Chapter Twelve

So we all sat there vaguely confused. The one who should have been the most embarrassed was now scouting around for free food. Missus Tokio had slipped out with Lobo in the confusion, to save Sano from a vengeful husband I'm sure.

'Hey, keep your eyes to yourself.' Oro! I wasn't looking at anything!

"Sanosuke!" Miss Kaoru snapped, gaining his fleeting attention. He looked at her with big, brown eyes that said what did I do now? As if he didn't know!

"Yes Missy?" He asked, seating himself.

Her eyebrow twitched, "There is a lady present and you aren't properly clothed."

Sano looked around and blinked. I willed him not to say it! Alas, he's not psychic apparently.

"I don't see a lady. Where is she?" Sano scratched his head and I almost felt like banging my head against the nearest wall. That's okay, what he said next floored me. "If you're talking about Kenshin that's not very nice. He does look a bit girly and all, but really!"

'That little shit needs a lesson in manners.' I shot him an amused look. Amazing how something said so offhanded and not meant to be offensive could rile him up so much. Then again, it was always a sensitive issue for him.

Miss Kaoru growl and smashed him a couple good ones. "I meant me you idiot and stop picking on poor Kenshin! He's not the one running around almost buck naked!"

As she was belaboring the unfortunate young man there was a knock on the door. Dare I answer that? I envisioned an enraged Saitoh ready to kill Sano for such a trespass and me just because I was there. Or even better, it could be Father Aoshi. I can see it now.

Tentatively I turned the knob and swung the door open. Why couldn't I smash my head against the wall again? Oh yeah, because they'd think I was crazy.

'You are crazy. You talk to me don't you?'

"Good evening Father Aoshi, Miss Megumi. Please, come in. We were- er…" How to end that sentence in the least incriminating way.

They entered and of course their eyes were drawn to the battered Sanosuke. He was looking worst for wear. I guess she was really angry this time if she got through his thick head.

"Why rooster head how is your evening going?" Miss Megumi launched. Oh boy. Here we go.

He sputtered for an instant before locking eyes with Father Aoshi. Then he moaned in self-pity, no doubt imagining his fun, required time in the confessional booth this coming Sabbath. Instead of trying to defend himself he used me as a shield, again. I'm getting tired of that.

"Did someone's father find you in bed with their daughter or were you skinny dipping again?"

Skinny- eww! Isn't that illegal? Imagine, a late night stroll. Oh, what's that, maybe a beaver taking a late night swim in the moonlight. Geez, beavers don't have two legs. Too much light, too much! Well, now that I painted that disturbing image for myself…

"No!" Sano protested. He had decided the best way to hide was not behind me, but the couch. It occurred to him that it was bigger and afforded more protection.

Miss Kaoru, too embarrassed to have a naked Sanosuke in her house, said nothing so I decided to play host. "What are you two doing here may I ask?"

'What are they doing together is a better question.' I glared at him. Ever the conspiracy lover. He saw plots around every corner and deception in even the tiniest of babies.

"We heard the scream and thought someone might be hurt." Miss Megumi explained with a smile before launching into her usual routine. Yes, I have deduced that this is all for show, and she's not really interested in me nearly so much as she pretends. I don't understand why, maybe it's some private game she likes to play. "I don't know what I would do if it were you Sir Ken!"

"You would have treated him." Miss Kaoru scowled. "And everyone is fine, but you might want to give Sanosuke a shot for idiocy."

"What?" He yelped, "I don't like needles."

Miss Megumi flipped her hair and dropped the 'love Sir Ken act', "I don't think there is a cure for that. It's called a birth defect, not a disease. He will have to live with it until it kills him at an early age."

"Are you insulting my mother?" Sanosuke growled, not quite grasping what the two ladies were speaking of.

"No, just pitying her."

Miss Kaoru, having gotten over her mortification once she realized no one was planning to jump her, turned to Father Aoshi as if the thought just hit her. "And you accompanied Megumi over here. That was nice of you."

'Yeah right, he rushed over to see if someone was dead. You know those Servant of God types love to do the Lasts Rites.'

If only we were so lucky as to have it been you who was killed.

'Hey, you'd go down with me!'

"Father would you care for some tea? It's cold outside I'm sure." Miss Kaoru asked and I figured it had gotten a whole lot colder since he entered the room. Wait, the last time Miss Kaoru tried tea she almost broke a world record for burning water.

"That would be acceptable." Father Aoshi replied. Mr. I Have No Tangible Personality to Speak of.

I hope he can give himself Last Rites because if he drinks that he's a goner.

'Do it do it do it!' Battousai howled with glee, 'She's good for something at least. No! No! Don't intervene!'

But I had to.

"Miss Kaoru, this unworthy one will make the tea. You make Miss Megumi and Father Aoshi comfortable." I backed out post haste and put a teapot on the stove. I hoped she would have the presence of mind to find Sano some clothing. Even if he wasn't subconscious about it, it was making me uncomfortable. Bad things tended to happen with Sano was around.

'Hey hey! That's not what you need to worry about. So the boy spices up your life a bit, so what? The real issue is you could have had iceman's head on a silver platter and remained blameless! You must have been dropped on your head too many times as a child. I blame that ass of a man you call Master!' Battousai ranted and raved.

Miss Megumi had settled in for round two, I was getting the feeling that her actions were targeted at Miss Kaoru. Maybe a childhood spat gone deadly?

'Who knows, they're woman. Totally different species if you ask me.' No one did ask you.

"So how are you faring Kaoru? Running this place by yourself."

"Fine and the clinic?"

"Doing well. Now, I need to speak bluntly. Sir Ken living here with you is not doing a bit of good for your reputation."

"Hey, Kenshin's honest!" Miss Kaoru retorted hotly and Miss Megumi's eyes held a glazed, far away look. She seemed to mentally shake herself and replied, "I know that silly girl."

"Naw, he's just too girly to act. Besides, she'll just kill him with her cooking like she did the last guy if he gets too annoying." Sanosuke snickered. Earned himself a few smacks, but she didn't have the reach.

Last guy? Ouch, that stung.

'Aren't we egocentric?'

"That was an accident!" She protested flaming red. "And I'm fully clothed."

"That's okay, I'm a guy. I'm supposed to do stuff like this. It's expected." Sanosuke replied, and having found some brandy in Miss Megumi's medicine bag was happy.

Miss Megumi took it away from him and reprimanded, "That doesn't give you license to be a utter jerk. Besides, women are the ones who get away with the important things. Like murder for example."

"When will you ever grow up Sanosuke?" Miss Kaoru growled, serving Father Aoshi the now done tea. Even if she couldn't cook very well she was still very graceful. Too bad he was getting the attention and not me. Where'd that come from?

Was she referring to when pigs fly or when the sun sets in the East?

'I think it's when Hiko goes to an AA meeting.'

"Is the tea good?" Honestly, I didn't know what in the world to say to the man. And his cold, disinterested look was hardly encouraged.

'Why should you care what he thinks? He's the enemy! Did your Master teach you nothing?'

But he's a priest, I protested.

'Stupid stupid stupid! Ever heard the term 'looks can be deceiving'? Besides, he's probably a fanatic. Those are dangerous, especially the religious ones.' Before he could get really worked up I tuned him out. I know, why didn't I do that before? It takes a lot of effort and doesn't last long. Use only in emergencies or when you just can't take it any more. Misuse is punishable by federal law.

Sano, somehow having been outfitted in my clothing, sauntered back out. Needless to say, they were slightly small. He didn't seem to mind that the shirt was 'pink' as it has been so called. It's not pink, it's magenta, there's a difference. How he got the pants on I'll never know and I wasn't sure if I wanted them back either. His red bandanna was still wrapped around his head and someday I wanted to know the story behind that. The fishbone I didn't want to know, honestly. He was missing it at the moment and was idly gnawing on what looked like an oversized tooth pick.

"Do you have any food Missy? I'm starved."

"Starved for intellectual prowess." Miss Megumi growled. I guess she discovered that she hadn't snatched the brandy away fast enough.

Sano ignored that.

"Sano, you have a house, go live in it!" Miss Kaoru directed him. He shrugged and replied, "I know, but there's no food. Yahiko's such a pig and all. 'Sides there's a panther out there."

Aoshi abruptly stood up. I'm not sure if he finished his tea or if he felt he couldn't take any more mind numbing mindless conversation.

"Since no one is in need of my services I should return." He announced.

'Stab him in the back when he walks out.'

"Rooster head, I don't think such a big cat would even bother with such a little chicken." Miss Megumi… reassured?

Now, everything might have ended nicely for once. But no. Fate is forever against me.

"Miss Megumi!" Miss Misao howled blasting through the door like it wasn't even there. She bounced impatiently looking distraught.

Battousai started and snarled, 'How the hell does she always know where everyone is? She's a spy I tell you!'

Miss Misao, a spy? That didn't seem plausible.

'Beware, beware!' Now who's a bit paranoid? Huh huh huh!

Miss Megumi stood up looking mildly exasperated, "What did he do this time?"

Miss Misao, however, was slightly distracted and drooling. "Sorry Father Aoshi! How are you?"

"Head out of the clouds." Miss Megumi snapped, suddenly all doctor.

Miss Misao blushed and launched, and I do mean launched, into her explanation, "Well, I'm not quite sure. He gave Okon the slip this time. You know it was her turn to watch him this evening. She wasn't all that happy about it. Said something about no way Omasu was going to get the jump on her and that He would be hers. I'm not sure who this 'He' is, but anyway. I think he was doing a panty raid. I mean, he's way too old for that, but he'll never learn! So he climbed up to the second story window and he was caught. Of course, Kamatari wasn't too happy about it. I don't know why he was in Yumi's room. But he shut the window on Jiya and the dirty old man lost his balance. He's lying on the ground, I remembered what you said about not moving him until you looked at him! So I didn't. He's not breathing too well. He's got this silly smile on his face and I think he probably saw Yumi naked or at least topless. But you've got to hurry!"

'Does she ever shut up or did she down a pot of coffee before bounding over here like a cute fluffy bunny with a motor mouth?' Bunnies are scary.

She wasn't done yet, just taking a breath. The girl has got some lungs.

"He's moaning and saying he's in a lot of pain, but he does that a lot to get attention. I don't know when he really is and when he's crying wolf." Somehow I don't like that term, crying wolf. Makes me think of what kind of wolf might come. "Especially when he wants something. Sometimes he can sucker Okon or-."

Father Aoshi put a restraining hand on her shoulder. I could almost see the headache. The poor man, so much trash from the nonsensical youth. His poor, refined brain couldn't handle it!

'Thank God, or his minion actually.' Battousai sighed in relief. Could you call a priest a minion?

By then Miss Misao had noticed Sano. She gave him an odd look.

"Are those Kenshin's? Why is he wearing Kenshin's clothing?" Ah how cute, a puzzled weasel. Rather than curious I think I would have been running. Sigh. Too late now, this little town sucked me in.

"Never mind that. The roosterhead was being himself, as usual. Lead on."

A/N: Was that a long delay or what? So sorry people! Long story short: No computer time. But now I'm rocking, or close enough. I have a few more ideas thanks to my brother and a tentative ending planned. I know! An ending, imagine... I can't *hangs head* It goes on forever and ever. Next chapter will feature Sano, Misao, and Yahiko... the latter thrown in because I "ignore" him to much >:)

Reviewers:

The Weird One2: It's a very impolite term probably worthy of Sano. Laughing My F-ing Ass Off. Throat, and oh yes I know. Death to the flu bugs!

Fyyrrose: O.o;;; since I often go to bed before you I wouldn't think that was a problem. And I decided that's not an even trade because I really don't care if you kill her, while I do care if I kill Kaoru. And it's not that I have qualms about killing a character O__O;; How many have I knocked off/planning to offed? And I cause no trouble! I just have too many fics. It did, until I opened my big mouth! Grr.

Nigihayami Haruko: Yes, jump his bones. He would have loved to have been getting it on LOL too bad for him. I may use that later, but it's a bit cliche.

MissBehavin: I can see that, good thing he wasn't listening in! Not to mention he doesn't want Kenshin to stay.

Wistful-Eyes: Just a bit of my know a little bit of everything tossed in there randomly. I don't laugh out loud much either although this story I read last night cracked me up because Saitoh was being a smartass and Misao wanted to kill him and Aoshi was like -__- go away saitoh. Anyway, you're not weird. And believe it or not, my family would like to put me on anti-depressants. >:) I have more cracks on Misao's weasel-status, since I've already taken a few at Kaoru.

Houndingwolf: No, traditional works, it convayes the point. Unless you feel you have to be more creative. Wolf's Blood is a Saitoh/Tokio story I read about a month back: ?storyid=88452. I didn't read it on FF, but I dug it up for you ;) just don't read it if you like happy endings or want humor (we-ll I found it funny, but I find everything funny).

Seasonal Charm Reviewers:

eriesalia: Excommunication! (kicked out). *considers the possiblities for an instant* X_X Maybe my imagination is too good! Sano's such a moron sometimes, but that's why we all love him.

Fyyrrose: You were tripping, that's all there is to it. I kept it because you generally keep mine O__O; Were you expection otherwise? You've made it very clear you hate Kaoru and wish her dead. Sou and Hiko, the posts of sanity, I see. As for what I would do without you... The Golden Persimmon! Mwahaha.

MissBehavin: Yes, he must be killed. She got tired of him, just like I get tired of my bro. You can only put up with so much crap. And I have no qualms about killing off characters >:) but since this is supposed to be light humor... :(

Wistful-Eyes: LMAO, oh yes, Kenshin the hentai. Well, people don't generally think things of me that are there. Besides, despite the thoughts that Kenny is a God, he's really just a man, ne? I'm sure Aoshi and Saitoh were having thoughts too O.o;;; You and fyyrrose, I thought she was going to try to edit that last part out!