Glass Scars

This fic was inspired by the amazing but heartbreaking episode 24 of Eva. I watched it and was sort of inspired to write this fic, since it is was upsetting!!*sob* It was originally going to be a oneshot, but once I start getting ideas they don't leave me until I write them down...so this will a couple of chapters. It wont be long though, I do not have the patience or the talent to write a longer fic! This fic was/will be difficult to write because it contains Shinji being brave(gasp!) and Shinji standing up for himself!(double gasp!) Well, he needs to grow a backbone!

Summery: Just one of the possible things which could have happened if Shinji had refused to kill Kaworu.

Warnings: None that I can think of. I don't know if this fic is shonen ai, I suppose it depends how you look at it. I'm only taking from what I saw in episode 24.and we all know how many 100's of times this relationship as been debated! Take it how you want.

Disclaimer: Ah, how much would I like to own Kaworu? Well I don't! I don't own any of this, it all belongs to Gainax. Dammit.

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Chapter 1. Life and Death.

From Evangelion Unit 1's view point , Shinji Ikari saw everything. The underground cavern which he was never supposed to have seen, the sea surrounding him which looked so much like blood. Too much. The monstrous white skinned creature nailed to the red cross. The hopelessness of his situation. And the vulnerable white skinned creature he now held in his right hand.

Countless emotions and feelings all filled his mind, each demanding his attention, making it impossible for him to think properly. Anger and betrayal. Sadness and sympathy. He tried to concentrate, to ignore the demanding emotions. He focused on the boy he held before him. Kaworu Nagisa continued to stare straight back into Shinji's eyes. He was staring directly at Shinji and yet he couldn't have know he was doing it. The face of the Eva stood between then.

Shinji saw acceptance in that calm gaze and his heart broke a tiny bit more because of it. He felt another tear spill down his cheek. Acceptance of the cruel fate about to be bestowed upon him. It wasn't fair. Shinji remembered their first meeting, only a day before although it felt lie it was much longer ago. This strange smiling boy who had appeared at the very moment Shinji had realized his loneliness and despair. Like a guardian angel this boy had been, the irony. Shinji had been intrigued, had wanted to know more about him. He still was intrigued, but how would he learn more if Kaworu were dead?

Instinct took over from logic and the tight grip he had had on the angel slackened a little. A look passed over Kaworu's features, the acceptance was replaced with confusion. Shinji, what are you doing? Was that Misato? No. It had sounded like Kaworu, and yet he had not spoken, Shinji had been watching him the whole time. It then occurred to him that he hadn't heard his voice with his ears, rather in his mind. Shinji's brow creased in confusion, he felt the start of a headache begin as he strained to look through his tears at the angel.

What could he say to Kaworu? He couldn't really want death surely. I can't do this, Shinji told himself. Kaworu must have caught the thought because he gave a faint look of surprise and a tiny smile played on his lips. You must Shinji, this is the only way. Don't you see this? Why was he so persistent? "NO!" Shinji screamed, and immediately let go of Kaworu. Shinji had feared for a second that Kaworu would fall when Shinji let go of him, but he was floating in front of the Eva like he had done earlier. His eyes looked glassy but he was still smiling.

Shinji slouched briefly in the entry plug and breathed deeply, wiping at his eyes. He had no time to relax before Misato's voice bellowed through the intercom. "What are you doing Shinji? Destroy the angel!" Shinji covered his ears, shaking his head from side to side violently. In his mind he spoke again. I won't do it! You're all I have, do you think I'd be happy seeing you dead?! If you really meant what you said yesterday, you'll stay with me! Kaworu replied; "Shinji, your putting yourself in danger. Stop this." "No!" Shinji shouted out immediately. They can't control me. I won't let the hurt you, I promise. They would have to go through me first! I don't know where we could go, but at least you would be safe away from them. Please?

Kaworu was surprised at Shinji's reaction. He had expected him to kill him, he knew he had deserved it for his betrayal to Shinji, but he couldn't have helped it if he tried. His intentions had been to find Adam, as Seele had instructed him to. It was what his mind had been set on, until he had got here and found Shinji instead. He had not wanted to hurt Shinji to begin with, but when he had found Lilith instead of Adam he had no other option but to try and make Shinji kill him. He would have been killed otherwise anyway, either by NERV of Seele, but he would have had Shinji do it before either of the others got to him first. But now.he did not know what to do. Surely Shinji was mad suggesting these things? He admired him for it, and it made him feel even more love for Shinji, as he was trying desperately to protect him. There was surely no way he would survive getting out of the Geofront, as NERV would obviously want him destroyed. He would happily walk out of NERV and forget about Adam if it meant he got to be with Shinji, but he knew he couldn't exactly tell NERV that he was harmless. He was an angel, and NERV had been created to kill angels.

Shinji knew it could hardly be called a plan at all. At that moment he felt so much hatred and anger towards NERV and his father that he wanted to get as far away from them as possible. He didn't know for sure if he could really protect Kaworu at all, but he would try, and he would not let him die by his hand of his father's. Kaworu smiled sadly for the kindness of Shinji's words and his bravery. He felt at a loss of words, but he tried anyway. "I don't want to hurt you any more than I have Shinji. You would be in danger if I were allowed to live.now they know what I am. But I want you to be happy." Shinji laughed through his tears, he wanted nothing more than to embrace Kaworu right then. Misato continued to shout through the intercom but Shinji could not hear her anymore.

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Well that's the first chapter, hope you enjoyed it. I know it was very short, but it all comes to me in short bursts! Second one will be up soon hopefully. I know the plot is a bit way out, but since when has Eva ever been realistic anyway?? I actually have no idea what is going on her and where it's going to go! But trust me, it will come to me!