Chapter 9: Nightmares And Tears

„It's probably a love letter and a present, seeing how thick it is." "No." Haruka groaned in her sleep, caught in her nightmare, while almost twenty kilometres away Michiru laid in deep sleep, not knowing what her favourite patient was going through right now. In her dream, Haruka took the package from the mailman, signed on the dotted line and closed the door. "No." the blonde spoke again, thin lines of sweat running down her face. "No, I won't open it…I won't…" Her dream self didn't listen to what she said; it tore the package open, and this time, Haruka saw what had happened as if she was an invisible bystander. A great flash of white light surrounded her dream alter ego for a few seconds, accompanied by a loud bang, almost louder than a gun would have sounded if somebody fired it off. Then, blood splashed from her dream self's hands, blood and something else; a lot of strange looking white splinters. When Haruka realized that the splinters were the bones of her fingers, she screamed, and it was her own scream that awoke her and tore her out of the nightmare. She laid in her bed motionless for a few minutes, staring up at what she could see from the ceiling – after all, it was in the middle of the night -, her eyes filling with tears. Soon, they ran down the blondes cheeks, and her chest heaved with racked sobs. Ever since she had awoken in the hospital, she only had allowed herself to cry once, when her father had been here to visit her; now, all the emotions that had piled up inside her ever since then broke free, running down her face in form of hot, salty tears. Haruka let out another strangled sob, turning to the side and burying her face in the pillow to keep anyone from hearing how she cried. The last thing she needed now was some strange night nurse who thought that she had to take care of the crying blonde in room sixteen. Finally, after a seemingly endless time, her sobs were reduced to a soft sniffling, and then, after another long span of minutes going by, the tears stopped falling. Slowly, Haruka rolled on her back again, staring up the ceiling, all of a sudden feeling more alone then she ever had in her entire life. She wished for nothing more than for her doctor to show up in the room magically, smiling and talking to her, taking her thoughts off of her insecure future, of her insecure life. How on earth am I supposed to live like this? I never knew how much you need all of your fingers until I lost them…how will I live? The blonde thought to herself, fighting back the urge to cry again. She closed her eyes, praying that sleep would come over her soon – and at the same time hoping that no more nightmares would torment her until the morning came.

Michiru slowly opened the door to Harukas room and poked her head in, checking if the blonde was still asleep or if she already had woken up. Haruka laid in the white bed, looking out of the window, her chest rising and falling slowly, her bandaged hands laying on the blanket. "Haruka-san?" Michiru now softly spoke, making the blonde look at her. When the doctors eyes fell on those of her patient, it took a lot of her strength to keep herself from gasping. Harukas eyes were bloodshot and swollen, with dark circles underneath them; clearly showing that she had been crying last night. "Are you okay?" the aqua haired woman asked, honest concern and worry filling her voice. She moved into the room, closing the door behind her before she hurried over to the bed and sat down next to it. "Haruka-san, please answer me…are you okay?" Finally, Haruka shook her head, looking awfully helpless all of a sudden. "I had a nightmare." She spoke, her voice shaking while she did. "And then…the worries came again…I worried about how I'm supposed to live on my own now, without…you know…and the depressions came back…and I…I…" She stopped talking when fresh tears welled up in her eyes, choking her and making it unable for her to speak on. "Oh Haruka-san…" Michiru whispered, gently pulling the by now silently crying blonde into a warm embrace. "It will be okay." She whispered into Harukas ear. "I promise that it will be okay…your father and all the other people who like and love you will do their best to help you, and one day, you will be able to live on your own again. It might take weeks,  months or even years, but the day will come. Do you believe me?" The last question was accompanied by Michiru leaning slightly back and making Haruka look at her, capturing the blondes teal eyes with her own blue ones. "Do you believe me?" she repeated, slightly satisfied when Haruka finally nodded in reply. "Yes, I do." The blonde spoke, holding the doctors gaze with hers. At that moment, Michiru wanted to do nothing more than grab her shoulders and kiss her deeply, but she knew that this wasn't a very good idea. Not yet, she told herself. Wait until you at least suspect that she could like you too. If you kiss her now, it might scare her away…you don't even know if she's gay yet. Or single. Or both. "Now it's my turn to ask." Haruka interrupted her trail of thought, making her look at her. "Are you okay? You just seemed kind of…spaced out." Michiru smiled at her patient and nodded. "Yes, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. You shouldn't worry about me thought, but about yourself." Haruka shrugged, her gaze falling back to the blanket while she replied: "I do worry about you, Michiru-san. You see…I like you." she blushed slightly at this statement while Michiru smiled at her and patted her shoulder. "Good to hear, Haruka-san. You know I like you too, do you?" Haruka nodded, looking back up at the aqua haired woman. "Yes. And I'm happy that you do. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here…" Now it was Michirus time to blush. She coughed and rose from the chair she had been sitting on, nervously smiling at the blonde. "Well, after all this confessions, I guess you must be pretty hungry. I'll get you your breakfast." Haruka nodded and leaned back in her pillow, looking at the aqua haired woman's eyes once more. "Can I get a painkiller?" she asked, and Michiru nodded. "Sure. No Novril anymore though, I don't want you to get hooked. Aspirin may be spelled R-E-L-I-E-F, but Novril is spelled C-O-D-E-I-N-E after all. I will get you something lighter that still works." Haruka nodded, closing her eyes while she heard Michiru leaving the room. As soon as the door of the aqua haired woman had closed behind her, the blonde let out the sigh that had been bottled up inside her, opening her eyes again and looking at the door. If only I knew if she loves me back. Haruka thought to herself, her eyes filling with sadness all of a sudden. If only I knew.