Chapter Thirteen: Grave digging

Leading on seemed to be an arduous task. Miss Misao bounded back and forth. Even Aoshi was looking slightly glassy at her constant stream of chatter.

"... And then I thought about elephants, but that's just outrageous. Do you think there are any more buffalo around because that would be awesome! But then there was that cougar scream... Sano, I can't believe you lost you-."

"Misao."

Sanosuke blinked and looked down at her, "They're not lost, just misplaced."

"Dear Lord, I hope that poor animal didn't eat them." Miss Megumi groaned. "That would kill it for sure. When's the last time you had a bath rooster head?"

Sano paused in his long strides. I didn't even want to know what exactly that meant. Miss Kaoru had a face on that must have been identical to mine. Miss Misao was still yapping and Aoshi wasn't paying attention, again.

"Don't answer that." Miss Megumi cut him off as he formulated his reply.

'Tsk tsk. Doesn't he know that cleanliness is next to godliness?'

So that was why he insisted we wash our hair for a half hour every single frigging day?

'Hey,' He snapped in protest, 'It was time well spent!'

We reached the place where this old man was sprawled out. Miss Misao had sort of put the poor thing back together, but he was drooling and had this glassy look to his eyes. There was a horrid purple bow in his beard.

'Are you sure that's not the reason Kamatari shoved him? The cross-dresser can be a tad sensitive when it comes to fashion…'

"Wow, I bet he got a real good peek." Sano commented leaning over and prodding the body with a toe. The old man gurgled and the young man jumped back.

'You could too if you paid.' Battousai counselled wisely.

Miss Misao was down on her knees hollering in the poor guy's ear, "JI-YA, Jiya, wake up you dirty old man!"

"Misao." Aoshi said for what must have been the fifth time in two minutes. He had a hand to his temple and his eyes squeezed shut.

"I think he wants you to shut up." Sano supplemented helpfully. Miss Misao looked confused and disgruntled. She put her hands on her hips and ground out, "Father Aoshi wouldn't be so mean, unlike some other people I won't mention! Would you Father Aoshi?"

'Let's see the ice pop sweat.' Battousai cackled and I watched with interest, wondering what the good Father would say. 'Come out with it man! And remember, lying is a sin.'

God was truly in the man's favour because the old man groaned and the thought flew straight out the girl's head. She knelt down beside Miss Megumi, her face etched with concern.

If it wasn't so unseemly I think Aoshi would have wipe his brow in relief.

'I'll remember this! Damn that man and his God!'

"Yoo-hoo, is the poor fellow going to be all right? I feel dreadful for pushing him like that, but," Kamatari pouted, some might find it cute but I only found it off-putting. "He really shouldn't have been peeking in ladies' windows."

"Just leave it alone Kamatari." Yumi sighed in exasperation. She gave the man on the ground a mean look and a dark glower. "And just what were you doing in my room anyway?"

Kamatari flipped his head and smiled tight-lipped, "Raiding your underwear drawer of course." Before she could retort he continued, much to my relief, "I was 'borrowing' a few things all right? Check your teeth next time you decided to bite someone's head off. I did you a favour here."

"By sneaking into my room and rooting through my stuff?"

I sensed a domestic dispute here.

"No, by tossing your admirer out the window before you could come back in and undress." Kamatari paused with a devilish smile, "So now you are into old men, or is that they only type you can get? You know you are sagging a little and are not as young as you used to be. Heck you should be lucky you can still get anyone. Maybe I did you a disservice then…?"

"Bitch." Yumi hissed, eyes narrowed. Kamatari gave a sketchy bow and something that sounded like thank you before tearing off with the enraged woman in tow. The two went around and around for a while before they settled just out of sight.

'Hehe, maybe they're playing kiss and make up?'

Appalled but curious I lent my super senses to the task… and really wished I hadn't.

"You were too harsh again!" Yumi hissed in annoyance, but not anger. I could tell she didn't exercise all that regularly because her breath was coming in gasps.

"Was I? Well, at least they think we hate each other. You didn't have to kick me there though. God made me like a man after all."

And that was leading me to places I never, ever wanted to consider. I was having enough trouble with my own love life.

"What do you mean Megumi, you can't be serious?" Miss Kaoru said, speaking up for the first time since we had all bundled out here.

"I'm afraid I am." She said, rising to her feet and looking straight at Miss Misao and Aoshi, "The fall really didn't do much damage. For such an old geezer he's fairly limber…"

"I do my sexual positions every morning, keeps me fit just in case." The old lecher interjected gleefully.

Eww. 'Sick! He should be shot!'

Miss Megumi shot his a dirty look, "As I was saying, the fall didn't do much damage, but it seems someone ran him over with a horse. The hoof prints are fairly deep. It's not looking good, he may die."

"Did they hit his head?" Sano asked, poking again. "Because no one can be that old and still think they're fit for that kind of exercise."

"Why you…" The old man started fake balling and Miss Misao ignored him, "It might have been a mercy if they rattled his brain. Maybe some things would click back in place. Like how to behave like a decent human being! Ji-ya, how many times do I have to tell you to picture me when you think of these things?"

Blink. I must have totally misconstructed that. Did she just say…

"But my sweet little Misao you simple don't understand…"

"Hello, the man's going to kick off. Do you think this is the time to be doing this?" Sano intruded loudly.

"Sagara, you are correct. Perhaps you could be useful and dig a grave." Aoshi remarked deadpan.

Now two things happened when he said that: Miss Misao went into theatrics and Sano complained loudly. One a scale from one to ten both ranked negative five with me actually wanting to listen.

"Jiya can't die!" "What, why should I dig the old man a grave?"

'Live with it, he won't.' Battousai snapped at the former and sneered at the latter, 'Because he's a priest and your not, he's a good fighter and your not, he's got the affection of the one you secretly like and you don't. He's better looking, smarter, and taller than you. If only he didn't have that personality defect he would be superior in everyway. So do what the man says dog!'

"Sanosuke! Just do it you lazy bum. I swear I've never met anyone as lazy as you are. Someday you're going to simply die and no one will notice because they'll think you're sleeping again!" Miss Kaoru growled.

"Naw Missy, I plan to go out fighting. Not like Old and Toothless over there." Sano jerked his thumb and then looked at Aoshi, "So I'll just be…"

"Don't you wish to save your immortal soul from damnation?"

"What!" Sano yelped, jumping as if he had been scalded, "What sole? My shoes don't have soles and they certainly aren't immortal! What exactly does that mean again?"

I swear Aoshi was looking for a nice, solid post to bang his head on. I'd seen that look too many times not to know.

If at first you don't succeed try try again.

"Sagara, if you dig the grave I will allow you to sample the ceremonial wine to make sure everything is in order."

"Sweet, toss me a shovel!"

'Do you think he's ever dug a grave before?' I shook my head. I'd dug far too many to count and each one bore down on me.

Miss Kaoru nudged me, "Kenshin, you have to go with the idiot."

I did?

"I… I'll help!" Miss Misao said, looking only slightly freaked out. She patted the old man on the head fondly like he was an old dog looking at the end of a rifle. Makes me think of a sappy Ol' Yeller.

'I hated that book, why'd you have to read it? Gave me nightmares for weeks!'

Well excuse me. It was a classic!

'Classic psychotic book! How could they?'

Good gracious, shoot me now.

'No! Don't even say that.' Battousai looked at me seriously, 'Do you remember Butch? Dear little Butch. They ate him!'

Actually, no, I didn't remember any Butch.

'Those bastards from the third division, eating out mascot like that! How could you forget?'

Oro!

"Why Bubbles I never meant to kill you! It was an accident, I swear. For Godsake cat I was five. How was I supposed to know you couldn't swim in a bag?" Okay, I wasn't the only one reminiscing about dead animals. At least the old man actually knew the cat he was talking about. I sure as heck don't remember Butch. Was he tasty?

"Jiya, what happened to Pickles?" Miss Misao asked, suddenly suspicious. On death's door or not she wanted to know.

The old man rolled his head around to look at her and grinned, "My dear little Misao, she's in heaven with my beloved Bubbles. Don't the two make a grand pair?"

'Someone probably ate her too. Who names their pet Pickles? That's a condiment.' Battousai smirked. Wasn't he just crying over poor dead eaten Butch?

"C'mon Kenshin! Let's go. That hole isn't getting any deeper." Sano said grabbing me. By then Miss Megumi and Aoshi had managed to get the old pervert inside. Miss Misao looked between us before bounding after the two of us.

We were almost out of town when a brown dust ball attacked.

'The kid needs to work on his war cry.' Battousai observed, looking acutely bored.

Yahiko was chewing on Sano's head and the older man was desperately trying to pry him off with a shovel handle.

"Sano you big, dumb jerk! You ate the last of the food then skipped out! I should eat you!" Yahiko bellowed and sunk his canines in harder. I wrinkled my noise. First it was dogs, then cats, now humans. Was beef not good enough anymore? Besides, Sano's hair had to taste nasty.

"Hey, half pint, you can help since you're here!" Sano said, succeeding at last. He dropped the boy and shoved the shovel in his hand. Yahiko blinked questioning. "We're going to dig a grave for Misao's dead grandfather."

"He's not dead yet!" Miss Misao screamed taking a swipe at him.

Sano led the way to the graveyard with ease which made me suspect he'd been here more than once. Without any looking or ceremony he simply let the shovel dive into the hard ground.

"Up 'n' at 'em boy. This hole isn't getting any bigger without you standing there." Sano said, addressing Yahiko. Who promptly picked up the shovel and tried to spear him with it. Apparently whatever made the women violent around here must be poisoning the children as well.

"That's your job!"

Sano smirked and sat down, "Misao, Kenshin, did I ever say I would actually dig the grave?"

"Oro."

"I'll take that as a no. Because I didn't. Now start digging Yahiko."

"Why should I?" The brat bristled. Now don't get me wrong, I like the kid, but he was always calling Miss Kaoru Ugly and he was sort of a nuisance. Sano plopped a heavy hand on the kiddo's head and said with a grin, "Because I'm bigger than you."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Miss Misao growled. He gave her a smirk and shoved a second shovel in her hands, "I'm bigger than you too." Then there was this look and I was suddenly wondering just how smart the youth was. The dumb ox act was looking very weak at this moment as his brown eyes roved over me speculatively, "Good thing I brought three."

"This unworthy one doesn't suppose you would be using that third one…"

"Nope, now get to work."

'Don't submit. You can take him!'

As the shovel dug into the hard soil I glanced over at the smug drunk. His eyes were carefully taking stock of the three of us and when someone would slack he was all over them. I must admit, he was showing a side that awed and annoyed me all at the same time. Who would ever have guessed? If only he would use his talents in a more positive manner…

"Misao?" Miss Kaoru peered over before her eyes narrowed, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing that you won't be doing if you cause Misao to leave." Sano threatened, towering over her. Before I could spring between them she shoved his chest and called over, "Misao, he's getting worse. You really should go back and…"

Before she could finish the weasel lit out of there like her tail was on fire. We all watched before Miss Kaoru sighed in exasperation, "She could have taken the horse I brought for her."

Sano boxed her in and she looked around at us nervously, "Kenshin, why do you have a shovel…?"

"Since you let Misao escape I suppose you'll have to do as a replacement Missy." Sano pretended to sigh heavily, like it was wounding his soul. He popped a shovel in her hand and shoved her down into the hole with Yahiko and I.

She tried to clamber out and he shoved her back with a foot. Again and again and again. I was getting rather dizzy. And my back was sore from that last time she fell on me. Gritting her teeth she hissed at me, "Kenshin, do something!"

What was there to do? The guy had the advantage of high ground. Which is not to say I couldn't take him.

'Me you mean. That I couldn't take him. You're useless!' Battousai corrected.

Okay, which is not to say my insane alter ego could take him, slit his throat like a slaughtered pig, and end up soaked in blood…

"Eep!" A scream came from beside me. I automatically turned to Miss Kaoru expecting her to be in grave danger… pardon the pun, and instead found a pale Yahiko.

'Fuck, puberty gets the best of us. I really thought that it was a woman shrieking.'

"It's- it's a skeleton."

Sano peered over the edge before jumping down and disrespectfully crushing the decease's ribcage. He picked up the skull and started playing with it with a bedevilled grin. Placing his fingers in the eye sockets he made it speak with him in a mocking parody of life.

"What do you expect Little Yahiko?" He turned to the skull, "As if the boy didn't know what graveyards are for."

'Now that's just creepy.' Battousai shuddered, 'Reminds me of Hamlet.'

Oro? He whines at me about Old Yeller, but then spouts Shakespeare? What is wrong with him!

There was a scuffle and all of us were only slightly freaked at Sano's blatant disregard for the fallen.

"Ghost!" Yahiko screamed, fainting dead away. Unfortunately none of us caught the poor boy, we were too busy staring for the cause of the noise.

Miss Misao stumbled out of the darkness with the silliest grin plastered on her face. She bounced up and down, grabbed Sano, skull and all, to use him as a brace when she got too dizzy to stand properly.

"Jiya's going to be okay! Megumi just did it to scare him into good behaviour. I think it worked, isn't that great?"

An eyebrow twitched. Miss Kaoru hauled herself out of the grave without Sano's interference. She looked back over her shoulder promising murder for the first one of us who spoke.

Without a word she stomped off.

"Maybe you should fill the grave back in?" Miss Misao suggested.

A/N: Needless to say, I'm not pleased with this chapter. It had to be dragged out of me -__-;;; But I dropped a few hints that could lead to a plot (OMG, NO, not a plot!) and the next chapter shouldn't be so evil. In fact, the whole chapter will pretty much be about Kenshin and his past, with a slight twist of course! As for Sano... if I can be nice to Aoshi, then I can be nice to Sano too.

Reviewers:

eriesalia: Not intentional; already fixed on the original doc; just need to fix and upload the copy. Becoming? I think this is a long time coming X_X Saitoh demanded that I give him a break before he gave me a few, namely on some body parts. I have plans for our Dear Father Aoshi so don't worry. I just have to figure out how to make this duct tape to wo- ... eh-heh, I promise to sew it together seamlessly ;) No tape, just give me a few chapters to perfect the plot.

Houndingwolf: You're welcome. Sorry, I didn't think it would cut off like that since I didn't use the h tt p or the w w w. But the important part got through. Sessha need a therapist thinks Eevee.

Nigihayami Haruko: Shock value is good ;) Call the rest lots of practice with my family *annoyed look*. There are some real cards to verbally spar with ^___^;;;

MissBehavin: Maybe they should just chop his hands off? That would take care of it since the jail is out of commission as well as the church X_X;; Poor Aoshi! I would never be so cruel... yet. *evil laugh*

Wistful-Eyes: Hmm, as apalling as that was to Kenshin, I think that might be a nice mental picture ^___^ And Sano is only being himself -__-

Trupana: Waffy? My dear, you surprise me! Kenshin has to O.o and as annoying as I find Kaoru, it *is* her house. But if you insist I'll see what I can do. Good lord, I think they take turns playing the sadistic kindergarder. I've read so many fics where the two both want Kaoru and generally think along the same lines (but with diff. methods in mind). I figured it would be more fun if the two were at odds 24/7. Megumi really got to shine, ne? Maybe I'll do a Valentine's Day special too -__- Why does that thought scare me? She's one smart cookies, getting Mr. Wonderful. Hit 'em where it hurts, take the alcohol. I toss you some fat every so often, don't say I don't! I would NEVER allow that. You see what I have to put up with? Fyyrrose is like that all the time. That's why I won't let her touch my vamp. fic. I can see her butchering EVERYONE except Sou and Hiko X__X;; Maybe he really has and just is good at hiding them. The TRUE reason he hides in the temple, hehe. Migraines are nasty little suckers, I used to get them all the time, for no reason. There's a bit more to Sano than anyone imagined...~__^