JAG and it's character's don't belong to me. I'm only playing in Mr. Bellisario's world. Any characters NOT taken directly from JAG or making cameo appearances from other televison shows DO belong to me.

A/N: Thoughts are in *'s


Chapter 11

It was amazing how quickly the tension disappeared once they began the sight-seeing trip. It was still emotional, but the fear seemed to disappear. Mac never left Harm's side, but she and Rachel might as well have been in Guam. The few times Harm attempted to join their discussion the response was short, almost snippy. At first, Harm felt left out and a little jealous, but it didn't take him long to realize that he had an opportunity to see a side of Mac that never knew existed.

After they had parked the car and gotten out to walk the monuments, Rachel began asking the questions that Mac was afraid to answer.

"Why?"

That was the hardest. Mac knew the reasons she had then, but now it just didn't sound like it was good enough. 'Rachel, I don't know how much your mom told you, but I was really messed up at that point. I wasn't mature enough to be able to make decisions to take care of myself. And while I wasn't able to actually admit it, I knew that if I took you with me your life wouldn't be any better than mine had been. I didn't really know what I was going to do, or where I was going to go. I was an alcoholic and Uncle Matt helped me to dry out, but I didn't have any plan for he future that went farther than that." It was unnerving the way Rachel watched her, not speaking, as she tried to explain. "I had no job, no money, no education. And somewhere in my screwed up brain, there was a voice telling me that I couldn't do that you. That Kate's family was so much more normal than anything I could offer you."

"You were scared."

"I was. For a lot of reasons. For you, for me, for what I was doing and what could happen to me when the police and social services got involved..."

"But they didn't."

"Apparently your mom managed to tap dance her way around them. I don't know how she managed it, I just need to thank her."

They climbed the stairs to the top of the Washington Monument in silence. While they were looking out the windows, Rachel asked the next question. "Did you love me?"

Harm thought Mac was going to cry, but she stiffened her spine like a good Marine and answered the question. "Sweetheart, I loved you more than anything else in the world. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me." Mac tentatively reached out and touched Rachel on the arm. If was the first physical contact between the two of them. "I can't tell you how much it hurt me to leave you that day. And how much it still hurts." She paused, took a deep breath, and continuted, "I cried myself to sleep every year on your birthday. I hoped that someday you would show up on my door, but I couldn't help but believe that you would hate me too much to ever do it." The tears began to trickle down Mac's cheeks, but she kept her rigid posture, like that was the only thing that was holding her together.

Rachel began to cry as well, "I never hated you. I always felt like something was missing, and it made me sad. I always wondered why I wasn't good enough for you to take me with you." Mac flinched. "Mom tried to explain how things were, but I never really understood. All I ever wanted was to hear you say that you loved me." Mac and Rachel embraced and stood at the top of the Washington Monument crying together.

From there it was almost as if they had never been apart. They talked about Rachel's school, Mac career, boys... all the catching up things that friends talk about. When they stopped for lunch at one of the tourist-y cafes, Mac finally brought Harm into the "inner circle" they had created.

"Harm, I'm sorry, Rachel and I have been talking all morning and have pretty well managed to ignore you. Why didn't you say something?"

Harm laughed. "I tried a couple of time, and was pretty much told to sit down and shut up..."

"I never said that! I..."

"All but, Mac," Harm was still laughing. "It's okay. I think I learned a lot this morning." He turned to Rachel. " I don't think we were ever formally introduced. I'm Harmon Rabb, Jr. - a friend of your... of Mac's." He held out his hand to Rachel.

She took it lightly. "Obviously, I'm Rachel. You must be a good friend to put up with all of this today. And to be here after all the trouble I've caused. I guess I owe both of you an apology. Kate told me that it was going to be awkward, but I really felt like I'd been cheated, her hanging out with Sarah and all."

"It was certainly a surprise," Harm agreed with her, "but we worked through it, and maybe we all understand a little better now."

They ate in a companionable silence and spent the rest of the afternoon visiting the Lincoln Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial, the Viet Nam memorials, and finished with a trip through the Air and Space Museum.

When they arrived back at Kate's, there was a new sense of family there. Kate's parents had raised Rachel as her sister, so she was Aunt Rachel to the kids. With Mac being her biological mother, the kids had granted her with family status as well. Apparently their welcome also included Harm because as soon as the stopped the car, all four children ran out of the house and mobbed them all. Kate came to the door and managed to herd them all inside for a wonderful dinner of Juan's ribbon-winning barbeque. When it was time to leave, Harm and Mac left to hugs all around.

Mac held Rachel and looked her right in the face. "Now that you've come back into my life, don't you dare try to stay away. Anytime you want to, you're welcome to stay with me. And if you need help with the airfare you let me know. I'm not going to go another 18 years without seeing you."

Rachel smiled, "Thanks, MOM," Mac gasped at the use of the title, "consider yourself welcome to show up at my place anytime you want to, too. I've got your phone number and email address so you can count on hearing from me probably more than you want."

Mac was smiling as well. "Never. We didn't talk about what we were going to do between now and when you go home. Did you want to get together tomorrow night? I have to go to work, but we can do dinner or something?"

"I'd love to. Call when you get home and we'll work something out."

On the way back to Mac's apartment, Harm reached over and squeezed Mac's hand. "That wasn't nearly as bad as I was afraid it was going to be."

"No, I had visions of it being so much worse. She's beautiful, Harm. What did I do to deserve a daughter who is so beautiful? And so loving and sweet?"

Harm kissed the back of her hand. "She takes after her mother," was all he said.