Disclaimer: We don't own any of Pirates of the Caribbean.
WE WARN YOU, THIS IS SCREWED UP! YOU DON'T LIKE STORIES WITH NO PLOT? DON'T LIKE WEIRD STORIES? THEN DON'T READ THIS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
THE RATING IS FOR LOTS OF SWEARING AND SOME REFERENCES TO SEX. Ye have been warned, savvy? Sorry, I couldn't resist!
The story's genres are; humour, romance, action/adventure, general and some slight angst( for all you thick ones like me this means anger/sadness) (I'm not really sure?).
There are a lot of inventions in this story that weren't invented anywhere near the seventeenth century. That is how the story goes!
My friend and I wrote this story one-day when we were bored. We wrote more and now it has a (loose) story line. It's supposed to be humour and that's probably why it's so random!!
This was once know as one fucked up piece of shit, but the title wasn't a g rating, so it got taken off the site.
Jack and Will's screwy adventures of the Caribbean.
Chapter four: the play, the fight, the hookers, and it all happened in one day!
The crew, Will, Melanie, Lily and Jack all decided to go to a play on Shakespeare's Macbeth.
"Ladies and gentlemen. Oh and Captain Jack Sparrow!"
"Ha ha ha!" the crowd laughed. Jack, Will, Melanie and Lily sat at the back.
HALFWAY THROUGH
"Zzzzzzzzzz." Jack Sparrow was snoring.
"Jack wake up!" Jack awoke with six angry actors and a mob of crowd looking at him, mad.
"I didn't want to watch this shit play! I mean look, Lady Macbeth is flat- chested and she has an arse the size of my ship!" said Jack.
"Ooooooh! Cuss, cuss!" the crowd jeered.
"I'm going to watch match of the day, England versus Hungary. See you wankers later!" shouted Jack.
"Jack what the fuck were you doing? You made a fool of yourself!" said Lily, very annoyed. She slapped him sharply because he kept looking at other women. Jack stormed off to the pub.
"I'm gonna go with him." Will said.
"But we've got the back seats to ourselves!" Melanie protested
"Well, yeah but he's me mate and I gotta go with him." He looked apologetically at Melanie, but she scowled and looked away.
"Oh, come on!" Will groaned.
"Just go Will!"
"Fine!" Will got up and walked out.
AT THE LAUNGERIE PUB
Jack was sitting at the table with five whores on one side, five whores on another and one sitting on his lap. He was having his chest massaged by two of them. He was telling them his heroic story. Will came in but decided to sit a the bar because he was upset.
OUTSIDE THE GLOBE THEATRE
"Melanie I feel really bad about doing that to Jack." Said Lily.
"Oh, I feel sorry about what I did to Will." Said Melanie.
"Shall we go and see them?"
"Yeah, alright." So they both went to the Laungerie pub. Melanie saw Will and walked over to him. Lily followed the sound of Jack's loud voice. She stopped and started talking to Jack not looking at him.
"Jack, I'm really sor." She lifted her head and gasped. Jack looked at Lily, stunned. Lily stared back at him.
"Jack, I can't believe I came here to say sorry and you're surrounded by women!" said Lily, crying. She ran out of the pub. Jack continued talking.
Melanie made her way over to Will. Rum bottles, -10 in all - every shape and size surrounded him. He had his head propped up in his palms. A lady walked up to him and said something into his ear. Will turned to look at her blearily.
"Will?" Melanie whispered quietly. The "lady" (she was actually a hooker) glared at her and pulled Will into a kiss. Tears welled up in Mel's eyes and she choked. Will heard her, gasped and failed like a fish out of water, then fell off the stool. He looked up at her and went to speak but no words came out.
"Ye finally became a pirate then. Ye ain't no pirate until you've cheated on a girl!" Jack called from across the pub.
"Something you would know all about, Sparrow!" shouted Melanie angrily.
" It's Captain Jack Sparrow, luv."
"Don't "luv" me!" She walked up to Sparrow and slapped him soundly across the face.
"Not sure I deserved that!"
"It's not from me, it's from my friend!" A commotion broke out at the table as a whore pushed Melanie and the rest joined in. She squeezed her eyes shut, held her arms up over her face and waited for it to end.
Suddenly she felt some strong arms wrap around her, shielding her body from the slaps and scratches she kept receiving.
"Will?" She opened her eyes.
"C'mon we're getting out of here!" He pushed a girl out of his way. He picked up Mel and carried her out of the bar. She laid her forehead against his muscled shoulder and started sobbing.
"Shh, shh, it's alright now." He stroked her hair softly.
BACK IN THE BAR
"Luv, you alright?" said Jack anxiously.
"I will be." Jack pushed the girl on his lap off and placed the hurt one on his lap. He started to snog her.
Will put Melanie down and went back into the pub
"Jack, you coming or are you goin' to continue exchanging saliva with that. thing and lose Lily forever? Or have you already forgotten about her?" asked Will' looking pissed (in both ways).
"Yeah actually! Will you go back to the ship and I'll be there. Savvy?" grinned Jack.
"You're one sick bastard, you know that? You don't care for anyone but yourself! Fuck you!" Will ran out of the pub, swayed on the spot, picked up Melanie and ran back to the ship where Lily was. She was packing her stuff and crying.
"Lily?" said Melanie.
"Stay back or I'll kill myself!" cried Lily. She raised Jack's pistol to her head.
Ha ha ha!!!!! Cliffie!
WE WARN YOU, THIS IS SCREWED UP! YOU DON'T LIKE STORIES WITH NO PLOT? DON'T LIKE WEIRD STORIES? THEN DON'T READ THIS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
THE RATING IS FOR LOTS OF SWEARING AND SOME REFERENCES TO SEX. Ye have been warned, savvy? Sorry, I couldn't resist!
The story's genres are; humour, romance, action/adventure, general and some slight angst( for all you thick ones like me this means anger/sadness) (I'm not really sure?).
There are a lot of inventions in this story that weren't invented anywhere near the seventeenth century. That is how the story goes!
My friend and I wrote this story one-day when we were bored. We wrote more and now it has a (loose) story line. It's supposed to be humour and that's probably why it's so random!!
This was once know as one fucked up piece of shit, but the title wasn't a g rating, so it got taken off the site.
Jack and Will's screwy adventures of the Caribbean.
Chapter four: the play, the fight, the hookers, and it all happened in one day!
The crew, Will, Melanie, Lily and Jack all decided to go to a play on Shakespeare's Macbeth.
"Ladies and gentlemen. Oh and Captain Jack Sparrow!"
"Ha ha ha!" the crowd laughed. Jack, Will, Melanie and Lily sat at the back.
HALFWAY THROUGH
"Zzzzzzzzzz." Jack Sparrow was snoring.
"Jack wake up!" Jack awoke with six angry actors and a mob of crowd looking at him, mad.
"I didn't want to watch this shit play! I mean look, Lady Macbeth is flat- chested and she has an arse the size of my ship!" said Jack.
"Ooooooh! Cuss, cuss!" the crowd jeered.
"I'm going to watch match of the day, England versus Hungary. See you wankers later!" shouted Jack.
"Jack what the fuck were you doing? You made a fool of yourself!" said Lily, very annoyed. She slapped him sharply because he kept looking at other women. Jack stormed off to the pub.
"I'm gonna go with him." Will said.
"But we've got the back seats to ourselves!" Melanie protested
"Well, yeah but he's me mate and I gotta go with him." He looked apologetically at Melanie, but she scowled and looked away.
"Oh, come on!" Will groaned.
"Just go Will!"
"Fine!" Will got up and walked out.
AT THE LAUNGERIE PUB
Jack was sitting at the table with five whores on one side, five whores on another and one sitting on his lap. He was having his chest massaged by two of them. He was telling them his heroic story. Will came in but decided to sit a the bar because he was upset.
OUTSIDE THE GLOBE THEATRE
"Melanie I feel really bad about doing that to Jack." Said Lily.
"Oh, I feel sorry about what I did to Will." Said Melanie.
"Shall we go and see them?"
"Yeah, alright." So they both went to the Laungerie pub. Melanie saw Will and walked over to him. Lily followed the sound of Jack's loud voice. She stopped and started talking to Jack not looking at him.
"Jack, I'm really sor." She lifted her head and gasped. Jack looked at Lily, stunned. Lily stared back at him.
"Jack, I can't believe I came here to say sorry and you're surrounded by women!" said Lily, crying. She ran out of the pub. Jack continued talking.
Melanie made her way over to Will. Rum bottles, -10 in all - every shape and size surrounded him. He had his head propped up in his palms. A lady walked up to him and said something into his ear. Will turned to look at her blearily.
"Will?" Melanie whispered quietly. The "lady" (she was actually a hooker) glared at her and pulled Will into a kiss. Tears welled up in Mel's eyes and she choked. Will heard her, gasped and failed like a fish out of water, then fell off the stool. He looked up at her and went to speak but no words came out.
"Ye finally became a pirate then. Ye ain't no pirate until you've cheated on a girl!" Jack called from across the pub.
"Something you would know all about, Sparrow!" shouted Melanie angrily.
" It's Captain Jack Sparrow, luv."
"Don't "luv" me!" She walked up to Sparrow and slapped him soundly across the face.
"Not sure I deserved that!"
"It's not from me, it's from my friend!" A commotion broke out at the table as a whore pushed Melanie and the rest joined in. She squeezed her eyes shut, held her arms up over her face and waited for it to end.
Suddenly she felt some strong arms wrap around her, shielding her body from the slaps and scratches she kept receiving.
"Will?" She opened her eyes.
"C'mon we're getting out of here!" He pushed a girl out of his way. He picked up Mel and carried her out of the bar. She laid her forehead against his muscled shoulder and started sobbing.
"Shh, shh, it's alright now." He stroked her hair softly.
BACK IN THE BAR
"Luv, you alright?" said Jack anxiously.
"I will be." Jack pushed the girl on his lap off and placed the hurt one on his lap. He started to snog her.
Will put Melanie down and went back into the pub
"Jack, you coming or are you goin' to continue exchanging saliva with that. thing and lose Lily forever? Or have you already forgotten about her?" asked Will' looking pissed (in both ways).
"Yeah actually! Will you go back to the ship and I'll be there. Savvy?" grinned Jack.
"You're one sick bastard, you know that? You don't care for anyone but yourself! Fuck you!" Will ran out of the pub, swayed on the spot, picked up Melanie and ran back to the ship where Lily was. She was packing her stuff and crying.
"Lily?" said Melanie.
"Stay back or I'll kill myself!" cried Lily. She raised Jack's pistol to her head.
Ha ha ha!!!!! Cliffie!
