The Carnival here in Venezia is about to begin!!!! Yay!!!! Endless days of partying non-stop with funky vintage dresses and harlequin costumes and MASKS!!! I love masks. This year the theme will be oriental express, and there are gonna be geisha masks and the sort. Woo-hoo!!! Having a blast already.

This is the last chapter because I decided not to lengthen the story after all. I just want to get this over with. But I think you will like this ending. Joey AND my good friend Vero (who, by the way, is the anti-cheesy romantic endings) said they liked it. That's something.

NOTE TO ISIS: What do you mean I have tense problems? Are you absolutely sure? (*looks like she might collapse, who would have ever thought Alexz Brostella could have grammar errors in her stories???? Turns green at the prospect of six years of straight A's in English Comp gone into the freakin food disposal.  OH THE HUMANITY!!!*)

Inspiration courtesy of Pete Yorn's "Undercover", Vertical Horizon's "Everything you want", Sarah McLachlan's "Fallen", Avril Lavigne's "Naked", Postal Service's "District sleeps alone tonight", Death Cab for Cutie's "Title and Registration", Hot Hot Heat's "Talk to me, dance with me", and Sum 41's "Handle this". I could make myself a soundtrack.

Disclaimer: don't own anything. Please don't sue.

+++++++++++++

Brand New Day - by In the darkNess

Somewhere there's speaking, it's already coming in

Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind

You never could get it unless you were fed it

Now you're here and you don't know why.

--Vertical Horizon, Everything you want--.

And you were at the start, and now you are at the end

And you left me with nothing to defend

I need the voice of a good friend

Can't stop myself from laughing

No matter how sad these things can be

These things can be.

--Joydrop, Sometimes wanna die--.

Chapter five: Everything you want

Twenty minutes into calculus and Joan felt like she had been in that classroom for hours. She couldn't focus, couldn't think about anything else, but the steely coldness of Adam's eyes, of his voice, as he left her alone in the library. He hadn't shown up for calculus, and his absence didn't make her downcast state any easier to deal with. She could still fell the stinging sensation of his disdain, the titillating anger in his words, and it all seemed to point to the fact that he would never ever forgive her, that there was no hope for them to be friends again.

God had been wrong. It was over.

Twenty five minutes.

"Yes, miss Girardi?" Professor Graff, the calculus teacher, acknowledged Joan's raised hand.

"Permission to go to the bathroom, please," she answered, trying to conceal the quiver in her voice.

"Very well," the professor said.

Joan left the stuffy classroom and wandered down the hallway mindlessly, hoping not to run into anyone. She really was not in the mood to talk to anyone. It was when she came to the entrance stairs that she realized the bathroom was on the other end of the hallways, going in the opposite direction. But she really didn't care; she hadn't needed to go there, actually. She just wanted to be alone. Seeing there was in fact no one around, she slumped down onto the steps and buried her face in her hands, and just cried.

Why did it have to hurt so much? Everything was falling apart in her life. One mistake and it had all come tumbling down. She suddenly wished so bad she could turn back time.

It had only just dawned on her that the reason it hurt so bad was because she actually cared more about Adam than she was aware of most of the time. Because she missed him so much that nothing else seemed to matter at the moment. Their connection had always been difficult to put into words, and that was one of the things that made it special. They had a special relationship, and because it was so special, it was also very fragile. And she had been so imprudent as to shatter it with one simple action.

Of course God would tell her to wait. Time had no effect on Him whatsoever. He couldn't truly know what she was going through. In fact, it was God's nonchalance about the whole thing what had her so exasperated. Like He thought it was no big deal. Well, Joan thought, it couldn't be any more of a bigger deal now.

"I love you anyway."

That's what she had said, what he hadn't heard her say. Maybe it was a good thing he hadn't. Joan herself was pretty confused over her own words. She hadn't even thought it, the words had just rolled off her tongue. But for some reason she wasn't shocked at herself. All though calculus, she had pondered over the meaning of those words. And it had only made her sadder.

Truth be told, Joan didn't know how she hadn't realized it before. Did she really love him? It would explain why he had become so important to her, and why it hurt so much to lose him.

She had taken him for granted; she hadn't shown him how much she cared before, and she wouldn't be able to rectify herself now. He wouldn't come back. It seemed so long ago since the last time he had called her Jane. She just wanted to be Jane again. Perhaps it would take a miracle.

With a sigh, she stopped crying. Nothing good ever comes out from self-pity, she decided. Dreading going back to class, she would have to make a stop in the bathroom after all, to fix her tear-stained face. Wiping her eyes, Joan stood up and pushed her hair out of her face. Suddenly she had the peculiar sensation someone was nearby, and she turned around to find Adam standing at the landing of the stairs, watching her.

Joan froze and swallowed the lump that had appeared in her throat. She wondered how long he had been standing there, as she watched him slowly climb down the steps and come to stand in front of her, never taking his eyes off of her. He looked sad, and Joan noticed he might had been crying too.

"Hey," he whispered after a long silence. Joan was slightly taken aback, because he didn't sound as he had earlier, but mild and gentle.

"Hey," she echoed, finding her voice.

His eyes were filled with concern. "Were you crying?" he asked softly.

"No," she mumbled, shaking her head, even though she still had traces of tears on her cheeks. Her heart was shrinking painfully; she felt vulnerable, naked under his stare, and her skin had gone numb and there was a cold shiver starting at the nape of her neck.

"Here," he said, and he dug out of his pocket a crumpled but clean napkin. But he didn't hand it to her; instead he reached out and gently dried her tears himself. Joan's heart immediately stopped shrinking and grew very hot, and so did her face, her cheeks blushing furiously under his touch.

"What. what made you come back?" she asked. Adam chuckled and didn't answer right away, as if he were thinking of something very amusing.

"I just had an epiphany," he finally said.

"Really?"

"Really." He put the napkin back in his pocket.

Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of cute boy/ God looking down at them through the window beside the door, and He gave her a wink before He was gone.

Joan smiled to herself. "What were you revealed?"

"Just things. mostly stuff I already knew," he said, taking a step closer. Joan's breath caught in her throat. "Stuff I knew a long time ago, but I was too blind to see."

"Like what?" her heart was beating faster.

"Like the fact that I would eventually forgive, for everything, but I was too stubborn to see that, deep down, I already had."

Joan felt a wave of relief wash over her. "Really? You mean you believe me? Everything I told you?"

Adam smirked. "I certainly do now," he replied, and he looked amused again. He took her hands into his, just like she had done a while ago, and looked deep into her eyes. "I'm sorry I made you cry, Jane," he whispered.

Joan blinked in surprise and smiled broadly. "You called me Jane."

"I did," he said. "I guess that-" Before he could finish his sentence, she had pressed her lips to his, cupping his face in her hands, and after getting over the initial shock, he closed his eyes and slipped his hand around her back.

When they broke the kiss, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder.

"I thought I lost you," she mumbled, her words muffled by his sweater.

"You won't lose me, Jane. You can't."

They didn't know how long they stayed like that, just the two of them, everything else fading into the background. They just wished that no one would decide to walk by that place and spoil the moment. But that would not be the case.

Promptly, they stepped away from each other in surprise.

"Someone's coming," hissed Joan.

They both stood completely still and listened. The sound of footsteps was nearing them, and they couldn't be sure which way they were coming. Joan got worried.

"What if it's Price?"

Adam looked flummoxed for a moment. "Let's go," he said, and took Joan's hand and led her back up the stairs.

"Out there?" she asked.

"Um, yeah," Adam answered, and they walked out the double doors and stood outside. Joan couldn't help but laugh nervously. Whether it was because of the situation they were in or because it was sort of thrilling to be sneaking around the school during class with Adam, she wasn't sure; but it was a good rush, and she blushed and grinned broadly when she realized how close together they were, huddled next to the big windows looking in.

They saw the cleaning lady carrying a recycling bin full of cans walk by the place they had been standing just seconds ago, and disappear into the hallway Joan had come from. Adam and Joan blew a sigh of relief and laughed quietly.

"We're going to get in trouble if we get caught," Joan muttered. Adam nodded.

"Cha, Jane, but who's gonna find us out here?" he replied.

"Well, well, well, what have we got here?"

Joan and Adam froze and looked at each other worriedly. They turned around slowly, wearing uncanny deer-in-headlights looks, only to find blue jacket girl / God standing behind them, grinning. They un-tensed immediately and looked annoyed.

"Oh, God," they mumbled in unison.

"Yes?"

"No, no, it was just an expression," Adam said. Joan was abashed, realizing what was going on. Adam had called it an "epiphany"; Joan didn't exactly think of her conversations with God as "heavenly revelations".

"I knew it. You know who this is, don't you?" she asked. Adam and God glanced at each other knowingly.

"We've met," Adam replied. God nodded in agreement.

"Told you I'd be around to help," She said to Joan. Joan smiled in spite of herself, but then she looked annoyed again.

"Are you gonna tell us to go back to class?"

"I was actually thinking about giving you guys a sort of break, let you stay out here for a while," God said casually. "After all, this period is almost over, anyway."

Joan looked down at her watch. "Um, not really, there are still 20 minutes left-"

"Are you arguing?" God cocked an eyebrow. "I grant you freedom to stay out here, and you will pass that by? When you hate calculus with a passion? When you've been fretting over this guy and now you've finally gotten things back on track with him?" She gestured at Adam theatrically, and looked at Joan oddly. "Seriously, what kind of teenager are you?" Joan sighed tiredly and frowned.

"One who is very confused about everything in her life right now," she said, and she gave God a sarcastic grin. "And I have you to thank for that."

God shook Her head and looked at Adam. "This is the sort of attitude that keeps me from revealing to her too much information about her missions. See what I mean?"

"Sort of," Adam replied, smiling amusedly. Joan was starting to fume.

"Oh, right, so you were both just talking about me?"

"I only said nice things," God said quickly. Joan looked skeptically and turned to Adam.

"Really?"
"It's true."

"The Lord does not lie," God told Joan dramatically. "Anyway, I'm glad things have been worked out between you two. I suppose you are aware of the fact that you two are the only people meant to know about me and this."

Doing a sort of double-take, Joan looked indignantly at God.

"Wait a minute. Back that up. 'The only ones meant to know'? You mean you still want this to be a secret? I though that was my choice. That day in the bookstore, you said part of free will included that I could tell Adam if I wanted. Of course you talked me out of it, but you still said it was my call. You told me it was my decision if I wanted to tell anyone or not." God was unfazed by Joan's rants.

"Do you honestly think someone besides Adam would believe you?"

Joan opened her mouth to speak, but then snapped it closed again and stopped to think about it. "I. don't know. I suppose it's not very probable."

"And even if someone did, why do you want to tell them? What would be the point?"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Joan help up her hands defensively. "I won't -I mean, we won't tell anyone."

"This is so weird," Adam said suddenly, staring from God to Joan as if he were on a ping-pong match. "I mean, you're talking to God. And God talks back to you. It's pretty surreal." Joan gave him a faint smile.

"Well, now you know how it is for me everyday."

"But doesn't it feel good to have someone, besides yourself, know what's going on?" God asked.

"Definitively. Now I know for sure that I'm not crazy."

God shook her head, still grinning. "Anyhow, why don't you two stay out here and chat about this for a while? You haven't really talked about this."

Adam and Joan looked quizzically at the girl. "Wait, you actually mean it? We can skip class?" Joan asked, trying not to sound too gleeful.

"No, not skip. This is more like a time out. It's important you talk about this. Now that Adam knows, you must settle some sort of pact for secrecy, don't you think?"

"Whatever you say," Joan and Adam both shrugged and smiled.

"Good. However, when it's time for next period, you're both going back to class. And you're both doing detention for skipping calculus, because it's only fair," God added, looking severe all of a sudden. "Be good, kids. See you later." And with a wink and a smug smile, She walked away. Joan and Adam stared after Her in shock.

"I knew there was a downside," Joan grumbled sourly.

"Are you gonna be telling me what to do, too? Don't you have enough with telling Jane?" Adam called indignantly after God.

"You're giving us detention? Can't you just be benevolent with me for once, too? Can't you just give me a well-deserved break?!" Joan called after Her, too. She stomped her foot on the ground. "Un-believable!" she began to mumble under her breath. "I liked that girl's attitude better this morning. should've known it wouldn't last."

Adam was still staring after God in shock. "That's twisted, yo."

"Can you believe the nerve?" Joan asked. She plopped down onto the bench nearest to the door; the same bench, where she and blue jacket girl / God had sat in the morning, and where Adam and cute boy / God had been talking just a while ago, too. Adam came to sit next to her. They were silent for a moment, and then he looked at her.

"Maybe you should go back to class. You can still make it without getting in trouble."

Joan shook her head and chuckled. "Nah, you're getting detention anyway, cuz you didn't show up to calculus at all. And if you're getting it, then I don't mind getting it, too."

"You don't have to do that," Adam said.

"But I want to," she replied, and they suddenly gazed at each other and smiled. They nearly forgot why they were there at all.

"Well, do you wanna talk about. what God said we should talk about?" he asked. Joan seemed to think about it for a moment, then shrugged.

"We can talk later," she replied, and he knew what she was thinking. He gingerly pulled her into his arms and they kissed, their surroundings fading into the background again.

+++++++++++

"Girardi's gonna get in trouble," Grace muttered to herself as she exited calculus as soon as the bell rang. The hallways were crawling with students once again as she made her way to her locker.

"Why? What did I do?" Luke asked, appearing next to Grace all of a sudden. Grace whacked him upside the head for startling her, making him wince.

"Not you. Your sister," she replied.

"Why? What did she do?"

"She missed the last 20 minutes of class. She said she was going to the bathroom and never came back. Graff put a detention slip on her desk, and Joan will need a pretty good excuse to get out of that one. And knowing Graff, no excuse is ever good enough for him." She led Luke to the entrance hall, where many kids were going up the stairs and outside to catch some fresh air before next period.

"She went to the bathroom? Well, maybe she's not feeling well. I mean, how is she doing? You know, after what happened in the library?" Grace rounded on her heels and faced Luke questioningly.

"What exactly would you say happened in the library, mighty clairvoyant? Were you there? Because I distinctly remember you standing outside with me, equally oblivious as I was."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Well, she looked pretty shaken last time I saw her, so, I don't know, I would assume things didn't go how she wanted them to go, wouldn't you say?"

"Well, for your information, in class she was normal. Maybe a bit more spacey than usual, but." She thought for a moment. "You know, maybe she's not okay."

"Maybe she's playing hooky and that's all, and then she deserves trouble. No sister of mine plays hooky and gets away with it."

"Of course, Saint Luke."

They climbed up the steps to go outside. "We should-I mean, you should go check on her," Luke suggested. Grace frowned.

"Why me?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe because it's the girls' bathroom and I'm not a girl?" Luke responded cynically.

"Do you have proof to back up that theory?"

"Oh, you're sooo funny."

"Honestly, I don't think she went to the bathroom," Grace said as they stepped through the doors.

"And where, pray tell, do you think she might have disappeared to?"

"Here's one guess: la-la land."

Luke looked puzzled at Grace, and Grace pointed in front of them. Surely enough, there was Joan, sitting on the bench near the doors, the back of her head unmistakable; but she wasn't alone. Adam was sitting right next to her. They looked awfully chummy, what with Adam's arm wrapped around Joan's shoulder, and Joan playing with his hands; they were talking quietly and didn't seem to notice the bell had rung and the grounds were swarming with people again.

Luke and Grace looked at each other, then at Joan and Adam, then back at each other, equally confused, and settled their golf-ball sized eyes on the couple on the bench again.

"Did we miss something?" Luke asked finally.

"Apparently a lot," Grace replied.

Joan rested her head on Adam's shoulder and he kissed her forehead. Grace's and Luke's initial reaction was a flinch and a disgusted face. But it quickly went back to a shocked expression.

"Guess you were right. She wasn't in the bathroom," Luke commented.

"Ugh, well, I know I could use a toilet right now," Grace said, looking like she might puke.

"They're both gonna get in trouble. This is certainly not a good excuse at all for skipping class; it won't get either of them out of detention. In fact, I think this will get them in even worst trouble."

"Because there is a federal law against embarrassingly corny public displays of affection?"

"If there isn't, there should be."

"I'm still a bit confused," Grace said. "I mean, Luke, do you know what's going on here?"

"Well, Grace, it seems that we've managed to brew a plan to get them back together, gotten them to talk, see how things turn out wrong, and gotten them to finally reconcile."

"And then even closer together than they actually were before."

"Well, it was about time, already." They nodded thoughtfully.

"And all in less than a day," Grace said.

"No magic wands," Luke added.

"We're good."

"No doubt about it."

++++++++++++++

Aaah, what a cheesy ending, but that's life for you. "La vie est comme le fromage", as my boy Ulises once put so eloquently (and back then I didn't know what the freak he meant, either).

Thanks to all the reviewers, I really appreciate your comments (they love me; they really, really love me!!!! Muaxxxx!!!!). If anyone will bear with me, I will create another JoA story soon and make us all happy, mmmkay? (But first, I will watch all the crucial episodes of the series. You know, the ones everyone has seen except me *grumble*).

Shouts out to my pals, Joey (my almighty beta reader, I love you!!!), Tough Cookie (a.k.a Tough Biscotti), my sister Tory (thanks for nothing. nah, just kidding), darling Dante (Io sere La Gioconda, lo giuro), Sebastian Melmoth a.k.a The Original Chemist (302 brownie points, kudos!!), my boyfriend James (I MISS YOU SO FREAKIN MUCH!!!), Vero a.k.a DJ Frijolazo (it's the inevitable return, baby, of the great white dope!), Eduardo (no, I haven't seen it), my boy Harrison (Flame Boy!), Emilia (thanks for the support, girl), cousins Ale, Malu and Angela (I'm still numero uno :)), Marion (I love Adam Rove more than you, so mnegh!!!!! *sticks out tongue*), almighty Xander (it's the undead freak flying orange, get it?), Janem (we loves DCFC, doesn't we, my precious?), Kaszaki-chan (*does a jump a la Ping Pong Matrix* BOOYAKAH!!!), Jake (wish you were here, mate), Leah (no more coffee for you!!), ErikaWeasley (do not mock the almighty Miss Chievous), Faramuax (yeah, I got one of those), Leo (read my bio), Nate (too much info, can't think straight), Sarah (and I got yours, too, buahahah!), Cassie (was this fromage-y enough for you?), Joan (aaaand WEEEEEE!!!), and last but not least, in memory of Linus, Moira, Kim, James and Matt (R.I.P.). I know I already did it, but this is a special shout out to my band mates, Harry, Vero, Kasz and Eduardo. I love you guys, when I get back, we'll get down to business. SD, the return!!! Word.

And here are even MORE lyrics for you. I looooove lyrics. I loooove music.

Say the talk, and I won't mind

The days are caused, you know I never try

And I love you like the one I used to know

And if you never had the time

To last an ordinary problem

And I said I'd like to have a place to go.

--Pete Yorn, Undercover--.

The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights

And send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening

And I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving

I was the one worth leaving.

--Postal Service, District sleeps alone tonight--.

God bless you, thank you and good night!

[ In the darkNess ]