'So how did she know?' Battousai pressured. After a good night's rest he was back to his lovable self again.
I didn't ask.
'Like she'd tell you anyway.' Battousai snorted, 'Sometimes I think Megumi is the smartest person in this whole town.'
Sano banged open the door looking around eagerly for some free breakfast.
'And he must be the dumbest.'
Yahiko followed in behind. The two brothers seated themselves and looked up expectantly. I guess they could tell that I had made breakfast this morning. A small victory, considering Miss Kaoru insisted that she needed to make a cake.
'Someone must have told her. I bet it was Hiko. He likes the ladies a bit too much sometimes, and did you see them at the Christmas party?'
That's because they were making a bet.
'So they say.'
Master would never betray my trust like that!
'He tells embarrassing stories about you wetting the bed to anyone who will listen. What's that in comparison to you being the Battousai?'
Good point. But it was a bit extreme for even Master.
'What about that smiley kid and his freak companion? They know more than they're telling I bet.'
I rolled my eyes and retorted, Do you see a conspiracy in everything?
'No. What about Aoshi, I told you not to trust a priest!'
Now that was just ludicrous, utterly. Aoshi had done absolutely nothing but his job. Battousai was the one trying to strangle him, not the other way around.
'You should have let Horse Girl poison him.'
Enough.
Sano said around a mouthful of eggs abruptly, "Hey Missy what are you doing?"
"I'm making a cake!" She snapped back, trying to open a bag of sugar. With a tear and a rip the whole bag tore spilling the white crystals everywhere. They raced across the floor in a mound that covered Miss Kaoru's toes. She glared down.
Now, I'm a slow learning according to Master, however, I learned well enough from Christmas that I shouldn't offer help when she thinks she can handle it. My head was still very sore from yesterday.
"On the floor?" Yahiko pressed and earned a resounding smack for his mouth.
"Are you sure-." I started and earned a flat stare. Maybe I was just suicidal since I'm already seemed to know better. She sighed and explained, "Kenshin, if I can't even bake a cake by myself how can I run a ranch."
"This unworthy one meant no insult. Everyone has their talents." I said soothingly.
"And their pitfalls. Yours is just cooking!" Yahiko added, earning a dirty look from myself and Miss Kaoru. Sano bopped him on the head, "Kenshin almost convinced her to let him help and you go ruin it!"
Miss Kaoru turned to me with 'the look'. You know, the one that says, is that true? Because if it is I'm going to do so much damage to you your own mother won't even recognize your ugly mug.
"Ah, your chocolate is bubbling." I said meekly. She whirled around to remove the offending creation and tried desperately to scrap the burned on substance off.
"You didn't answer me Kenshin." I stared at her. What was the question again? She started to sniffle and her eyes filled up with tears, "You laugh at me just like everyone else, don't you!"
'I hate crying women. Shut her up.'
"Miss Kaoru, I do not laugh at you." Okay, so I had to drop the unworthy one, but truth be told? I didn't know what exactly to do with a crying woman either. Even Sanosuke looked ill at ease, well, before he started stuffing his face again.
She turned her back to us. Was it something I did? Her hands were shaking and I saw my death in a mere instant as she picked up an egg. With just a bit more effort than she should have put into it, she slammed the oval hen's egg into the edge of the counter. Instant results. Yolk splattered everywhere in the near area, coating the surfaces a sticky yellow. The shell flew across the room, sticking to Sano, Yahiko, and I.
"Missy, that was my food!" Sano complained, carefully picking the shells out. Who knew he could be so finicky? Yahiko just ploughed right through.
"I'll never get this done in time." She moaned, then brightened, "I know my mother once told me to speed up the cooking time I should add more baking soda to the cake...or was it baking powder? Oh well I'll add both, that way I can't go wrong either way."
Yahiko's mouth dropped and he echoed what I was thinking, "Do you want to kill us all? That stuff's like gunpowder!"
"Who asked you anyway? Besides, how would you know? Do you bake cookies in your free time?" Miss Kaoru snapped.
"Shit Missy, even I know better than that."
She turned on the big mouth and growled, "Do you want to bake this cake?"
"Nope, not really."
"Then be quiet you free loader!"
"When the oven explodes, don't say you weren't warned." Sanosuke shrugged. I wondered if it would. If so, why was he still here?
Miss Kaoru managed to get the sugar and the butter in the same bowl with two eggs. I didn't look too closely, but I think I'll be careful how I chew after it's done. She mashed and creamed the mixture with vengeance, the wooden spoon snapping. She tossed it over her shoulder, narrowly missing Yahiko's head, and snatched up another. Three spoons later she was finished.
She mixed it nicely with the crusty chocolate and set the bowl aside. Too bad it was so close to the edge. She reached over the bowl to pull out some flour out. The bowl spun and ignoring her look of horror took a dive over the edge. Maybe it figured being on the floor was far better than being in reach to such a madwoman in the kitchen. The batter's opinion, not mine!
Miss Kaoru, in surprise and disgust bent over to retrieve it, totally forgetting she had her hands clenched around the open container of flour. Poof! The soft, off white substance floated around serenely, like strange snow. It rested on every available surface, clumping where the batter and egg splatters lay.
Brushing some of the powder out of my eyes I surveyed the now white kitchen. This was looking dire. Maybe I should have stopped her. It would have been a sacrifice well worth it. Now I would have to clean this mess up.
Miss Kaoru almost looked like she would sink down in defeat, but alas she is a stubborn woman. Catching her second wind she looked at me with narrowed blue eyes.
"Oro?"
"Kenshin, I need you to go to the store and pick up some more flour." The unspoken part was, Kenshin, I need you to go to the store and pick up all the ingredients I just spoiled, but I'm too proud to say it.
'I'd rather clean up after her than eat the crap she calls cooking.'
"But Miss Kaoru-." I really didn't want to waltz around town looking like a poorly made Halloween ghost costume.
"Go!"
"I think we should reopen that grave little Yahiko." Sano grinned, "Because I pity the poor sap who eats that cake!"
The three of us practically ran out the door, just missing being clobbered by the lobbed kitchenware.
"Whew, I thought those thongs had me for a moment there." Sanosuke sighed in relief. Yahiko nodded in agreement. The two branched off from my path, heading towards the bath I suppose. Lucky turds.
I tried to brush myself off, but the white substance clung stubbornly to the egg smattering. I was so occupied with my current fashion crisis I hardly noticed when a hand slammed into my forehead, pushing me back.
Looking up into the gold-yellow eyes of Saitoh is not something I see every morning. With a yelp I leapt back.
"Good morning!" I tried cheerfully, earning a bleak scowl. He looked down at me with the look of a man on death row, "I fail to see anything good about this morning."
I just gave a silly smile in response, which earned a questioning look.
"Miss Kaoru is baking a cake, that she is."
"She's baking?" His eyes narrowed, "And you allowed her to do this. You truly are mad."
Rather than agree and appear the traitor I had to ask, "What are you doing out. Shouldn't you be getting ready?"
He practically snarled at me, "No."
'Touchy.'
"My wife is having cravings. For chocolate." Saitoh expounded in an unusually open manner. He looked like a dog at the end of its rope. Should I direct him to Aoshi and suggest he ask for forgiveness in hopes that the pregnant woman won't take revenge? "Unfortunately, someone bought all the chocolate left in the General Store."
Gulp.
"But Miss Kaoru-." So the wrong thing to say to him. I must really be off my rocker. Bad big mouth bad!
His face took on a sinister cast and I backed up suggesting, "She's your cousin? Blood is thicker than water?"
"She is, but you're not."
Oro?
'Are you really as dense as you always pretend? He wants to knock your block off buddy.' Battousai supplemented with an interested look. 'Let me have a go. I'll take care of this.'
"Er, what kind of chocolate?" I stuttered.
'So you let the kid have control but not me? I see how it is.'
Saitoh gave me a piercing look and replied, taking a deep inhalation of his cigarette, "Does it matter? Tokio wants chocolate, I am required to fetch it. A simple equation."
Before I could say how desperately sorry I was that his wife had gone psychotic on him and creep off his words stopped me.
"Since there is no more, you are going to help me find some."
My face must have reflected pure terror at that thought because he allowed a thin smirk. I backed up thinking fast. Or as fast as my terror stricken mind could go.
"But Miss Kao-." He cut me off with an impatient gesture and replied coolly, "Is the cause of my troubles. You are the amend to that effort."
'Let the bastard do it on his own. Or better yet, follow him and laugh when he fails.'
There was a time in a man's life when he has to put his foot down. Bracing myself, and boosting my courage with the thought of Miss Kaoru's rage if I didn't return in a timely manner, I said firmly, "No, Saitoh I-."
He grabbed me by the shirt and yanked me along behind him, "Has my cousin put it in her vile concoction yet?"
Would he kill me if I said yes?
"What about the supply wagon, it's due in today right?"
"Delayed, for two weeks."
Not good.
'The poor sucker.' Battousai chuckled gleefully.
Saitoh turned around with an indefinable look. If I didn't know better I'd say it was desperation, anxiety, and anguish all rolled into one. A look that most certain had no place on such a powerful man's face.
"I am not going home until I have that chocolate!"
'He can't go home until he gets that chocolate.' The slight, sadistic alter ego of mine corrected.
Now, I won't go into the hell that followed. Seriously, trying to block it from my mind. We did get the chocolate, so we'll skip ahead to someone else's hell.
"Tokio, I brought you some chocolate." Saitoh snarled, tossing the package at her. She caught it and tore it open expectantly. She looked at it, then us. Carelessly she set it down on the table.
"I wanted white chocolate, but that doesn't matter now. I want seafood. And some pickles."
Saitoh's face twitched, "You do know that we are thousands of miles away from any body of salt water."
She marched up to him and stared, "I want seafood."
Saitoh sighed like a man with a terrible burden.
"What are you waiting for? Move!" That statement was punctuated with a shoe thrown at his head like a tomahawk. He dodged and she continued in a reasonable voice, "You put this monster in me, you can at least do your best to make it happy."
He ground his teeth. No wonder he wouldn't come back without the chocolate. Pregnant women are ogres.
'That's because they create children, inherent evil.'
"Do I have to move in with my brother just to get the proper treatment?" Missus Tokio threatened. It struck a nerve.
"I'm getting your food." Saitoh snarled.
Missus Tokio gave a bright smile, having made her point, "That's much better. Don't take too long!"
Saitoh hauled me up by the scruff, "You heard her."
"But Miss Kaoru-."
"Himura needs to stay and make sure I'm protected while you're gone Hajime." Missus Tokio said, hauling me back.
"But Miss Kaoru-."
Saitoh opened his mouth and Missus Tokio cut him off, "Or maybe Himura can be a dear and get my brother for me."
"But… but Miss Kaoru is expecting-."
"Don't worry, she'll be here later." Missus Tokio assured me with a pat to the head. I shook my head and tried again, "That's not-."
"Stop complaining, you're worst than Hajime!" What? I am not.
"I'm getting your food woman so shut up." Saitoh growled, clearly annoyed beyond belief.
"You're back already? But I don't see any seafood or pickles…"
"I haven't left yet."
"Oh, then could you pick up some apples?"
Twitch.
Deadly calm voice, "I thought you wanted pickles and fish."
She pursed her lips like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "No, now I want some apples. With some sharp cheddar. That would be nice."
Saitoh stalked out muttering under his breath, while she turned to me. I had to get through to her that if I didn't return to the ranch with the requested supplies that my life wouldn't be worth living.
"Missus Tokio, this unworthy one needs-."
"Hajime, can you get some sourdough bread too?" She called out the window as her husband swung up on his saddle.
"Is that all?"
"No, but it will do for now."
A/N: The next chapter is the Baby Shower *evil laugh* and there are three more chapters and an eppy. Don't worry, it will end happily... well, mostly. You know what my family said when I said that? My brother said it was a great show of restraint on my part -__- and my aunt said, really? That's so not like you!
Reviewers:
Houndingwolf: ^^
MissBehavin: Ooo, I was afraid someone might be. Hehe, don't mind all the cracks on the South okay? I don't mean them (except the part where the Civil War is still going on). I lived in South Carolina for three and a half years! Now I hail from Bloody Kansas. The South is the most interesting place I've ever lived (moreso than even Italy). Where are you anyway? Saitoh's in BIG trouble, as you can see. Chocolate is not just chocolate to a preg. woman. There are *types*.
Fyyrrose: I'm very sorry Eris (thinking, oops, let's not piss the goddess off yet...). She's been taking shots at the poor man the whole time X_X See, if Kaoru ever tried to hit me I'd be forced to take the wood away, plant my feet and swing it like a baseball bat at her collarbone ^_______^ She wouldn't be swinging that sucker anytime soon, even if she tried her left arm. The hips are too dense, otherwise they would be ideal. As for the A/Meg, shut up! Don't encourage them! I've just gotten them to back off @.@
Wistful-Eyes: She shouldn't. I think he should beat her back ^^ I'm all for go-females, but he shouldn't let her do that! Ah yes, Megumi has her sources and apparently she feels safe enough to stick around ne?
Nigihayami Haruko: Sadistic? I'm hurt ^__^ Oh, and Battousai said if anyone lays a finger on him they will lose their arm X_X He doesn't want to share, the meanie! Nice little twist eh. Oh well, that's over a done. I hope that was an acceptable past for you >:)
