Disclaimer: Ok I am a first time writer (partially) and I already hate this. Doesn't that tell you something? Oh whatever. I don't own Inuyasha. But I will someday! *looks nervously out the window in search of lawyers. See's a business suit.* OK, OK I LIED! I WILL NEVER OWN IT! *runs and hides in a corner*

Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic! That is if you don't count my two poems. I have been working on uploading a different one for a long time but it just won't take. Grrrrrrrr. So anyway, this fic is mainly Inuyasha and Kagome thoughts, but I will definitely be adding other character's feelings and thoughts in this. Oh and this will be a songfic inspired by the song How Can I Not Love You by Joy Enriquez. Oh and by the way before I get sued I don't own that either.

*WARNING! KIKYO LOVERS LEAVE NOW! KAGOME AND OTHERS MAY SERIOUSLY BASH HER! (Why you ask? Because I HATE Kikyo and I'm the author!) Oh and Inuyasha wishes her ill being too.*

~ Chapter One- Not Quite Dreaming Yet ~

I was lying on my bed. I had seen Kikyou and Inuyasha together. He told her that he wasn't going to leave her to Naraku. I guess that means he's going to leave me to anyone who will take me. So I guess it is true, what he always says to me or to others. I am only his shard detector. That's the only reason why he saves me. I only get in the way of things.
Why did I have to meet Inuyasha at all? I was happy before. Well, at least as happy as a school going girl like me can be. I could've just gone out with Hojo. My life would've been better, right?
But even as I lie here and have these thoughts, part of me knows that I don't regret meeting Inuyasha. Maybe it's because I love to be in the Feudal Era, maybe I love to fight demons, maybe I love Inuyasha's rare embraces, and then again, maybe I just love Inuyasha. Yes, it is true. I know I love Inuyasha. I love everything about him. His hair, his ears, and his eyes. God I love those eyes, I love to look into his eyes, and I love it when he's looking back. Then for some god unknown reason, I love his arrogance and his stubbornness His bravery and his warmth I get in those rare moments when he holds me tight. His loyalty, though it only lies with Kikyo.
At the same time I damn that loyalty. That strand of care that he has attached just to her. He seems to have some sort of drive that pushes him to her, and she an invisible rope that pulls him in. She has it in Inuyasha's head that it's his fault she died. But it's not his fault!
I hate Kikyo. I wish she would go back to where she came from! Why do I have to be so nice as to not kill her?! It would be no less than she deserves! Nobody should even try to take him away from me! She should have never returned here and left Inuyasha and I in peace!
But it's too late. It has already happened. She is here and there is nothing I can do about it. Of course, I could hunt her down and kill her painfully and beautifully, I have thought of this many times. That's before I catch myself though. I always come to the realization that I will never do what I wish I could. This is simply because that's not me. I am not one to kill and take revenge. I long to be able to let my hate run free and remove her from the earth, but I can't.
Now that I think of it, there are many things I can't do. Like, I can't reach out and embrace Inuyasha. I can't hold him close to me like I would love to do. I can't kiss him like I've dreamed of. I can't love him like I want to.

*Cannot touch, Cannot hold, Cannot be together. Cannot love, Cannot kiss, Cannot have each other.*

Oh suck it up Kagome! I need to stop having childish wants and thoughts. But if my wants and thoughts are of love, does that make love childish? There are so many twits and turns, so many different interpretations.
But I must be strong. I cannot keep hold of Inuyasha. He should not have to delay his time with Kikyo for me, and that is exactly what he is doing. I will not tell him how I feel. I cannot tell him how I feel.

*Must be strong, And we must let go. Cannot say, What our hearts must know.*

Somehow, I always feel like my decisions are wrong. Maybe it's because that's not how I want things to end up. I mean, God knows that I don't want Inuyasha to go with that dead wench! But what choice do I have? Sure, if I could I would make Inuyasha understand that Kikyo is a stupid, dead, resurrected, soul stealing, thing of the past, but he just doesn't get it. I mean, she wants to bring him to hell with her! The sad thing is, is that he sometimes says he is going to leave with her.
There again is that cursed loyalty. The thing that makes him continually feel bad for her. Then I get scared. I always think, what if he actually does leave this time? What if he doesn't have a second though? I can't help but get worried every time.
I guess the real truth is, is that I can't help but love Inuyasha. It's impossible to tell my heart not to. I want Inuyasha in my arms always and forever. If I could I would stop time in those rare embraces and be with him forever. I don't want these memories to leave me ever. I love Inuyasha and I miss him when I'm away. But yet I always leave.

*How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart? When do I not want you, Here in my arms? How does one waltz away, From all of the memories? How do I not miss you, When you are gone?*

I am blind and so is he. We are forever under this spell and forever caught in this trap. Perhaps one day we will be free, but that time will only come, with Inuyasha's final decision.