A/N: I am sorry for the terribly long time lapse between updates. I was suffering from writer's block for a while and my current new ER obsession has left me with very little time for Friends fics. I do want to do this, my first and my most popular fic, justice by at least finishing it. So, thank you for still maintaining interest in it. As always, the characters of Phoebe, Ross, Joey, Rachel, Monica and Chandler do not belong to me. If they did, Ross and Rachel would already be married on the show.
So much happened in the previous chapter. Nick and Jessie's marriage was annulled. They moved in with Phoebe to prepare for the birth of their baby. Ross and Rachel decided to take a trip to Hawaii. On a serious note, Madison Bing never came home from school and her parents were frantically looking for her when we left off.
Part Eleven: TOW The Sun Doesn't Shine
The sun wasn't shining at all. The sky was dark and covered with black clouds. There was no promise of sun even peeking in through the blackness. Somehow it seemed appropriate that the sun wouldn't shine on a day like today.
Rachel stood looking at the window, "What a bleak day it is outside. It's the perfect picture of how all of us feel today."
Ross laid his hand on her shoulder, "I know. Come on Rach. We don't want to be late."
"I don't think I can go."
"Rach, we've discussed this. We have to go."
"Ross, I don't think I can handle it. Just knowing that the same thing could have happened to Nick almost tears my heart out. I feel so guilty every time I look Monica in the eye. She lost her daughter, and I kept my son. It's so unfair, so heartless, so selfish of me to be glad that my son is alive."
"Monica doesn't blame you for what happened to Madison. Nor does she want us to feel guilty, or keep our distance because of this. Monica loves us, all of us. She is in a tremendous amount of pain right now, and this would be the wrong time to abandon her. I think us not going to the funeral would only deepen her pain and her sense of loss. We need to go Rachel, if for nothing else than just as a sign that we love all of them dearly and that we support them. They are going to need us so much over the next few months as the healing process begins. Neither Monica nor Chandler has ever failed us when we needed them. Now it's our turn to return the favor."
Rachel smiled a bleak smile at her husband and kissed him lightly, "I hate it, but you're right. I'll be ready in five minutes."
The church was packed out. As Ross and Rachel struggled to find a seat, Ross caught Chandler waving to them down in the front. Ross and Rachel slid in between Chandler and Sierra grateful for the seat. Rachel hadn't really wanted to sit upfront in the family section, but this was her and Ross' niece and Monica and Chandler obviously wanted them to so she sat quietly holding Ross' hand and trying to keep the tears that were already forming in her eyes at bay.
The minister came to the front of the church and began, "We are here today to celebrate the life of Madison Noelle Bing. Maddi was a girl full of love, energy, and life. She always had something charming or witty to say, and her laugh could light up a room. I know that all those who knew her and loved her will deeply miss her. Sometimes it is hard to understand why something so tragic could happen to someone so young, so beautiful, so full of lifeā¦."
As the minister went on talking Rachel glanced over at Monica. Monica sat with tears streaming down her face; the sobs were wracking her body. Rachel mouthed, "I love you," to Monica. All Monica could do was nod her head in response.
After the funeral service, Ross and Rachel rode in the limo with Monica, Chandler, and the girls to the graveside. No one really talked, everyone just sat quietly, each lost in his or her own thoughts and memories of Madison. Remembering what she had meant to each of them, how she had touched their lives, made them laugh, or had made them feel special. Sierra and Taylor were obviously devastated by the death of their sister, as neither of them had stopped crying since the day they had found Madison's body. Rachel's heart broke watching all of them. Once again the feelings of guilt began to wash over her, remembering her husband's words earlier, Rachel swallowed hard and prepared herself to be there again for Chandler and Monica.
Just as they stepped out of the limousine, the rain that had threatened to pour all day began to come down. How oddly appropriate, Rachel couldn't help but think as they made their way over to the coffin that held the body of her niece. How could the heavens do anything but cry over the loss of such a beautiful young soul? They all stood there huddled in the rain, the tears that poured down all of their faces mixing with the rain that fell hard upon them. And there they said their final goodbyes to Madison Noelle Bing. A dearly loved daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, and friend. Everyone who knew her was touched. Everyone who knew her was blessed. And nothing would ever be the same without her.
At the funeral dinner, Monica finally broke down. She sat there watching all of her family eat, talking, and trying to get on with life. Suddenly, she jumped from her seat knocking her chair to the ground. The room grew silent at the commotion the chair hitting the tiled floor made. "What is wrong with you people? How can you eat? How can you talk? How can you pretend like nothing is wrong here? My baby is dead! She is dead! They are out there right now burying her in the cold, hard ground. Do any of you even care?" And with that piece said, she collapsed on the floor. Chandler tried to help her up, but Monica wouldn't let him. She just lay there sobbing, and pounding her fists against the floor. She was wishing that this would all go away. That she would wake up and this would be someone else's nightmare, and not hers. Rachel got up from her place at the table. She walked over to where Monica was laying and knelt down beside her.
"Hey Mon. Come on. Let's go in the other room." At first Monica was resistive but she finally let Rachel lead her into a sitting room. Rachel sat down next to her friend on a small couch. For several minutes they were both silent. Rachel laid her hand on Monica's shoulder, "Monica, God, I wish I could take your pain from you right now. I'm not even going to pretend to understand the depth of your devastation. But I will tell you that I care. I'm here for you anytime of the day or night. I love you Monica. And I'm sorry, so sorry that you lost your daughter." Rachel was crying now. Monica threw her arms around Rachel and the two friends just sat there for a long time crying on each other's shoulders. Rachel couldn't bear Monica's pain, but she could hold her while she cried. Only time would help heal Monica's broken heart. They would all have to be patient as the healing process worked itself out.
In the dining room Chandler came and sat down next to Ross. He was choking back tears as he spoke, "It means a lot to us that you are here."
"You know we would never abandon you at a time like this. We love you, Monica, and the girls so much, Chandler. And we loved Madison. We are so sorry that she's gone. I wish there was something else we could do to help. I wish we could share the pain with you, lessen it or even take it away."
Chandler hugged Ross tight. "Families have to take the good and the bad. This is definitely the bad. But we will get through this. Right now, I have no idea where we will get the strength, or even the desire to go on. But somehow we will go on. We will always have a hole in our hearts that will never be filled now. But hopefully in time, we will be able to smile again, to laugh again, and to live the way Maddi would want us to. It will be the hardest thing that any of us have ever done."
Phoebe interrupted their conversation, "Jessie's in labor. Nick is taking her to the hospital."
"Now?" Chandler asked. "Monica won't be able to handle that right now."
"I'll go get Rachel, and you can take over with Monica. If you guys want to come to the hospital, come and if you're not ready we will understand. Please understand that Rachel and I have to go though."
"Of course I understand." Ross and Chandler went to find their wives. Ross put his hand silently on Rachel's shoulder and motioned for her to follow him. Chandler sat down next to his wife and drew her into his arms.
Ross led Rachel to the car. "Where are we going?" Rachel asked she was obviously upset, confused, and emotionally exhausted.
"To the hospital. Jessie is in labor."
"Right now? Oh God, Ross I don't think I can take anything else today."
"Our granddaughter, for whatever reason, has picked today to grace us with her presence. Perhaps having a baby around will help all of us heal."
Rachel leaned her head against the window. She watched the rain pelt down the windshield. "Maybe." Right now it was hard to imagine anything could ease this pain for any of them.
