Aoshi paced the room in slow deliberate strides. He wasn't cut out for the chaos that was about to occur in less than five minutes. He wasn't a fearful man, or a coward, but the thought of being locked in a room with several angry people from the town was chilling. Being a priest was supposed to be a peaceful and gratifying experience and a safe career choice. Then why, why God, was he doing this?
The door creaked open and he turned around with slow dignity. What he wanted to do was shove it shut and bar it. If they destroyed his office there would be Hell to pay. Literally. Defacing holy property. Not that you could really consider his new, temporary office holy, but he had spent hours getting it to the way he wanted it. Things had to be to perfection.
Katsu glanced around and sighed in apparent relief. He slipped in and looked over keenly, "Where do you want me to sit Father? I would prefer to be as far away as possible."
As would I, thought the good Father.
Instead of answering he ushered the young pyromaniac to a seat on the far side of the room. When the man's fingers started wandering towards his pockets Aoshi glared. There would be no playing and teasing with matches in his office. Not after what happened to the church at Christmas.
"You know Father, this could be worse." Katsu said, apparently needing something to do in the idle time. Aoshi despised people who talked just to talk. Hear their own voice was more like it. Which was why he had an intense disliking for one of his "guests".
"I fail to see how." He remarked dryly, making sure any stray papers were tucked away and there were no large, heavy objects in reach. Having homicide by bludgeoning in his office would hardly do well for his reputation.
"Well, considering that…" Before he could finish two more of the "guests" showed up. Kaoru was looking rather confused and annoyed at the same time. Aoshi assumed she had no idea why she was really here. What a treat. She would find out soon enough.
"I guess we're early Kenshin." She remarked to the pathetic husk of the Battousai. His violet eyes swept the room and he made a murmur of agreement. Even if the woman was clueless, Aoshi would bet the drifter had an excellent idea of the misery that lurked.
If Battousai weren't so attached to the young woman he would have high-tailed it out of there. Who in their right mind wouldn't?
The pair took their seats, and unlike Katsu, looked like they could actually keep their hands to themselves. Aoshi hated people messing with his things, it was a serious peeve. Almost up there with chatterboxes.
"So…" Katsu said, fiddling with a folded piece of paper. His long, tapered fingers wound deftly around the sheet and Aoshi wanted to reach over and pluck it out of his hands. Couldn't the man sit still even for two seconds? His little movements might as well have been full-blown pacing.
The door banged open and a large man strolled in. Aoshi gave an internal groan. This was the massive root of his, and everyone else's, problem. Seijurou Hiko was the most egocentric creature the priest had the misfortune to have ever met. He showed no respect to anyone, least of all a lowly man of God. His tongue was sharper than most kitchen knives and his superiority complex threatened to overflow his sturdy frame and drowned out the little town.
Aoshi had little patience for such inwardly focused people. Aside from his own inner conflicts, which he resolved on his own time, he felt he was a well-balanced individual. At least he could keep his insults in his mind. New York wasn't the most polite place to grow up, but you got along. The big man's callous indifference to the rules of society was an irritating thing to him.
"So that lowly dog hasn't showed up yet. It's just like him to be late!" The man boomed and slouched comfortably in a seat away from the happy couple and more towards the bomb maker.
"Master," Battousai said humbly, something with irked Aoshi to no end. The fact that anyone would sink to that level, especially that legendary Battousai, was disgusting. "It is still ten minutes early."
"But I am here, that means it is time now." The man shot back with his skewed logic.
He would survive this, he would! He had survived the war among other things. He was happy and adjusted with people he loved and who returned the favor. Not exactly a family per se, but still. He wouldn't snap and kill them all. No, he'd just listen and pretend to be pleased then as soon as they were gone he'd mediate. Nothing like some alone time.
"Hiko, maybe we could play some cards…"
"No." There would be no gambling under his roof.
"But I'm bored. And besides, I don't see why I'm here." Katsu mumbled and Aoshi realized that the anti-social bomb maker seemed to really be quite chatty today. He liked him the other way better. Some would say the time the young man spent alone was bad and it fostered certain tendencies… but it suited Aoshi just fine. One less lack wit he had to deal with on a daily basis.
Finally the last two arrived. Saitoh looked annoyed and it was obvious his hatred and loathing for his brother-in-law. His amber eyes glittered ever bit as dangerous as a cornered wolf. Tokio, on the other hand, looked relieved that everyone had shown it. This little get together was her idea. It made sense, to make peace between her family members before the baby came. But did it have to be so painful?
The two sat down with Tokio beside Kenshin and Saitoh on the edge, closest to the door. Aoshi remained passive, but no one was going to escape from the room if he could help it. If he had to suffer then so did everyone else.
"We have gathered here to have a safe and mediated zone to speak in to resolve some issues and differences peacefully. Everyone may share their opinion. This is meant to be non-threatening and encourage way to express feelings and misgivings about certain situations. This is not to be used as a bashing session on someone however you may bring up points you dislike about them. That said, who would like to begin?"
Katsu twisted a matchbook in his hand and looked up with deep green eyes, "Can I go now?"
"No." Aoshi considered telling him that if he couldn't leave then neither could Katsu, his little bomb-making friend. Instead he chose to keep his words of pity to himself.
Meanwhile, Hiko was already working himself up, "Safe? Nothing in the world is safe. Especially not when that worthless man has impregnated my dear, sweet sister."
My my, what a loving brother, Aoshi thought to himself. Controlling.
The dear sister in question looked peeved, but that might have been because she couldn't fit comfortably into her chair with her round, bulging belly. She looked up at Katsu, "I want all of my family to be in harmony, and you dear cousin, are part of it whether you want to be or not."
"Then why are my stupid student and his horse-girl here? Last I checked they weren't related to me. Thank God." Hiko snorted and Aoshi considered whether that was something to be thanking God about. There were worse people to be related to, by blood anyway.
Kaoru, predictably, turned red with rage and cast about for something to beat him bloody with. Aoshi was supremely glad he had put everything up and out of reach. It was like being in a room with a group of rowdy, unruly preschoolers who were adult sized.
"Miss Kaoru is family, that she is." Battousai soothed in his silly, obnoxious way.
"What about you stupid student?" Hiko challenged.
Those big, purple eyes blinked slowly. Once… twice… three times before it finally got through. "This unworthy one does not know."
Tokio, having gained her seat by now and her wits, interjected smoothly, "Mister Himura is practically family already. He simply must be here."
"Oro." And then there was that stupid word. It was more annoying than his silly, witless smile. Infuriating actually. And it took quite a lot to tick Aoshi off. He liked to think of himself as cold and logical, with ration to spare.
Whatever Hell was like it couldn't be worse than this. And it was only going to go downhill from here.
Might as well get it rolling so it could crash and shatter when it hit the bottom of the mountain. Hopefully the pieces would be large enough to reconstruct. Blood was so hard to get out of the carpet.
"May we proceed?" He paused and continued, following the basic guidelines for negating moronic sessions like this. Why couldn't these people figure it out by themselves? He had none of these problems. Never mind that the reason was he was so anti-social that sometimes he'd disappear for days during the week. "I sense a lot of tension and anger."
Saitoh looked unimpressed by that assessment, but he glanced over at his wife and kept his mouth shut. Hiko, however, had no compunctions about slurring that statement with his oh-so-clever wit, "Where did you read that, a crystal ball? Good observation Mr. Sensitive."
Aoshi ignored that, "My job is to help guide and direct you through your talk. I am not a buffer nor a shield."
"Wonderful." Kaoru said and he almost couldn't tell she was being sarcastic.
"I know that no one wants to be here, but can we try to get on with this?" Tokio said reasonably. Hiko looked her over and stood up. "Where are you going?"
Hopefully off a cliff, over a waterfall, and down on some sharp rocks.
"To get a drink. Woman, you cannot expect me to sit here and listen to this dribble without some alcohol to hold me over!" He protested and procured a large jug of some sort of liquid. Taking out a shot glass he poured himself some and threw it back.
"This is not a bar. I will have to ask you to put that away."
"What? No way, I'm leaving!" Hiko shouted. Saitoh looked pleased at this development and Aoshi most certainly had no protest. However, the women had different ideas.
"You are not going anywhere brother dearest! Sit your ass down right now!" Tokio snarled. She almost looked like she was going to haul herself up and enforce that order herself. No one could see it from the angle they were at, but Aoshi observed Saitoh's hand clamp down on her thigh and pin her there.
Hiko seemed to consider this was his superior intellect and decided to humor her. Aoshi was sure that even Battousai, Saitoh and himself combined couldn't make that man stay if he didn't want to.
"You better stay!" Kaoru lectured, looking furious.
Saitoh gave a cynical snort at the absurdity of the picture and said, "Or what? You'll feed him some of your home cooking?"
"This unworthy one likes Miss Kaoru's cooking, that he does." Battousai piped up. The man was sick, just sick. Aoshi, having being on the receiving end of such matter, you couldn't really call it food, never wished that on his worst enemy.
Tokio started to talk, but then her face twisted in pain and she bent over. Saitoh, despite the cold appearance he worked so hard to maintain, gave a worried look and spoke in her ear. She brushed him off and tried to straighten up.
"Nothing, it was nothing. The baby just kicked. He's a strong boy, like his father and uncle."
"Are you certain you wish to continue through with this foolish idea?" Saitoh asked gruffly having returned to his former position.
She looked around and Aoshi decided to add his weighted words. Anything to get out of this potential blood bath.
"Perhaps this is too stressful for you at the moment."
"No, I'm fine." She assured them, keeping her hands on her stomach.
"Missus Tokio, maybe we should…"
"Himura, what part of 'I'm fine' did you not understand?" She growled and he backed off. Damn. She wasn't done yet either. "No! We will sit down and become a real family! If we cannot work out our differences here, I'll make sure that everyone will be living under one roof until we are a family. Myself, Saitoh, Katsu, Kenshin, Kaoru, and Hiko all together."
The horrors. At least he wasn't included in that list. Aoshi was certain he was never so relieved in his life to not be included in something.
He was a private person. What he did on his personal time was his own business. Living with other people would seriously put a halt to his extracurricular activities and hinder his mediation. Not to mention the serious itch to slaughter them all springing up every five seconds.
"She means it." Saitoh warned, looking grim at the prospect. Hiko merely smirked. Battousai had gone ditzy and swirly-eyed. Kaoru was looking quite shocked. Katsu was eyeing a high, small window probably gauging how fast his slim body could slither out of it.
"Yes I do. Every single word and for as long as it takes. So you people need to decide how you want it to go." Tokio gritted out.
"Chose wisely, yet remember the Commandment: Thou shalt not kill." Aoshi added, really not caring if they paid attention. What were the chances anyway? He bet none of them could even name the first man and woman.
"Yes Father, but accidents do happen and no one can be held accountable." Tokio replied unruffled.
"Stuff the religious nonsense! I can't live at your house Tokio, what about my own?" Kaoru snapped and Aoshi's fears were realized. What a heathen lot they were despite his teachings.
"Then well shall have to wrap this up." Aoshi submitted and was met with hostility.
Battousai's meek, calm voice cut through the anger, "Can we not act like the adults we are." Suddenly all the hostility was redirected and doubled.
"Act?" Hiko scoffed, "All of you are poor actors, the only real man here is me. When you stop behaving like spoilt brats I may decide to speak at level with you."
Aoshi observed Kaoru gaining her plank. Blunt wood meant no blood if she did it correctly. Unfortunately, Battousai was holding tightly to her wrist despite the fact she was pummeling his sandaled feet with her booted ones.
"Perhaps, since you have much to say, you should go first Hiko." Aoshi said summoning calm. That was asking for a death sentence, letting the man go first, because they would all die of old age before he got to the point. But if he didn't have him go first the brute would be offended and disruptive.
"Very well. My good for nothing brother in law, knocked up my sweet and innocent sister. He has no job, he is not even a real man. He is whipped harder than the stuff horse-girl calls mashed potatoes. That's only the start of the problems around here…"
Saitoh was grinding his teeth and now it was Tokio who was holding down his lean thigh. Interestingly enough, the pair seemed united on the front of not allowing their significant other to kill the insolent man.
Now, Aoshi would be interesting to see what exactly would happen to the man. With the exception of Tokio, everyone else seemed to merely tolerate him. Someday the town rowdies would go on a witch hunt with some torches. As a man of the cleric he should discourage rather than advocate such behavior. However, at the moment he was inclined to support the would-be rabble-rousers. Or was that too much to ask?
"You see Father, my nephew will need some real guidance. I fear deeply that without my help he will turn out to be a weak sissy like his father, or heaven forbid gay like my stupid student." Hiko growled, continuing his complaints without even taking a breath. His tone and pitch never changed, he just rolled on like a low growl of thunder. "I mean you know how that is viewed by society nowadays, and Saitoh is as weak as they come, but then no one could be as prissy as my stupid pupil. I mean come on, just look at him!"
"There are only three people that I can respect here. One being myself, the second my dear sister, and the last is my cousin Katsu. Although, perhaps, I should teach him how to blow people up correctly, that way we would not be in this situation."
Aoshi remembered the referred-to incident quite well. He still wasn't satisfied with Misao's explanation as to why she was on the wrong side of the bars. He almost felt like a parent dealing with the young girl, although he was only a decade her senior.
"What?" Katsu mumbled sleepily. Having heard his name he woke up just enough to look around blurry eyed.
Hiko decided to reiterate his rant for the young pyromaniac's benefit. "You should have just blown up that good-for-nothing and this wouldn't even be taking place! But I should have known, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself. Never fails."
Aoshi agreed with that. At the moment he was considering doing something himself that wasn't very holy.
"I wasn't trying to kill anyone. Just severely maim that prissy, no-good, evil cross-dresser. The spawn of Satan! Some fucking teddy bear!" Katsu fumed and for good measures spat out several words he could have only learned from his long association with Sanosuke.
He looked up and blushed. Everyone blinked and time seemed to unfreeze. Personally, Aoshi considered Katsu correct on all accounts, although he had a very different reason to dislike the cross-dresser.
"Then I'll have to make sure that the cross dresser and half pint are together when he uses you as a teddy bear." Hiko mused out loud.
"Never again God damn it to fucking Hell." Katsu snarled viciously and slammed his slim fist on the table hard enough to make Hiko's shot glass to jump. Aoshi was afraid he was going to lit a cherry bomb and shove it down the man's throat. Then jump up and even the score against Kamatari.
"Perhaps you should seek private counseling for your hidden aggression." Aoshi suggested then mentally slapped himself. He wasn't a shrink, but if people were going to start coming to him like this he was going to start charging.
Tokio seemed unimpressed at the fantastic display of temper and annoyed at the sidetrack, "Now back on track! We don't want to be living together, now do we."
"Maybe I should. Then I could be assured that your son will be raised in a proper fashion." Hiko preened and Aoshi was appalling. He didn't know much about babies, and Misao could hardly be called a child anymore, but he knew that leaving that man with a kid was a seriously bad mistake. Look how the Battousai turned out after all.
Tokio almost threw her hands up in the air, but changed her mind when she tugged on something and winced. Aoshi was considering if he should ask Megumi to look in on her. It wouldn't do to have the woman start birthing in his office. He was sure that after birth was just as nasty and clingy as blood stains.
"Saitoh, please speak now, before I must agree with my brother on this one. We are not able to work anything out at this rate." Tokio threatened and Saitoh gave a low sigh. Aoshi got the feeling that the Wolf was tired and losing. The pregnant woman's energy, will, determination, and stubborn nature seemed limitless.
"I could shoot him." Saitoh offered without any humor, sadistic or otherwise.
Battousai in all his sensitivity and pacifism immediately jumped in, "That's not what this is about!"
"Talking please, and not of killing someone." Aoshi reminded subtly.
"Why should you let the inferior male speak? We have come to the conclusion that I shall be the one raising your son as the male figurehead of this family. There's nothing more to discuss." Hiko, who apparently decided this in his head all by himself, announced grandly. His declaration drew either blank or hostile stares.
"That's blasphemy in a chapel." Aoshi remarked, referring to Saitoh's remark still.
"But we're not in a chapel because some slacker let the church burn down." Hiko said, regarding Saitoh.
"That was not Saitoh's fault, that it was not." Aoshi was inclined to agree. How was the lean sheriff supposed to know that people couldn't even behave themselves on Christmas Eve under the eyes of God?
"Horse-girl is more of a man than my pathetic brother-in-law." Hiko snorted.
"I'm not a horse!" Kaoru screeched, being the first one to snap under the pressure. Aoshi wasn't surprised. The man could push anyone's buttons. He should have been a politician or a lawyer, or a con artist. His talent was going to waste.
"Is his turn over?" Kaoru half howled, half pleaded. Aoshi was inclined to grant her wish. This was getting tedious and taking fair to long. It was like pulling teeth without anesthetic.
"Are you finished speaking Hiko?"
"You don't ask! You tell. Who is in charge here?" Kaoru snapped, long gone from the world of sanity and rational.
"I can never be silenced, ask the stupid boy of a pupil. I have said my peace, but I will not refrain from making corrections while others speak. I am nothing if not honest. I will accept nothing less from others."
"Very well, who would like to speak next?" Not like it really mattered, it was only going to get worse. Aoshi knew Murphy's Law.
"I will." Kaoru fumed.
"It would be best to learn that women are to be seen and not heard." Hiko interjected and Aoshi shot him a look. The girl hadn't even gotten in more than two words.
"Master, it is Miss Kaoru's turn." Battousai admonished and smiled at her encouragingly.
"Shut up brother dearest." Tokio snapped, nibbling on one of Kamatari's presents.
"Since I'm not really in the middle of this little spat I don't see why I have to be here. But anyway, that man over there is the most disrespectful, arrogant ass I have ever had the misfortunate to meet."
"This is not a mud pit, please refrain from slinging." Not that he was adverse to such low methods. Means did justify an end, most certainly.
"Let her spew her lies." Hiko sniffed, uninterested and most likely not even listening.
"He can't seem to shut his flapping mouth and he's rude to everyone, even his sister! Why can't he just go back to his hole in the ground and stay there? Then we only have to see him twice a year at Christmas and Easter! I think we'd all be much happier and I know he doesn't like people. That much is very obvious! He has the social manners similar to a chimpanzee in a zoo! I just don't see how a nice person like Tokio could even be related to him."
"We can't choose who we are born to." Saitoh remarked with a grim look. It was most likely only the third sentence he had uttered since his arrival. Aoshi wasn't pleased to be outdone in the category of held council, but he had no choice in the matter. He was mediator.
"Are you finished?"
"Not a chance!" Kaoru frothed and Aoshi realized she was really upset. Oh well. Better she work it out where there were no heavy, blunt objects. Unless she wised up and realized that the chairs, while made of wood, had a nice heft to them.
"He does nothing but slam on my cousin, who doesn't deserve it at all! Hajime is a very upstanding man who at least works for a living rather than playing with clay and leech off family members."
Aoshi considered her sudden switch to the man's first name. That meant she was taking this all on a personal level. This could get exceedingly ugly.
"And then you turn around and make fun of Kenshin! What has he ever done to you?"
"This unworthy one did burn down his shack…" Battousai offered, but his voice was lost in Tokio's sudden, outraged boom.
"Who do you think you are to be bashing my brother in such a manner!" She had switched sides amazingly fast, and Aoshi realized her position was far more precarious than his own. She actually had a personal interest invested in this mess. Obviously she was tired of treading lightly and waking the line. "I'll have you know that my brother was the one who financed this town when he first came! He has lived a hard life so that you Miss High and Mighty could sit here and bash him! He has done so many things for other people for nothing at all. Not even praise or thanks…"
Now that one was hard to believe.
Kaoru's mouth was hanging open from the shock of the sudden assault and Aoshi, in the interest of keeping limbs, asked, "Are you finished?" Kaoru continued to gape and Aoshi gave a nod at Tokio, "Yes then. Go ahead Tokio."
"My parents were slaughtered by bandits when I was a baby, and Hiko was a young boy. He raised me on his own, and when he was older he needed to go out and become stronger, but that's beside the point. Hiko lives in solitude because he has paid his debt to society many times over. We live in troubled times, and my dear brother only wants to see that my son is strong and well taken care of. Although Hajime thinks he could do a good enough job, I fear that he would not be able to show my son love."
Aoshi stole a glance at Saitoh. The man looked like nothing was happening, although the priest would bet, if he were a gambling man, that his mind was going a million miles an hour.
She whirled on Battousai and Kaoru, "Hiko is very disappointed with Himura, because he became weak again. Himura wasted my brother's precious time without even a thank you over the years. If my brother seems arrogant, I don't blame him. Try doing so many things for so many people, and never get a thank you in return! I would be cold too if people like you didn't show any mannerisms, you all are no better than prime apes... dried pineapple chunks."
"Oro." Was the soft mutter from the back, but no one else spoke. Not even Hiko surprisingly enough.
"I hope that was... enlightening." Aoshi said finally really thinking to himself about how that was more than he ever wanted to know about any of them. "However, that is what we are here for. To discover and understand each other."
No one commented when Tokio exited the room in search of food they were too scared to.
"Battousai, would you like to go next."
"Uh… no, this unworthy one…" A well-aimed elbow to the stomach corrected him, "Er, Master is a good person?"
Saitoh raised an eyebrow cynically.
"It's not just me we are talking about, but if you insist about talking about me go ahead."
"Shut up you!" Kaoru snarled at Hiko. She was starting to catch on to the chairs. Aoshi would have to be more careful. Time to head this off, "It is not your turn Kaoru. I trust you can be silent.
"But Missus Tokio is right, he doesn't see what he owes society. That's not a good thing, that it is not. Humans need society." Battousai paused before treading on thin ice, "But he could be nicer to Saitoh, that he could. The two of them are in this together whether they want to be or not. Perhaps in the interest of Missus Tokio and the baby they can..."
"What?" Saitoh asked, a thin smirk crossing his lips.
"Oro?"
"Speak boy!" Hiko snapped, as if the Battousai were a dog. Maybe he was, calling Hiko 'Master' all the time.
"Stop behaving like idiots?" Kaoru and Katsu's jaws dropped before both started to laugh. Aoshi had never heard such a word grace the Battousai's lips before. It was mild, but it was like he was screaming the most disgusting profanity coming from his untainted vocabulary.
"First: To be an idiot, it would require one to have less then the basic knowledge, and I am far superior to you in intelligence, so that would mean that you have insulted yourself and your hippo." Hiko, again, managed to stun everyone into silence with his warped logic.
"Master, it was not your turn."
"How can you be so... so patient with him?" Kaoru said, giving the slight red head a good whack for his gentleness. If only such a trait were transmittable by contact. It might have sweetened her disposition by now.
"Oro?" Battousai moaned.
"Are we done? I have a poker date at the bar." Katsu yawned, waking up again.
"You haven't spoken." Aoshi said, taking slight pleasure in the fact that no one would escape this madness.
"Yes dear cousin, speak."
"I like my head thank you very much. People may think I'm insane and a pyromaniac, but I have self-preservation in spades..." Katsu trailed off noticing the strange looks.
"This is a safe place." Aoshi reminded him, curious despite his stoic nature.
"Sure it is."
Tokio chose to return at that moment with an apple in one hand and a piece of cheddar in the other. She glanced around, "Did I miss anything?" Silence met her request and she sat down indifferent, completely calm and composed. Like she hadn't just chewed them all a new one just ten minutes prior.
"Nothing too important." Aoshi forced out, taking the chance for the collective group.
"Oro."
"You missed that."
"What?" Tokio said around a mouthful.
"Oro?"
"That. That pointless word." How Aoshi hated that stupid, idiotic word.
"It was nothing important sister, now sit down. My stupid student was only talking, and now it's our dearest cousin's turn." Hiko said.
"I'm not saying a word, I estranged myself from you two a long time ago." Katsu said, nervously playing with a match."
Saitoh growled, "Just speak so we can leave."
"Dear cousin, you know that we love you and would so anything to protect you." Tokio cajoled sweetly. Hiko played the role of bad cop, something Aoshi could easily see having been perfected over the years that the siblings had lived together during, "If you ever want freedom, you will speak."
"Of course you do, I was referring to other parties." Katsu remarked lightly and added with a look at Hiko, "Threats don't work on me. Sano can get into just as much trouble without me. In fact, I'm sure he is right now. You can't keep the sheriff and priest in here indefinitely. Maybe until Sunday, I hope we don't starve."
"Would you like to test that?" Hiko rumbled, glaring. Apparently when the mind games were turned he didn't enjoy them quite so much.
"I wonder where Misao is." Kaoru remarked and Aoshi flinched internally. He had forgotten.
"You're right, that you are. She is never far from Father Aoshi."
"I thought you were a priest? I didn't know you were having a little fun on the side." Hiko said looking annoyed at the interruption. He sneered and his fingers crept towards his alcohol.
"Misao is currently running an errand for me on the other side of town." Aoshi clarified. Then he gave a quick pray that it was turn.
"She's probably in the bar by now. If you sent her after Sano that is. Like I should be." Katsu remarked.
"I thought you and Sano were lovers? I mean by the amount of alone time you spend together…" Hiko said to Katsu and Aoshi was sure that they would all be visiting Hell together in a moment.
Katsu leapt on the bigger man with match in hand. He didn't even bother with a bomb, perhaps he knew that Aoshi would be annoyed. Instead he pressed the living flame to Hiko's long cape. It lit up instantly, all the alcohol fumes trapped in the fibers fueling it. Hiko calmly removed the flaming cloak, dumped it on the floor, and stomped on it with his heavy boots.
Aoshi stared down at his ruined carpets. That was never coming out. Ever. Something snapped.
"You fucking bastard, you take that back. Cousin or no I'll blow you into tiny bits!" Katsu screamed, this time with a stick of dynamite in hand.
Before Aoshi could speak however Tokio hissed, "This is getting us nowhere. Hajime, what do you have to say?"
"Nothing in particular. Your brother and I have never gotten along, and you are right, we should at least make peace." Saitoh said slowly with deliberateness.
"See, submit to me and everything would be fine." Hiko preened in triumph.
"Which is why I think we should have a gun battle." Saitoh finished without missing a beat. He had obviously considered this long and hard.
"If you feel it will settle matters..."Aoshi began.
"What are you talking about?" Kaoru screamed in outrage at such a notion. Soft-hearted females.
"I agree, this would solve all of our problems." Hiko boomed, jumping up eagerly.
"But Master...!"
"Now now children, violence will solve nothing, but a dead husband and a widowed wife." Tokio said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
"Perhaps another test of skills?" Aoshi suggested, keen to get them out of his office. Katsu had already escorted himself out and Aoshi wasn't going to keep the irate bomb wielder.
"Chess?"
"Like I would play such a lowly game." Hiko snorted.
"Cooking!" Kaoru pressed proudly. Did she want her cousin to lose? If cooking was genetic then the man was doomed. Hiko would win by default.
"You would choose that, wouldn't you? I love irony." Battousai said, yet not said. It wasn't his normal, goofy voice. This one was deeper and much more amused. There was a quick flash of amber before soft purple took over. Okay, that was just weird. Maybe Megumi should look at him too.
"Cooking is a woman's skill." Hiko said, ignoring the two women looking very unhappy about that announcement. It was the nineteenth century after all!
"Can't it be decided without some macho show of skills?" Kaoru said in exasperation. Battousai backed her up, "I agree with Miss Kaoru, that I do."
"Turning feminine Battousai?" Saitoh inquired and Hiko jumped on it nearly as fast. "I knew it! You wear the dress in that relationship!"
"Oro?"
"Come on Kenshin, we're leaving!" Kaoru raged, and again, Aoshi found it wiser to let things go.
"We could all live together until we make peace?" Tokio suggested with an underlying hint of a threat.
"Perhaps the will not be necessary." Aoshi said in a deceptively calm voice. He had passed the breaking point. A tension headache was building and his whole body felt abused. They had mucked up his office and almost burned it down. It was time to get rid of these "guests".
"I am willing to hear your solution." Saitoh said graciously just as Tokio perked up, "You have an idea?"
"You all get out of my office, my patience is too worn. Then Hiko goes back to his home and Tokio and Saitoh to theirs. If you don't I'm afraid that I might start doing some un-priest things." He said in a deadly voice. Everyone considered him harmless, but the man was about to show them all how dangerous he could be. Emotion rarely drove him, but when it did the results were far from pretty.
"But nothing is resolved!" Tokio protested as Saitoh helped her to her feet.
"Bring the matter up after the baby is born." Aoshi advised, refraining from shoving them out the door. "It takes time to mend relationships, especially strained ones such as yours. May God be with you all. Besides, if we're lucky someone will die by then and solve the problem."
He ignored the looks and clarified in a bland voice, "Alcohol and cigarettes are hardly good for a body, that is all I'm saying." Both of which he was sure the two men would be diving into. Well, they had their ways of relieving stress and he had his.
Once they were gone he slammed the door and sighed. He hoped Megumi was free tonight because his headache needed some serious attention and he wouldn't say no to a massage either. What a day.
A/N: You people better appreciate this! I stayed up until 2 am to finish all bloody 15 pages. Credit where credit is due: Fyyrrose played both Hiko and Tokio, while I did the other five. Most of their dialogue is credit to her, with some tweaking on my part to make it not quite so harsh O__O I decided Aoshi's sense of humor (as small/nonexisitant as it seems) would have to be very, very dry. I have four mangas waiting for me too, you're just lucky I wasn't sidetracked! Mwahaha. I read Demon Diary last night to relax after this hellish (but fun) insert. Hooked already. Oh, and I decided Katsu needed a tiny bit of development.
Reviewers:
MissBehavin: 100 review, you get a cookie (::). Don't get between a preg. woman and choclate. Actually, don't get between me and chcolate. You might lose something dear to you. I agree, yet, I wrote him a family in BSR, what is wrong with me?!! Kamatari and the rest had NO idea about that. Saitoh and Kenshin were like thank you, you have saved us all from maiming and torture that would put Hoji to shame. Hmm, Saitoh's not tell about the puppy, but I see him as a dog person. Lobo hating the pup certainly played a part in it. Now, there's a lesson to be learned here: Don't check your mail in the middle of math class if it contains something that will make you start snicker ^__^ Maybe I'll do that this summer, or maybe this spring during Spring Break. Naw, probably go to Charleston or Myrtle Beach (cold).
Wistful-Eyes: Cheap! OMG, so cheap. I would slaughter him right on the spot if I were Yahiko. Embarrassing! I *sweatdrop* don't really know what they got babies back in the 1870s, but I figured brushes were around. Misao is definately unorthodox.
eriesalia: Well, I'm fairly sure that Saitoh and Tokio are not, after all they're having a child. Maybe bi? As for the rest of them, they're far game, although I don't suggest calling Megumi gay either. I've learned which characters to not mess with ^___^ Soujirou, don't mess with him either. It's prewritten and finished, but not all posted :D.
Houndingwolf: Hehe, hit the nail on the head. Have you ever seen a dog run from a puppy or a kitten (or in my dog's case, a mouse). It's the funniest thing ever! Especially if the dog is all big and bad.
Fyyrrose: Damn woman, get your mind out of the gutter? Besides, you know I don't like to share, and you have too many alter egos. I love kids, well, that doesn't cover babies does it? I love other people's babies. 'Tari needed some glory, I've been ignoring him (something he'll have to get used to until I get somewhere in Shoulder Angels). Or just take out some select people right? Kenji, kid assassin. Your lunch dates are bad. Thanks for helping me write this one ^__^;
