JAG and it's character's don't belong to me. I'm only playing in Mr. Bellisario's world. Any characters NOT taken directly from JAG or making cameo appearances from other televison shows DO belong to me.
A/N: Thoughts are in *'s
CHAPTER 9
Wednesday morning, Mac's internal alarm woke her at 0500. Knowing that she would never get back to sleep, she crept out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to start coffee. True to his word, Harm had stayed with her all week, but after the first night had insisted on sleeping on the couch. Mac smiled as she remembered his reasoning: "For once in my life, I'm going to do something the right way. We get past meeting Rachel and the fallout from that, and then I'm going to do my best to court you in the style you deserve." It was just too sweet, and so typically Harm that it made her shiver just thinking about it.
Mac leaned her elbows on the counter while she waited for the coffee to brew. She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a touch on her shoulder. "Harm! God, you almost gave me a heart attack!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't know you didn't hear me come it. I haven't exactly been tiptoeing around. Are you worrying about meeting Rachel?"
Mac didn't have to think about it for a second. "No. I'm not worried about it. I'm scared out of my mind." After a pause, she added, "And at the same time, I'm excited."
Harm took two coffee cups out of the cabinet and proceeded to fill them. "It may be rough for a little while, but I suspect you two are going to be fine. If she really hated you all that much, she wouldn't want to come here to see you. She'd be hoping that you never showed up at all."
"MmmmHmm." Mac wasn't looking entirely convinced, but her outlook on the whole situation had improved drastically in the last few days. They had told Harriet, Bud and Sturgis over lunch on Tuesday. Mac wasn't too eager to share, but felt like their friends should hear it from her, rather than have somebody else find out and spread the information as gossip. Bud and Sturgis didn't seem at all affected by the news. Harriet had reacted with her usual enthusiasm. She was convinced that everything was going to be "just wonderful." She had wanted to throw a party for them at her house before Rachel left, but Harm had tactfully suggested that another time might be better. Taking the hint, Harriet had let the subject drop.
Harm left the kitchen to take a shower and Mac went into the bedroom to get dressed. Five outfits later she was still digging through her closet when Harm emerged from the bathroom. He was dressed in a pair of jeans and a henley-type t-shirt. Mac looked up at him, "You're going to wear THAT?"
Harm laughed. "I'm not trying to impress anybody today, and I plan to be comfortable." He looked at the clothes Mac had laying on the bed. "We decided to meet at Rock Creek Park, remember? I don't think dresses and heels are appropriate." Mac glared at him. Harm walked over behind her, put his arms around her waist and rested his chin on top of her head. "You would look great in a flour sack, Mac. Put on a reasonably new pair of jeans, a nice shirt and your tennis shoes. We're liable to be walking around all day."
"But..."
"This isn't a command performance at the Admiral's house, Mac. If you wear one of those," he gestured to the dresses on the bed, "you're going to be uncomfortable and miserable all day. That's not going to make this any easier."
Mac sighed and turned around to wrap her arms around Harm's waist. "You're right. I just feel like I should be more... grown-up, you know? Not dressed like I did when I was 18."
"You're fine, Mac." Harm knew it was going to be an ongoing effort to kill all the demons from Mac's past and keep her self-esteem where it should be. "You don't have to dress to impress anybody - ever."
He held her for a moment until he felt her relax. "Go get your shower and get dressed Marine. I'll take you out for the biggest breakfast you've ever seen."
Mac smiled and shoved him away. "You always think the way to my heart is with food... whatever would give you that idea?"
"That it works maybe?" Harm ducked as she tossed a pillow his direction. "I'll wait for you in the living room. It's getting dangerous in here.
Mac chuckled to herself as she hung all the dresses back in her closet. **What did I ever do to deserve a man like him?** She pulled out a comfortable pair of jeans and a polo shirt. **Shoes... Running shoes? Too big and clunky. Loafers? Could be uncomfortable if we walk a lot. Keds? Hmm. Comfortable, look pretty good - thank goodness they're new and not all scuffed up.** She headed into the shower, feeling much better about the day. When she was dressed she looked in the mirror. In her mind she saw herself twice. Once as a scared and messed up teenager, once as an accomplished and respected Marine lawyer. **How did you manage to make the transition, Sarah?** she wondered. **Where would you be now if you hadn't?" That was almost too scary to think about, but she knew she was going to need an answer before she met Rachel.
*****
**Wow!** Was the only thought that entered Harm's mind when she walked into the living room. "You look great," he told her, glad that it hadn't taken much to convince her dress casually. **I don't know how I'd manage to work with her every day if she wore that,** he thought. Not too tight, but flattering her muscular figure, Mac was absolutely stunning. The jeans accentuated her hips and made her waist look tiny, and the polo shirt clung exactly where it was supposed to without looking tacky. **Hell, she even looks good in BDU's and they hide everything.**
"Ready for breakfast, Marine?"
"Let's go, Sailor-boy."
****
Harm was beginning to get concerned. Mac had been happy and outgoing when they left her apartment, but as they drove to the local Waffle House restaurant she had begun to withdraw. He had given her time to think, but after they had placed their orders, he reached across the table and covered her hands. "What's wrong?"
Mac looked up, but he knew that she wasn't looking at him, but was seeing something from the past. "I'm just trying to figure out what I'm going to say when Rachel asks what would have happened if I had kept her. Could I have dried up and made something out of myself with a child, or would we be living in shelters and out of our car? Would I be working on my eighth or ninth husband? Would I have walked out and left her anyway when she was older?" Her voiced broke on the last sentence.
"Mac, you are not your mother. Your mother left for purely selfish reasons. You were trying to take care of yourself, but there was a part of you that knew you could never do it and take care of Rachel too. You left her in a safe and loving home, your mother left you with a drunk and abusive father. And what has you mother managed to do with her life? Stop me if I'm wrong but the last time you talked to her, she was still drifting, living off of friends and relatives. She's not holding a job and supporting herself - she's relying on someone else to do it for her. You are ..."
"I know, Harm," Mac interrupted. "It sounds so reasonable when I think it and hear you say it. I just don't know how that is going to appear to a seventeen year old."
"We'll deal with that bridge when we cross it. And I'm going to be there with you to help you, unless you decide you want me to leave."
"Thank you," Mac sighed. This was going to be just as hard as she had feared, even though she was trying to be optimistic.
Once they were through, they walked out of the restaurant and over to Mac's corvette. "You drive again," she told Harm. "I'm not sure I can make it there without running us into a guardrail, my hands are shaking so badly."
Harm accepted the keys without complaint. When they were both seated and belted in, he reached over and took her hand again. "Whatever happens today is not your fault." Mac started to object, but he shushed her with a wave of his other hand. "What happened years ago is done and over with. She is the one who is seeking you out. This meeting is none of your doing and the outcome is NOT your fault. Don't you let her convince you otherwise." He grasped her chin lightly and turned her head so she was looking at him. "Trust me."
Mac smiled and sighed. "I have to Harm. I don't have anyone else."
That wasn't quite the answer he was expecting, but he chose not to pursue it right now.
They made the drive to the park in silence, but as they got nearer, Mac slid her hand over and gripped the hand he was resting on the gear shift.
