Author's Note: I was asked by a good friend to write down my feelings in a one shot, and so I decided that this would be the best way to represent my inner feeling through an RK character. Well you guys will see, I just ask you all for your opinions on if I should continue to write things like this! My first one-shot so... It's kind of like a diary entry really....
Mortality or Immortality?
Written By LittoGrrlStephie
Darkness falls into eternity, life exists until the end of time, and true love can last until the next life time. When one thinks of the world as a cruel place, they see it for what it truly is. Nothing good ever lasts forever no matter how much we want it to, nothing will ever go past its limit. The love of a being will vanish, the dream of a child will die, but darkness has no boundary, darkness is limitless. If a creature were to go anywhere in the world or in the known universe they'll find some type of darkness may it be the real thing or the darkness that is within their own being or others. Even if the human race and every other creature were to die out of existence, darkness will still be here in our place. For Darkness is immortal, and Darkness cannot be destroyed; it will always be there.
As human beings we never think anything beyond our own needs, no matter how kind a person is there is always some type of side to them that is greedy and because we are human we are never content and never will be. Some may say that they are indeed content, but when money or power is placed before them they shall grab it and hang onto it with their life. Mankind was said to be created equal, but during war and from the past we have learned that that is not so. For during war the strong survived and the weak died, and if all man was equal then no one would have died during war. In the past people have been slaves for others, treated lower than dirt, and were only there to do the work that the owners did not wish to do themselves. Even now with the new turn of the century, the world is still full of discrimination and the violence amongst each other. Many have fought for the rights of others, for freedom but once they got it they take it for granted. Those that didn't have to fight for it don't know the hardships, all the bloodshed, and the lives of people just like them, that were destroyed to get the freedom that they have now.
I must stop now before I go into depth about what happened in the war. I didn't write this so that you'd feel bad about anything, I wrote it so that you would understand the faults of others and steer clear of it. I only wish for you to understand the human mind and be able to use that to your advantage like I have. It was because of the knowledge that I learned over the years that I managed to live this far and tell you about it. So instead of having you suffer as I have to gain what I know, I'm going to tell you now, though I fear that you may not listen to my words and believe it until you actually learn it hands on.
During the war I thought about nothing but finishing the assignment that I was given, thought that what I was doing was for the good of the country, never realizing that I what I did would destroy the lives of others. As I think back about the past, I realized that if I had just thought ahead or even listened to my master I would have lived a better life. But if I hadn't lived through what I did, hadn't blocked out the world from me then I wouldn't be who I was today. Through my experience I have learned that as the world around us changes we must change with it in order to survive; those that can't die just like in nature. An animal that can't adapt to his surroundings will die from either the lack of understanding or from the loss of their home and their failure to try and rebuild it anew. You must learn from my words that what I say is true, even if you disagree it is all true in my eyes and many others. By blocking out my words like I had once did, you shall regret it all like I have. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction; it was something that I failed to learn until it was too late and my actions were coming back to haunt me.
I've tried to repent for them, but I know that I can never pay back for the lives that I've taken. A life is the most valuable thing known, yet I've taken them one by one without a thought. But until the end of the war, I never realized how much pain that one can feel from the loss of a loved one. By killing someone you not only end the person's life, you end the happiness of another as well, no matter how bad the person is that you kill. As I look at my hands I see the blood of the people that I've killed, closing my eyes I hear the screams of my victims, and for nearly a decade I thought myself unworthy of even breathing the same air as the innocent people. But upon meeting someone just as special as the one I loss I relearned that every life, even my so called tainted one, deserved to live.
By living with this innocent being I felt the need to protect her, to make sure that I don't lose her like in the past. As time went on I realized that the strong lived and the weak died were merely words, and that the strong protect the weak. For as long as I've met her, I've been protecting the ones that can't protect themselves. As we grow older we grow wiser from the experiencing that we face, and that includes the bad and good ones. Without the bad ones we'll never see the good ones and be able to cherish them. Like the saying, no pain no gain, there has to be suffering and sadness before we can truly be happy and at peace with ourselves.
If I could have a chance to go back in time and redo things, I wouldn't change anything. The events in our lives happen for a reason and until we learn that we'll always brood over our pasts. If I hadn't lost the one that I loved before, then I would have never loved the one that I do now more so than my own life. I regret being a manslayer yes, but if I hadn't been then I wouldn't have been able to understand what others from the war feel and be able to convert them to the New Era. Those in the war may have physically been able to adjust to the new ways, but their minds were still in the past thinking of how if they did something different then the world that we know it would have been different as well. That is something that you must avoid, you must learn to move on to the future but neither forget the past so that you may learn from it and do better.
I will not tell you what to do or think, or what not to do or what not to think; I merely wish for you to learn from me. In the end it is you that will decide the course of your own life. Just remember that it is your life and you can change its course at any time that you wish, it is never to late to turn back and start over anew. When the world turns black and it seems as if it's against you, don't back away and wait for it to clear, face it head on not only physically but mentally. Don't block others out of your life like I did for so long, it will only cause more pain for yourself. By allowing them to enter your life you'll be able to shift some of your burdens onto their shoulders when you're too weak to handle it yourself, by keeping it to yourself you'll only kill yourself from the inside out.
My words might be going in one ear and out the other, but you must understand that if you take heed of my words it'll save you the trouble of having to feel as much pain as I did in my lifetime. I can't say that you won't feel pain, because in one's lifetime they shall feel pain, may it be physically, emotionally, or mentally they will feel it. I can only pray that you won't feel all of the pain that I had and keep it within yourself like I had for ten years, but sometimes it takes more than a prayer to make something a reality. That's something that I learned a long time ago.
There's one more thing that I want to tell you, the richest man is also the poorest man. The reason for this is because the rich man cannot trust anyone, for they might be using him for his money or power. What I am trying to say is, even if life looks hard and difficult remember that you'll always have something that the richest man doesn't; the trust, loyalty, and love of the people around you.
Signed,
Himura Kenshin
"Himura Kenji, what are you doing in your father's room?" asked an older woman with lavender hair as she stood in the door way, staring at her son with her sapphire orbs.
"Nothing mother!" said the redheaded teenager as he quickly stashed the book in his father's drawer and moved to cover it with his body as he turned to face his mother.
"You know that I don't want you in here messing around with your father's things," said the woman as tears began to come to her eyes as she looked around the neat room, it had always been neat since the day that she had met her love.
"I wasn't messing with father's things mother, I was looking at something," said Kenji with a smile as he walked over to his mother.
"Well you better get to lunch," said Kaoru as she wiped away her tears.
"Yes mother," said Kenji as he quickly left the room.
"If only you could see your son now Himura Kenshin, he's going to grow up to be a fine young man like you," said Kaoru as a tear unconsciously fell from her cheek as he slid the shoji door shut.
A/N: There you have it, the inside look on what my brain is thinking! The main point of this one shot is that Kenshin wants the best for his son, but knows that his son won't live just a happy life, that Kenji will also feel pain but not as much pain as he felt himself. Thank you all for reading!
