Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion does not belong to me and neither do
the characters of Shinji, Asuka, and Rei (*sob!*). They were created by the
insane- ahem, *misunderstood* genius of Hideaki Anno and the other twisted
minds at Gainax. ;)
Review Replies:
Konous the grey - I really did consider your suggestion but the result kept coming out more angsty than I liked, but I hope you enjoy what I decided to do instead.
Hououza - I'm glad I could crack you up and yes, I do have a unique sense of humor. ;) Hopefully, I can get more people to appreciate it too. By the way, in total there are 38 volumes of Ranma ½ but only 22 have been translated into English. There are sites on the web where you can read fan translations though. As for Evangelion, there are currently only 7 volumes, but more should be coming out soon.
Sentinel28 - Thank you for the compliment. I have never received a better one.
Anyway, Funvince Fanfic Enterprises presents:
--BROADCAST INTERRUPTED--
Author's Before Section
(Shinji stands in a hallway waiting just outside a door.)
A voice: Come in.
(Shinji enters the room and blinks trying to adjust to the dim light. After a few moments, he recognizes the figure behind the desk. It is... the Author. DUN! DUN! DUNNN...!)
(Vincent sits in classic Gendo pose. His expression can not be seen, but an air of disapproval hangs around him. He tilts his head just ever so slightly so his glasses can catch the light...)
Vincent: OWWW!!! MY EYES! MY EYES!
(...and blinds himself)
Shinji (shakes head): And people call me a wimp.
Vincent: Shut up, you. Look, I'll get to the point. I'm having a hard time coming up with a good Shinji stereotype to mess around with. Sure, there's the most obvious: Cowardly Shinji. But if I make you any more spineless than you already are, you wouldn't be able to stand up!
Shinji: I'm not that bad!
Vincent: Right... Anyway, I thought of another option. Massively Depressed, Suicidal Shinji. There's a lot of joke potential there. But then I realized that WFROSE got all the cool attempted suicide jokes with his 'Akane the Suicidal' fic. So that's out.
Shinji: I assume you're going somewhere with this...
Vincent: Fine. In no particular order, we had Pervert Shinji but only Asuka really thinks that and making you a Happosai is too much even for me, then we had Messiah Shinji, Beserker Shinji, Chef Boyardee Shinji... I'm sorry, man, but I'm on the verge of skipping you altogether.
Shinji: You can't do that! Please don't leave me out. I'll do anything!
(A light bulb appears)
Vincent: That's it! The trait that shows up again and again in fanfiction. Shinji, you have an insatiable desire to please people. You'd give your left kidney to any bum that asked for it. So take that to its logical extreme and you get...
(Begins scribbling madly)
--BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BROADCAST--
************************************************************
NGE STEREOTYPES TAKEN TO THE EXTREME
-By Vincent "Funvince" Nguyen
************************************************************
-I Dream of Shinji-
When Shinji Ikari woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in bed into a magical genie. He was lying on his back in a pink harem outfit, and when he lifted his head he saw his bare midriff... and a pierced belly button. (1)
Shinji didn't know how he knew he was a genie; he just had a feeling that he was one. He wondered how this could have happened to him. Perhaps a passing kami decided to have some fun with him. Or perhaps another of Ritsuko's experiments had gone horribly wrong. It was also possible that coming out of the Twelfth Angel, Leliel, had affected him more than anyone realized. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the result of being hit by a barrel of radioactive waste last week when he had pushed an old guy out of the path of a run-away tanker.
It was amazing how calmly Shinji was taking his transformation. It was actually quite uncharacteristic of him. So that's why his next act was to-
"AAHHH!"
-scream like a little girl.
"What the hell was that? How dare you wake me from my dream, Third Child! When I get my hands on you..."
Shinji froze in fear. He couldn't let Asuka see him like this! He tried to pull off the pink clothing, but it refused to come off. The sound of footsteps was coming closer so Shinji threw himself in front of his door just as the knob started to turn.
"Let me in!" Asuka yelled pounding on the door.
"Never!" Shinji cried back, his cheeks burning in embarrassment.
"Oh for crying out loud, I'm not going to hurt you that badly! It's too early for that. Now let me in!"
"I'm not budging from this spot!" Shinji began. "And there's nothing you can do-"
The door burst open throwing Shinji across the room.
Asuka strolled in triumphantly. "What are you trying to hide, baka? It can't be a girl because no female would touch you with a ten foot pole..." Her jaw dropped.
Shinji briefly considered diving out the window.
"OH MY GOD! You're a cross-dresser!" Asuka didn't know whether to laugh or bash Shinji for being such a pervert. The laughter won out.
"HAHAHAHA!!!"
Shinji flushed. "I'm not a cross-dresser! I'm... a genie."
Asuka gave him a disgusted glance. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard."
"It's true! I can prove it! Make a wish," Shinji said desperately.
"Fine. I wish that you weren't such a pervert!"
Nothing happened.
Shinji smiled. "I knew it! I'm not a pervert!"
Asuka snorted. "That just proves you're not a genie. Nothing more."
"Just wish for something else," Shinji growled.
Asuka took a minute to think. "Okay, I'll indulge your delusion. I wish to have a dish of the finest sauerkraut in the world appear in my hand."
He didn't know why but some irresistible impulse forced him to fold his arms and blink really hard.
*BLINK!*
Asuka stared at the plate in her hand. She slowly picked up a piece of cabbage and placed it in her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully while Shinji waited hushed with anticipation.
Finally, Asuka announced, "I've had better."
Shinji gritted his teeth and rhythmically clenched and unclenched his hand.
Asuka continued, "I guess that's what happens when you make wishes of a third rate genie."
Shinji's forehead developed a bulging vein. He said stiffly, "You know, some people would be overjoyed to have a genie like me."
"Maybe if these people were dying of thirst in the desert and you were the only one around!"
Shinji sighed. "Let's go see if Doctor Akagi can fix this."
"Hey! I didn't get to make any real wishes yet."
"But you just said-"
"I changed my mind. Please try and keep up," Asuka said. Then her face turned stricken. "Mein Gott! I just wasted two wishes!"
"No you didn't," Shinji said trying to reassure her. "I don't know how I know this, but I don't think I'm that kind of genie."
"So how many wishes do I get?" Asuka asked.
"There... doesn't seem to be a limit."
"Really?" Asuka smiled and rubbed her hands together. "What should I wish for first?"
Then the glee on her face vanished. Her face grew somber. She looked seriously at Shinji. "Do you think you can...?"
Shinji understood. He shook his head sadly then said softly, "I can't bring people back from the dead. It's the first thing I thought of doing."
The two Children stood quietly in thought for a few minutes.
Then Asuka perked up. "I know!"
It was just too easy to read Asuka's thoughts. Shinji sighed. "No, Asuka, I can't make Kaji fall in love with you."
Asuka began cursing in German.
Half an hour later, Asuka had calmed down and was reciting a wish list to Shinji. "...and I want an Ashley furniture king bed set, my own private fridge, a new pair of Birkenstocks, gift certificates to Linens N Things and Bath and Body Works, a Timex Indiglo watch, a new pair of flare cut jeans, the Ultrawheels bioflex inline skates, a Sony cellular headset..."
Shinji was huffing and wheezing as he materialized items left and right. Through parched lips, he said, "Asuka, maybe we should take a break. I think we're running out of room to put all this stuff." He wasn't kidding. Pen-pen had been trying to get out of his fridge for the last ten minutes. Personally, he thought the penguin was better off.
Asuka bit her lip in thought. "You're right! We need some more space around here. I wish that we lived in a palace!"
Shinji groaned but did as he was commanded.
While Asuka was studying the marble flooring and complaining about the gaudy architecture, Shinji focused on his inner self. He was surprised to find that he hadn't even put a dent in his energy level. Phenomenal, cosmic powers, he mused. That mean that his weariness was mostly mental and so he should be able to shrug it off.
He did so. Then he heard Asuka speak again. "Hey, Shinji. I got some more stuff I want."
Shinji groaned again. "Asuka, it's not that I mind giving you everything you ever wanted, which apparently is *everything,* but I've been thinking. You have infinite wishes. You think you could spare one for, oh I don't know, the poor people?"
"Are you saying I'm selfish, Third Child?" Asuka asked, her eyes narrowing.
"No, no, no," Shinji said holding up his hands. "I didn't mean... what I meant to say... sorry?"
Asuka sighed. "Oh shut up. You're right. I should do something nice. All right, I wish for world peace." She looked at Shinji expectantly.
World peace?! How the hell was he supposed to accomplish that? But before he could voice that thought, his body began to glow. Then a flash of light erupted from him. When it faded, Shinji looked over at Asuka and his jaw dropped.
She had no hands.
Asuka looked at the stumps where her hands used to be. Her face was eerily calm. She said in a sickly sweet voice, "Shinji... what did you do?"
An alarm went off in Shinji's brain. He began slowly edging toward the door. "Well, I guess the magic thought the best way to achieve world peace was to remove everyone's hands. That kinda makes sense. I mean, people can't build any more weapons or use guns. Sure, it's a little inconvenient, but it probably won't be that bad-"
Asuka lunged at Shinji and began beating on him with her arms.
And so world peace lasted approximately ten seconds.
~*~
Misato stared at her hands and experimentally wriggled her fingers. She could have sworn that her hands had disappeared. That was why she had fainted after all. She must be suffering from overwork. A nice, stiff drink or ten was what she needed. She knew that some people thought she drank too much, but who could blame her? She created battle plans against gigantic monsters that wouldn't survive first contact with the enemy, she had to deal with a bastard of a commander, the unwanted attentions of an ex- boyfriend (well, partly unwanted), and she had to go home every night to the Terrible Twos.
And now she was suffering hallucinations. At least she would be home soon where things might be chaotic, but it would be relatively normal. Five minutes later, after she discovered that her building had been replaced by something out of Arabian Nights she revised her opinion.
Misato ran up to where her apartment used to be and burst inside. She grabbed both Asuka and Shinji and yelled, "What's going on?!" Then she blinked as she took in Shinji's appearance. "And what's with the cross- dressing? I knew you were a little effeminate but..."
"I'm not a cross-dresser, I'm a genie!" Shinji screamed.
"Oh, that's okay then." Then Misato jumped up and down in excitement. "Does that mean I can make some wishes?"
Asuka looked at her strangely. "Aren't you even the tiniest bit skeptical?"
Misato shrugged. "Shinji wouldn't lie to me. Now let me think! An opportunity like this must be carefully considered and evaluated. I can't just make a wish of the first thing that comes to my mind."
Asuka looked over at Shinji. She said in a stage whisper, "What do you want to bet she ends up wishing for a never-ending supply of beer?"
"I wouldn't do that!" Misato said indignantly. Then when Asuka wasn't looking, she mouthed, 'Shinji, we'll talk later.'
A few minutes later, Misato exclaimed. "I have it!"
"What?" the Children chorused.
"It's something I've been wanting for a long time. I want bigger breasts!"
Shinji's nose began to tingle. "Are, are you sure?"
"Yeah! Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to have really big, round... wait a minute... this doesn't sound like me..."
Misato turned scarlet red and stomped off-screen. "VINCENT NO HENTAI!" ^Slap!^
She came back dusting off her hands. "Sorry about that. The Author's acting like a teenage boy again. You guys, I think we need a vacation. So I wish we were in Paris."
*BLINK!*
An instant later, the trio was standing in the middle of a large, dusty plain. They looked at the cactuses, the rattlesnakes, and watched the tumbleweed roll by. Misato looked around with a bemused expression. "Let me guess. Paris, Texas."
Shinji grinned sheepishly. "Uh, oops?"
Asuka was looking around with an annoyed expression. "Shinji, you would have to be the most incompetent genie that I have ever met."
"He's the only genie you have ever met," Misato pointed out.
Shinji wasn't listening. His world was collapsing around him. Asuka's words had shattered his fragile ego. He cried, "You're right! I'm so pathetic. I'm always hurting people and disappointing them and causing them problems- "
Asuka grabbed him by the shoulders. "Shinji, I don't want to hear you put yourself down."
"Really?" Shinji asked hopefully.
"Yeah. So could you walk over there where I can't hear you?"
Shinji fell over. He spoke into the dirt. "You're too kind, Asuka."
Misato said, "Let's go home. I have a better idea, anyway."
~*~
The Chez Matsuo. The most exclusive French restaurant in Tokyo-3. People had to wait two years just to get on the waiting list for the chance to get a reservation. It was one of those places where small portions of disgusting, rarely-eaten-by-normal-folk animal parts (i.e. monkey brains, snails, fish eggs etc.) smothered in heavy sauces were considered food.
The paparazzi were out in full that night. A famous movie actress and her important-by-association boyfriend were walking down the red carpet beaming at and schmoozing with the parasites/reporters. Flashbulbs were going off all over the place when everyone was silenced by a loud rumbling noise.
"Look up there! Up in the sky!"
"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"No, you idiots! It's a Pontiac Firebird Turbo Trans Am!"
And so it was. The bright red pace car slammed onto the road somehow miraculously surviving instantaneous death and continued accelerating toward the restaurant at 150 miles per hour.
As the stunned thong watched, the driver slammed on the brakes and pulled the parking brake at the same time sending the car into a spin. She calmly applied pressure on the wheel and executed a perfect 360 degree rotation coming to a stop directly in front of the red carpet.
The photographers immediately surrounded the car leaving the now dull-as- dirt star couple in the dust. They anxiously waited for the executor of that death defying feat to come out.
The driver's door opened and a shapely leg poked out followed by an equally lovely woman wearing a sparkling, lavender dress. The woman struck a pose and swished her purple hair back before winking at the camera. It was all very Marilyn Monroe. The effect was somewhat ruined by the two individuals that oozed out of the car behind her and tried to hug the ground.
The two teenagers jumped to their feet when the cameras started flashing.
The red-haired woman was wearing a strapless red dress and the scrawny young man was wearing... a pink tuxedo?
Asuka looked him up and down then asked, "Is there something you would like to tell us?"
Shinji turned the color of his suit. "I can't change the color, alright? It's not my fault!"
"Whatever you say, pervert," Asuka replied grinning at him.
"Do you think that these cameras will keep Misato from embarrassing us?"
The Children looked at Misato who was shoving her cleavage into a reporter's face and gesturing wildly as she bragged about her driving skills.
"So much for composure and modesty," Shinji commented.
Asuka shrugged. "What else did you expect?"
The two pilots and the major eventually got inside where a snooty-looking waiter took them to a table. Misato was ecstatic. "I've always wanted to eat here and now I am! They actually let me get past the front door! Thank you so much, Shinji. You did a great job."
Shinji gave one of his rare genuine smiles. Words of praise. That was all he ever wanted.
Gee, he's easy to please, Misato thought as she watched her charge fly off to cloud nine. She stood up and said, "You guys order anything you want. I'll be right back. I got to go powder my nose. Oh, who am I trying to impress? I have to take a leak."
She made her way past the tables filled with the rich and famous. It was nice feeling important for once. Sure, she was a major in one of the most powerful military organizations in the world, but all that just boiled down to more paperwork and boring meetings. She was jolted out of her thoughts when she saw flash of blue hair. She backed up to take a better look. Rei?
It was indeed the First Child. The girl, dressed in her school uniform as always, was sitting in a booth. A plate of half-eaten salad was in the seat across from her. Misato walked up to the table and asked, "What are you doing here, Rei?"
"I am having dinner with the Commander. He is currently using the facilities," Rei replied.
"If you're having dinner, how come you aren't eating anything?"
"Commander Ikari does not wish to spend extra money on feeding me," Rei said simply. Then her lips curved upward slightly. "But he did promise me a few crumbs off his chocolate cheesecake."
"The man's all heart," Misato said dryly. She felt sorry for the girl who was so happy to receive Ikari's scraps. The fact that this didn't even bother her made the whole thing so much sadder.
"Come with me, Rei." The two walked over to Misato's table where Shinji and Asuka were flinging water at each other with spoons. Misato shook her head at these antics then she said to Rei, "Pay attention to what I'm about to say. I promise you that it is true. Shinji here has become a genie."
Rei appeared to ponder this. Then she asked, "If Ikari-kun is a genie, then where is his lamp?"
The occupants of the table were shocked, both at the fact that Rei knew what a genie was and that none of them had thought of that question.
Shinji closed his eyes for a few seconds then he opened them looking very surprised. "My power comes from... my ring."
"What ring?" Asuka asked. "You're not wearing one!"
Shinji mumbled something.
"Speak up, dummkopf!"
"Ihavearingthroughmybellybutton."
Asuka looked puzzled then she smirked widely. "You're the Genie of the Belly Button Ring?" She wiped a tear of laughter from her eye. "You just get weirder and weirder, don't you?"
"Does this mean if I rub your belly, I'll get good luck?" Misato asked winking.
Asuka groaned. "He's not a Buddha! Sheesh!" She looked thoughtful. "He does have the stomach for it though."
"I do not!" Shinji tried to subtly suck in his gut.
Asuka rolled her eyes then she took actual notice of the bluehaired girl behind Misato. "What's she doing here?"
"Never mind that," Misato said brusquely. "I decided that I'm not very hungry. I want to have some fun. Let's go to Disneyworld!"
"Commander Ikari will not be happy if I were to leave," Rei said.
A dark look passed over Misato's face. "Let me worry about the Commander. Shinji, I need to talk to you for a moment."
~*~
In one of the bathroom stalls in the men's room was Gendo Ikari, Supreme Commander of NERV and all-around Very Bad Man. He was thinking deep and mysterious thoughts. Should he have the chicken or the fish? He was also seated in the Position. Yes, even on the can, Gendo sat in the Position. Not many people knew this, but sitting this way was the equivalent of other people sucking their thumbs or dragging their blankies around.
Anyway, Gendo was crouched on his toilet like a gargoyle. With his arms folded and his eyes narrowed, he looked ominous, terrifying, and slightly constipated. He was considering the best option for crushing his son's spirit. Shinji had been looking happy lately and there was no way he would stand for that! No one would be happy as long as he was in charge!
He reached out for the toilet paper, or at least he tried to. He found that his elbows were locked and that no amount of tugging could pry his fingers apart. He contemplated the problem. Perhaps Mother had been correct when she told him that if he kept sitting this way he would get stuck like this.
~*~
Disneyworld was everything Misato ever expected. Spring was in the air, children were laughing, and the capitalist money grubbers were bleeding their victims dry. Corporate Disney was in Their Kingdom; all was right with the world.
Asuka had gone chasing after Mickey Mouse yelling something about how dolls deserved to die. Misato led the two other Children over to a bench to wait for the German girl to return. Asuka and Misato had changed back to their regular clothes before popping in here. Rei had no need change of course. And Shinji was currently wearing a hot pink version of his school uniform.
"What are we to do here?" Rei asked.
Misato turned to her with a big smile. "We're going to spin around in giant tea cups until we puke!"
Rei looked at her. "Are you insane?" (2)
"We're going to have so much fun!" Misato exclaimed completely ignoring Rei's question.
"I do not understand the purpose of *fun.*"
"Hmm, it'll take too long to explain. Shinji, I wish Rei knew how to have fun." She looked at Rei again. "And give her a sense of humor too."
*BLINK!*
Nothing seemed to happen, but then Rei looked at Shinji with a half-smile. "Ikari-kun, I've been meaning to comment on your outfit-"
"Oh no!" Shinji retorted. "It's bad enough that Asuka and Misato make fun of me, but I'm not letting you do it too!"
"No fair!" Rei whined.
Shinji blinked at that then shook off the shock. "Why don't you wish for something instead?"
Asuka came back smiling and holding a piece of Mickey's ear. "That doll was pretty fast, but I got my first souvenir!" Then she noticed Rei sticking out her tongue and pulling down an eyelid at Shinji. "Speaking of dolls, what's with Wondergirl? She's acting creepy."
Rei frowned then grinned evilly. She whispered something into Shinji's ear.
Asuka was blinded by a familiar wave of light. When it faded, she knew something had changed. She walked over to a nearby fountain and looked down. Reflecting back at her was a girl in a simple blue prairie dress adorned with flowers. She was also wearing a crisp white apron and long white bloomers. She also had curly red hair and a heavily made up face. In short, Asuka now looked like Raggedy Ann.
Rei was doubled over trying futilely to contain her laughter. Then she gave up and cried, "Who's the doll now, Soryu? WHO'S THE DOLL NOW?! MUHAHAHAHA!"
Asuka's rouged lips spread into an unsettling Joker-like grin. Her hands clenched into tight fists, she ran at Rei screaming, "AYANAMI! PREPARE TO DIE!!!"
It was amazing how fast the albino girl could run when she put her mind to it.
Shinji stared after them. Rei with a sense of humor was... interesting. He smiled slightly. "I think you created a monster, Misato."
"The horror, the horror," Misato joked.
"Aren't you going to stop them?" Shinji asked.
"Nah. This doesn't concern me," Misato replied flippantly.
"I'll get you, my prett- ahem, I mean, Ayanami! And your purple-haired bimbo friend too!"
"What?!" Misato yelled. She ran in the direction of Asuka's voice. "Come back here so I can beat your ass!"
"Bring it on, bitch!"
Shinji sighed heavily. Then he ran after them hoping that he could stop the three most important women in his life from killing each other.
~*~
Many hours later, the group of not quite normal people popped back into Misato's palace. Rei and Asuka had fallen asleep not too long ago, so Shinji put Asuka in her bed and Misato, by Shinji's request, placed Rei in his bed.
Misato watched Shinji set up the couch for his use. She asked, "Did you have fun today?"
Shinji turned to her with a look of contentment. "I think this may have been the best day of my life. No NERV, no Angels. Just me, you, Rei, and Asuka having fun."
"So it was fun for you having Asuka treat you like a servant?" Misato asked raising a skeptical eyebrow.
"That's nothing new. And you're going to think I'm weird, but I liked giving all of you what you wanted."
"And why is that?"
"Because I like making all of you happy," Shinji replied looking down sheepishly.
"And what's so weird about that?" Misato asked smiling at him.
Shinji smiled back but then he frowned. "Today was fun but what about tomorrow? What if I'm not a genie then? Or what if I am? What am I supposed to do? What would happen to me...?"
Misato grabbed Shinji by the shoulders and shook him a little. "Don't go getting all panicky on me now. I don't know what's going to happen, but we'll deal with the problems as they come. And is being a genie really so bad?"
"No, it's actually pretty fun. But pink is *so* not my color." The humor then drained from his face Shinji looked at his guardian hesitantly. "Promise you won't tell Father?"
Misato shuddered at the idea. "Not for all the beer in Germany."
Shinji grinned at that. "Thank you. Good night then."
"Good ni-" Misato started before something occurred to her. "Hold on there a second. Oh, Shinji, you've been granting us wishes all day, but we never asked what you wanted."
Shinji shook his head. "No, it's okay. It's not like I can grant my own wishes..."
"Then I can make it for you. Please, Shinji. I wouldn't feel right if you didn't get something after all you did."
"I'm pretty tired..."
Misato adopted her serious tone. "Shinji Ikari, you will not get any sleep until you have made at least one wish tonight."
Shinji knew better than to argue. He thought hard for a few minutes. He wasn't the type of guy who needed or wanted much. Wishing away his problems with the war and his father would be nice, but he had the feeling that it wouldn't be that simple. There was something else he'd thought about a lot since he came here but it was stupid. But why not?
He looked up at Misato and said, "I wish..."
~*~
The next day, the three Children walked through NERV to get to their synch tests. It was a pretty normal scene. Asuka complaining loudly to an absentminded Shinji while Rei trailed quietly behind them. But the topic of Asuka's rants were a little bit different today.
"I can't believe you made a wish like that! What are people going to think? I knew you were a pervert. Only you would wish for something stupid like this..." Asuka finally realized that Shinji wasn't paying attention to her so looked up where he was looking. She stared at it for a few moments. "Well... it is kinda nice."
Above their heads on the ceiling, on every ceiling in NERV in fact, was a mural. One that wouldn't fade and couldn't be painted over. The smiling faces of Misato, Rei, and Asuka looked down at Shinji.
Shinji smiled. He would no longer wake up to an unfamiliar ceiling.
~*~
Author's Notes: I know this isn't as funny as the prior chapters, but this one gives me a mellow feeling for some reason. I enjoyed writing it and hope you liked it too. Next up should be Gendo! (Insert scary music).
*Footnotes
(1) If you recognize this as being a rip-off of the opening of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis, then my, you're a literate reader. :)
(2) I've been hearing commercials for the new Uptown Girls DVD on the radio all day long and I was finally forced to insert a joke about it. The movie itself isn't too good but Dakota Fanning was cool. I find movies with slightly neurotic kids interesting for some reason. Must be why I like NGE so much.
*Apologies to all respective owners for my references to:
-I Dream of Jeannie, Kafka's Metamorphosis, Daredevil, Aladdin, Superman, Mickey Mouse, Uptown Girls, Raggedy Ann, Batman, Ranma ½, and the Wizard of Oz.
Review Replies:
Konous the grey - I really did consider your suggestion but the result kept coming out more angsty than I liked, but I hope you enjoy what I decided to do instead.
Hououza - I'm glad I could crack you up and yes, I do have a unique sense of humor. ;) Hopefully, I can get more people to appreciate it too. By the way, in total there are 38 volumes of Ranma ½ but only 22 have been translated into English. There are sites on the web where you can read fan translations though. As for Evangelion, there are currently only 7 volumes, but more should be coming out soon.
Sentinel28 - Thank you for the compliment. I have never received a better one.
Anyway, Funvince Fanfic Enterprises presents:
--BROADCAST INTERRUPTED--
Author's Before Section
(Shinji stands in a hallway waiting just outside a door.)
A voice: Come in.
(Shinji enters the room and blinks trying to adjust to the dim light. After a few moments, he recognizes the figure behind the desk. It is... the Author. DUN! DUN! DUNNN...!)
(Vincent sits in classic Gendo pose. His expression can not be seen, but an air of disapproval hangs around him. He tilts his head just ever so slightly so his glasses can catch the light...)
Vincent: OWWW!!! MY EYES! MY EYES!
(...and blinds himself)
Shinji (shakes head): And people call me a wimp.
Vincent: Shut up, you. Look, I'll get to the point. I'm having a hard time coming up with a good Shinji stereotype to mess around with. Sure, there's the most obvious: Cowardly Shinji. But if I make you any more spineless than you already are, you wouldn't be able to stand up!
Shinji: I'm not that bad!
Vincent: Right... Anyway, I thought of another option. Massively Depressed, Suicidal Shinji. There's a lot of joke potential there. But then I realized that WFROSE got all the cool attempted suicide jokes with his 'Akane the Suicidal' fic. So that's out.
Shinji: I assume you're going somewhere with this...
Vincent: Fine. In no particular order, we had Pervert Shinji but only Asuka really thinks that and making you a Happosai is too much even for me, then we had Messiah Shinji, Beserker Shinji, Chef Boyardee Shinji... I'm sorry, man, but I'm on the verge of skipping you altogether.
Shinji: You can't do that! Please don't leave me out. I'll do anything!
(A light bulb appears)
Vincent: That's it! The trait that shows up again and again in fanfiction. Shinji, you have an insatiable desire to please people. You'd give your left kidney to any bum that asked for it. So take that to its logical extreme and you get...
(Begins scribbling madly)
--BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BROADCAST--
************************************************************
NGE STEREOTYPES TAKEN TO THE EXTREME
-By Vincent "Funvince" Nguyen
************************************************************
-I Dream of Shinji-
When Shinji Ikari woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in bed into a magical genie. He was lying on his back in a pink harem outfit, and when he lifted his head he saw his bare midriff... and a pierced belly button. (1)
Shinji didn't know how he knew he was a genie; he just had a feeling that he was one. He wondered how this could have happened to him. Perhaps a passing kami decided to have some fun with him. Or perhaps another of Ritsuko's experiments had gone horribly wrong. It was also possible that coming out of the Twelfth Angel, Leliel, had affected him more than anyone realized. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the result of being hit by a barrel of radioactive waste last week when he had pushed an old guy out of the path of a run-away tanker.
It was amazing how calmly Shinji was taking his transformation. It was actually quite uncharacteristic of him. So that's why his next act was to-
"AAHHH!"
-scream like a little girl.
"What the hell was that? How dare you wake me from my dream, Third Child! When I get my hands on you..."
Shinji froze in fear. He couldn't let Asuka see him like this! He tried to pull off the pink clothing, but it refused to come off. The sound of footsteps was coming closer so Shinji threw himself in front of his door just as the knob started to turn.
"Let me in!" Asuka yelled pounding on the door.
"Never!" Shinji cried back, his cheeks burning in embarrassment.
"Oh for crying out loud, I'm not going to hurt you that badly! It's too early for that. Now let me in!"
"I'm not budging from this spot!" Shinji began. "And there's nothing you can do-"
The door burst open throwing Shinji across the room.
Asuka strolled in triumphantly. "What are you trying to hide, baka? It can't be a girl because no female would touch you with a ten foot pole..." Her jaw dropped.
Shinji briefly considered diving out the window.
"OH MY GOD! You're a cross-dresser!" Asuka didn't know whether to laugh or bash Shinji for being such a pervert. The laughter won out.
"HAHAHAHA!!!"
Shinji flushed. "I'm not a cross-dresser! I'm... a genie."
Asuka gave him a disgusted glance. "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard."
"It's true! I can prove it! Make a wish," Shinji said desperately.
"Fine. I wish that you weren't such a pervert!"
Nothing happened.
Shinji smiled. "I knew it! I'm not a pervert!"
Asuka snorted. "That just proves you're not a genie. Nothing more."
"Just wish for something else," Shinji growled.
Asuka took a minute to think. "Okay, I'll indulge your delusion. I wish to have a dish of the finest sauerkraut in the world appear in my hand."
He didn't know why but some irresistible impulse forced him to fold his arms and blink really hard.
*BLINK!*
Asuka stared at the plate in her hand. She slowly picked up a piece of cabbage and placed it in her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully while Shinji waited hushed with anticipation.
Finally, Asuka announced, "I've had better."
Shinji gritted his teeth and rhythmically clenched and unclenched his hand.
Asuka continued, "I guess that's what happens when you make wishes of a third rate genie."
Shinji's forehead developed a bulging vein. He said stiffly, "You know, some people would be overjoyed to have a genie like me."
"Maybe if these people were dying of thirst in the desert and you were the only one around!"
Shinji sighed. "Let's go see if Doctor Akagi can fix this."
"Hey! I didn't get to make any real wishes yet."
"But you just said-"
"I changed my mind. Please try and keep up," Asuka said. Then her face turned stricken. "Mein Gott! I just wasted two wishes!"
"No you didn't," Shinji said trying to reassure her. "I don't know how I know this, but I don't think I'm that kind of genie."
"So how many wishes do I get?" Asuka asked.
"There... doesn't seem to be a limit."
"Really?" Asuka smiled and rubbed her hands together. "What should I wish for first?"
Then the glee on her face vanished. Her face grew somber. She looked seriously at Shinji. "Do you think you can...?"
Shinji understood. He shook his head sadly then said softly, "I can't bring people back from the dead. It's the first thing I thought of doing."
The two Children stood quietly in thought for a few minutes.
Then Asuka perked up. "I know!"
It was just too easy to read Asuka's thoughts. Shinji sighed. "No, Asuka, I can't make Kaji fall in love with you."
Asuka began cursing in German.
Half an hour later, Asuka had calmed down and was reciting a wish list to Shinji. "...and I want an Ashley furniture king bed set, my own private fridge, a new pair of Birkenstocks, gift certificates to Linens N Things and Bath and Body Works, a Timex Indiglo watch, a new pair of flare cut jeans, the Ultrawheels bioflex inline skates, a Sony cellular headset..."
Shinji was huffing and wheezing as he materialized items left and right. Through parched lips, he said, "Asuka, maybe we should take a break. I think we're running out of room to put all this stuff." He wasn't kidding. Pen-pen had been trying to get out of his fridge for the last ten minutes. Personally, he thought the penguin was better off.
Asuka bit her lip in thought. "You're right! We need some more space around here. I wish that we lived in a palace!"
Shinji groaned but did as he was commanded.
While Asuka was studying the marble flooring and complaining about the gaudy architecture, Shinji focused on his inner self. He was surprised to find that he hadn't even put a dent in his energy level. Phenomenal, cosmic powers, he mused. That mean that his weariness was mostly mental and so he should be able to shrug it off.
He did so. Then he heard Asuka speak again. "Hey, Shinji. I got some more stuff I want."
Shinji groaned again. "Asuka, it's not that I mind giving you everything you ever wanted, which apparently is *everything,* but I've been thinking. You have infinite wishes. You think you could spare one for, oh I don't know, the poor people?"
"Are you saying I'm selfish, Third Child?" Asuka asked, her eyes narrowing.
"No, no, no," Shinji said holding up his hands. "I didn't mean... what I meant to say... sorry?"
Asuka sighed. "Oh shut up. You're right. I should do something nice. All right, I wish for world peace." She looked at Shinji expectantly.
World peace?! How the hell was he supposed to accomplish that? But before he could voice that thought, his body began to glow. Then a flash of light erupted from him. When it faded, Shinji looked over at Asuka and his jaw dropped.
She had no hands.
Asuka looked at the stumps where her hands used to be. Her face was eerily calm. She said in a sickly sweet voice, "Shinji... what did you do?"
An alarm went off in Shinji's brain. He began slowly edging toward the door. "Well, I guess the magic thought the best way to achieve world peace was to remove everyone's hands. That kinda makes sense. I mean, people can't build any more weapons or use guns. Sure, it's a little inconvenient, but it probably won't be that bad-"
Asuka lunged at Shinji and began beating on him with her arms.
And so world peace lasted approximately ten seconds.
~*~
Misato stared at her hands and experimentally wriggled her fingers. She could have sworn that her hands had disappeared. That was why she had fainted after all. She must be suffering from overwork. A nice, stiff drink or ten was what she needed. She knew that some people thought she drank too much, but who could blame her? She created battle plans against gigantic monsters that wouldn't survive first contact with the enemy, she had to deal with a bastard of a commander, the unwanted attentions of an ex- boyfriend (well, partly unwanted), and she had to go home every night to the Terrible Twos.
And now she was suffering hallucinations. At least she would be home soon where things might be chaotic, but it would be relatively normal. Five minutes later, after she discovered that her building had been replaced by something out of Arabian Nights she revised her opinion.
Misato ran up to where her apartment used to be and burst inside. She grabbed both Asuka and Shinji and yelled, "What's going on?!" Then she blinked as she took in Shinji's appearance. "And what's with the cross- dressing? I knew you were a little effeminate but..."
"I'm not a cross-dresser, I'm a genie!" Shinji screamed.
"Oh, that's okay then." Then Misato jumped up and down in excitement. "Does that mean I can make some wishes?"
Asuka looked at her strangely. "Aren't you even the tiniest bit skeptical?"
Misato shrugged. "Shinji wouldn't lie to me. Now let me think! An opportunity like this must be carefully considered and evaluated. I can't just make a wish of the first thing that comes to my mind."
Asuka looked over at Shinji. She said in a stage whisper, "What do you want to bet she ends up wishing for a never-ending supply of beer?"
"I wouldn't do that!" Misato said indignantly. Then when Asuka wasn't looking, she mouthed, 'Shinji, we'll talk later.'
A few minutes later, Misato exclaimed. "I have it!"
"What?" the Children chorused.
"It's something I've been wanting for a long time. I want bigger breasts!"
Shinji's nose began to tingle. "Are, are you sure?"
"Yeah! Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to have really big, round... wait a minute... this doesn't sound like me..."
Misato turned scarlet red and stomped off-screen. "VINCENT NO HENTAI!" ^Slap!^
She came back dusting off her hands. "Sorry about that. The Author's acting like a teenage boy again. You guys, I think we need a vacation. So I wish we were in Paris."
*BLINK!*
An instant later, the trio was standing in the middle of a large, dusty plain. They looked at the cactuses, the rattlesnakes, and watched the tumbleweed roll by. Misato looked around with a bemused expression. "Let me guess. Paris, Texas."
Shinji grinned sheepishly. "Uh, oops?"
Asuka was looking around with an annoyed expression. "Shinji, you would have to be the most incompetent genie that I have ever met."
"He's the only genie you have ever met," Misato pointed out.
Shinji wasn't listening. His world was collapsing around him. Asuka's words had shattered his fragile ego. He cried, "You're right! I'm so pathetic. I'm always hurting people and disappointing them and causing them problems- "
Asuka grabbed him by the shoulders. "Shinji, I don't want to hear you put yourself down."
"Really?" Shinji asked hopefully.
"Yeah. So could you walk over there where I can't hear you?"
Shinji fell over. He spoke into the dirt. "You're too kind, Asuka."
Misato said, "Let's go home. I have a better idea, anyway."
~*~
The Chez Matsuo. The most exclusive French restaurant in Tokyo-3. People had to wait two years just to get on the waiting list for the chance to get a reservation. It was one of those places where small portions of disgusting, rarely-eaten-by-normal-folk animal parts (i.e. monkey brains, snails, fish eggs etc.) smothered in heavy sauces were considered food.
The paparazzi were out in full that night. A famous movie actress and her important-by-association boyfriend were walking down the red carpet beaming at and schmoozing with the parasites/reporters. Flashbulbs were going off all over the place when everyone was silenced by a loud rumbling noise.
"Look up there! Up in the sky!"
"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"No, you idiots! It's a Pontiac Firebird Turbo Trans Am!"
And so it was. The bright red pace car slammed onto the road somehow miraculously surviving instantaneous death and continued accelerating toward the restaurant at 150 miles per hour.
As the stunned thong watched, the driver slammed on the brakes and pulled the parking brake at the same time sending the car into a spin. She calmly applied pressure on the wheel and executed a perfect 360 degree rotation coming to a stop directly in front of the red carpet.
The photographers immediately surrounded the car leaving the now dull-as- dirt star couple in the dust. They anxiously waited for the executor of that death defying feat to come out.
The driver's door opened and a shapely leg poked out followed by an equally lovely woman wearing a sparkling, lavender dress. The woman struck a pose and swished her purple hair back before winking at the camera. It was all very Marilyn Monroe. The effect was somewhat ruined by the two individuals that oozed out of the car behind her and tried to hug the ground.
The two teenagers jumped to their feet when the cameras started flashing.
The red-haired woman was wearing a strapless red dress and the scrawny young man was wearing... a pink tuxedo?
Asuka looked him up and down then asked, "Is there something you would like to tell us?"
Shinji turned the color of his suit. "I can't change the color, alright? It's not my fault!"
"Whatever you say, pervert," Asuka replied grinning at him.
"Do you think that these cameras will keep Misato from embarrassing us?"
The Children looked at Misato who was shoving her cleavage into a reporter's face and gesturing wildly as she bragged about her driving skills.
"So much for composure and modesty," Shinji commented.
Asuka shrugged. "What else did you expect?"
The two pilots and the major eventually got inside where a snooty-looking waiter took them to a table. Misato was ecstatic. "I've always wanted to eat here and now I am! They actually let me get past the front door! Thank you so much, Shinji. You did a great job."
Shinji gave one of his rare genuine smiles. Words of praise. That was all he ever wanted.
Gee, he's easy to please, Misato thought as she watched her charge fly off to cloud nine. She stood up and said, "You guys order anything you want. I'll be right back. I got to go powder my nose. Oh, who am I trying to impress? I have to take a leak."
She made her way past the tables filled with the rich and famous. It was nice feeling important for once. Sure, she was a major in one of the most powerful military organizations in the world, but all that just boiled down to more paperwork and boring meetings. She was jolted out of her thoughts when she saw flash of blue hair. She backed up to take a better look. Rei?
It was indeed the First Child. The girl, dressed in her school uniform as always, was sitting in a booth. A plate of half-eaten salad was in the seat across from her. Misato walked up to the table and asked, "What are you doing here, Rei?"
"I am having dinner with the Commander. He is currently using the facilities," Rei replied.
"If you're having dinner, how come you aren't eating anything?"
"Commander Ikari does not wish to spend extra money on feeding me," Rei said simply. Then her lips curved upward slightly. "But he did promise me a few crumbs off his chocolate cheesecake."
"The man's all heart," Misato said dryly. She felt sorry for the girl who was so happy to receive Ikari's scraps. The fact that this didn't even bother her made the whole thing so much sadder.
"Come with me, Rei." The two walked over to Misato's table where Shinji and Asuka were flinging water at each other with spoons. Misato shook her head at these antics then she said to Rei, "Pay attention to what I'm about to say. I promise you that it is true. Shinji here has become a genie."
Rei appeared to ponder this. Then she asked, "If Ikari-kun is a genie, then where is his lamp?"
The occupants of the table were shocked, both at the fact that Rei knew what a genie was and that none of them had thought of that question.
Shinji closed his eyes for a few seconds then he opened them looking very surprised. "My power comes from... my ring."
"What ring?" Asuka asked. "You're not wearing one!"
Shinji mumbled something.
"Speak up, dummkopf!"
"Ihavearingthroughmybellybutton."
Asuka looked puzzled then she smirked widely. "You're the Genie of the Belly Button Ring?" She wiped a tear of laughter from her eye. "You just get weirder and weirder, don't you?"
"Does this mean if I rub your belly, I'll get good luck?" Misato asked winking.
Asuka groaned. "He's not a Buddha! Sheesh!" She looked thoughtful. "He does have the stomach for it though."
"I do not!" Shinji tried to subtly suck in his gut.
Asuka rolled her eyes then she took actual notice of the bluehaired girl behind Misato. "What's she doing here?"
"Never mind that," Misato said brusquely. "I decided that I'm not very hungry. I want to have some fun. Let's go to Disneyworld!"
"Commander Ikari will not be happy if I were to leave," Rei said.
A dark look passed over Misato's face. "Let me worry about the Commander. Shinji, I need to talk to you for a moment."
~*~
In one of the bathroom stalls in the men's room was Gendo Ikari, Supreme Commander of NERV and all-around Very Bad Man. He was thinking deep and mysterious thoughts. Should he have the chicken or the fish? He was also seated in the Position. Yes, even on the can, Gendo sat in the Position. Not many people knew this, but sitting this way was the equivalent of other people sucking their thumbs or dragging their blankies around.
Anyway, Gendo was crouched on his toilet like a gargoyle. With his arms folded and his eyes narrowed, he looked ominous, terrifying, and slightly constipated. He was considering the best option for crushing his son's spirit. Shinji had been looking happy lately and there was no way he would stand for that! No one would be happy as long as he was in charge!
He reached out for the toilet paper, or at least he tried to. He found that his elbows were locked and that no amount of tugging could pry his fingers apart. He contemplated the problem. Perhaps Mother had been correct when she told him that if he kept sitting this way he would get stuck like this.
~*~
Disneyworld was everything Misato ever expected. Spring was in the air, children were laughing, and the capitalist money grubbers were bleeding their victims dry. Corporate Disney was in Their Kingdom; all was right with the world.
Asuka had gone chasing after Mickey Mouse yelling something about how dolls deserved to die. Misato led the two other Children over to a bench to wait for the German girl to return. Asuka and Misato had changed back to their regular clothes before popping in here. Rei had no need change of course. And Shinji was currently wearing a hot pink version of his school uniform.
"What are we to do here?" Rei asked.
Misato turned to her with a big smile. "We're going to spin around in giant tea cups until we puke!"
Rei looked at her. "Are you insane?" (2)
"We're going to have so much fun!" Misato exclaimed completely ignoring Rei's question.
"I do not understand the purpose of *fun.*"
"Hmm, it'll take too long to explain. Shinji, I wish Rei knew how to have fun." She looked at Rei again. "And give her a sense of humor too."
*BLINK!*
Nothing seemed to happen, but then Rei looked at Shinji with a half-smile. "Ikari-kun, I've been meaning to comment on your outfit-"
"Oh no!" Shinji retorted. "It's bad enough that Asuka and Misato make fun of me, but I'm not letting you do it too!"
"No fair!" Rei whined.
Shinji blinked at that then shook off the shock. "Why don't you wish for something instead?"
Asuka came back smiling and holding a piece of Mickey's ear. "That doll was pretty fast, but I got my first souvenir!" Then she noticed Rei sticking out her tongue and pulling down an eyelid at Shinji. "Speaking of dolls, what's with Wondergirl? She's acting creepy."
Rei frowned then grinned evilly. She whispered something into Shinji's ear.
Asuka was blinded by a familiar wave of light. When it faded, she knew something had changed. She walked over to a nearby fountain and looked down. Reflecting back at her was a girl in a simple blue prairie dress adorned with flowers. She was also wearing a crisp white apron and long white bloomers. She also had curly red hair and a heavily made up face. In short, Asuka now looked like Raggedy Ann.
Rei was doubled over trying futilely to contain her laughter. Then she gave up and cried, "Who's the doll now, Soryu? WHO'S THE DOLL NOW?! MUHAHAHAHA!"
Asuka's rouged lips spread into an unsettling Joker-like grin. Her hands clenched into tight fists, she ran at Rei screaming, "AYANAMI! PREPARE TO DIE!!!"
It was amazing how fast the albino girl could run when she put her mind to it.
Shinji stared after them. Rei with a sense of humor was... interesting. He smiled slightly. "I think you created a monster, Misato."
"The horror, the horror," Misato joked.
"Aren't you going to stop them?" Shinji asked.
"Nah. This doesn't concern me," Misato replied flippantly.
"I'll get you, my prett- ahem, I mean, Ayanami! And your purple-haired bimbo friend too!"
"What?!" Misato yelled. She ran in the direction of Asuka's voice. "Come back here so I can beat your ass!"
"Bring it on, bitch!"
Shinji sighed heavily. Then he ran after them hoping that he could stop the three most important women in his life from killing each other.
~*~
Many hours later, the group of not quite normal people popped back into Misato's palace. Rei and Asuka had fallen asleep not too long ago, so Shinji put Asuka in her bed and Misato, by Shinji's request, placed Rei in his bed.
Misato watched Shinji set up the couch for his use. She asked, "Did you have fun today?"
Shinji turned to her with a look of contentment. "I think this may have been the best day of my life. No NERV, no Angels. Just me, you, Rei, and Asuka having fun."
"So it was fun for you having Asuka treat you like a servant?" Misato asked raising a skeptical eyebrow.
"That's nothing new. And you're going to think I'm weird, but I liked giving all of you what you wanted."
"And why is that?"
"Because I like making all of you happy," Shinji replied looking down sheepishly.
"And what's so weird about that?" Misato asked smiling at him.
Shinji smiled back but then he frowned. "Today was fun but what about tomorrow? What if I'm not a genie then? Or what if I am? What am I supposed to do? What would happen to me...?"
Misato grabbed Shinji by the shoulders and shook him a little. "Don't go getting all panicky on me now. I don't know what's going to happen, but we'll deal with the problems as they come. And is being a genie really so bad?"
"No, it's actually pretty fun. But pink is *so* not my color." The humor then drained from his face Shinji looked at his guardian hesitantly. "Promise you won't tell Father?"
Misato shuddered at the idea. "Not for all the beer in Germany."
Shinji grinned at that. "Thank you. Good night then."
"Good ni-" Misato started before something occurred to her. "Hold on there a second. Oh, Shinji, you've been granting us wishes all day, but we never asked what you wanted."
Shinji shook his head. "No, it's okay. It's not like I can grant my own wishes..."
"Then I can make it for you. Please, Shinji. I wouldn't feel right if you didn't get something after all you did."
"I'm pretty tired..."
Misato adopted her serious tone. "Shinji Ikari, you will not get any sleep until you have made at least one wish tonight."
Shinji knew better than to argue. He thought hard for a few minutes. He wasn't the type of guy who needed or wanted much. Wishing away his problems with the war and his father would be nice, but he had the feeling that it wouldn't be that simple. There was something else he'd thought about a lot since he came here but it was stupid. But why not?
He looked up at Misato and said, "I wish..."
~*~
The next day, the three Children walked through NERV to get to their synch tests. It was a pretty normal scene. Asuka complaining loudly to an absentminded Shinji while Rei trailed quietly behind them. But the topic of Asuka's rants were a little bit different today.
"I can't believe you made a wish like that! What are people going to think? I knew you were a pervert. Only you would wish for something stupid like this..." Asuka finally realized that Shinji wasn't paying attention to her so looked up where he was looking. She stared at it for a few moments. "Well... it is kinda nice."
Above their heads on the ceiling, on every ceiling in NERV in fact, was a mural. One that wouldn't fade and couldn't be painted over. The smiling faces of Misato, Rei, and Asuka looked down at Shinji.
Shinji smiled. He would no longer wake up to an unfamiliar ceiling.
~*~
Author's Notes: I know this isn't as funny as the prior chapters, but this one gives me a mellow feeling for some reason. I enjoyed writing it and hope you liked it too. Next up should be Gendo! (Insert scary music).
*Footnotes
(1) If you recognize this as being a rip-off of the opening of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis, then my, you're a literate reader. :)
(2) I've been hearing commercials for the new Uptown Girls DVD on the radio all day long and I was finally forced to insert a joke about it. The movie itself isn't too good but Dakota Fanning was cool. I find movies with slightly neurotic kids interesting for some reason. Must be why I like NGE so much.
*Apologies to all respective owners for my references to:
-I Dream of Jeannie, Kafka's Metamorphosis, Daredevil, Aladdin, Superman, Mickey Mouse, Uptown Girls, Raggedy Ann, Batman, Ranma ½, and the Wizard of Oz.
