"Connor's Sunnydale Vacation" - Chapter 6
New romance can be wonderful ... and incredibly awkward. Dawn and Connor experiment briefly, and Angel comes to collect Connor.
***********
Dawn knocked softly at the door to Willow's room where Connor was staying for the duration of his visit. There was no answer and she knocked a little louder. It had taken much longer than an hour for the party to wind down and the last of the guests to be dismissed. Maybe he had fallen asleep.
Then it occurred to Dawn that he was more likely to have stayed right where she left him. She hurried downstairs and out the back door. Sure enough, there was a dark shadow huddled beneath the tree.
"Hey," she said, coming up beside him. He scrambled to his feet. "Sorry I took so long. I couldn't be rude but it felt like they were never going to leave."
He didn't answer so she rattled on nervously.
"You didn't have to wait here, you know. You could've come in the house."
"It's all right. I like it outside better," he said, shifting a little from foot to foot.
They both stood in embarrassed silence for a long minute and Dawn wondered how they could've moved so quickly from practically swallowing each other's tongues to being struck dumb with shyness.
"Uh, you want to take a walk," she finally managed to blurt out.
He nodded and followed her lead toward the front of the house and the sidewalk beyond.
"Well it was a weird party," Dawn said to fill the silence as they strode side by side. "Although it got better after Janice sunk her claws into Ryan and dragged him back to her lair. Good riddance." She shook her head, smiling ruefully at Janice's predictability and Ryan's disappointing shallowness. "Anyway, at least it worked out for Alex and Sue 'cause they finally hooked up. That's what I was hoping for. He's been into her since forever."
Dawn looked up at the streetlights and the stars and the house windows as they passed, anywhere but at the shadowy figure by her side. She sighed. "It was so much easier back when it was just slumber parties with your best friends in their jammies and the worst thing you had to worry about was whether to pick truth or dare."
She finally darted a glance over at Connor and although his body was facing forward, his eyes were riveted on her. She wondered if there had been normal UV rays in Quor-toth's sun, assuming there was a sun, because his skin was as pale and smooth as a porcelain doll's ... or a vampire's. Maybe that was part of the superhuman package he had inherited from Angel and Darla; super speed, strength, hearing, healing and perfect, unblemished skin. It made Dawn excruciatingly aware of the nice-sized zit that was blooming on her forehead. Concealer had only irritated it and made it swell up further. She supposed she should be grateful her whole complexion wasn't a mottled mass like that Whedon kid at school and then wondered if it was vain to be glad she didn't look like that. All this flashed through her mind in a panicked instant of mental babbling, during which she wished she'd never asked Connor to come on a walk because the silence was becoming excruciating.
"So, um, you want to ... stop for cappucino?" she stammered. "We could...." She gestured up the street toward The Espresso Pump. "Maybe have a foosball rematch ... or something."
He smiled and shook his head.
They walked some more and night noises dominated.
Dawn swallowed and looked around, fishing for something else, anything else to say. Suddenly she felt a wisp of air stroke her arm. She glanced over and Connor was walking much closer, his arm practically touching hers. His eyes were downcast, brow furrowed a little as he concentrated all his attention on the sidewalk before them. As his arm swung back and forth in walking rhythm, the back of his hand brushed hers.
Dawn smiled. He couldn't have made it more obvious that he wanted to hold her hand if he'd plastered it on a billboard on Route 20. That boosted her confidence level and she was able to speak again.
"So, Connor, we've talked a lot about life here but you haven't told me much about what it was like in Quor-toth." She slipped her hand casually into his as she said it, not breaking stride or looking down. "I mean you couldn't have spent every minute of your life killing things and fighting for survival. What else did you do? What did you do for fun?"
"Fun?" From the corner of her eye, Dawn could see him stare for a second at their joined hands then up at her face. She turned her head and met his incredulous look.
"Yeah, fun. Downtime. Whatever. Your, uh, guardian must have played games with you when you were little? Cat's cradle? Rock, paper, scissors? Something?"
"He...he told me Bible stories ... and Greek myths." Connor paused then looked thoughtfully up at the sky. "And I liked to look at the stars. Not the same patterns as here though and they seemed bigger and brighter."
"Most of our constellations are supposed to be pictures relating to myths," Dawn supplied. "But they don't really look like much of anything but a bunch of stars to me."
After another little silence, Dawn prompted, "What's your favorite story?"
Connor considered the question. "The one about Hope," he finally answered. "You know that one?" His thumb was stroking the back of her hand sending delicious tickles through her nervous system and Dawn momentarily lost her train of thought.
"Um, yeah. Pandora's Box. Sure. She unleashed all the evils of the world but she also released Hope." Dawn smiled. "It's a beautiful story."
"Father said we should never give up hope that we would find a way out. I guess that was one thing he didn't lie about."
"Mm," Dawn affirmed, not knowing how to deal with the subject of Holtz, a man Connor obviously loved, revered and despised simultaneously.
"Did you, uh, ever have a pet?" she asked in an attempt to change the topic. She had an unlikely mental picture of Connor with an Ewok or a Tribble. "Maybe a lizard or something?" She rambled on. "I always wanted a kitty so bad. I asked for one every birthday and every Christmas, but we couldn't get one because Dad was allergic."
"I don't know if it was a 'pet'," Connor said. "But I took care of a hatchling I found once, after I had slain its mother. It was too little to survive, and I wondered..." he stopped and Dawn waited a full three seconds for him to continue. "I wondered if maybe it could ... be changed. If I raised it, treated it gently, would it still be evil?" He looked at her. "You know?"
Dawn thought about Spike and how the unlikely paradoxes in his personality had made her question the nature of evil and its ability to change. She nodded vigorously. "Oh, yeah. Definitely. So what happened?"
Connor laughed sharply. "Father found out after a few days, of course. We ate it for dinner the same night."
Dawn decided that no Quor-toth stories were going to end on a happy note so she tried to channel the conversation toward Connor's new life in L.A. "Well, maybe when you get home you should get a dog or something. I'm sure Angel would let you. Pets are very therapeutic and god knows you could use some therapy." She knew he wouldn't understand the last statement and he didn't disappoint. What she didn't expect was his reply.
"I don't know if I want to go back."
"What?" Dawn stopped walking.
He stopped too and turned to face her, capturing her other hand in his. He fixed her with one of those piercing looks, which set her pulse racing. "They don't really need me there," he continued. "They don't even like me. So why should I go back?"
"Uh, because that's where you live?" Dawn said. "With Angel. In L.A."
"But I don't have to. I could help Buffy here like I've been doing then we could see each other." His tiny smile blossomed and Dawn thought he should have inherited his father's name to match his cherubic look.
"Uh-huh," she countered. "That is ... an option ... I suppose...."
His smile faltered and dimmed. He released her hands. "You don't want me to stay here," he said evenly.
"No, Connor, it's not that." Dawn's heart sank as she watched the shutters slam shut on his open expression. "I like you. I really do," she soothed. "But we hardly know each other. We just kissed a little bit and for you to suddenly want to stay here ... because of, what? Me? That's...."
He nodded and took a step back, jamming his hands in his pockets.
"Besides, Angel just found you again. He really wants to be your dad. Don't you think you owe it to him to try to have a relationship of some kind? Spend time...." she trailed off again as Connor turned and began walking quickly away.
"Oh, come on!" She trotted after him. "Don't be so sensitive! Let's just enjoy the time you have left here and then say goodbye when you have to go. Why make it so complicated?" He walked faster and she was practically running now to keep up. "Connor? Connor, wait!"
Dawn's temper was frayed past the breaking point. It had been a long day full of nervous tension, mostly due to dealing with her L.A. guest and the diverse personalities at her party. All she'd hoped for on this walk was a little chat and a little more making out. Now suddenly here they were in the middle of yet another Connor angst-fest and she was sick of it. She felt sorry for him and all he'd been through, but Dawn wasn't by nature a patient person.
"Fine, jackass!" she hollered, stopping in her tracks. "I'm not going to run after you. If you want to hide and sulk, go ahead, but if you want to talk like grownups, I'll be right here." They had reached the entrance to the park and she plunked herself down on the nearest bench.
Connor kept stalking away. "And if I get eaten by vampires because you were too stubborn to sit and have a conversation and left me all alone in the dark park at night, it'll be your fault," she called.
It had the desired effect. Connor stopped, then turned and began walking slowly toward the bench. When he reached her, Dawn was a little nervous. His face was expressionless, his eyes as narrow and fathomless as the night Angel had first dropped him off. He stared at her a moment and then grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to her feet.
"I'll take you home then," he muttered, pulling her along as he walked briskly back the way they had come.
But Dawn could be just as disagreeable. She dug in her heels and pulled against him. Her puny strength was no match for his but her willpower was. "No!" she insisted. "We're going to stop right here and you're going to talk to me about what you're thinking."
He let go abruptly and she staggered back and almost fell on her ass. "There's nothing to talk about," he answered, crossing his arms in his classic defensive pose. "I thought you wanted me. I was wrong."
She regained her balance and some of her poise. "I just told you I like you, although you're making it increasingly difficult." She stepped close to him and looked up entreatingly. "But you're, like, way more into this than I am. A few kisses don't make people instant ... soul-mates or something. Connor, I'm barely sixteen. I'm just a kid! And you're too intense. It's kinda scaring me."
The tears welling up in her eyes inspired a softening in his expression. His own eyes glistened. Finally he spoke haltingly.
"When we kissed.... I never ... felt anything like that before." The words pushed from him like the final mile of a marathon run. He shook his head, still amazed at the tumultuous feelings that had coursed through him. "It was so strong."
Dawn nodded encouragingly and placed her hands on his crossed arms.
He continued, "I wanted to.... I don't know, have you. All of you. I guess you didn't feel the same way."
"That's hormones," Dawn explained. "Yeah, of course I felt it too, but ... you're right, girls feel it differently. Guys tend to go a little crazy and possessive."
"So," Connor said slowly. "I don't want to leave. I want to feel that again. All the time. It was...." He shrugged, at a loss for superlatives.
"Pretty amazing," Dawn agreed.
"Look," She pulled his crossed arms apart and pushed into their encircling warmth. "Whether you go or stay, that's a really big decision, but let's not think about it tonight, okay? Let's not waste time being pissed at each other or arguing about what comes next. We're here now. It's a beautiful night. It's my birthday. And I want you to kiss me some more."
Looking down into her face, Connor's eyes scanned back and forth, searching for something in her eyes. Then he nodded. "All right."
***********
She felt so slender and breakable in his embrace. Fighting instinct, which told him to crush her to him as hard as he could, Connor reined in his strength and held her loosely. He marveled at the heat her body generated and how effortlessly it aroused an answering heat in him.
When she asked for his kiss, he was lost. Of course he would. Was there any doubt? He leaned in and carefully planted his lips on hers then mimicked her kisses earlier that evening, slowly and sensuously moving his mouth against hers. Lips slightly parted, tongue occasionally slipping in to taste her, he focused on this moment and on the feelings that flooded him.
It occurred to him that, although Dawn was a tall girl, he was taller and so she was forced to crane her neck when she turned her face up toward him. Connor moved one of his hands to cradle the back of her head and it entangled in her silky hair. He thought that her hair felt as smooth under his palm as the age-polished wood of his favorite bow.
As he kissed her again and again, exploring increasingly deeper, she melted bonelessly against him. The inside of her mouth was as steaming hot as a jungle on Quor-toth. His pulse quickened and again desire stiffened him past what he had thought possible to bear without exploding. Pulling away, he rested his forehead against Dawn's and just breathed, trying to calm himself. He noticed her breathing was rapid too and it made him feel better.
"Wow," Dawn nervously tried to break the tension. "You got the kissing thing down already." She pulled away, laughing a little. "Too bad you're not so quick on the uptake with foosball." She grabbed his hand and led him to the park bench.
They sat side by side gazing around at the shifting tree shadows in the park. Dawn shivered a little in the cool night air.
"You're cold? We could go somewhere.."
"No. Just put your arm around me," Dawn instructed, and soon she was snuggled against him with his left arm firmly wrapped around her back, hand resting on her hip. Her warm, solid weight caused a swell of something ... joy, comfort, peace ... in his chest. Connor pressed his face into the top of her shampoo-scented hair and allowed himself to relax.
"You smell so good," he murmured, kissing her soft, soft hair.
"Herbal Essences," she answered distractedly as his lips grazed her temple. "Shampoo," she clarified.
"No. Not that chemical smell," he said. "You. Your scent underneath it."
"Oh." She paused a moment and he wondered if he had said something offensive. "What is it like?" she finally asked. "What do I smell like?"
Connor thought hard and tried to define the indefinable. "Salt. Something like ... bread. And ... woman." He shrugged helplessly. "I can't describe it. You're kind of like grass on a hot, sunny day."
He felt her shift against him and thought maybe she was smiling.
"Weird," she said, and he could definitely hear the smile. "But cool. It must be awesome to have super senses, to be able to hear and see and smell better than anybody else."
"Sometimes it's useful," Connor admitted. "But this world is so loud and full of people, I get headaches a lot."
Dawn removed her right hand from his thigh, which was good because it was uncomfortably close to his aching crotch, and reached up to stroke the side of his face. "Poor baby." And although her tone was as teasing as always, he could tell she meant it.
"Still, it would at least be cool to have super strength. If I did, the first thing I'd do would be to beat Buffy up." Connor wasn't quite sure that her tone was teasing this time. "You don't know what it's like to be the Slayer's sister! To always be the victim, the kidnapped one, the screw- up while she's all Chosen and Special. It sucks!"
Connor thought of his attempts to best Angel and how, even in their non- lethal sparring this summer he was never quite able to achieve it. "Yeah," he agreed.
"I mean, I love her and all but god her attitude is annoying." Dawn paused then added. "That was one thing I loved about mom, she never played favorites. Of course, Buffy said she spoiled me, but I don't think so. She loved us both and made us both feel special. And now ever since she died, I feel like I'm nothing but in the way. Like I'm yet another problem for Buffy to solve." She paused again. "Although it has been better this summer. After that mess in spring, Buffy has started to treat me more like a grown up, to show me how to take care of myself in a fight and even to confide in me ... a little."
Connor listened to her words, felt the vibration of them against his chest as she talked, and got a sudden impression that he was the first person she had ever told this to. It made him feel honored and needed that she would share her secret feelings with him. He hadn't felt needed in a long time - not since Quor-toth where his father had relied on him for his very survival.
"And speaking of Buffy," Dawn abruptly sat up straight and looked at her watch. "It's getting late and I'm not into hearing one of her lectures. We'd better start back."
Reluctantly Connor let his arm drop from around her shoulders. But Dawn surprised him and leaned in to begin kissing him again. "Just a couple of minutes more won't hurt," she whispered in explanation.
They made out for another fifteen minutes then abandoned the park bench and began contentedly strolling toward home.
When they were a couple of houses down from the Summers' home, Connor suddenly froze. "No!" he exclaimed.
"What?" Dawn strained to see what had caught his attention and when she finally focused on the convertible parked in her driveway she gasped as well, "Oh no. Not yet."
Connor grabbed her hand harder, tight enough to squeeze an "Ow!" from her and began walking purposefully toward the house. "He can't do this!" he seethed. "He can't just show up and expect.... I'm not going."
Towed along behind him, Dawn made no comment.
*************
Buffy stood in the corner, arms folded across her chest, exactly as Connor had done earlier that evening. She watched Angel and Connor square off not like angry barn cats as she would have expected, more like the ocean surf breaking on a rock; inexorable force meets immovable object. The louder Connor got, and she was beginning to be afraid the neighbors might call the police, the quieter and more insistent Angel became.
She glanced over at Dawn, who was surprisingly not getting involved in the verbal brawl. That was very uncharacteristic of her sister and Buffy wondered what it meant. She also wondered how this little romance had blossomed right under her nose while she had remained embarrassingly ignorant.
Listening to Angel's patient and humoring tone, Buffy realized he couldn't have chosen a worse way to deal with his angry son. She knew this because even when the paternal condescension was no longer directed at her, it still made her chafe and itch. 'Angel, grab a clue!' she thought. 'He's a teenager not one of your underlings.'
As Angel's calm finally began to fracture and his voice rose, Buffy knew the situation was escalating to the point where she needed to intervene. She stepped forward.
"Okay. Time out," she cut across their arguing, making a referee's T with her hands. She spoke imperiously. "Angel, why don't you go to the kitchen and ... well, there's no blood in my fridge but I'm sure you can find something to do with yourself." He opened his mouth to argue and she quelled him with a look. "Let me talk to Connor and Dawn for a minute, please."
Frowning, Angel complied and Buffy turned to face the young couple, her brain racing and a little prayer going up to her mother to help her find the right words to make the situation clear without alienating either one of them.
First she smiled to show the natives she was friendly. Next she reined in her desire to wail, "When did this happen and where was I?"
"So ... you two really ended up hitting it off," she remarked as an opener. "I can see you like each other a lot," she added to show them she appreciated the validity of their feelings.
Connor eyed her suspiciously waiting for the 'but...' while Dawn's face remained confusingly unreadable.
"I know what it's like to be sixteen and in love," Buffy said directly to Dawn, hoping her sister would remember how she had mooned around the house over Angel, but doubting that a self-involved twelve-year-old would even have noticed.
"I'm not stupid, Buffy," Dawn cut across her attempt at empathy. "I know Connor can't stay here and I wouldn't say we've fallen in love, but, damn, couldn't Angel have shown some consideration and called before he came? Given us a little time? A little advance warning? We only just started...." Her bottom lip started trembling and she sucked it in and quit talking.
Buffy noted Connor's betrayed expression as he looked at Dawn. Obviously he was riding the Love Boat by himself and the hurt in his blue eyes gave Buffy a sock to the gut of deja vu. Suddenly his fem features morphed into Spike's angular ones and Buffy felt her stomach trembling harder than Dawn's lip. People started liking other people and somehow somebody always cared more and got hurt.
"Yes, he should have phoned," she agreed. "Angel does tend to think that his agenda is more important than everyone else's. But..." she turned her attention to Connor now, "you do know that he needs you at home, right? Really needs you." She waited a beat for this to sink in then continued gently. "Your place right now ... isn't here."
Buffy could tell from his eyes that the argument was finished before she even began talking. Dawn's lack of support and feeling for him had accomplished what all of Angel's calculated cajoling couldn't, broken his will.
"Maybe you could talk Angel into coming back in another few days, maybe a week," Dawn said hopefully to Buffy. "He listens to you."
"Maybe," Buffy agreed.
"Or if not, at least you could come and visit again soon. We'll see each other again. L.A. is only a little over an hour away," Dawn clutched Connor's arm and looked at him beseechingly. "Plus we can talk on the phone and I'll send you e-mails through Fred."
Buffy felt her heart break a little more as she watched Connor's jaw clench and his eyes do that shut-down thing. "Yeah," he said, carefully removing his arm from Dawn's grasp.
"Look," Buffy said, wanting to give them a moment alone. "I'll go see if Angel can spare you for another week and then...."
"No." Connor cut her off. "Don't bother. I might as well go now."
"Connor...." Dawn began knowing she had failed him but not how to fix it.
"I'll get my things," he continued, brushing past her on his way toward the stairs.
"Crap!" Dawn muttered watching him ascend the stairs and scrubbing at her now-streaming eyes.
"I know," Buffy said, coming up and putting an arm around her.
"Why do things have to be so hard?" Dawn asked, leaning against her short big sister. "Why do some people have to feel so deeply?"
"That I don't know," Buffy said.
"And is there something wrong with me because I don't feel it? I mean, I liked the kissing and all. Loved it. But I'm not ready to be IN love. Not yet."
"No!" Buffy gave her a squeeze. "There's nothing at all wrong with you and when the time is right and the person is right you'll get hit with it like a truck. Hopefully your timing will be better than mine and you'll love whoever it is at the same time and depth that he loves you." She added, "Plus, hopefully no vampires or curses."
With a last hug Buffy pulled away from Dawn. "I'd better go tell Angel that Connor is going home."
The End
Author's Note: That's the end of "Connor's Sunnydale Vacation" but Dawn and Connor's story will continue in "Dawn in L.A." which will take place a year later, post "Chosen" when the Sunnydale survivors turn up on Angel's doorstep for aid. I swear I will continue this project since I have great interest in seeing Donner get completely 'coupled up' once they have a little more maturity. As far as I'm concerned this story was just a chance for the characters to be introduced to one another in preparation for a real love affair later. I have two story ideas; one with the Connor mind-wipe and one without and I really need to see the rest of season 4 "Angel" on TNT first so I know what I'm dealing with and how much I dare change it. There are five more episodes to go, so in about five weeks I will add on to this story. Even though it's a sequel, I will post it under this title so people don't have trouble finding it. Thanks again for all feedback. I've really appreciated it. Hope this story didn't end too abruptly or feel too rushed. After I'd read it over for the fifth time or so it was hard to tell.
New romance can be wonderful ... and incredibly awkward. Dawn and Connor experiment briefly, and Angel comes to collect Connor.
***********
Dawn knocked softly at the door to Willow's room where Connor was staying for the duration of his visit. There was no answer and she knocked a little louder. It had taken much longer than an hour for the party to wind down and the last of the guests to be dismissed. Maybe he had fallen asleep.
Then it occurred to Dawn that he was more likely to have stayed right where she left him. She hurried downstairs and out the back door. Sure enough, there was a dark shadow huddled beneath the tree.
"Hey," she said, coming up beside him. He scrambled to his feet. "Sorry I took so long. I couldn't be rude but it felt like they were never going to leave."
He didn't answer so she rattled on nervously.
"You didn't have to wait here, you know. You could've come in the house."
"It's all right. I like it outside better," he said, shifting a little from foot to foot.
They both stood in embarrassed silence for a long minute and Dawn wondered how they could've moved so quickly from practically swallowing each other's tongues to being struck dumb with shyness.
"Uh, you want to take a walk," she finally managed to blurt out.
He nodded and followed her lead toward the front of the house and the sidewalk beyond.
"Well it was a weird party," Dawn said to fill the silence as they strode side by side. "Although it got better after Janice sunk her claws into Ryan and dragged him back to her lair. Good riddance." She shook her head, smiling ruefully at Janice's predictability and Ryan's disappointing shallowness. "Anyway, at least it worked out for Alex and Sue 'cause they finally hooked up. That's what I was hoping for. He's been into her since forever."
Dawn looked up at the streetlights and the stars and the house windows as they passed, anywhere but at the shadowy figure by her side. She sighed. "It was so much easier back when it was just slumber parties with your best friends in their jammies and the worst thing you had to worry about was whether to pick truth or dare."
She finally darted a glance over at Connor and although his body was facing forward, his eyes were riveted on her. She wondered if there had been normal UV rays in Quor-toth's sun, assuming there was a sun, because his skin was as pale and smooth as a porcelain doll's ... or a vampire's. Maybe that was part of the superhuman package he had inherited from Angel and Darla; super speed, strength, hearing, healing and perfect, unblemished skin. It made Dawn excruciatingly aware of the nice-sized zit that was blooming on her forehead. Concealer had only irritated it and made it swell up further. She supposed she should be grateful her whole complexion wasn't a mottled mass like that Whedon kid at school and then wondered if it was vain to be glad she didn't look like that. All this flashed through her mind in a panicked instant of mental babbling, during which she wished she'd never asked Connor to come on a walk because the silence was becoming excruciating.
"So, um, you want to ... stop for cappucino?" she stammered. "We could...." She gestured up the street toward The Espresso Pump. "Maybe have a foosball rematch ... or something."
He smiled and shook his head.
They walked some more and night noises dominated.
Dawn swallowed and looked around, fishing for something else, anything else to say. Suddenly she felt a wisp of air stroke her arm. She glanced over and Connor was walking much closer, his arm practically touching hers. His eyes were downcast, brow furrowed a little as he concentrated all his attention on the sidewalk before them. As his arm swung back and forth in walking rhythm, the back of his hand brushed hers.
Dawn smiled. He couldn't have made it more obvious that he wanted to hold her hand if he'd plastered it on a billboard on Route 20. That boosted her confidence level and she was able to speak again.
"So, Connor, we've talked a lot about life here but you haven't told me much about what it was like in Quor-toth." She slipped her hand casually into his as she said it, not breaking stride or looking down. "I mean you couldn't have spent every minute of your life killing things and fighting for survival. What else did you do? What did you do for fun?"
"Fun?" From the corner of her eye, Dawn could see him stare for a second at their joined hands then up at her face. She turned her head and met his incredulous look.
"Yeah, fun. Downtime. Whatever. Your, uh, guardian must have played games with you when you were little? Cat's cradle? Rock, paper, scissors? Something?"
"He...he told me Bible stories ... and Greek myths." Connor paused then looked thoughtfully up at the sky. "And I liked to look at the stars. Not the same patterns as here though and they seemed bigger and brighter."
"Most of our constellations are supposed to be pictures relating to myths," Dawn supplied. "But they don't really look like much of anything but a bunch of stars to me."
After another little silence, Dawn prompted, "What's your favorite story?"
Connor considered the question. "The one about Hope," he finally answered. "You know that one?" His thumb was stroking the back of her hand sending delicious tickles through her nervous system and Dawn momentarily lost her train of thought.
"Um, yeah. Pandora's Box. Sure. She unleashed all the evils of the world but she also released Hope." Dawn smiled. "It's a beautiful story."
"Father said we should never give up hope that we would find a way out. I guess that was one thing he didn't lie about."
"Mm," Dawn affirmed, not knowing how to deal with the subject of Holtz, a man Connor obviously loved, revered and despised simultaneously.
"Did you, uh, ever have a pet?" she asked in an attempt to change the topic. She had an unlikely mental picture of Connor with an Ewok or a Tribble. "Maybe a lizard or something?" She rambled on. "I always wanted a kitty so bad. I asked for one every birthday and every Christmas, but we couldn't get one because Dad was allergic."
"I don't know if it was a 'pet'," Connor said. "But I took care of a hatchling I found once, after I had slain its mother. It was too little to survive, and I wondered..." he stopped and Dawn waited a full three seconds for him to continue. "I wondered if maybe it could ... be changed. If I raised it, treated it gently, would it still be evil?" He looked at her. "You know?"
Dawn thought about Spike and how the unlikely paradoxes in his personality had made her question the nature of evil and its ability to change. She nodded vigorously. "Oh, yeah. Definitely. So what happened?"
Connor laughed sharply. "Father found out after a few days, of course. We ate it for dinner the same night."
Dawn decided that no Quor-toth stories were going to end on a happy note so she tried to channel the conversation toward Connor's new life in L.A. "Well, maybe when you get home you should get a dog or something. I'm sure Angel would let you. Pets are very therapeutic and god knows you could use some therapy." She knew he wouldn't understand the last statement and he didn't disappoint. What she didn't expect was his reply.
"I don't know if I want to go back."
"What?" Dawn stopped walking.
He stopped too and turned to face her, capturing her other hand in his. He fixed her with one of those piercing looks, which set her pulse racing. "They don't really need me there," he continued. "They don't even like me. So why should I go back?"
"Uh, because that's where you live?" Dawn said. "With Angel. In L.A."
"But I don't have to. I could help Buffy here like I've been doing then we could see each other." His tiny smile blossomed and Dawn thought he should have inherited his father's name to match his cherubic look.
"Uh-huh," she countered. "That is ... an option ... I suppose...."
His smile faltered and dimmed. He released her hands. "You don't want me to stay here," he said evenly.
"No, Connor, it's not that." Dawn's heart sank as she watched the shutters slam shut on his open expression. "I like you. I really do," she soothed. "But we hardly know each other. We just kissed a little bit and for you to suddenly want to stay here ... because of, what? Me? That's...."
He nodded and took a step back, jamming his hands in his pockets.
"Besides, Angel just found you again. He really wants to be your dad. Don't you think you owe it to him to try to have a relationship of some kind? Spend time...." she trailed off again as Connor turned and began walking quickly away.
"Oh, come on!" She trotted after him. "Don't be so sensitive! Let's just enjoy the time you have left here and then say goodbye when you have to go. Why make it so complicated?" He walked faster and she was practically running now to keep up. "Connor? Connor, wait!"
Dawn's temper was frayed past the breaking point. It had been a long day full of nervous tension, mostly due to dealing with her L.A. guest and the diverse personalities at her party. All she'd hoped for on this walk was a little chat and a little more making out. Now suddenly here they were in the middle of yet another Connor angst-fest and she was sick of it. She felt sorry for him and all he'd been through, but Dawn wasn't by nature a patient person.
"Fine, jackass!" she hollered, stopping in her tracks. "I'm not going to run after you. If you want to hide and sulk, go ahead, but if you want to talk like grownups, I'll be right here." They had reached the entrance to the park and she plunked herself down on the nearest bench.
Connor kept stalking away. "And if I get eaten by vampires because you were too stubborn to sit and have a conversation and left me all alone in the dark park at night, it'll be your fault," she called.
It had the desired effect. Connor stopped, then turned and began walking slowly toward the bench. When he reached her, Dawn was a little nervous. His face was expressionless, his eyes as narrow and fathomless as the night Angel had first dropped him off. He stared at her a moment and then grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to her feet.
"I'll take you home then," he muttered, pulling her along as he walked briskly back the way they had come.
But Dawn could be just as disagreeable. She dug in her heels and pulled against him. Her puny strength was no match for his but her willpower was. "No!" she insisted. "We're going to stop right here and you're going to talk to me about what you're thinking."
He let go abruptly and she staggered back and almost fell on her ass. "There's nothing to talk about," he answered, crossing his arms in his classic defensive pose. "I thought you wanted me. I was wrong."
She regained her balance and some of her poise. "I just told you I like you, although you're making it increasingly difficult." She stepped close to him and looked up entreatingly. "But you're, like, way more into this than I am. A few kisses don't make people instant ... soul-mates or something. Connor, I'm barely sixteen. I'm just a kid! And you're too intense. It's kinda scaring me."
The tears welling up in her eyes inspired a softening in his expression. His own eyes glistened. Finally he spoke haltingly.
"When we kissed.... I never ... felt anything like that before." The words pushed from him like the final mile of a marathon run. He shook his head, still amazed at the tumultuous feelings that had coursed through him. "It was so strong."
Dawn nodded encouragingly and placed her hands on his crossed arms.
He continued, "I wanted to.... I don't know, have you. All of you. I guess you didn't feel the same way."
"That's hormones," Dawn explained. "Yeah, of course I felt it too, but ... you're right, girls feel it differently. Guys tend to go a little crazy and possessive."
"So," Connor said slowly. "I don't want to leave. I want to feel that again. All the time. It was...." He shrugged, at a loss for superlatives.
"Pretty amazing," Dawn agreed.
"Look," She pulled his crossed arms apart and pushed into their encircling warmth. "Whether you go or stay, that's a really big decision, but let's not think about it tonight, okay? Let's not waste time being pissed at each other or arguing about what comes next. We're here now. It's a beautiful night. It's my birthday. And I want you to kiss me some more."
Looking down into her face, Connor's eyes scanned back and forth, searching for something in her eyes. Then he nodded. "All right."
***********
She felt so slender and breakable in his embrace. Fighting instinct, which told him to crush her to him as hard as he could, Connor reined in his strength and held her loosely. He marveled at the heat her body generated and how effortlessly it aroused an answering heat in him.
When she asked for his kiss, he was lost. Of course he would. Was there any doubt? He leaned in and carefully planted his lips on hers then mimicked her kisses earlier that evening, slowly and sensuously moving his mouth against hers. Lips slightly parted, tongue occasionally slipping in to taste her, he focused on this moment and on the feelings that flooded him.
It occurred to him that, although Dawn was a tall girl, he was taller and so she was forced to crane her neck when she turned her face up toward him. Connor moved one of his hands to cradle the back of her head and it entangled in her silky hair. He thought that her hair felt as smooth under his palm as the age-polished wood of his favorite bow.
As he kissed her again and again, exploring increasingly deeper, she melted bonelessly against him. The inside of her mouth was as steaming hot as a jungle on Quor-toth. His pulse quickened and again desire stiffened him past what he had thought possible to bear without exploding. Pulling away, he rested his forehead against Dawn's and just breathed, trying to calm himself. He noticed her breathing was rapid too and it made him feel better.
"Wow," Dawn nervously tried to break the tension. "You got the kissing thing down already." She pulled away, laughing a little. "Too bad you're not so quick on the uptake with foosball." She grabbed his hand and led him to the park bench.
They sat side by side gazing around at the shifting tree shadows in the park. Dawn shivered a little in the cool night air.
"You're cold? We could go somewhere.."
"No. Just put your arm around me," Dawn instructed, and soon she was snuggled against him with his left arm firmly wrapped around her back, hand resting on her hip. Her warm, solid weight caused a swell of something ... joy, comfort, peace ... in his chest. Connor pressed his face into the top of her shampoo-scented hair and allowed himself to relax.
"You smell so good," he murmured, kissing her soft, soft hair.
"Herbal Essences," she answered distractedly as his lips grazed her temple. "Shampoo," she clarified.
"No. Not that chemical smell," he said. "You. Your scent underneath it."
"Oh." She paused a moment and he wondered if he had said something offensive. "What is it like?" she finally asked. "What do I smell like?"
Connor thought hard and tried to define the indefinable. "Salt. Something like ... bread. And ... woman." He shrugged helplessly. "I can't describe it. You're kind of like grass on a hot, sunny day."
He felt her shift against him and thought maybe she was smiling.
"Weird," she said, and he could definitely hear the smile. "But cool. It must be awesome to have super senses, to be able to hear and see and smell better than anybody else."
"Sometimes it's useful," Connor admitted. "But this world is so loud and full of people, I get headaches a lot."
Dawn removed her right hand from his thigh, which was good because it was uncomfortably close to his aching crotch, and reached up to stroke the side of his face. "Poor baby." And although her tone was as teasing as always, he could tell she meant it.
"Still, it would at least be cool to have super strength. If I did, the first thing I'd do would be to beat Buffy up." Connor wasn't quite sure that her tone was teasing this time. "You don't know what it's like to be the Slayer's sister! To always be the victim, the kidnapped one, the screw- up while she's all Chosen and Special. It sucks!"
Connor thought of his attempts to best Angel and how, even in their non- lethal sparring this summer he was never quite able to achieve it. "Yeah," he agreed.
"I mean, I love her and all but god her attitude is annoying." Dawn paused then added. "That was one thing I loved about mom, she never played favorites. Of course, Buffy said she spoiled me, but I don't think so. She loved us both and made us both feel special. And now ever since she died, I feel like I'm nothing but in the way. Like I'm yet another problem for Buffy to solve." She paused again. "Although it has been better this summer. After that mess in spring, Buffy has started to treat me more like a grown up, to show me how to take care of myself in a fight and even to confide in me ... a little."
Connor listened to her words, felt the vibration of them against his chest as she talked, and got a sudden impression that he was the first person she had ever told this to. It made him feel honored and needed that she would share her secret feelings with him. He hadn't felt needed in a long time - not since Quor-toth where his father had relied on him for his very survival.
"And speaking of Buffy," Dawn abruptly sat up straight and looked at her watch. "It's getting late and I'm not into hearing one of her lectures. We'd better start back."
Reluctantly Connor let his arm drop from around her shoulders. But Dawn surprised him and leaned in to begin kissing him again. "Just a couple of minutes more won't hurt," she whispered in explanation.
They made out for another fifteen minutes then abandoned the park bench and began contentedly strolling toward home.
When they were a couple of houses down from the Summers' home, Connor suddenly froze. "No!" he exclaimed.
"What?" Dawn strained to see what had caught his attention and when she finally focused on the convertible parked in her driveway she gasped as well, "Oh no. Not yet."
Connor grabbed her hand harder, tight enough to squeeze an "Ow!" from her and began walking purposefully toward the house. "He can't do this!" he seethed. "He can't just show up and expect.... I'm not going."
Towed along behind him, Dawn made no comment.
*************
Buffy stood in the corner, arms folded across her chest, exactly as Connor had done earlier that evening. She watched Angel and Connor square off not like angry barn cats as she would have expected, more like the ocean surf breaking on a rock; inexorable force meets immovable object. The louder Connor got, and she was beginning to be afraid the neighbors might call the police, the quieter and more insistent Angel became.
She glanced over at Dawn, who was surprisingly not getting involved in the verbal brawl. That was very uncharacteristic of her sister and Buffy wondered what it meant. She also wondered how this little romance had blossomed right under her nose while she had remained embarrassingly ignorant.
Listening to Angel's patient and humoring tone, Buffy realized he couldn't have chosen a worse way to deal with his angry son. She knew this because even when the paternal condescension was no longer directed at her, it still made her chafe and itch. 'Angel, grab a clue!' she thought. 'He's a teenager not one of your underlings.'
As Angel's calm finally began to fracture and his voice rose, Buffy knew the situation was escalating to the point where she needed to intervene. She stepped forward.
"Okay. Time out," she cut across their arguing, making a referee's T with her hands. She spoke imperiously. "Angel, why don't you go to the kitchen and ... well, there's no blood in my fridge but I'm sure you can find something to do with yourself." He opened his mouth to argue and she quelled him with a look. "Let me talk to Connor and Dawn for a minute, please."
Frowning, Angel complied and Buffy turned to face the young couple, her brain racing and a little prayer going up to her mother to help her find the right words to make the situation clear without alienating either one of them.
First she smiled to show the natives she was friendly. Next she reined in her desire to wail, "When did this happen and where was I?"
"So ... you two really ended up hitting it off," she remarked as an opener. "I can see you like each other a lot," she added to show them she appreciated the validity of their feelings.
Connor eyed her suspiciously waiting for the 'but...' while Dawn's face remained confusingly unreadable.
"I know what it's like to be sixteen and in love," Buffy said directly to Dawn, hoping her sister would remember how she had mooned around the house over Angel, but doubting that a self-involved twelve-year-old would even have noticed.
"I'm not stupid, Buffy," Dawn cut across her attempt at empathy. "I know Connor can't stay here and I wouldn't say we've fallen in love, but, damn, couldn't Angel have shown some consideration and called before he came? Given us a little time? A little advance warning? We only just started...." Her bottom lip started trembling and she sucked it in and quit talking.
Buffy noted Connor's betrayed expression as he looked at Dawn. Obviously he was riding the Love Boat by himself and the hurt in his blue eyes gave Buffy a sock to the gut of deja vu. Suddenly his fem features morphed into Spike's angular ones and Buffy felt her stomach trembling harder than Dawn's lip. People started liking other people and somehow somebody always cared more and got hurt.
"Yes, he should have phoned," she agreed. "Angel does tend to think that his agenda is more important than everyone else's. But..." she turned her attention to Connor now, "you do know that he needs you at home, right? Really needs you." She waited a beat for this to sink in then continued gently. "Your place right now ... isn't here."
Buffy could tell from his eyes that the argument was finished before she even began talking. Dawn's lack of support and feeling for him had accomplished what all of Angel's calculated cajoling couldn't, broken his will.
"Maybe you could talk Angel into coming back in another few days, maybe a week," Dawn said hopefully to Buffy. "He listens to you."
"Maybe," Buffy agreed.
"Or if not, at least you could come and visit again soon. We'll see each other again. L.A. is only a little over an hour away," Dawn clutched Connor's arm and looked at him beseechingly. "Plus we can talk on the phone and I'll send you e-mails through Fred."
Buffy felt her heart break a little more as she watched Connor's jaw clench and his eyes do that shut-down thing. "Yeah," he said, carefully removing his arm from Dawn's grasp.
"Look," Buffy said, wanting to give them a moment alone. "I'll go see if Angel can spare you for another week and then...."
"No." Connor cut her off. "Don't bother. I might as well go now."
"Connor...." Dawn began knowing she had failed him but not how to fix it.
"I'll get my things," he continued, brushing past her on his way toward the stairs.
"Crap!" Dawn muttered watching him ascend the stairs and scrubbing at her now-streaming eyes.
"I know," Buffy said, coming up and putting an arm around her.
"Why do things have to be so hard?" Dawn asked, leaning against her short big sister. "Why do some people have to feel so deeply?"
"That I don't know," Buffy said.
"And is there something wrong with me because I don't feel it? I mean, I liked the kissing and all. Loved it. But I'm not ready to be IN love. Not yet."
"No!" Buffy gave her a squeeze. "There's nothing at all wrong with you and when the time is right and the person is right you'll get hit with it like a truck. Hopefully your timing will be better than mine and you'll love whoever it is at the same time and depth that he loves you." She added, "Plus, hopefully no vampires or curses."
With a last hug Buffy pulled away from Dawn. "I'd better go tell Angel that Connor is going home."
The End
Author's Note: That's the end of "Connor's Sunnydale Vacation" but Dawn and Connor's story will continue in "Dawn in L.A." which will take place a year later, post "Chosen" when the Sunnydale survivors turn up on Angel's doorstep for aid. I swear I will continue this project since I have great interest in seeing Donner get completely 'coupled up' once they have a little more maturity. As far as I'm concerned this story was just a chance for the characters to be introduced to one another in preparation for a real love affair later. I have two story ideas; one with the Connor mind-wipe and one without and I really need to see the rest of season 4 "Angel" on TNT first so I know what I'm dealing with and how much I dare change it. There are five more episodes to go, so in about five weeks I will add on to this story. Even though it's a sequel, I will post it under this title so people don't have trouble finding it. Thanks again for all feedback. I've really appreciated it. Hope this story didn't end too abruptly or feel too rushed. After I'd read it over for the fifth time or so it was hard to tell.
