Chapter Eighteen: Weasel in the Middle

Miss Kaoru insisted that we take a walk along the riverbank. I'm not sure why exactly.

'I could give you some ideas. She wants to jump your bones!' Oro? What did that mean. Battousai smacked his forehead and fell silent with disgust. 'Then again, maybe she just wants to go fishing.'

That sounded like a reasonable explanation, except that Miss Kaoru seemed to have a deep loathing for catfish. And those suckers were pretty much all you could catch in the river at this time of year.

"Shh, what's that?" Miss Kaoru said, dragging me into the bushes. Ignoring the nice blackberry thorns that seemed to have taken an unhealthy interest in my tender skin, I peered out.

Miss Misao was sitting with her back against a tree tearing into the new spring blooms like a mutated herbicide. The delicate bloom fell before her emotion wrath and there was a light shower of multi-colored petals.

"I think she's upset."

No kidding.

"Maybe we should find out what's wrong?" Miss Kaoru suggested, yet made no move forward. Suddenly I was leading this dance? I don't think so. Not if she proposes to do the same to me as she was the poor, harmless flowers. The girl had knives on her still, I was sure of it.

"Hey, Weasel, what's wrong?"

'The better question is going to be, what's wrong with the idiot after she gets done with him.' Battousai chuckled. I can't ever tell if he likes Sano, or merely finds him so vastly amusing that he doesn't want it to end. Maybe that's how the whole town felt about the guy, the reason why he still was walking and talking.

"None of your business." She had abandoned her pruning and now was fondling something small and gold. Why was I getting a very bad feeling about this?

Sano, never one to take the hint on the first try, simply plopped down beside her with his knuckles scraping the ground loosely and his legs set in a crossed-legged pose. He eyed her with concern.

"Well, something's wrong and I'm not leaving until I know what it is." He said and she turned to give him a serious glare. Off the boy like rain off a turtle shell.

"Father Aoshi is gone." She sniffled. Definitely bad, good thing only three people knew about the circumstances of his abrupt departure.

'Four.'

Yes, but you can't talk, now can you?

'If I thrash your ass and take over I could. Or you could just let me out to stretch my legs?'

I don't think so.

Before Sano could say something totally insensitive and utterly crass, Yahiko raced up. He was kicking a ball in between his feet and Butch was running and barking and trying to get it away. The pair stopped their games to look.

Butch, being the concerned canine who couldn't stand to see a human cry, came over and pushed his muzzle at Misao, demanding to be petted.

'You know that's just a scam right? Dogs do that when you're in emotional distress to get some more petting. They couldn't give a rat's ass for your feelings.'

"Oh Aoshi…" She sobbed, taking the befuddled mutt in a headlock, death-grip.

"His name isn't Aoshi, it's Butch!" Yahiko glared, trying to pry the dog out of her grip. The Doberman may have been intended as the Saitohs' family pet, but at the moment every unattached person in town seemed to be using him. I wondered if Saitoh minded, since the dog seemed to be his now. Lobo absolutely hated Butch and Missus Tokio couldn't keep him even if she had wanted to.

"He was Aoshi first!" Miss Misao retorted and stuck out her tongue in a very mature manner. Yahiko returned the favor by pulling down his eyelid.

"It's just a mutt."

Both youths turned on him with stark outrage and started clamoring in defense of the dog's honor. Somehow, they went from a tiny spat with each other, to kill Sano, to kill each other. Kids these days. So touchy!

"You going to French the dog like you do your pillow?" Yahiko teased.

"Come back here and let me kick your head into the ground!" Miss Misao howled, tearing after the younger boy.

"Ha, you're so slow Weasel!" Yahiko yipped and ploughed onward with all the grace of a thundering beaver. He tripped and regained his footing just narrowly avoiding having a very nasty injury on his rump. It seemed that Master had rubbed off on him. Pity.

'You said it! That man should be barred in his home and burned alive!' Battousai said eagerly.

I never said that!

'But you were thinking it.'

I was not!

'You should have been.'

"Sa-no!" Miss Misao growled, "He's your brother, do something!"

"I plead immunity." Sano replied, looking only vaguely interested in the whole affair. I suppose he and Yahiko had acted this scene out so many times it failed to hold his attention.

'I have this theory.'

Oro.

'That boy is a hell of a lot smarter than he seems. He does the dumb act fairly well, but when he uses words like immunity…'

Good things in life save me from the conspiracy thoughts, please.

Miss Misao made a fantastic leap and landed on Yahiko's head with both feet. He crumpled like a downed cow and she did a victory dance on his back.

Sano sauntered over and picked her up off Yahiko, "That's enough of that Weasel. Yahiko will need his back in one piece."

Miss Misao plunked by down moodily, deprived of her anger releasing exercise. Yahiko moaned and stirred. I didn't envy the headache. I bet it was like that time Miss Kaoru kept falling on my when Sano pushed her down into the grave.

"Kenshin," Startled at the voice that belonged to the person of my thoughts, I almost said something inappropriate. That simply wouldn't do. I worked to hard at being harmless to blow it like Sano… wait, I can't possibly be buying into Battousai's theory!

"Oro?"

"Don't give me that." She snapped then returned her attention to the trio, "Do you think Misao's really that upset?"

"This unworthy one thinks that she will recover and he hopes that Father Aoshi is doing fine."

'In Vegas by now. Sin City baby.'

By the time I looked up again Misao had cornered poor Butch. This time he wasn't so enthused about being used as a teddy bear substitute. He wiggled and caught the chain with the cross over his tapered muzzle. With a muffled howl he stumbled around trying to get it off.

"Hey, give that back! Bad dog!"

The poor half grown dog hadn't ever been scolded in his entire life, or maybe just not by a rabid girl with knives. He took one look and with a howl of fright tore off to hide behind Sano.

Sano disentangled the chain with his thick fingers and tossed it from hand to hand with a devilish smile.

Saitoh stalked out over the hill and gave a sharp whistle. Butch immediately forgot the threat to his life and heeded his master's call.

"Moron, Weasel, Brat: What were you doing to my dog?"

Ever since Missus Tokio had her baby the man had almost disappeared from the town all together. I bet he just sits all day and stares at his mini-me. That's a scary thought...

'Evil associates with evil.'

Children are not evil!

"Sano, can I have it back now? Please?"

Sano pretended to consider it as he idly tossed the chain back and forth. The gold flashed sunlight and I wondered if maybe Aoshi did have a little soft spot for the hyper girl.

'Or maybe he nicked that off a dead body and gave it to her to shut her up.'

"I don't know. Seems to me like you're turning all gloomy and quiet like Aoshi. Perhaps he put a curse on this cross to convert you."

'Definitely smarter than he appears.'

She rushed him and he tossed it over her head to Yahiko. The younger boy, looking slightly battered but game, caught it.

"Weasel in the middle!" He whooped. When she rushed him he tossed it back to Sano. Her I am thinking, oro, they're going to make her cry. Hazing like that. But her face turned bright red with anger and she pounced on Sano. Not before he did a sneaky underhand toss to Yahiko.

"Since pounding the crap out of you doesn't seem to have an effect, I'll have to resort to super top-secret methods!" Miss Misao cried and suddenly the man shrieked loud enough to make the rest of us cover our ears. Miss Misao punched her two index fingers into his sides again with the same results. "So the great Sanosuke is ticklish huh?"

He tried to roll away, but she stayed with him. At least until he decided to retaliate. Then she was screaming while he had straddled her waist and pinned her hands with one of his.

Miss Kaoru leapt into action.

'What's she doing now?'

Oro?

Miss Kaoru took her plank to the unsuspecting Sano. She got in quite a few whacks at the downed man before Miss Misao grabbed her wrist and asked what she was doing. By then Sano had crawled a good bit away to nurse his injured and dishonored head.

"He wasn't trying to... uh... take advantage of you?"

That earned some strange looks.

"Why would I do something like that?" Sano demanded, embarrassed and shocked. He pulled his loose white shirt tight around him looking the picture of hurt. Miss Misao walked over and he flinched back. She ignored that and put a hand on his forearm, "I'm sorry Sano. I guess we can't rough house like when we were kids."

"Hey, not problem. I, er, didn't mean to insult your honor or anything."

Miss Kaoru, rather than offering up an apology, slunk back. Seeing no point in hiding in the killer bushes anymore, I joined her. Yahiko had crept up to stand beside us. Unfortunately, he had to mention the term 'Ugly'. Nastiness ensured and Miss Misao's cross arched through the air before falling into the river with a splash.

"No!"

"Oops."

Sano peered over and found himself swimming. I looked down when he didn't come up immediately. When he did break the surface his teeth were chattering from the ice melt water and there was a sour look on his face.

"Are you okay Sano?" I asked, concerned and uncertain.

He sputtered a few choice words before replying, "Like hell I am. This water is freezing. Why'd you push me in Weasel?"

"Get the cross."

"Not a chance." He bobbed there with his arms crossed. It occurred to me that maybe his feet could touch the bottom until I realized he was standing on a submerged rock. "I could have been really hurt? These rocks are sharp-ass suckers you know. With Foxy gone, who would patch me up?"

"I'll do it again if you don't get it!" Miss Misao threatened.

"Doctor Gensai is a very competent doctor, that he is." I said reassuringly and Sano pouted, "He certainly ain't the looker that Foxy was."

"Get it or I'm never going to let you out, chicken boy!"

"Miss Misao, forever is a long time…"

"Shove it Himura." She snapped.

Sano raised an eyebrow. By now his teeth were chattering. With a smirk he started out for the other side of the bank. Once on dry land he proceeded to give her the look that said 'so what are you going to do now?'.

"Ha, how are you going to get him now? I don't think rodents swim!" Geez the kid was mean. Miss Kaoru gave Yahiko another smack on the head.

'Mustelids.'

What?

'Weasels are Mustelids, related to the river otter actually.' How in the world do you know these things? 'Hey, I'm not all about sex and gore you know. Admittedly those are fun pastimes, especially some of the kinkier aspects…'

Stop, I don't want to hear it.

Miss Misao was glowering when Sano jumped back in and swam across. I don't know about weasels, but it seemed chickens did fairly well in the water.

He rose up…

'Like Undine-."

Shut up, I'm tired of you knowing things I don't know. Anyway, like some sort of sea monster…

'Loch Ness-.'

"Don't you come near me, you dumb ox!"

Sano paused and said crossly, "Okay, so I'm not the most vivid crayon in the box."

Did he just say vivid?

"What's that mean?" Yahiko blurted.

'It proves the motto, no matter how stupid you are there is always someone stupider.'

I don't think that's how it goes.

He grabbed Miss Misao by the waist before pitching her into the river. Yahiko's jaw dropped and he said, "Uh, I don't think she can swim bro."

Sano looked sheepish, "My bad."

"Aren't you going to jump in a save her?" Miss Kaoru screeched.

Sano grabbed Yahiko by the scruff and chucked the kid in. He immediately came up sputtering and cursing. Apparently the apples fall pretty close off the tree. With steady strokes he grabbed the floundering Miss Misao. She immediately latched on to him, threatening to drown them both.

There was a hand on my low ponytail and I knew what was coming next. Miss Kaoru had almost slung me in after them when Sano waded out to his chest and snagged the duo. He dragged them to shore.

"Thank you Aoshi." She whispered before she stopped breathing.

"Oro!"

"I can pump her chest, but there's no way I'm doing mouth-to-mouth." Sano said crinkling his nose and Yahiko piped up, "Don't look at me! Weasel lips."

Miss Kaoru shoved us all aside and did CPR perfectly. Miss Misao either wasn't that far gone or Miss Kaoru was a miracle working. As inclined as I am to believe the latter, common sense dictates the former.

Miss Misao opened her eyes blurrily before screaming, "Rape!"

"Whoa, calm down. That's just Missy saving your life okay?"

"I wasn't kissing you Misao." Miss Kaoru blushed and sputtered. And Sano muttered something about people calling him gay.

'I want to see some tongue!'

Miss Kaoru was saving Miss Misao's life.

'You think what you want and I'll do the same.'

Miss Misao was sniffling and shivering. She curled up and rocked saying, "I should have drowned! What will I do without Father Aoshi to guide me?"

'Move the hell on.'

Sano looked very bewildered and slightly fretful. Carefully, despite being soaking wet and shivering slightly himself, he gathered her up.

"Shh, hey, it's okay. You'll be okay, alright? I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have played with your cross like that or tossed you in the river. I don't know how, but I can make it up to you, okay? Just stop crying."

'Whoa, he's like an old pro at the "say the soothing shit".'

"Besides, he didn't even stick around. What a coward." Yahiko sniffed judgmentally. "I heard he wasn't even a real priest."

"What!" Miss Misao screeched and Sano swore, "Uh... he wasn't a priest... shit! I told him all that... oh shit."

'No one's interested in blackmailing that halfwit. Aoshi was probably scared that the idiot was coming more than anything else. I bet he heard some interesting things in that confessional.' Battousai said with a gleeful look.

"Yeah, he was some con man that the cops were after and Megumi was his partner. The two of them skipped town when it looked like they were going to be caught. Isn't that right Kenshin?"

"This unworthy one does not gossip." I replied grimly while thinking, I suppose it was too much to think that Kamatari could keep his mouth shut. He gossips worse than the women!

Meanwhile, Miss Kaoru bopped him over the head and hissed, "Why did you have to tell her like that?"

"Ouch, how was I supposed to tell her?" Yahiko complained. She folded her arms and replied, "With tact and gentleness!"

"So Foxy was in on it too." Sano said rubbing his head thoughtfully, "Makes sense. Ah well. Hey, Misao you're still cold. Let me walk you home okay? Consider it a down payment on my apology."

When they were halfway down the road I saw him uncurl his hand and give Miss Misao something that sparkled in the sun.

A/N: Wow O__O I think everyone crawled out of the wood work for that last chapter, yay. Umm, the tickling was inspired by my bro, who loves to do that to me when he wants me to get off the computer, the jerk! Bring your barf bucket for the next chapter -__-' Oh, and I shouldn't be allowed on the computer when bored. I tend to find interesting things. Last night I spent the evening reading up on the 'mind's eye' (thank you psychology for giving me a heads up that it was actually real). This morning I'm reading a debate that started out with Hiko knowing about Tomoe, but it now talking about Shishio dodging bullets @__@;; Not to mention all the shrines I visits (including Fire and Ice: I bet some of you know EXACTLY which pairing that's devoted too :D). Oh, and my friend Maria Cline (aka SL) suggest that I let you guys write what happens to Aoshi and Meg with Sou and Chou chasing them. Hilarious idea!

Reviewers:

Houndingwolf: I aim to please. I promise, no big twists left in the last three chapters. You still might be a little surprised yet at the ending ^__^ But nothing too big.

mij: Ah-ha! I knew my sense of humor was not lost on people ^^ Kenny, poor Kenny. No wonder he's unstable. If I had to listen to that all the time O__O I had to do *something* with them so that all the a/meg [wor]shippers were satistified. Actually, Aoshi was a bad guy from the begining, but Meg had a totally diff. role. This turned out good, if not better than what I was originally plotting.

Nigihayami Haruko: Don't worry about it. Hehe, stress. Aoshi was under a lot of stress. But he really doesn't have a problem with Saitoh (other than being a baddie and Saitoh being the law of course). Well, in RK they were actually on the same side in the war. Hehe, I got y'all good!

MissBehavin: Yes, and the sermons and the confessional and the bible talk ^__^ The burning of the carpets almost made him snap. I don't see him as a perfectionist per se, but I can see him getting peeved if things are out of place/ruined. I do, very much so. Ah, you know too much! As this chapter proves. Well, sort of. That triangle was hilarious, I don't know what was wrong with my mind when I came up with that! It's a good thing, to be able to amuse yourself. Good point there. He could accept a mission for the gov't that would take years. Fake deaths work too, he could set himself up in Mexico. Or better yet, Canada!

sasori: No Enishi this time, or Shishio, they just didn't fit in too well with the plot.

Fyyrrose: Sweet? You know me, credit where credit is due! Lame ass? All your- I mean, what are you talking about? They're good reviews! Hiko-"sama" should be beaten with a dead fish until he falls to his knees and repents for his anti-social sins! It could have been his hair btw, not the mantle. Lucky Katsu has bad aim ^^ I can see you going after Katsu, but give the man some credit. He knows fire and bombs, I doubt he would sit still and let you like Hiko did him. I should, that would be great. A/Meg fluff, WTF is that? Can you see Aoshi "fluffy"? Or even Megumi... don't answer that, S/Meg can get pretty gooey @_@ The "sex" scene was mine, I was in a vicious mood that night, LOL. Two now, and I can't wait to post the eppy. That means it will be over next Sunday. Sweet. By then Strays should have gotten a bit farther. Yay. I'm being evil to s/m/a at the moment, but I've actually been working more on Shoulder Angels. I finished the first chapter. B's wailing and Kenny's like ;__; help me... I decided to go for the big dogs first >:) Or wolves? Toxic... Mandy Moore... no wonder you're so sick and twisted! Oh, but Kerry made me download Crazy in Love for her. RUN *starts bawling*It's not a shame. As for you too much talking; I can respect that *smirk* You're insane and brave, remember what I was reading friday morning? NEVER EVER ago, FF better not go down. And I'll be more careful with the 'S' in the future. That was funny, but it caught me totally by surprise. I've never seen *that* triangle before. WHAT?!! What do you mean I can't kill him? You can't back out. I was planning all sorts of things for Kaoru, and I was going to make it like 10 pages. EVIL. So is Yutaro still obnixious or did Germany do *things* to him. You know I'm waiting for them start WW3, but back then they hadn't even started WW1 aka "The Great War". Flamethrowers, chemcial warfare, machine guns. Yup, I think I did a number on several people. Mostly because I gave little foreshadowing, even MissBehavin didn't pick it up >:) Too bad it was that one. (That's okay, I got the important one. Where N gets tired of Omigumo and his lust for Kikiyo so he sets out to "kill" her.) I know how much you love Kouga. BTW, in case I forget. Go to IY R and read the story 'Scarlet'. I think the author's name is Teresa.

eriesalia: Sorry, my mom informed me that the brand of humor that seems to be my own is learned behavior. My whole family is like this btw, it's scary! It is all one big conspiracy! Mwahaha. Um, who knows, maybe Meg was, maybe not. Details, details. Personality-wise he is very Legato-like @.@ the poor man. Looks, well, I'm not arguing with that :D Wolfwood was my fav. character -__-' And my sister wasn't convinced that he was dead until the series ended. I think she watched too much DBZ or something, where characters are ressurected.

Trupana: The best chapter ever? I like the sound of that! *hiko smirk* What would you have this unworthy one do? Criminals, perfect cover, ne? Actually, Aoshi was a criminal ever since I started writing this way back in Nov. Megumi wasn't in cahoots with him until the RK in the middle of December where I suddenly decided that she could convincingly play such a role (the eppy was the one where she first comes to the dojo with Sano and Kenshin. And Sano remarks that they won her at gambling! LMAO, he's such a jerk. Off track...). *basks in the praise* Sano, in this version, was going more by the manga I guess. Nope, just regretful. Such a nice young man -__-' They "show" up in the eppy, but not in person. Oh yes, Chou and Soujirou are so scary and bad *starts laughing and scares dog* Crimes, well, aside from Aoshi impersonating a man of God, I'll leave it up to your imagination. there's so many things a smart spy and his accomplice could do! Launder money, swindle, murder, rob banks, rob stage coaches, rob trains, steal horses. I tend to favor the sneaky, non-violent/threatening ones. I could see him as an effective con-man. Megumi, she's below suspicion as a doc. People might be a bit hesitant... oh oh oh, but she could get in peoples' houses that way and knick stuff. How long in town? Well, longer than Kenshin and he showed up in the fall. So it's been at least half a year, but they were pretty settled, so that indicates longer. I'd think Saitoh would know who they were, but figured if they were in his town, under his eye that it was alright. Besides, he doesn't get on well with the gov't I wouldn't think. As for the next question... knowledge, which I don't have. Eh-heh. The last question: it's possible X_X I couldn't say if or when, but I bet there's someone out there. Yes, your fault! You messed up my plot, j/k. Wow, membership? I don't know, I'm notariously fickle. Abused in more ways than one X_X Serious psychological damage there. Then again, Kamatari could be a hermaphridite, which would explain his tendency to cross-dress. I've been freaking people out too, smiling random for no reason (which really was a reason, reading reviews/stories in class). Yes, darling B, you've pissed us women off. Poor Kenny! You can't say he's innocent, but some of the... eww, scaring myself. I shouldn't even know about those... Musicalitis is my life -__-' Music *is* my white noise. I started talking my headphones into math class with me, and guess what, it's helping. Bonnie and Clyde works. Aoshi makes a much better bad guy than Saitoh (which is funny, because originally Saitoh was... not exactly a bad guy, but the Shinsengumi fans pitched a fit and he was changed). Sucking up works. Maybe someday I'll actually get to that mini-fic with A/Meg as the focus. A day of writer's block!

Wistful-Eyes: *laughing* It was fun. The twins was a good twist. Yumi/Tari just kind of popped up, since I was giving all those hints. Aoshi/Meg was plotted and planned. Yes, at least one good thing happened, the healthy kiddo. Yeah, I have all sorts of obscure information stuck in my head. Grammer improvement is good. Math is better ^__^ Fyyrrose calls me a nerd, but I love school! Ouch. Is it a big part of your overall grade?