Disclaimer: SO PAY ATTENTION :D This has some religious content that (I think, not sure) could be considered offensive. There's no bashing or anything like that, but I know some people don't appreciate things like this at all. This chapter is not essential to the plot or anything so if you want to skip it feel free. All it does is introduce Aoshi, Misao, and Megumi, pretty much.

Chapter Three: Beware the Confessional

"Hey, you in there. Get up. It's time for church." I smashed my head into the yielding pillow and willed the loud voice to go away.

Wait church? I landed in one of those towns where if you didn't go to church you'd burn at the stake, I bet. Which meant that everyone went to church. Everyone included quite a few people I'd love to avoid. What were the chances that I could sneak out?

"Hey drifter! Did you hear me?" The pounding continued on the other side of the door and I rolled out of bed with a heavy thump. Dragging on my clothing I tucked my gun in its hiding place and opened the door. A heavy fist rapped on my face several times smashing my nose and forehead.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to wake you up for church." My young hostess stammered totally red in the face. It was sweet. What was I saying? This is the girl that just slammed on my face like it was a wooden door. The one who shot at me last night. Not to mention she couldn't be older than twenty! Maybe I was a pervert.

"This unworthy one thanks you for reminding me it is the Good Lord's day." I gritted out.

"Oh, I made breakfast. It's on the table."

So that's what that horrible smell was. I thought something had died. My stomach rumbled and I was rushed by all the memories of the night before. Damn that was good cooking though. Maybe my hostess should take some culinary lessons from Saitou.

Settling down in a chair I gingerly poked what looked like it once belonged to a cow. Black crusted the edges, but pink tinged the middle. A mess of scrambled eggs snuggled up to the steak and some potato hash cuddled the other side. Or at least that's what I assumed they were. It was hard to tell.

Hesitantly, I brought a mouthful of eggs to my mouth. Yellow juices ran off the side mingling with the pink ones on my plate. With a deep breath I stuck the fork in my mouth. Chewing thoughtfully I realized it wouldn't be too bad with some salt, try a mineful, and pepper, where's that field again? The only bad thing was the crunch the eggshells made when they scrapped my molars.

The young woman bustled back in and stared at me. I looked up keeping a safe expression on my face. For a moment I thought she was going to hug me. Instead she settled down across from me practically glowing. I wasn't sure what I had done, but it made me feel good that she was pleased.

'You're pathetic.' Battousai sneered. I threw a rock at him. He dodged and skittered away like a rabid dog. Ha, serves you right, you killing psycho freak.

Bells clanged frantically startling me. Within an instant my gun had cleared it's holster and my violet eyes were flecked with amber. The woman was staring at me. She didn't seem afraid. In fact, she seemed angry. Willing my speeding heart down, I gave a sheepish smile. Her thunderous expression didn't change a wit.

"How dare you!" She snarled and I flinched. How dare I what? She wasn't done. Oh no. Here comes the explanation. I got the feeling it came with the extra special encore of hard object hits head. "You point that gun at me and then put it away. What were you hoping to gain? Were you planning to rob me?"

Her eyes widened and I felt mine doing the same. Rob her? My mind echoed still a tad slow.

"You were. You were going to take all my money and skip town. Oh my gosh. Or worse, you planned to kill me. Even more so, rape me before you shot me and let me bleed all over the carpet."

By then I was so confused that my head was going to explode.

"Why would this unworthy one do such a thing?" I pleaded holding up my hands in a peaceful gesture. "A place to stay is all this unworthy one desired!"

"Hey Ugly, you're going to be late!" The boy I recalled from the night before shrieked through the open window. He was munching on something that smelled suspiciously like it would taste a whole lot better that what had been rolling around in my mouth.

She yelped, after smacking the kid over the head, and dashed out the door. What a way to start my day. I was leaving directly after church. Even if that meant trudging over the Rockies in bare feet with nothing but a wide brimmed hat. I wasn't going to wait around for the local outfitter to open. Who knows what other mentally unstable residents lurked around. At least at church they would be confined to good behavior.

Slowly I made my way to the church. A few rude stares followed me. I wasn't dressed to be in the presence of Him, but I didn't care. I only had one set of clothing. These would just have to do. Besides, I doubted he very much cared. I could show up in my birthday suit and he wouldn't bat an eye.

The bells clanged again and I felt them still ringing in my head long after they had silenced.

"Misao is certainly enthusiastic today." I heard a woman mutter darkly.

Approaching the church I just about fainted when I saw the priest. He was very tall and slender with shaggy dark hair. His piercing blue eyes scanned the area and a very uncomfortable smile graced his lips. Even with the smile his face brooded.

His eyes stopped dead on me and the Battousai lunged to get free. I slammed him over the head with some iron bars. Down boy! Snarling my alter ego staggered up undetoured. Now I had a splitting headache.

'He will die.' My other half hissed in anticipation and suddenly I was the one behind bars.

Within a flash my body, driven by my bad half, strained forward. My hardened hands slid around his throat with ease and the fingers squeezed. Gleeful chuckling echoed all around. People gasped in horror and the Battousai preened. Such a show pony. Why didn't he just put a bullet through the iceblock's head? Dragging it out like some play on the stage.

"Battousai." Shinomori acknowledged deadpan. His face was starting to match his eyes, but he didn't let on. That would be showing emotion. If he showed just the tiniest bit then he couldn't be mister-stick-up-my-butt. Then he would have to be human. Answer to human needs and perform human functions. Imagine that. Who wants to be human when they could be a mindless zombie?

My out of control other half chuckled sliding his/my hand across the side of his neck. Just one little nerve impulse would end his life. Can't get much more simple than that. Oh, dragging it out would be much better, but there were witnesses after all. Slow and messy would do.

"Already causing trouble." A familiar voice behind me leered and Battousai whirled. If there was one thing he hated more than Shinomori it was Saitou.

"Hajime, it is a day of rest. That includes your job as sheriff." Death glare. That guy's pretty good at them. Too bad his wife didn't seem to notice.

Battousai sneered at my observation. I could feel him itching to maim something, anything. Lusted. Of course, Mister I'm-now-a-man-of-God there was a prime target for his bloodlust. Then again I was more inclined to sway him towards Saitou. My butt agreed.

A low growl sounded behind me. Battousai automatically whirled preparing to play Grim Reaper. Something heavy slammed into my chest knocking me to the ground. Hot, stinky breath blasted my face. For a moment there I thought that Saitou had jumped me. Until I realized that it was that blasted beast. The blasted beast with his fangs cupped around my slender throat.

Nothing like life-threatening danger to bring out the man in me. "Oro!"

"Lobo." Tokio said sternly. His murky golden orbs rolled over to her. My violet ones followed. She didn't seem perturbed in the slightest that a wolf had me by the throat and was seconds away from spilling my blood all over the street. "Leave Mister Himura alone. I do believe he is in control now."

In control? I was out of control? Furrowing my brow I rubbed my now sticky neck and rose to my feet.

"You have seemed to have found a place in normal society, that you have." I commented to Aoshi. My eyes lingered on the matching pair of silver crosses at his cuffs.

"I have turned to God for forgiveness." The man replied monotonously.

'Bullshit.' Battousai hissed completely disgusted.

I bowed my head unsure how to reply. What did you say in situations like this? There must be a book out there somewhere. How to Defuse Awkward Situations with Old War Enemies. A must have for ex-manslayers.

"Father Aoshi!" A bouncy girl raced up. Her cheeks were flushed and her emerald eyes sparkled. She was so perky the darker half of me was puking his guts out. Figuratively, not literally. That could be painful.

"Yes Misao." Did I detect a bit of resignment?

"I rang the bells! I think everyone is here now." She chirped. Yahiko shot her a look, "Well yeah. We would come even if you didn't ring the bells weasel girl!"

"Why you-!" She shrieked. I thought my hostess could really belt it out. She was an amateur compared to this Miss Misao girl. Then there was the smacking. Were all the women here so violent? I know it's rough country and all, but honestly. Not to mention I don't think she should be allow sharp, pointy objects. That's just asking for it.

Aoshi glided away and I raised an eyebrow. This was disaster. At least Saitou had already gone in and seated himself. That made it easier for me to choose a place on the other side of the church. Unfortunately everyone seemed to have a set seat leaving little old me, the drifter, sitting next to a rather familiar looking young man.

He eyed me puzzled and I hoped he was stone sober now. Imagine, being groped in a church under the eyes of God and the congregation. Eternal Damnation.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" He whispered, staring at me like a new bug. We were situated in the very back. He was in a semi-decent posture with his legs tucked under him and his arms hanging over the back of the pew. For some reason I expected him to plant his dirty feet on the back of the pew in front of him.

"This unworthy one would like you to stop looking at me like that." I requested, edging away further.

Realization hit his chocolate eyes and the face he made was quite funny. I just hoped his eyes weren't going to roll up in his head while he proceeded to faint on top of me. Right into my lap, face first, with my luck.

"Oh. My. God." He whimpered. It was amazing how such a large man could make such a small sound. Almost like a mewling noise. "I'm sorry damn- er, sorry! I was just drunk. You see my buddy Katsu returned last night and we made this bet... I'm so sorry!"

The woman in front of us turned around reproving. Her long black hair framed her face. A very lovely face may I add. She looked like a total bitch however.

"Rooster head, some of us come to church for enlightenment and guidance." She hissed. He bristled immediately and all thoughts of apology were catapulted out of his head. He snarled back, "It ain't like that Fox. How much did you hear?"

She flipped her hair back teasing and replied with a smirk, "Too much."

"I'm not gay!" He shouted just a little too loud. Heads turned and I really just wanted to crawl out of there. Being a pagan was looking appealing. And we hadn't even gotten to the sermon yet. The man beside me blushed bright red and subsided.

The sermon wasn't too bad. Aoshi didn't overdo it with the hellfire and brimstone bit. Not too much. In fact, he had a nice speaking voice, cold as ice, to accompany his chilling message about sin and the consequences. Very convincing. And his little speech lasted for a whole two hours. Who knew the man could talk so much? In whole sentences no less.

It ended on a very dull note. Everyone started to gather in groups and chatter. Wonderful, social hour. They started to drift towards a secluded booth off to the side. A line formed. Curious I wandered over. It was a confessional booth. I cringed at the thought of admitting my misdoings to a stone block like Aoshi. That was begging for a bashing. Then again, he was sworn to secrecy or whatever. It couldn't hurt, could it? It wouldn't absolve me of the guilt that saturated my soul, but I could write off the last twenty-four hours with a clean conscience.

Setting myself up, I realized that I was kind of close to the booth. Close enough to hear what was going on inside.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned." Oh boy. If I retreated now they would hear me. Crouching down miserably I waited to see what Sano would say.

"Go on." Aoshi said emotionless. I could practically visualize his face set in a mask of indifference.

"I was breaking the Prohibition Law* again... Lord forgive me... and I wasn't quite myself. This guy walked in. And I'm not gay! I like women. I have sinned with women!" I imagined he had. I'm sure Aoshi heard all about it too.

Then there was this long pause and a new voice entered the room.

"Forgive me Father, I have sinned." Miss Misao admitted. "Father, I'm having un-pure thoughts... There is this one man that I am in love with, but there is no way that he could ever return my affection."

Aoshi didn't miss a beat, "Is this man married?"

"Heavens no." She gasped.

"Does his sexual preference lie away from women?"

"I'm not gay!"

"Uh, not to my knowledge!" Miss Misao yelped, ignoring Sano.

"He lives far away then."

"No, he's close to home."

This is getting ridicules. Who plays guessing games with the servant of God? Why couldn't she just get past his identity and finish up.

"Perhaps we should keep him anonymous." Aoshi suggested levelly in that same serene, freaky tone.

"Hey, I ain't done!" Sano growled. Apparently he had enough of the pussy footing.

There was a loud crash and a male yell of pain. More like a scream, but I won't go into that. Not after being mistaken for a female so many times.

"You insensitive jerk! Can't you see I'm busy with Father Aoshi?" Crash.

"I was here fir- what are you doing with that bench?" Wham.

Aoshi, completely out of the blue, continued, "So you like Sanosuke. Then you should tell him."

Silenced reigned supreme.

"Like that... piece of horse dung?" Misao screeched in surprised. She shot out of the confessional with shocking speed. I didn't think human skin could reach that color of red. You learn something new everyday.

Sano staggered out in her wake looking worst for wear, "Like that little weasel?" He muttered under his breath.

Needless to say, I decided to skip the confessional.

Facts

*Prohibition was actually in 1920-33, therefore, Sano would not really know about it, but it's my fic so there!

Okay, I really couldn't find a lot about 1870's religions, apparently not a very important time period. It happened after both Great Awakenings, so the proverbial dust must have settled if only slightly. I choose Roman Catholic because it's a very prominent religion (not to mention incredibly strict), one I was sure would be in an old western town. My beta reader really had to help me with this because I'm not particularly religious even though my family is Presbyterian (mother's side) and Catholic (father's). If I messed anything up blame her, not me!

Beta Reader's comment: You are not allowed to blame me! I was *shudders* raised as a French Roman Catholic. Need I say more? No I rest my case! Please note that French Roman Catholics are completely insane and off their wacker! Look what it's done to me?

A/N: I really should try to put some html in this so it's not one big jumble. It's just FF doesn't like my Word for some reason. I'll try, I promise. Put some underlines and stuff in. Any tips would be helpful -.-;;; I just want to put in bold, italic, and paragraph, nothing fancy.

Reviewers:

Riverwood: Yes, Kamatari kick... er, muffin! Scones are good, I like them with honey ;) It does appear to be unique, I don't know if that's good or bad .;;; As for Kaoru I'm just glad that she's not real ^___^ she shouldn't be allowed guns of any sort.

tabby: Thanks.

Trupana: I do, and a polar opposite to the other one at that! Psychologic drama meets insane comedy. I figured there was no way Kenshin could think as purely as he acts ^.^;;;;;;; Your wish is my command? Hmm, that didn't sound right. Oh well, update! Yup, there's Meg, but she'll not get too much of a part until later.

Fyyrrose: How astute of you. Although I don't think Yumi holds a candle to Kite much less Raven ^^ As for the IPB/BPB and the WPB rabbit stew is sounding mighty tasty, ne? Don't worry, B will be freed.

The Weird One: Now that's a thought that failed to hit me *ponders Kamatari as a soiled dove* Oh well, its just one of those things where Japan and America don't match up even though it's the same time period ^__^;;; Chalk it up to part of the fun of an AU.

Califpinay3001: Thankies ^^

MissBehavin: I reckon not, because if he did I couldn't use him later =] And his 'shortness' just makes him the funnest to mess with :D Poor Kenshin, I think he wants to run himself out of town by now.

Haruko1: There will be no screaming for help or fainting here -.-;; I just can't see Kaoru doing that honestly. And she'll get some more chances to be kick-ass *nods*

lere: Wow, I didn't think this would be such a hit. I'm glad my warped sense of humor is working. Hopefully this isn't too OOC for the western genre, but I have to keep the cast IC best I can while juggling my meager (but growing!) knowledge.