'How Wario' series
By TRUE Unknown
Note: I do not own Nintendo, or the Wario/WarioWare games. I only own this fic.
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How Wario… saves Valentine's Day
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[Diamond City; where, I do not know]
Waluigi [bored, with Kat and Ana]: Waah... I hate when there's nothing to do around Diamond City. Maybe I should find my own place!
Kat: Are you sure, Mr. Waluigi?
Ana: Yeah! You make a good scarecrow! And you can scare off anyone that might try [looking and acting all adorable] to harm and injure our wittle bodies.
Waluigi: YOU HAVE A NINJA POSSE!
Ana [normal]: Yeah, but they suck now. Except for our ninja dog and sparrow.
Waluigi: I wish I was a ninja...
Crygor's voice from the distance: OH NO! WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE!?
Kat: That sounded like old man Crygor!
Waluigi: Should we help?
Ana: Maybe we should!
[The three dash as fast as they can--]
Kat: We don't dash! We ninja run!
[... right, ninja run--]
Waluigi [falls over]: WAH! I can't ninja run!
[... *vein in forehead* use their unique modes of TRANSPORTATION... okay... to reach their destination]
Waluigi: What happened man?
Crygor: I didn't mean for this to happen!
Kat: SAY IT!
Crygor: I just created the be-all and end-all of all life!
Waluigi [clueless]: Is that bad?
Crygor: Yes, it will kill us all.
Feminine scream: AAAAAAAAAHH!!
Crygor: But don't worry Ana! This thing can be stopped!
Ana [testifying the scream]: THAT WAS WALUIGI!
Waluigi: I'm not good at handling news of demonic monstrosities!
--
[A cute little couple is walking around town; what they are unaware of, is that there is a hideous monster right behind them, about to suck out their life--]
Monster: RRROOOAAARRR!!! [sucks the life force out of the happy couple, now lying near dead on the ground]
[... Um, that was unexpected. Lo and behold, a pig-head UFO appears out of nowhere, with Orbulon popping out of it.]
Orbulon [alien speak]: I w0n'1 l3t y0U ge1 aVVaY wI1h 1hI$! [the monster nears Orbulon] N0000000000!!
--
Wario: WHAT!? A DEMON!?
Crygor: No, it's just a monster.
Wario: Darn! It would have been worth a lot more if it were a demon of HELL! [realizes he's off topic] Anyway, what's so bad about this demon--I mean, monster?
Crygor: Well, I wanted to create a solution to the problem of the banana becoming extinct, so I created a little bug-type creature, that would, although feed primarily on the banana leaves, would leave a reproductive coating that would fertilize the Musa sapientum/Banana.
Dribble: But what happened?
Crygor: I did, well, get a little distracted by Super Bowl XXXVIII, and I think I may have added a 'volatile mutant gene' sauce to it, and now it will [panicking] KILL US ALL!!
Dribble: Did you watch that half-time show?
Spitz: Meow!
Crygor: Yes...
Wario: DAMMIT! YOU'RE GONNA KILL US ALL, BECAUSE YOU WATCHED JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE UNINTENTIONALLY RIP OFF JANET JACKSON'S TITTY SHIELD!? [calm] Now, let's kill it good.
Dribble: Hey, where's Waluigi and the girls?
Spitz: Meow!
--
[Kat, Ana, and Waluigi look to see the knocked out couple]
Waluigi: They can't even wait until they get inside to do that!? Boy, Valentine's Day really warps you!
Ana [feeling pulses]: Waluigi! They're in comas!
Waluigi: Oh! So they're not doing the nasty or dead?
Kat [disgusted]: No!
[Ana whistles very loudly; their ninja dog, ninja sparrow, and ninja posse arrives on the scene]
Ana [commanding]: Find any unconscious people, and get them to the hospital right away!
Ninja Posse [all of them]: YES MAM!
[They disappear]
Waluigi: *gasp* LOOK!
[The three rush over to the fallen Orbulon]
Kat: ORBULON!
Orbulon [weak; barely conscious]: I'm... s0rry... [Kat gives him something to revive his strength and stop him from speaking leet]
Ana: What happened?
Orbulon: Well, I had just encountered a large insect that had sucked the life force out of a adorable couple. I scanned it with my extra-sensory powers--
Waluigi: You have extra-sensory powers?
Orbulon [annoyed]: Waluigi, please! [Waluigi mutters "sorry"] This monster will only feed on the life force of lovers! It is because it is filled with loneliness and malice. It hates us all, and will bring this world to the omega. RETURN IT TO NOTHINGNESS!
Waluigi: You need some scotch-flavored ice cream, man.
--
[The monstrous insect is charging towards the large pagoda]
Monster: RRROOOAAARRR!!!
Wario [from right behind the thing with Crygor, Dribble, and Spitz]: Don't think about it, monster-boy!
Spitz: Meow!
[The monster stares Spitz straight in the eye, and absorbs his life force effortlessly; the little kitty falls over in a coma-like state]
Dribble [shocked]: SPITZ OL' BUDDY! NO! [holds the little kitty's body]
Wario [angry; heroic]: Now you will pay for all that you have done! I'M NUMBER ONE!
Monster: RRROOOAAARRR!!!
[Wario jumps up to the monster, and gives him a 1-2-smackdown punch, making the monster collapse, stunned and weakened; Wario lifts him over his head, and he starts to store his internal power, saving his Wario-like charisma and strength into a mighty toss]
Mona [walking by, unaware of the battle]: Hey Wario! What's go--[gets stared at by the monster; she falls unconscious]
Dribble: IT GOT MONA TOO!
Wario [low, death-like in his own Wario way]: Big mistake, bitch. She was a good friend.
[Wario releases his energy, tossing the monster into the side of a wall on a house, not destroying the house at all, but turning the mass into gelatinous goo]
Crygor: Eww...
Dribble: That doesn't, you know, bode well.
Wario [looks at Mona and Spitz]: Hey! How come they didn't wake up yet? Shouldn't killing the monster wake the coma victims?
Crygor: That's what I thought! Unless... [Crygor runs (in his own unique sense) to collect a sample of the goo, and drips some on Spitz's face]
Spitz [coming to; sits up in Dribble's arms]: MEOW!!
Crygor: I KNEW IT! This monster's gooey slop still contains the life-force of all the people it drained! All four of them! And so; we must place the goo on that couple lying on the ground, and on Mona as well!
[Wait... this has to do something with Valentine's Day? Alright... uh... the Hallmark's Store explodes; debris of Valentines spread to the fallen ground. The goo has re-formed into the monster]
Wario [irritated]: Not again! You're such a loser!
[Wario picks up the weakened monster; he then performs his "Signature Wario Pile Driver"™, disintegrating the monster completely!!]
Spitz [holding up a sign that says Wario 3:16]: MEOW! [Sees Dribble holding up a sign saying... Deuteronomy 32:15!?] MEOW!?
Waluigi [appearing with Kat and Ana out of nowhere; pulls out a Bible and quotes Dribble's line]: "So Jacob ate his fill. The darling grew fat and frisky; you became fat and gross and gorged. They spurned the God who made them and scorned their saving Rock."
Ana: Well, I bet none of us saw THAT one coming.
Crygor [holding a vial of monster goo]: I'm sorry, you said something? I'm going to bring the coma victims back now! [throws some goo on Mona's face]
Mona [springs up like a daisy]: WHAT THE!? AW MAN! WHAT IS THIS THAT'S ALL OVER ME!?
Wario [picking nose]: Well, Mona's back on her feet. Now, let's all celebrate with Valentine's Day chocolates!
[Everyone cheers!!]
Waluigi: Oh NO! ORBULON! [runs off to get said alien]
--
Orbulon [looking around, drinking a scotch-flavored milkshake]: I wonder when the girls and Waluigi will come back? Their ice cream's all melted and eaten [sips some melted ice cream with his straw] Oh yeah, that's so good!
--
Now, what have you all learned from today's mishap(s)?
...
That's right. Never give up on your pursuit of the opposite sex, and make sure you always... wait, if I said that, then I'd have to change this to R... how silly of me. lol
