I answered the knock at the door and was promptly smacked in the nose with something hard and unyielding.
"Kenshin, you ditched me!" Miss Kaoru screamed. She had a cake tucked under one arm and the present clutched with the other. I'm assuming I got whacked with the present, but since this was Miss Kaoru's cake we are talking about, I can't totally be sure.
"This unworthy one…"
"Skip it." She snapped at me and walked directly into the kitchen. Time to put plan Save the Guests into action.
Before I could take a step away from the door there was a knock. I opened it to find a very irate Saitoh loaded down with what looked like every single food item that had been in the store. He slammed past me, giving a slight nod before I could even ask. Okay, so maybe I would just play doorman and he could take the risks of being caught. Actually, that sounded like a wonderful plan!
Just as I sat down to play usher the door was knocked on again. It became a handy pattern. I try to sit down, they knock, I get up, they come it, I try to sit down…
Soon everyone was there except…
"Stupid student." Master greeted me.
'Hey pompous ass.' Battousai replied in the exact same tone.
He swept past me and I turned just in time to hear the dreaded words: I want chocolate cake.
"I brought one!" Miss Kaoru said infinitely proud.
"Great!" Missus Tokio replied, already waddling towards the kitchen. Those cravings must really be something if she was willing to eat Miss Kaoru's cooking without a single second thought. I just hoped Saitoh had implemented the switch in time.
Everyone watched with bated breath as Tokio nibbled on the cake. She smiled and closed her eyes happily before taking a large bite. Her manners digressed from there but I think everyone was too stupefied to notice.
"She's going to abort the baby if she eats any more!" Sano yelped. A very concerned opinion indeed. However, it was one that shouldn't have been expressed in front of Miss Kaoru or Saitoh.
"What are you babbling about boy?" Master sneered.
"I watched that cake being made!" Sano paused when that didn't sink in immediately and tried another tact, "Missy's cooking is killer, literally!"
Master took one large step over and snatched the rest of the cake out of her hands. Missus Tokio stared at him and said in a deadly voice, "That was good. And it was mine! Give that back if you value your life dear brother."
Master smirked, "I don't think so."
Now, I'm not sure who was more surprised when she jumped him: Saitoh or Hiko. Of course, the rest of us had our jaws brushing the floor.
'She did warn him.'
"Perhaps she will kill him too." Saitoh remarked darkly. My mouth was threatening to snap in half with the strain, "Your wife is murdering her brother!"
'Great isn't it!'
Missus Tokio had retrieved her cake and was happily licking the last of the icing off her fingers. By then the rest of us had, cautiously, taken our pieces.
My fork hovered uncertainly over my plate just in front of my mouth. I could feel Miss Kaoru's eyes on me. With a silent gulp I shoved the mouthful in and chewed. A sweet flavour invaded with no eggshells or lumps.
"Hey, this is really good Ugly!" Yahiko spouted and shoved it in her mouth. Miss Kaoru puffed up and I shot a grateful look to Saitoh. He acknowledged it with a frown, but I could tell we both had the same goals in mind. One: All of the guest must leave alive. Two: Making Miss Kaoru happy.
"Darling, you simply must open presents next!" Kamatari cooed, giving a gentle hug. If Saitoh was distressed by it, he gave no sign.
Miss Megumi, who had showed up with Aoshi and Yahiko, was eyeing Kamatari's present as if it were a poisonous snake. Her own was a rather large package, all neatly done up to perfection.
"So what did you get the baby Kamatari?" She asked slyly.
Kamatari smiled and flipped his short hair sweetly, "Nothing too extravagant."
Miss Megumi frowned and said, "Really?"
"Oh no, nothing is too much for a bundle of expected joy." Kamatari explained in the most syrupy voice you can imagine. I practically choked on the tone.
'Are you sure he's a guy? Only a chick could pull something that sappy off.'
"Surely you can tell me?"
"Now now, you need to wait for Tokio to open it." Kamatari said waving his finger around airily. He gave a slight smile and sat down primly next to Aoshi. Miss Megumi looked slightly disgruntled.
Miss Kaoru, who was sitting next to me, whispered, "Megumi hates to be out done and so far Kamatari has shown her up every time. It's creepy. And she's very touchy about it."
'Women.'
By then Missus Tokio had picked a random gift out of the stack and was gingerly unwrapping it. The paper was plain and unembellished with no bow or ribbon wrapped around it.
"Why thank you Father Aoshi, it's beautiful!" She held up a nicely tailored christening outfit that could be used for either a male or female baby.
'Tasteful.' Battousai commented then looked freaked, "The man has taste? We're surrounded I tell you!'
We already know Aoshi has taste, remember he decorated the church.
'Right before it burned down!' Battousai chuckled. I wondered if he'd feel the same way about it when we are drafted to help rebuild. 'I know, he's got to have a woman helping him. Oh, such a naughty priest. It can't be that ermine chick…'
Weasel.
'Same difference. Anyway, I bet it's fox lady.'
But he's a priest.
'You're too trusting.'
And she likes Sano.
'So you think. Has nothing I said gotten through to you? He's gay.'
Speaking of, the young man decided to try his luck and charms. After he sneezed of course. Sounds like some nasty allergies.
He handed over a rather perfect little rose over from behind his back with a large grin. Missus Tokio accepted the blood red flower and sniffed. She smiled and said in a false, sweet voice, "Why thank you Sanosuke. I simply couldn't have gone out there and picked myself a rose from my rose garden."
He blushed bright red, but the grin never left his face. Yahiko jumped on his head screaming something about being such a cheapskate and an embarrassment to nature.
Miss Kaoru wasn't going to let it go at that. I think she thinks she's a big sister to the pair because she sure does like to berate and boss them around. She planted herself in front of Sano and put her hands on her hips. "Tell me you did not just walk up without a gift, with the intention of free food, and hastily pluck a flower out of Tokio's flower garden."
"Okay, I won't tell you then."
"You're such a… an insensitive jerk! I can't believe you did that. It's one of the lowest things… Grr!"
"It's the thought that counts." Missus Tokio interjected and Saitoh said something about morons.
The next few gifts were ordinary baby things. You know, bottle and clothes and stuff. Miss Kaoru gave a basin to wash the kid in, practical of her. Yumi, Chou, and Soujirou presented a highchair. The few other guests that I didn't know very well gave nice, simple gifts.
It wasn't until we got to Katsu's that there was a problem. Now I'm not sure why the man was even invited because when he was around things tended to blow up, but I suppose he was Missus Tokio's friend of sorts. The two seemed to get along very well anyway. In fact, so did Katsu and Hiko. At least Master didn't call him demeaning names all the time.
Sano looked at the rattle and raised an eyebrow, "It's not going to blow up when the brat shakes it, is it? Because that would be funny."
'Hilarious.' Battousai agreed.
Katsu shook his head and rolled his dark green eyes mockingly, "Sanosuke, I have taste… but tell me Tokio, does the rattle have a blue band around it?"
"Why?" Saitoh asked, suspicious.
Katsu shrugged, "Does it?"
"No, it's red." Missus Tokio replied puzzled.
"Good, just checking. I store my most potent gunpowder in the one with the blue band."
"Just checking? Shit man, you could have blown us up!" Katsu shrugged and replied, "Maybe some of us."
Missus Tokio ignored the little banter between them and moved on to the nicely wrapped present from Kamatari. I swear everyone leaned in subconsciously to see what sort of miracle the cross-dresser could produce. After all, he had been dead on with everything else.
The paper peeled away to reveal a basket of rare, imported delicacies. Certainly not something one could find in the little town. This must have come from Colorado Springs, by train. There were several types of chocolates, all wrapped up in colourful foil, as well as some exotic fruits along with several good-sized wedges of cheese. There was a few types of bread and some hard candy that looked like peppermint.
Sano whistled, impressed, "What a haul!"
Missus Tokio jumped on it like a rabid dog and started tearing. When someone offered to help her feral growl was enough to warn them off. Only Saitoh and I exchanged relieved glances, the rest just stood stunned.
Kamatari smiled with good humor, pleased that his present was such a success, and winked at Saitoh, "In order for the baby to grow up strong and healthy he will require both parents, eh, Saitoh?"
Saitoh scowled.
Missus Tokio, oblivious to the world, the presents, and the guests had the presence of mind to thank Kamatari profusely before dragging her prize to the back room. Good lord, was my mother like that? Were all pregnant women like that? Doesn't make me want to have kids anytime soon.
"Hey, old man! Open the rest of the presents why don't you?" Sano called out with chocolate cake smeared all around his mouth.
"Moron."
Saitoh gingerly picked up Miss Megumi's present and meticulously undid the wrapping paper. I could tell she wanted to give the man a piece of her mind for being so damn tidy. When the paper finally fell away to reveal a crib everyone oohed and ahhed, while Saitoh commented it was just another stupid thing to assemble. Obviously not the reaction she was searching for.
'Moving on… I'm sick of the jealous woman bit. I'm sick of them period.'
That's quite a change of tune for you.
'They get so gushy and crap around babies. It makes me want to hurl.'
Saitoh paused when his long, gloved fingers ran across Master's gift. He picked up the box and shook it, I suspect searching for something deadly to pop out. Whatever it was banged around, but nothing unusual happened.
"Master!" The reproach flew from my throat, beating out all the other comments, "You don't give babies guns!"
"It was a gun or alcohol, and I don't share my brandy with anyone. Especially not the child of my enemy." Master replied. Beside the gun was a small clay animal that looked suspiciously like a cringing wolf.
'So you give the child of your enemy a gun to shoot you with instead? Great plan! Makes total sense.'
There was only one present left, mine.
Saitoh gave me a look that said, this better be good or I'll skin you. I'm at the end of my patience, I'm an anti-social wretch, what do you expect. I'm sick of you, I'm sick of your Master, and I'm sick of all these people invading my house.
He picked it up, but didn't shake it this time. Instead he picked off the paper with the same grace he had the others. The things you pick up at Christmas as a child. Missus Tokio came back out looking a little more like her usual self. She seated herself on the floor next to her husband with some effort and looked up.
He handed the box down to her silently and she tore into it dragging out a nice, little brush. She cradled it with a sweet smile before setting it down next to her.
"Thank you Himura, it reminds me of the one I had as a child."
"I got a crib and she cherishes a brush and some food?" Miss Megumi muttered, but she at least wasn't glaring at me. Kamatari on the other hand might want to watch himself for a while.
There was a bang at the door and Miss Misao struggled in. There was something wiggling in her arms and she kept giggling. Lobo was trailing her with a sullen look to him.
"Sorry I'm late people. I just had to make sure everything was alright with this little guy." Miss Misao said as the black bundle tumbled out of her arms. The creature make a sharp, high pitched noise and shook its head, "Isn't he cute?"
'As a giant rat.' I shuddered.
"What is it?" Sano asked crinkling his noise.
"A puppy!"
Now Lobo didn't seem to like this puppy, not one bit. The little beast scampered around curiously. I looked closer and noticed the tan markings on the puppy's chest, face, and legs. His brown eyes were filled with play and curiosity.
"Oro, a Doberman Miss Misao?"
She smiled, "Yes, his ears aren't cropped yet. I've been calling him Aoshi…" Slight pause, "But I know you guys will change it."
"It kind of looks like Father Aoshi." Sanosuke snickered and Battousai couldn't resist joining in, 'I always knew he was a little lap dog.'
The puppy had spotted Lobo skulking in the corner. With a gleeful yip it darted forward ready to play. With a howl like he was being skinned alive, Lobo scrambled back. The puppy stumbled over his own feet in pursue and tumbled into Saitoh's leg. He looked down with a slightly amused expression twisting on his lips.
Bending over he grabbed the puppy by the scruff of its neck and held it at eye level. The puppy squirmed and gleefully tried to wash his face. With one swift motion he tuck the puppy under his arm where it settled immediately.
"I think we should name him Butch." Missus Tokio suggested.
A/N: GAAAAAAAAAAAAWD, I finish this and have it down to two stories and suddenly it's back up to four! The sequel to Res. and Shoulder Angels and my poke and BSR! School was boring. Very much so. But it's making me change my update times, sorry. I can't do reviews on Friday morning then run and catch the bus! So new schedule: Sunday and Thursday. Hope that works out okay. Not that it matters since this one is almost done. I hope to have a special insertion featuring Aoshi conceling "family problems" in a safe place. I'll try, but if I don't get it done by Sun. I won't put it up because it won't fit.
Reviewers:
Houndingwolf: Sugar is good! *starts humming I've Got the Power* Yes, she does a good job of it too.
MissBehavin: That was based on my own cake making experiences. My cake didn't explode though X_X and I didn't break any spoons. She did want it, just not when he had it. Murphy's Law... or is it the law of the Preg. Women? Buying out the story works I think. Sweet, but you know why I was suddenly like O__O Some of the people down there are fanatical nutcases. So you're about an hour and a half from where I used to live. Altanta is evil ^^;; I'd like to go see Savannah this summer.
Nigihayami Haruko: Thankies, I thought long and hard (don't listen to a word I say about things like that). You are welcome to do some slapping, I won't stop you. I also don't have insurance on rampant characters, so if you lose an arm can't pay hospital bills. I take no liablity. Perfection? O__O Oro!
Wistful-Eyes: I have no clue. The last one I was around was when my sister was still in the womb, that was 11 years ago. I was only 8.
Fyyrrose: You shut up! Do I have to find some duct tape? Pickles and ice cream. Well, I don't know if they had ice cream back then, but I bet Italy had gelato! As she said, it's his job and responsiblity now. He just needs an effective counter-argument to that claim. Empty handed is a death warrant X_X Poor Kenny, that's all he ever is. The man never gets a break. Kaoru's cooking could do that I think. Kill us all I mean. Don't say things like that about the cake bullets! You'll give me ideas. I never did use the fruit cake as a weapon. Makes me think of Charlies Angel, how she makes those muffins and they throw them as weapons ^^;; You're not warped, just bent... in several impossible ways and bear no resemblance to the original human model. You shut up again! I'll work on that eventually... seriously, I do have one planned. When I have more time. A mini-story. Eris, I don't think that would be good... the world is already overpopulated. If women were popping out babies at that rate... Those children, the poor poor things. I would make a decent mommy >:) if my dog is any indication.
