It's nearly been a week since the kiss on the sofa, and the one other night I decided to see Martin for drinks, we went straight to the bar.

I didn't even offer my place, for fear of what it might lead to. I've never been afraid of anything in my life, least of all this. For some reason though, everything seems different since the shooting. I feel as though I get to reevaluate my life and there's things I want that I know I couldn't have before. These things scare me because they lead to a real commitment; not being married for four months.

I shake the notion and glance down at my watch. It's Christmas Eve and I'm supposed to be meeting Martin at my place in twenty minutes. I'm drowning in paperwork, and worst of all even if I left now, I doubt I'd be home in time to greet him.

I stand up, shuffling the files and paperwork together in the dark office. I grab for my coat and glance back to see Jack sitting at his desk with the light on. I let out a sigh, making my way over to wish him a goodnight before heading out.

"I'm heading out" I state, stepping into his office. He removes his glasses and looks up from the file.

"What time is it?"

"It's Christmas Eve Jack" I remind him.

"So it is" he breathes out, staring up at me. "You doing ok?" He questions with concern evident in his voice.

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?"

"The holidays and all. I remember last year you said."

"I'm fine but thanks for asking" I quip rather quickly.

"Are you?" He eyes me seriously. "Every time I see you I keep thinking back to what you told me."

"You don't have to sit here and worry about me" I remind him. "You should go home and be with your daughters."

He stands up moving towards me. I assume he's going for his jacket but he stops a mere distance from my lips. His proximity scares me because it's what I've craved for so long. "You've changed" he whispers with his breath a touch away from my lips. He's teasing me, although I'm not sure how intentional it is.

I eye him peculiarly. "What?" I question.

"You're shampoo, your soap" he adds, taking in a breath and drinking in my scent. "You're moving on, or trying to."

My eyes stare straight into his, knowing he's right but not wanting to admit it. "I don't know what you're getting at?"

"You use to always wear black, and now you have a completely new wardrobe."

"Since when do you pay attention to what I wear?" I eye him as his gaze settles at a distance. I let out a soft cough, drawing his attention back towards me. "Jack?" I question.

"I'm just stating my observations."

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"I've been worried about you. So has everyone else." He eyes me seriously. "You seem so distant lately and I feel like in part it's my fault."

"Jack" I whisper out, shaking my head no. I can't deal with this conversation right now, not again.

"I want you to know that you can come to me Sam, about anything."

"Yeah well some things I can't" I laugh softly, trying to break the tension between us.

"Why not" the question looms in the air, making my stomachache.

I know I can't have him. I know we shouldn't even be having this conversation because it will just remind me how lonely I truly am. The one thing I want to tell him, how much I still love him, haunts me.

"Jack" I interrupt him, "it's Christmas Eve shouldn't you be getting home to your family."

He lets out a loud breath and looks slightly irritated. I'm not sure if it's at me or the fact I mentioned his family. He knows that's why we broke it off. He wanted a second chance. Besides aren't I entitled to the same?

My life was nearly stolen from me and he shut me out. He can't expect for things to be back to the way they were. Not yet anyway. Maybe this was the wakeup call that I've needed for so long. I've been too stupid to realize I may love him but I can't have him and dreaming and wishing for it won't make anything happen.

Truth is I have to move on. If I don't I'll be trapped in this lonely existence of what I call my life with no way out. I glance down at my vibrating phone with the text message, 'sorry late, be there by 7. I'll bring food.'

"Yeah you're right" he acknowledges me glancing down towards my phone. "You ok?"

I look up at him and nod. "Yeah my date's just running late" I laugh softly.

"Who's the guy? Maybe I should meet him to see if I approve" I roll my eyes at Jack's words.

"No one you know" I lie.

"No Christmas Eve with Danny this year?" He eyes me thoughtfully as he grabs his coat and pulls it over his arms.

"No he's at a Christmas party with a date. Seems we're moving on past our own traditions. It's good" I reaffirm, reminding myself this is what I need.

"Is it?" Jack holds my gaze before I glance away.

"I should go and you need to get home" I point out, stepping from his office and heading towards my cubicle to grab my own coat.

"I'll walk you out" he offers.

"You don't have to."

"I know" Jack nods, following me over and giving me a hand with my jacket.

"Thanks" I offer the words and a soft smile as I slip the coat on and follow Jack through the hallway.

"I know it's not much to offer" Jack eyes me thoughtfully, "but I'm glad you're moving on."

"Yeah well" I shrug, "you have to eventually" I respond dumbly.

"I just hope whoever it is treats you good. You deserve so much better then what I could ever offer you."

"Jack" I whisper out, closing my eyes as we step inside the elevator. I don't want to feel this way towards him anymore. I can't control it though, truth is I love him and I fear I always will. I feel his hand on my arm and I glance in his direction.

"Promise me we'll stay close though" he tells me. "I know I can't be in your life but I want to remain friends."

"When does that ever work out?" I eye him with a laugh.

"I'm serious Sam. You still mean the world to me and even if I can't have you, I'd rather have you as a friend then nothing at all."

I let out a soft laugh. "You make it sound like I broke up with you." I give him a glance before stepping foot in my car. "Have a Merry Christmas" I answer, before leaving Jack and my heart along with him.