Chapter 1: A Dream of a Normal Ken
Farfarello sat down next to Ken; the shapeless mass of Ken could most definitely not pilot a mobile suit and Farfarello was to stupid to know how. Ken looked over and noticed Farfarello, who had been sitting there for the past ten minutes. "I wish you wouldn't do that." Ken said.
"Do what?"
"Sit down and not say a word." Ken said annoyed.
"Well soooorry. I wasn't aware that I had to follow your rules."
"It's not a rule, it's a common courtesy."
"Oh would you just shut up!"
"NO!"
At this remark Farfie pulled out his dagger and began to stab wildly at Ken. Unbeknownst to Farfie, Ken although a shapeless mass of flesh and bone, was very much mobile. He began to "run" away. Quickly, Farfie stood up and began to chase Ken around the basement. "Ken you idiot!!! Get back here!!!"
"NEVER!!!"
After about an hour of chasing, Farfarello decided to call it quits. Ken peeked out from the kitchen cabinet. Farfie sat on the couch wondering what to watch. His favorite religious program was on, so he watched that. Ken slowly came out of the kitchen and then "ran" outside. As he scampered away, he found himself right in the path of a semi-truck. As it neared the disgusting blob of flesh. It's horn went off several times. It drew closer. The horns were growing loud and the exhausted Ken could hardly move. The truck drew closer. Farfie, sick of all the honking went outside to protest. He looked down at Ken, "You moron. I can't believe you actually tried this"
"Don't come any closer Farfie, this is the end. I can walk again but instead with the angels of heaven." Ken said, as the truck's honks became more frequent. "I am leaving this world and I will finally be with my friends again."
Farfie let out a soft chuckle. "Anata wa sugoi baka desu. You do realize that if you commit suicide that you go directly to hell, right?"
"What?"
"Yeah, I thought you knew. I'm astonished."
"You're the one who hates God!!! Why don't you help me then?"
"Because you sassed me. I'm not the ass, you are."
"FARFARELLO PLEASE!!!" Ken screamed as the truck drew nearer.
"All right, fine. Here. You can stop complaining now." Farfie reached down and grabbed Ken off of the ground and carried him inside. "You do know Ken that you can become normal, right?" Ken's eyes began to grow larger.
"Go on."
"Nagi watched you burn and melt and knows exactly how to unfold your body. He just enjoys watching you suffer. Plus he knows you are stronger than he is."
"Damn straight I am."
A knock came at the door, Farfie opened it and let Brad, Schu and Nagi enter. He looked down and realized that it looked as though he and Ken had been having a conversation. He knew this was strictly taboo, so he threw his dagger at numerous things in the house (although most of the time it was Ken). After about a minute of attacking inanimate objects (and Ken), the house looked like home again.
"Oh look, Ken is a bloody mess again, go figure," said Brad, half-pleased, half-annoyed. "Farfie, what did I tell you about hurting Ken?"
"It hurts God?"
"Yes," said Brad in a dramatically convincing matter. "And we don't like hurting God do we Farf?"
"No, we don't. We love God, because Sally loves God." Farf said with a large grin on his face, knowing he had answered the question right.
Schu looked over to Nagi and whispered into his ear, "Doesn't he realize the old whore is dead?"
"Nope, he hasn't a clue."
Brad dramatically looked over at Nagi to see who was talking. Schu walked up behind Brad and asked what he was looking at. "Noth- nothing."
After three hours of tedious cleaning, Farfie and Brad had cleaned up Ken to his normal state of being again, a disgusting mutilated mass of bone and flesh. After every body had gone to bed, Ken called Farfie over to him and asked him a question, "Farf, do you know how I can get Nagi to put be back to normal?"
"I don't think so, let me think," Farfarello said, with a look of deep thought. "We could force him to. No wait, never mind, no we couldn't he'd just make me look like you, except I'd be hotter, because I just am," Ken let out a small laugh. "Is something funny? I didn't think so. So I guess the only way to do this would be the most respectable way we can."
* * *
"PLEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!" Ken screamed.
"No."
"I'm begging you! Just put me back the way I'm supposed to be!"
At this Nagi became heavily agitated, "Would you knock it off. I can't put you back to normal. I don't know how."
"BULL!!!" Ken screamed.
"I can't do it, this conversation is finished"
* * *
Farfarello stood staring at the fireplace as he began to wonder what to do, "So he didn't buy the sad puppy face huh?"
"Nope."
"Really? That always works for me."
"Well, it doesn't work for me. So what the hell am I gonna do now?"
"Here, why don't you show me your sad puppy face."
Ken contorted his mass of flesh that was supposedly his face into an odd position. Which made it look much like the backside of a dog. Farfarello took one glance then proceeded to run to the bathroom.
"What? Is it that bad?" Ken called from the couch.
"Yeah, It's hideous you moron!"
Just then Brad dramatically walked into the room, striking dramatic terror into the heart of Ken with every dramatic step. Brad dramatically looked into the bathroom, "What's with him?" he dramatically asked Ken.
"I don't know." Ken then put on an innocent smile and tried to look convincingly pathetic. Brad ran into the bathroom dramatically, pushed Farf out of his dramatic way and proceeded to let the "creative juices flow" . dramatically. "Ugh. What the hell was that Ken? That's disgusting, nobody should be able to make their ass into shapes like that."
"Hey! That is not my ass! It's my fa." Ken thought for a second, "hey! That is my ass! Whoa! I can't believe that I didn't realize it before! Quick Farf! Turn me over!"
Farfarello ran over and with the edge of his dagger turned over the mass of flesh they liked to call Ken.
"OK guys, how is this for a sad puppy face." The mass of skin formed into a shape that slightly resembled that of a sad face. Brad and Farfarello both stood there in astonishment. (Brad's astonishment was very dramatic)
Schu walked into the room and saw Ken making faces with what was previously thought to be his backside. "OK, uhhh. yeah, that's disturbing. I thought that was your ass."
"SO DID I!!!"
"Ew."
* * *
"PLEASE!!! I can't take being like this any more Nagi!!!"
"Would you just leave it alone you disgusting heap of useless matter."
Ken saw the chance then took it, he put on the best sad face he could possibly make out. Nagi stared at him in shock. "I thought that was your ass," he said.
"Please?"
"Fine." Nagi then stuck out his hand and reshaped Ken into the previous person he had been two years ago.
"Weeeeeee!!!" Ken screamed like an excited schoolgirl. "I'm me again! I can run around! Farfie! Gepetto! Look at me! I'm a REAL boy!"
* * *
"Men of Weiss, er, I mean Schwarz. You have a new missi- what the? Oh damn. He's back to normal again. I just finished my new list of insults to give to the little creep." Persia said at the screen.
"I can hear just as well too Persia, you ass," Ken said defiantly.
"Damn. Oh well, this is your new mission," pictures of businessmen came on the screen. "We have reason to believe that these men are playing human rock 'em sock 'em robots at a remote location. This is the ringleader, his name is Milton, and this is his assistant Bradley. They have been doing this for many years, but it went unnoticed until now. Hunters of night deny these dark. dark. uhhh."
"Beasts you old prune," Brad said dramatically.
"Right, beasts their. uhhhh. wait. I know this one."
"Tomorrows moron," Schu said.
"Right, tomorrows. Deny these dark beasts their tomorrows."
And yet another Schwarz assassination began, this time with five members.
Farfarello sat down next to Ken; the shapeless mass of Ken could most definitely not pilot a mobile suit and Farfarello was to stupid to know how. Ken looked over and noticed Farfarello, who had been sitting there for the past ten minutes. "I wish you wouldn't do that." Ken said.
"Do what?"
"Sit down and not say a word." Ken said annoyed.
"Well soooorry. I wasn't aware that I had to follow your rules."
"It's not a rule, it's a common courtesy."
"Oh would you just shut up!"
"NO!"
At this remark Farfie pulled out his dagger and began to stab wildly at Ken. Unbeknownst to Farfie, Ken although a shapeless mass of flesh and bone, was very much mobile. He began to "run" away. Quickly, Farfie stood up and began to chase Ken around the basement. "Ken you idiot!!! Get back here!!!"
"NEVER!!!"
After about an hour of chasing, Farfarello decided to call it quits. Ken peeked out from the kitchen cabinet. Farfie sat on the couch wondering what to watch. His favorite religious program was on, so he watched that. Ken slowly came out of the kitchen and then "ran" outside. As he scampered away, he found himself right in the path of a semi-truck. As it neared the disgusting blob of flesh. It's horn went off several times. It drew closer. The horns were growing loud and the exhausted Ken could hardly move. The truck drew closer. Farfie, sick of all the honking went outside to protest. He looked down at Ken, "You moron. I can't believe you actually tried this"
"Don't come any closer Farfie, this is the end. I can walk again but instead with the angels of heaven." Ken said, as the truck's honks became more frequent. "I am leaving this world and I will finally be with my friends again."
Farfie let out a soft chuckle. "Anata wa sugoi baka desu. You do realize that if you commit suicide that you go directly to hell, right?"
"What?"
"Yeah, I thought you knew. I'm astonished."
"You're the one who hates God!!! Why don't you help me then?"
"Because you sassed me. I'm not the ass, you are."
"FARFARELLO PLEASE!!!" Ken screamed as the truck drew nearer.
"All right, fine. Here. You can stop complaining now." Farfie reached down and grabbed Ken off of the ground and carried him inside. "You do know Ken that you can become normal, right?" Ken's eyes began to grow larger.
"Go on."
"Nagi watched you burn and melt and knows exactly how to unfold your body. He just enjoys watching you suffer. Plus he knows you are stronger than he is."
"Damn straight I am."
A knock came at the door, Farfie opened it and let Brad, Schu and Nagi enter. He looked down and realized that it looked as though he and Ken had been having a conversation. He knew this was strictly taboo, so he threw his dagger at numerous things in the house (although most of the time it was Ken). After about a minute of attacking inanimate objects (and Ken), the house looked like home again.
"Oh look, Ken is a bloody mess again, go figure," said Brad, half-pleased, half-annoyed. "Farfie, what did I tell you about hurting Ken?"
"It hurts God?"
"Yes," said Brad in a dramatically convincing matter. "And we don't like hurting God do we Farf?"
"No, we don't. We love God, because Sally loves God." Farf said with a large grin on his face, knowing he had answered the question right.
Schu looked over to Nagi and whispered into his ear, "Doesn't he realize the old whore is dead?"
"Nope, he hasn't a clue."
Brad dramatically looked over at Nagi to see who was talking. Schu walked up behind Brad and asked what he was looking at. "Noth- nothing."
After three hours of tedious cleaning, Farfie and Brad had cleaned up Ken to his normal state of being again, a disgusting mutilated mass of bone and flesh. After every body had gone to bed, Ken called Farfie over to him and asked him a question, "Farf, do you know how I can get Nagi to put be back to normal?"
"I don't think so, let me think," Farfarello said, with a look of deep thought. "We could force him to. No wait, never mind, no we couldn't he'd just make me look like you, except I'd be hotter, because I just am," Ken let out a small laugh. "Is something funny? I didn't think so. So I guess the only way to do this would be the most respectable way we can."
* * *
"PLEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!" Ken screamed.
"No."
"I'm begging you! Just put me back the way I'm supposed to be!"
At this Nagi became heavily agitated, "Would you knock it off. I can't put you back to normal. I don't know how."
"BULL!!!" Ken screamed.
"I can't do it, this conversation is finished"
* * *
Farfarello stood staring at the fireplace as he began to wonder what to do, "So he didn't buy the sad puppy face huh?"
"Nope."
"Really? That always works for me."
"Well, it doesn't work for me. So what the hell am I gonna do now?"
"Here, why don't you show me your sad puppy face."
Ken contorted his mass of flesh that was supposedly his face into an odd position. Which made it look much like the backside of a dog. Farfarello took one glance then proceeded to run to the bathroom.
"What? Is it that bad?" Ken called from the couch.
"Yeah, It's hideous you moron!"
Just then Brad dramatically walked into the room, striking dramatic terror into the heart of Ken with every dramatic step. Brad dramatically looked into the bathroom, "What's with him?" he dramatically asked Ken.
"I don't know." Ken then put on an innocent smile and tried to look convincingly pathetic. Brad ran into the bathroom dramatically, pushed Farf out of his dramatic way and proceeded to let the "creative juices flow" . dramatically. "Ugh. What the hell was that Ken? That's disgusting, nobody should be able to make their ass into shapes like that."
"Hey! That is not my ass! It's my fa." Ken thought for a second, "hey! That is my ass! Whoa! I can't believe that I didn't realize it before! Quick Farf! Turn me over!"
Farfarello ran over and with the edge of his dagger turned over the mass of flesh they liked to call Ken.
"OK guys, how is this for a sad puppy face." The mass of skin formed into a shape that slightly resembled that of a sad face. Brad and Farfarello both stood there in astonishment. (Brad's astonishment was very dramatic)
Schu walked into the room and saw Ken making faces with what was previously thought to be his backside. "OK, uhhh. yeah, that's disturbing. I thought that was your ass."
"SO DID I!!!"
"Ew."
* * *
"PLEASE!!! I can't take being like this any more Nagi!!!"
"Would you just leave it alone you disgusting heap of useless matter."
Ken saw the chance then took it, he put on the best sad face he could possibly make out. Nagi stared at him in shock. "I thought that was your ass," he said.
"Please?"
"Fine." Nagi then stuck out his hand and reshaped Ken into the previous person he had been two years ago.
"Weeeeeee!!!" Ken screamed like an excited schoolgirl. "I'm me again! I can run around! Farfie! Gepetto! Look at me! I'm a REAL boy!"
* * *
"Men of Weiss, er, I mean Schwarz. You have a new missi- what the? Oh damn. He's back to normal again. I just finished my new list of insults to give to the little creep." Persia said at the screen.
"I can hear just as well too Persia, you ass," Ken said defiantly.
"Damn. Oh well, this is your new mission," pictures of businessmen came on the screen. "We have reason to believe that these men are playing human rock 'em sock 'em robots at a remote location. This is the ringleader, his name is Milton, and this is his assistant Bradley. They have been doing this for many years, but it went unnoticed until now. Hunters of night deny these dark. dark. uhhh."
"Beasts you old prune," Brad said dramatically.
"Right, beasts their. uhhhh. wait. I know this one."
"Tomorrows moron," Schu said.
"Right, tomorrows. Deny these dark beasts their tomorrows."
And yet another Schwarz assassination began, this time with five members.
