Title: Can't Find My Way Home

Author: SunReyes sunreyes01@yahoo.com

Spoilers: Moving On

Summary: Martin waits for Samantha after her conversation with the bureau therapist--story takes place during winter hiatus

Rating: PG-13

Category: M/S, J/S

Authors Notes: I don't own the characters, show, actors, network, or any of its affiliations. Special thanks to the gang at Maple Street, I don't think I'd come this far without you all.

******

I wipe my eyes and let out a few shaky breaths as Lisa hands me a box of Kleenex.

"Sometimes it gets harder before it gets any easier" she offers the words to me as I crunch a tissue in my hands.

"I just." I pause, letting out a shaky breath, "I hate this time of year."

"A lot of people do" Lisa answers softly, "you want to tell me why?"

I glance up at her and feel more tears wanting to fall. I glance away and towards the picture behind her, focusing on something else as I tell her what I'm thinking, without saying anything that I fear might cause more trouble.

"Everyone's so happy" I whisper out. "People seem fake around Christmas. They buy presents and give gifts but it doesn't make things easier."

"No it doesn't. We've never talked about your family Samantha. Is that how Christmas was when you were growing up?"

"No" I answer, staring down at the tissue that I've crumbled in my hands. I deflect the question, not wanting to tell her about my upbringing and the pain I endured as a child. "I just feel lonely during this time of year." I spit out. "Last year was a little different. One of my other colleagues, Danny and I got together. It gave me something to look forward to."

"And now?"

"He's busy. He made plans to attend some party. He invited me to go with him but I'd feel like I was tagging along."

"Did you tell him that?"

I let out a soft sigh, "no" I shake my head. "He'd tell me I'm no imposition. I can see the conversation in my mind and he'd convince me to go."

"Is that what you want Samantha? Him coming after you and convincing you to join him?"

"Not him so much as." I trail off, my mind immediately thinking of Jack. "No" I shake my head, finishing that thought and stopping. "It's starting to snow" I point out the obvious. "It's been almost an hour and I should be getting home before it gets any worse."

"Alright" Lisa nods and pulls out her appointment book. "I have you down for Tuesday at 7, does that still work for you?"

"Yeah" I nod, standing up and tossing the crumbled tissue into the garbage.

"Samantha" I glance up to meet her eyes, "take it easy. This time of year is hard for a lot of people. Treat yourself special, and make sure you find some time to relax between all the casework."

"Yeah" I whisper out, "thanks." I slip out of her office and shut the door with a sigh. I head down the hall and towards our office area to retrieve my coat.

"Sam" I hear Martin's voice and turn around to see him finishing a report. "What are you still doing here?" He questions.

"I could ask you the same" I pause, realizing I'm being slightly rude and let out a sigh, "just got done with Lisa."

"How's that going." I shrug in response, not wanting to divulge about my loveless and lonely life. "That good" he muses.

"What about you?"

"Jack wants this in first thing tomorrow" he rolls his eyes as I take a seat on the edge of his desk. "You want to get out of here?"

"What'd you have in mind?" I question.

"Takeout, we could grab it and head over to my place" Martin offers. "Unless you'd rather go out to eat. I'm just thinking it'll be crowded right now and it is snowing." he rambles on as I interrupt him.

"Takeout sounds good. Why don't we head to my apartment though, it's closer" I suggest. "Besides I don't feel exactly in the mood to drive home afterwards. I'm ready to curl up on my sofa and fall asleep."

"It's not even eight yet" Martin eyes me thoughtfully, "are you ok?"

"Yeah of course" I quickly respond. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just making sure. You haven't seemed yourself lately."

"There's just been a lot on my mind. I'm glad the case is finally over." I breathe out and stand up, wanting this conversation to be over. "Come on" I eye him and the door. "If you take any longer you're buying" I point out.