Author's Note: BAH! It's been a long time since the last chapter. And believe it or not I've had writer's block up the kazoo. I've rewritten this chapter about three times, and none of them were remotely the same. They even all had different titles. I feel like I've rushed it, but there's nothing for it really now. So to all of you who have so loyally followed this fanfiction, I sincerely hope you enjoy its conclusion. I will be working on many more, hopefully speedier Kuwa/Hiei fics. I try to learn from my mistakes, and I truly appreciate all who have endured them.
He Loves Him Not
The time locked world felt as tough it would crash around the human at any moment. Still the answers that he so desperately needed escaped him. Careful planning and consideration were thrown aside due to this new development, which left the fighter only his natural defenses. Honesty and pride. As he considered the fact that the two contradicted each other in this particular situation, he had to settle for one. And that one of course, was pride.
"Those secrets were mine to keep, you little sneak!" Kuwabara decided that anger was the best way to drown out panic. "I told you not to go through them! I said-"
"That's not the point," Hiei interrupted heatedly. "The point is, that for over a year you've been lying! And not just to me, to everyone!" Hiei had the intense urge to grind the human before him beneath his boot. "Of all the-"
"I never lied to anyone," Kuwabara defended himself indignantly. At Hiei's death glare he admitted, "I didn't say some things."
"It's the same thing!" Hiei tried to crush the redhead's argument. Though, the human was excellent at being stubborn if nothing else.
"Is not!" Kuwabara protested shrilly. Now his honor was on the line. If he had time to process extra thought, he would have berated the very thought of playing mind games. But as it was, he had to volley between keeping up with Hiei, and slowing the demon down.
"Yes it is!" Hiei barked louder this time.
"No it ain't!" The redhead shrilled back, louder still.
"It is!"
"It ain't!" Kuwabara could have gone on forever in this manner; after all he figured Hiei's lungs had to give out some time. Hiei however, quickly grew tired of the childish antics and changed footing.
"Then you had no idea about Yuusuke and Kurama?" Unfortunately for the human this was usually where his lack of tact caught up with him.
"Not until you told me," Kuwabara answered quickly. The redhead knew he couldn't win if he stayed on the defensive, but he didn't know how to keep up with Hiei's lightning pace.
"Then you helped me out of the goodness of your heart." Hiei's statement was laced with cold venom and careful sarcasm. Even Kuwabara could tell this trap when he saw it.
"I'm always ready to help a teammate," the human answered carefully but truthfully. He knew that the demon weighed each word for the slightest hint that he might be lying.
"But you like me." Hiei pointed out firmly.
"I like everyone," Kuwabara replied in an almost innocent tone. Hiei let out a snort that might have been a disguised laugh. The taller boy was not about to drop his guard now however.
"You like me best," Hiei's tone was bordering anger again. He would not be made to say that Kuwabara loved him.
"I don't know," the redhead mused, Hiei raised an eyebrow at the thoughtful tone. "Yuusuke is more fun." Kuwabara would have laughed at his own joke, had there not been the small matter of a katana at his throat. His would-be smile was dropped, and he half snarled at the threat.
"I won't have this passed of as a game, idiot," Hiei's voice had again a poisonous quality, and Kuwabara felt a chill run down his spine. Things slowed down again and a plan tugged at the edge of the redhead's mind. Though he wasn't exactly sure that it was a good plan, it was the only one he had. All it required was courage and a little luck.
Kazuma reached up, and placed his finger to the blade, just where it reached his throat. He gently pressed there, pushing the blade away slowly. Hiei watched with a stunned look on his face, as blood trickled down the sword, despite the lack of pressure the human was using. Once the blade was an inch or two away from his throat, the taller boy cautiously stepped out of Hiei's current range.
Hiei was more amazed than distressed by the gesture. The oaf was not far out of his reach if necessary, but the move was daring at least.
"This is a game Hiei," Kuwabara tried to remain calm; though he was almost positive that anxiety crept into his voice. "Just as life is, so is love." Hiei's face fell again into its normal stone-like expression.
"If that's so," Hiei stated blandly, "then what are the rules?" Hiei Jumped down and paced around the taller boy. This made the redhead increasingly nervous, though he would have rather not admitted it.
"The rules are. unwritten," Kuwabara answered unsurely. It seemed like one of those rhetorical questions, and he was never good at that. "But everyone knows them," he added quickly.
"So it would seem," The fire demon mused again, still pacing about the redhead. "Since even you appear to know them." When Hiei got no response from the flustered human he continued.
"If they aren't written, then where are they?" Hiei inquired.
"In the heart," Kuwabara said finally. The shorter laughed mirthlessly at that.
"Is that what I lack?" Hiei threw a grin at the human that was all too sarcastic for being wordless. "If you have no heart, then how do you love?"
"You have a heart," Kuwabara protested. The small demon paused, as though about to say something, but the human continued. "You just keep it at arm's length, just like everything else in your life."
"You don't want to know what's in my heart," Hiei spat coldly, unable to deny the human's words.
"Yes I do Hiei!" The taller boy cried out before he even heard his words. He blushed deeply at the incredulous look from the demon. "I want to know everything about you."
Hiei's face faltered with something Kuwabara had not seen before, but it was gone in a flash and replaced by the usual unyielding exterior. There was a long silence as both digested what had just been said. This situation required a whole new kind of approach, though neither of them had the patients for propriety right now.
"What do you think of me now?" Hiei asked, finally breaking the silence. "What you know of me, what do you think of that?"
"I can't say I know a whole bunch of facts on you or anything," Kuwabara admitted, somewhat reluctantly. "All I can tell you is how." Kuwabara trailed off for a moment, not sure how to word it correctly. Hiei waited patiently again, and looked very much like he could stay there forever waiting for the answer. "How I feel about you, when you're around." The human finally finished.
Hiei said nothing, nor did his visage change. He was waiting.
"When we're on missions," Kuwabara began, "I sense an understanding of honor between us, if not loyalty." The human felt knots forming in his stomach. Men weren't made to talk about their feelings like this. It was supposed to go unsaid, damn it!
"And when we're around Yukina, I sense a goodness in you." Kuwabara glanced at the still unmoving demon. "The love that you feel for her, and hide." The human thought he saw an eye twitch, but now the fire demon gave no other sign that he was actually listening. Kuwabara only received an intense stare, as though Hiei could see right into his heart.
Again there was a long pause, as the fighter prepared to take his most dangerous step yet. "And I sense a burden on you," the human stated carefully. "One that hurts you all the time, non-stop." Kazuma ran a cold hand along the back of his neck nervously.
"I want to help you," Kuwabara said even more cautiously. "I want to shoulder some of the pain for you, because it's crushing everything I. I admire about you." The silence following his final statement threatened to drown the human. He suffered through it, awaiting the demon's next move.
"And?" Hiei barked into the darkness, almost impatiently.
"And." Kuwabara thought for a moment. "I can't say I know more than that, and not lie." The human's shoulders sunk with the reluctant admittance. For the first time however, Hiei's facial expression changed from a blank stare, to an almost thoughtful half grin.
The demon walked past the redhead silently, stopping at the window. "We will continue this later, human," Hiei stated coolly, before disappearing.
Kuwabara was exhausted, cold and alone. He didn't know whether the demon's last words were a good sign or a bad one. The day had been too damn eventful to really fret over either possibility, so with an exasperated sigh he threw himself down on his bed and decided to just be patient and wait.
Not that it was easy to be patient. Humans decide that the most impossible things to comprehend are the ones they should try to figure out. As if thinking about the impossibilities, and determining probable outcomes had any affect on the end result of those impossibilities. Humans also find it somewhat annoying that in most situations; fate and destiny pay little head to what they think.
Kuwabara tried to convince himself that it was fine if Hiei rejected him. He'd been wrong before, and he couldn't blame the demon for turning him away. There would be no hard feelings on either side, and they would go on like nothing ever happened. As if any of those thoughts could possibly convince his heart that it wouldn't hurt to be turned aside. Kuwabara always had a hard time being dishonest with himself anyway. He could be conveniently ignorant of his true feelings for an eternity, but out and out lying just wasn't for him.
The window was still open from Hiei's departure, and cool air filled the small room. Kuwabara rolled onto his stomach and paid no mind to it. The cold air didn't bother him nearly as much as the lingering scent of Hiei. Though the cinnamon like aroma was faint, Kuwabara knew it was there. The specter sent brought images of the absent male back to him. He knew it was probably bad for his whole 'no hard feelings' theory to continue along like this. No matter how much he told himself that dwelling on Hiei was bad for him, he was loath to leave that spot.
Kuwabara then drifted into a reluctant sleep. Dreams that first shifted just on the lightest formation of shapes and shadows, and slowly evolved into recognizable symbols. The dreams flowed out of order for what seemed like hours, before finally settling into one. His favorite dream of Hiei curled against his chest, dark head resting just below the human's chin. Just warm and comfortable, drifting in and out of sleep. He could spend an eternity like that.
However eternity was not his. The tender dream was interrupted by unnatural cold. The cold invaded and destroyed the human's most beloved delusion. Shifting onto his side with a groan, Kuwabara eyed the guilty party. The window that was still open, letting cool wind enter his room. Reluctantly pushing himself up from the bed, the human clumsily ambled over to the pane and shut it completely before staggering back to his spot.
Muttering incoherent curses to himself, Kuwabara tried to settle back in, and pick up the dream where it had left off. Nagging doubts and fears continued to plague him, and try as he might he could not put them aside. Not even for his dream.
Hiei's retreat from the conversation was nothing less than uncharacteristic. The demon thought as quickly as he moved, and normally he did not come against a problem to which he didn't find an immediate solution. Hiei never made a decision that he didn't think through first. In fact he usually thought it through twice. It wasn't by chance that he usually arrived at the answer that best suited him so swiftly, it was just quick logic.
This was one of those rare occasions that Hiei had gotten himself into a situation without knowing exactly how it would turn out. Dealing with humans was notorious for having this affect. You could be sure that no matter how you tried to control the situation, if a human was involved it would not turn out as planned. The tall redhead seemed to be the very embodiment of this chaotic factor, and that did not help things.
The fire demon alighted in a tree several miles from Kuwabara's residence. Proximity was always a factor when it came to making decisions like this. Despite his negative thoughts, Hiei cast a curious glance back over his shoulder. This was a difficult, but interesting situation. The fact that he was again dealing with a would-be lover, made things all the more complex. The fact that Hiei found himself actually considering the proposal, made it interesting.
There was precious little in the world that amused Hiei, and the dark haired demon had to admit that Kuwabara definitely amused him. The small swordsman frowned at that thought. Was it only amusement he felt toward the human? Indeed, had he not been musing over the values of the human prior to his surprising discovery? Hiei waged an internal war over that thought. There were many virtues in the human, but were they enough to counter all the shortcomings? Could the two of them, possibly get along in a relationship?
Hiei shook his head, as though the action would scatter the troublesome thoughts. He had ignored the human for too long to come up with a certain answer. All things labeled 'before journals' were insufficient, and the data with in the journals was also unsatisfactory. The only way to correct the lack of knowledge was to study Kuwabara first hand, which was impossible under the current circumstances. He couldn't very well study the human, now that all this had surfaced.
The time was out of joint now. He had moved prematurely, with the full intention of rejecting the human's advances. He was outraged at the time, his pride wounded by being caught in a fool's trap. Hiei was no stranger to the ulterior motives the human had, he simply had never expected them from Kuwabara. It made him wonder how long he would have gone one without knowing if he had not read those books. All answers were not encouraging.
Now he had laid out the truth between them, and Kuwabara had bravely defended his words. There was no escaping resolution, because as he had left the demon himself had promised to finish what they had started. They smaller boy sunk down on the branch with a defeated sigh. How had things gone so wrong in such a short amount of time?
Rethinking that thought, Hiei shook his head. Things weren't wrong, just unexpected. Part of him argued that the two were the same, but the other part had to admit that 'unexpected' things happened when you spent too much time in the human world. He tried to reason that it wasn't all bad. There were no promises between them yet, nothing that meant he couldn't avoid their next conversation for a little while. He'd never said when they would continue, just that they would later.
'Later,' Hiei decided was a good word, and he would take full advantage of the privileges it gave him.
*Weeks later*
And so it was, that weeks later Kuwabara found himself laying awake at night waiting for Hiei to return. He should really have been sleeping, since school was going to start again very soon. Yet, something told him that if Hiei were to come back, he would come at night. It was just a Hiei sort of thing.
Shizuru had put up with his behavior for about a week before giving him flack for it. She was a sweet kid, really. Took good care of him, and looked out for him and all. She however, had some one to love and hold at night. He became a little angry at that thought, as he always did. Yukina was supposed to be his, and he couldn't help but feel that he had been cheated out of her. But then, his anger never lasted for too long, because Yukina was happy, and that's all that really mattered to him. His honor as a gentleman, wouldn't allow him to come between her and her happiness.
There was a knock on the door that broke him out of his reverie. "Go away!" He barked sourly at it. He wasn't in the mood to be rolled around by his older sister right now.
"Kazuma?" The soft voice on the other side of the door ventured. As Kuwabara bolted up, he mentally kicked himself. He rushed over to the door.
"Yukina," he opened the door to find the teal haired little ice maiden standing on the other side. She was holding a plate of what resembled food. The look on her face could have broken his heart.
"You didn't eat," Yukina stammered obviously a little embarrassed. She shoved the plate of food at him, "So I made you dinner." The redhead took the plate with a well-rehearsed smile. This cheered the koorime up some.
"Thank you, Yukina," he said sincerely. He looked down at his 'dinner,' and grimaced inwardly. The duties of a gentleman. He retreated into his room, and to his surprise the young ice maiden followed him. She sat down on the bed next to him, as he poked at what could have been the remains of an unfortunate potato.
"You hardly ever eat with us anymore," Yukina began unsurely. The redhead looked at her dumbly before he realized what was going on. He knew Shizuru was low, but sending Yukina in to make him feel bad.
"Shizuru sent you in here?" He asked, shoving down the food. He was angry enough to where it could have been gourmet, and it would have tasted like ash in his mouth.
"She's worried about you," the teal haired girl admitted. "How is it?" She asked expectantly as he shoveled the food down. He looked up at her startled by the sudden question.
"Wonderful," he lied easily. He always ate all the food she cooked, and always praised her no matter what. And still she looked at him like a younger brother. He supposed that was all right, since it wouldn't do to fight his sister over her.
"You're always so nice to me, Kazuma," she laughed. It wasn't an unkind laugh, but an almost knowing one. "I care about you too you know," she said, her smile melting away his anger.
"I just haven't really been hungry lately," he murmured, poking at what remained of the dish.
"Because you've been thinking about something else," she finished for him.
"Shizuru needs to mind her own business," Kuwabara growled making a face. The whole damn world didn't need to know about his love life.
"I think you are very much her business," the little ice maiden said seriously. Her sudden sobering tone caught the redhead off guard, and he fond himself looking into wide crimson eyes. They weren't cold and wary like Hiei's. Yukina's eyes glowed with deep and loving warmth.
"I know if it were my brother," she continued, knowing fully her sway over the human boy, "I would be worried."
"I am your brother," he teased, the corners of his lips twitched in an attempted smile.
"Almost," she said hugging him as best she could in her awkward position. She stood then, turning to fix him with a reflective gaze. "My brother is the cause of all this though, isn't he?" It was more of a statement than a question.
"I really can't understand him sometimes," she said, putting her hands on her hips. Kuwabara regarded her with a restrained look. All he could do was listen politely to the young demon. "He's so lucky to have such wonderful friends."
"I don't really think he sees us that way," Kuwabara interjected softly. He knew about Yukina and Hiei's relationship. It was one of the first secrets Yukina had shared with him while they had been dating. It had been a shock to the redhead at first, but slowly he began to see the resemblance between them. They were like two sides of the same coin, and he loved them both.
He was a fool, but in his defense, Yukina was impossible not to love. Her sweet and forgiving nature, and delicate appearance was irresistible. She was the perfect person to protect, and that was what Kuwabara dedicated himself to. With Hiei, well he was just a fool. He'd fallen in love with a demon that had the personality of a wounded tiger. He was impossibly dangerous to get close to, even if only to heal that wound.
"Yes, I suppose your right," Yukina sighed sadly. She cared deeply for her older brother, and Kuwabara felt for her.
*Days Later*
Hiei perched in a tree across the street from the Kuwabara household. He waited patiently for the females to vacate the premises. They were supposed to have left over an hour ago, but the girls kept remembering things that needed to be done. It was taking forever. Finally his sister managed to drag the older Kuwabara sibling out of the house, so they could go out with Keiko and Botan.
The fire demon had risked a great deal to get that information, and now jumped at his only chance to have the human to himself again. As soon as their car sped out of sight, he practically flew across the street.
The window was open, just as he expected it to be. Guilt for not returning sooner briefly fluttered in the demon's mind before being shoved aside. The human lay back in bed, again writing in one of his little books. A small smirk tugged at the corners of the fire demon's mouth. Some people never learned. Without waiting to be noticed, Hiei slid the window farther back, and dropped into the room.
Kuwabara started at the sound of the intruder, and froze when he saw who it was. Hiei simply stood there, his stoic expression carefully held as the human looked at him expectantly. When it was obvious that Kazuma wouldn't move with out some kind of provocation, Hiei made the first move.
In a motion that gave his name 'flying shadow' true credit, he dashed to where the redhead was, took his book, and then jumped out of reach before the boy could react. Hiei held the little blue volume with a bemused look on his face. Kuwabara managed an indignant growl, but curiosity was quickly taking over. Satisfied with having the human's full attention, Hiei wasted no more time.
"I think you're a fool," Hiei began immediately. He tossed the book aside, "And I don't believe in true love." The latter was stated far more coldly, as though they were words far removed from his heart. "That is my warning." Kuwabara stared stunned by the last statement. Was that supposed to be the proposition?
"I can live with that," the redhead replied, a trace of a grin lighting his face. Hiei took a step closer, albeit cautiously.
"Why?" The question was nearly accusatory. Why after all this time could some one just do this?
"Because you're wrong," the human said casually, "and I'm not." His grin became a full-fledged smile. A very annoying full-fledged smile at that. Hiei drew closer, almost within range of physical contact. He knew he must look finicky, but the human's easy attitude was a little alarming. The demon didn't say anything, but his feelings must have been clear enough for the human to pick up.
"I have some time to convince you, I think." The redhead soothed carefully. "And I won't give up 'till you agree with me anyway." The demon rolled his eyes at that, and gave a snort for good measure. Kuwabara reached out carefully, not wholly sure of their agreement.
Hiei stepped into the cautious caress, and allowed himself to be drawn into the larger boy's embrace. So the deal was struck, and the contract was written without words. Because both boys knew that words where cheap, and that no bond could be made between them on something so insubstantial.
The end. or is it?
*Start Music*
Author's note: I could be persuaded to write a lemon for all you, but there is a warning that I feel I owe you before you ask. I'm terrible at writing lemons. I know that practice makes perfect and all, but seriously. I wanted to leave it up to you readers out there, since ultimately you'll be suffering through it.
