Chapter Ten: His Magnificence

"No way, no how! I'm not getting up on one of those beasts. Not for all the alcohol in this town!" Sanosuke declared, crossing his arms over his chest. Yahiko was leering and Kaoru looked to be one instant away from totally losing it.

'Three…Two…One.'

"Sanosuke!" She thundered and he jumped. She scowled and said in a clear voice, "You are coming with us. If you won't ride then you can run!"

Yahiko was practically rolling with mirth by now and Sano had the look of a beaten dog. The quickly turned to belligerence as he considered what she had said. Personally I was with him. Horses sucked.

'You're just jealous that everyone around here is such a good rider.' Battousai smirked, 'I know how to ride.'

Sano opened his mouth to protest, but she was glaring at him. "If you open it any wider you'll have a fist down you're throat."

And that was that.

"Sano's scared of horses!" Yahiko jeered, "Oh, look at me Mister Big and Bad, but horses scare me! Hey, what'd you do that for?"

"For you being such a punk." Sanosuke growled, eyeing his horse like it was going to eat him. He roughly grabbed the reins and put his foot up in the stirrup. Unfortunately, the horse chose that exact moment to sidestep. The young man pretty much vaulted over landing face first in the yard. He turned his head and yelp, "Sick, I almost ate horse shit."

'Better than bullshit.' Battousai quipped and I got a nagging suspicion that he was referring to me.

We got underway with little more difficult. Unlike Sano and I, both Miss Kaoru and Yahiko were excellent horse riders.

"So why are we out here again?" Yahiko said in his complaining voice. The weather was pleasant, if a bit cool and the ride thus far had been peaceful. Despite Sano's curses.

"There have been reports of animal attacks on livestock. I just want to bring the herds in closer where I can keep an eye on them."

"And you need me because…?" Sano stifled a yawn, "You know that I could be back at the bar having a drink or ten and enjoying myself."

"Gambling you mean." Yahiko snorted and his horse echoed him. Of course, it wasn't intentional, but it was funny none the less. "So what kind of animal. I bet it's not as scary as you are Ugly."

"I'll give you scary!" She threatened, but being on horseback, couldn't exactly deliver. Luckily for Yahiko she was the type of person to forget, if not forgive immediately. Not that it mattered. He would piss her off again within the hour. And next time she might be in a better position to thump him. I smiled slightly at that thought. The two of them acted more like siblings that the brothers actually.

"I heard it was a wolf." Sanosuke said, trying his very best to sound off-handed and nonchalant. Needless to say the man didn't have subtle in his vocabulary and most certainly didn't know how to use it. He would make a lousy politician. Not too mention he was so brutal honest. Yes, much too much so. That, coupled with being so blunt, had some serious power to get him into trouble. He was like a buffalo almost. Big, loud, and obtuse.

"You're not implicating that Tokio's wolf could be doing it, are you?" I asked. Better to get this out in the open.

"Well… er…" He said scratching his head and sliding to the side on his leather saddle. With a jerk he grabbed at the saddle horn desperately and hauled himself back up. Kaoru gave him a scathing look and he grinned, mumbling, "I hate horses. They're ugly and stupid and they stink and they poop everywhere and they bite…" It continued on, but by then he had enough sense to lower his voice.

"Hey, what's that?"

'A dust cloud.' Thank you Captain Obvious. We could never had deduced that ourselves.

"It's Saitoh and Tokio. With a wagon full of supplies?" Miss Kaoru crinkled her nose and I decided she was cute when she did that.

'Gag, barf.' He made a choking noise then added, 'Now Tokio, that's a real woman. In all the right places.'

Now you behave! I practically wailed. The last thing I need was to give Saitoh and Lobo another reason to pop me off. He leered and gave a look that made me blush with embarrassment.

'I forgot, you like sticks and bones. Tell me, what do you see in her?' He rolled his hard, amber eyes. The effect was ridicules, but I was dwelling on his words, not his actions.

"You should not make fun of Miss Kaoru. She is a very kind and generous person, that she is."

"Kenshin, who are you talking to?" Miss Kaoru asked from beside me. I hadn't realized I had said that last bit out loud. Oops.

"Oro!" I yelped then muttered, "No one of importance Miss Kaoru."

"Kenshin's weird. He's always talking to himself again." Yahiko said, just loud enough that I could hear. Sano nodded in agreement, "No doubt, he's weird all right. Then again, he puts up with the little Missy, so he's got to be! Maybe we should take him to Foxy. She might know what's wrong with him."

'Oh yes, there's another good looking piece of work.'

"Oro." What a nasty, gutter-minded alter ego!

By then our party had drifted over to where Missus Tokio and Saitoh were. The man's normally harsh features were now glaciered and he looked to be in great torment. I wondered what could have Saitoh in such a state. He didn't even sneer at me like usual and barely even gave Sanosuke a glance.

"Good day Missus Tokio." I hailed and she smiled from behind a team of four. With a gentle tug she brought them to a stop. I peered into the back of the cart and my eyes practically bugged out. There was enough alcohol there to make a small lake and swim in it.

"Hello everyone." She seemed to be in a suspiciously good mood and I wondered where they were going. Before I could ask she chirped sugary-sweet, "We're going to take my brother his supplies Mister Himura. Hajime was nice enough to escort me."

The said man was peering off into the distance at some invisible point. Apparently she had blackmailed him into coming. He turned and lit up a smoke. With a large inhale he looked at us, "There are dangers out here. I wouldn't want to leave my wife unprotected."

"I think Missus Tokio could take care of herself, that I do." I said, remembering her previous actions on the stagecoach. Was that really just a week ago? It seemed to long.

"So what are you four doing out here? I've heard there is a man eating cougar roaming about." Missus Tokio said and Lobo shifted from his seat on the springboard, suddenly interested. That wolf was uncanny.

"C-cougar?" Yahiko stuttered in surprise.

"It's said the surest way to ward off a cougar's attack at night is to run as fast as you can. While you're doing that you have to strip of an article of clothing and drop in behind you. The cat will grab the dropped piece of cloth and shred it, giving you more time to get away. You can always tell how close it is by its scream. Of course, if you can make it inside then you're safe. If not, you're just another meal to the big cat. Beautiful animals, don't you guys think?"

Yahiko was now shivering and Sano had a serious look of concentration. Abruptly he opened his mouth. Now, one would hope something intelligent would come out, but Sano's sense must have been on a lunch break. An extended one.

"Whew, that could get chilly. Better run to some place with a hot babe."

Missus Tokio turned to me, "Would you please come meet my brother? I'm sure he would like to see you. And I promise Hajime will stay polite. Please?

'Here we go again. You need to learn how to say no to woman dumbo.'

"This unworthy one would be glad to meet your brother."

'Well, anyone who can rile the wolf can't be that bad.'

"Hey, I've heard that's he's a big ogre that eats little kids." Yahiko interjected, but Missus Tokio had already started the team.

Sanosuke grinned and teased, "In that case maybe you shouldn't come. He'll look at you and say tasty. Then again, I bet you taste nasty. It's all that attitude, it messes up the flavor."

"So why do you think Saitoh doesn't like him?"

"Don't know, but they've had more than one row over that fellow." Sanosuke drawled, his chocolate eyes lingering over Saitoh's back.

'Great, not only is he a drunkard, but he's a busybody too.'

"You get slammed in jail enough you see all sorts of things." Sano continued blithely. Then made a face, "And lots you didn't want to."

Kaoru had a speculative gleam in her eyes, "Maybe he's jealous of the attention she gives her brother."

'Jealous of her brother? The man has some issues.'

"If you are done gossiping about my motives," Saitoh cut in coldly, "We are here."

I looked up and cringed. This was not looking good, not at all. This was looking hauntingly familiar. There was the main shack, yes shack, built of seasoned timber. Although it was small and run down it was still well built and looked like it had weathered quite a bit. Behind the house was a small stable and paddock that housed a grumpy looking mule. Beyond that was the outhouse, well, and… pottery shed. Now I was really scared. It was all adding up.

"Missus Tokio…" Before I could ask an ominous figure loomed overhead. Instinct and habit kicked in and I blurted, "Master!"

'Pathetic. You're your own man now, well sort of, yet you still whimper.'

I looked up with wide purple eyes. Despite the ten years since I last saw him, time hadn't seemed to have marked him in the slightest. He still wore his ebony hair long and his handsome features were flat, as were his sharp, ebony eyes.

"It's you." He said, dropping his alcohol from his lips. "Come to burn down this house too?"

"Master, that was an accident!" I protested, "This unworthy one…"

"Didn't mean to." He intoned with a superior look, "That is the story of your life, stupid student."

'You are such a sucker.' Battousai grinned, a slightly disturbing expression on his harsh face, 'Learn to say no. It will save a world of trouble. And woman are nothing but.'

"So how has Master been faring?" I asked timidly. I could feel the quizzical looks directed at me. I could practically hear what was going through their minds. What? Master? That guy doesn't look old enough and man he's a jerk. The usual reaction to His Magnificence.

"Well, aside from the fact that you burned down my last house before running off to fight in the war even thought I specifically told you not to. And having my next house pillaged by some stupid Union troops, then being attacked by the Confederates. Oh it was dandy. So, I, with my superior intelligence, deduced that the only way I was going to get any peace, the peace that I deserved, was to move. Easier said that done. Humanity is such a nuisance. Of course, I eventually wound up here. It's not as far from town as I would have liked, too many nosy," He glanced at Saitoh when he said this, "People hanging around. Luckily, my dear sister has agreed to bring me the supplies I require. After all, even one such as I cannot go without food for more than two weeks! However, sister, this alcohol is abysmal. It tastes like pig piss."

"Probably is." Sanosuke snickered and I blinked. Eww, and eww.

But Tokio was nonplussed and replied serenely with an arched eyebrow in imitation of her husband, "Have you actually tried it to make a comparison?"

He didn't reply. My jaw dropped. That was quite possibly the first time I'd ever seen him bested. It was a shocking revelation. Considering I had spent my childhood thinking the man was a god, and my teenage years thinking he was the devil.

"We should really be going…"

"Mister Himura, could you please stroke the fire before you go?"

Damn it.

Hiko almost jumped to his feet and bodily placed himself between the fireplace, and me "Absolutely not. He is not allowed near any fires within my walls."

I was hurt. Well, okay, I was secretly pleased that I could now make a clean escape. But fate wasn't on my side. As usual.

"Get your lazy, good-for-nothing husband to do it." Hiko said and there was a suspicious sound from the porch where Saitoh was chain-smoking. Looking out the doorway only showed a cloud of grey smoke. Now I understood perfectly why he was loathing this excursion.

Kaoru, perhaps annoyed by the treatment of her cousin, she could be incredibly picky about such things, or just annoyed by Master himself, said politely, "It was nice meeting you sir. Thank you for taking care of Kenshin. We should go now."

"Who are you?" Hiko said, for the first time actually look at Yahiko, Miss Kaoru, and Sanosuke.

"This is Miss Kaoru Kamiya, she runs the cattle ranch that borders your land. She's Hajime's younger cousin." Missus Tokio offered.

Hiko looked her up and down critically before pronouncing, in a shamefully loud voice, "His cousin huh. I would have thought she'd weigh three hundred pounds, if she were as lazy as he is." Before she could open her mouth he continued on, "Prove you're worth the air you're breathing and fix the fire."

She glared at him with her jaw set and fists clenched. I fully expected her to pick up the small, iron potbelly stove that resided in the corner and chuck it at him. Instead she turned beet red.

"Drunken bastard." Was the statement from outside. And at the moment I was agreeing. Master could insult me all he wanted. Heck, he could insult Saitoh even more! But poking fun at Miss Kaoru was the limit.

"What was that?" Hiko called out to Saitoh. "I heard your jail was blown up. Must be hard to upkeep the law in such a small town. Makes me glad I'm just a simple potter."

"Hajime put himself between myself and some bombs." Missus Tokio added, kindling the fire, since no one else seemed inclined to do it. Well, shoot, I was inclined to do it, but I couldn't guarantee the results.

"Very noble." Hiko grunted sarcastically, "I'm sure it was his fault in the first place that some maniac had a hold of them."

"Brother." Missus Tokio chided, but I could tell she wasn't wholly unpleased with the hassling Master was giving her husband. "Can't you be nice?"

"To that man?" Master sneered, "Not even for you dear sister. I don't even see why you married him; it certainly wasn't looks or personality. I bet in the bedroom he's mediocre at best."

By then Sanosuke and Yahiko were hooting with laughter, Miss Kaoru had turned pink, and I was seriously considering torching the place. Is this what Katsu felt like all the time? If so I could sympathize.

"Now Brother, that was completely uncalled for."

"I was simply being honest." He preened, ignoring the anger in her voice. Uh-oh. Master was wise in many things, but I don't think the ways of women was one of them.

"Only you could turn a trait like honestly into a fault." She said coldly.

Miss Kaoru looked sceptical and muttered from besides me, "Try a crater. I can't believe Kenshin put up with him as a child."

"Do you say something hippo?"

Kaoru's mouth dropped before her fury hit the ground, "I can't believe such an arrogant, pompous jerk like you could raise such a sweet man like Kenshin! Honestly. You are the most insolent, egotistic ass that I've ever had the misfortune to run across. First you make fun of my cousin…"

"Of course, hopefully the family resemblance is diffused by the other half of your blood."

"Then you make fun of Kenshin, who has done nothing to deserve it!" Her voice dropped down to the boiling point, "And you made fun of my weight!"

With that she actually did heft the stove and attempt to throw it at him. Except it was too heavy for her and she started to topple backwards with a look of chagrin on her face. I rushed over to break her fall. With a thump we landed painfully on the ground and the stove rolled back to its corner.

"What a little spitfire. You will have a time breaking her in with a temper like that." Hiko said, calmly sipping some brandy colored liquid.

"I'm not a horse!" She sputtered indignantly.

"You sound like one. Not to mention your frame."

"Yeah, Ugly looks like a horse!" Yahiko brayed and slapped his knees. Miss Kaoru twisted his ear viciously, "Ouch!"

"The boy has brains. He might actually become a man."

This was enough. I could see Saitoh was thinking the same thing. He matched into the room and gently grasped Missus Tokio's arm. He whispered something in her ear and she smiled.

"I enjoyed the visit dear brother. We will return in a week to bring you some more supplies."

The two made their way out and I fancied I hear Saitoh growl something about a week too soon.

"We also should be going Master. Before it gets dark."

"And the cougar comes out to play? I never thought you would be afraid of some wild beast stupid student. You truly are a tribute to the morons of the world."

A/N: Not too many reviews for that last chapter *cringe* Either it sucked or I threw you all by posting a day late. Sorry! And his greatness makes a cameo here. Fyyrrose is credited with practically all of Hiko's dialogue ^__^ She does him so much better than I do. I'm such a nice, unassuming, modest lil gal.

Reviewers:

Fyyrrose: Thanks SO much. You got me a "lecture", that started out normally but somehow ended in incest and adultry. THEN I get the morality trip and the stds conversation. In which I pointed out that syphilis was very prevelant in that time period. And off Mom goes. Fine, you may beta *now*. I will send it to you since you're off to take your exams. And you asked me to withhold, not the other way around! Stop spewing out little red hearts O__O;; It's creeping me out. The other day one of the dogs woke me up and I screamed, "Get the F out of my face." Then I looked at the clock and realized G-ma was still home *blushes*.

Nigihayami Haruko: *grins sheepishly* we-ll, it's not like I haven't thought about it! The civil war is tons diff. I have to plot. I have an idea for his time with his Master, but as for the actual war... Don't hurt me. That's okay. When the "bad guy" is revealled you'll learn about his past, promise. He'll be back for awhile. Hehe. Heifer is a nickname my cousin calls me (she's just jealous because I'm an inch taller than her, yet only weigh 120 lbs).

Wistful-Eyes: Just proof of what a guttermind can do to a perfectly innocent conversation ^^;; Oh yes, B's plotting.