my armor and said "what the this stuff is real" then he examined my arm right down to the claw "impossible this claw looks stronger and sharper then mine", grumbling , "where did you get this" he snapped again "ebay" I chimed in. Yes of course I know who you are" I replied after I felt he was done inspecting my armor "your that can opener guy from TMNT the Shredder or something like that". "Yes that's right" he began " wait a second what do you mean can opener" angry now "I am not a can opener". "Yes you are" I assured him, "see?" I said while taking his arm and using it to open yet another one of my cans. "Stop that!" he yelled, then turning to face me he said "now what do you want I have no time for games". "oh I just want you to open all of these" I said pointing to my box of cans. He looked at me hard then, looked at the cans, then looked at me again, then back to the cans and back and forth about four more times. While he was in a daze I took it on my self to continue opening cans with his claw. "Stop that!" he yelled again after realizing I had opened three more cans. Meanwhile on the their side of the fight the turtles had finished off the foot since Shredder had been controlling them by remote control. Completely confused by what they now saw before them Mikey managed to blurt out "two Shredders?".

"That is statistically impossible" replied Donatello, but for once Donny actually wasn't sure for a minute or two. "That's it" Donny cried "one is umm a robot" , "a robot?" questioned Raph " you sure about that". "Yes it has to be" Donny exclaimed " look at the way the mechanical Shredder keeps doing the same thing over and over again just like a machine would" "in fact" Hypnotized Donny "the real Shredder has created a duplicate of himself purely to satisfy his need to open cans". "And I thought the Shredder was strange enough already" mumbled Leo. "It would seem that our old enemy has a fetish for opening cans" Continued Donny," well I guess our work here for today is done". The rest of the turtles agree and head back into the sewers leaving myself, Shredder and a truck load of cans alone to sort themselves out. Just then something clicked in Shedder's head and he then took the time to survey the battle. The street was littered with broken parts of the mechanical foot solders that he had brought with him. "Curse you turtles" he yelled in the wind "I'll have you yet". Then turning back around to face me The Shredder looked like he was about to explode. Luckily I knew what to do in such instances, " don't worry Shredder" I said trying to calm him down "I'll help you get those turtles" I said as I patted him consolingly "in fact I have something in this box that will bring the turtles right to you". "Really? " Shredder questioned, now suddenly completely calm . " yeah, just give me a second to get it out" I replied as I started digging through my box of cans. "Here it is!" I exclaimed producing a particularly old can with lots of pictures of turtles and tomatoes. "what is it" Shredder asked as he came closer almost trying to grab it out of my hands. "It's food " I told him, but shredder was too busy goggling the can. "mauahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah" he burst out laughing "now I will get rid of those pesky turtles once and for all" . " how does it work " he quickly asked , " well " I said " you open the can and put it in a pot " "yes yes then what" asked Shredder eagerly " Then you put a little water in the pot put it on the stove and turn up the heat" I paused for a second "gez don't you know how to cook chef Boyardee stuff?" but Shredder wasn't listening he was to wrapped up in his new fool proof plan to destroy the turtles. Thinking to himself for a few minutes he then turned to me and asked "now where can we find this pot and stove you speak of?" " well we could go back to my house but that's a while away" I answered "oh yea and we have to take the statue over there" I said as I pointed to Arista who now had a few birds sitting on her head. " Fine, fine ill call the brain for our ride" he said as he reached for his communicator. Krang appeared on the com-link in seconds only this time he wasn't' t in his usual robot suit. Instead I was In a bath tub surrounded by rubber penguins . "Shreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeder!" he squealed " have you killed those damn tur…" he paused for a second " why are there two of you?" he asked scratching his head. "And why are you spying on my PBT?". Shredder and I looked at each other both with the same question in mind "PBT" we echoed. "Penguin Bath Time " a now angry Krang growled at us. "ohh" we said in unison. " lets remember not to talk to him when he's doing that" I told Shredder. "Why are you talking to yourself again " asked the brain. "Are you seeing someone ELSE that I don't know about?". I looked at Shredder strangely for a second and responded with "uhhh you answer that one". It was this moment that I saw something happen that I knew I would never ever see again in my entire life. Shredder, took off his mask and with tears in his eyes began to say something that I couldn't make out. Then he suddenly burst into laughter a few minutes later he recomposed himself and acted as if nothing had happened. Still looking at Shredder I wondered out loud "what the heck was that about". "your asking me?" came an all too familiar screechy voice from the communicator. " he's your clone" the brain finished. Next thing I knew it and the Tecnodrome was towering over me taking my Arista statue I started for what could undoubtedly be the most dangerous adventure I had ever been on…

Part one end( for now)