Chapter Three
Summary: Buffy dreams of Angel.
Author's Note: The song, "Before Your Love" is by Kelly Clarkson.
"I wonder how I ever made it
through a day. How did I settle
for a world in shades of grey?
When you go in circles the
scenery looks the same and
you don't know why."
The sunlight kisses my skin and I'm wrapped in warming rays but inside I feel cold. Empty. Alone. I miss him and hate that he can't be with me. It's not fair and I hate it. All around me couples walk hand and hand beneath the afternoon sun and I sit alone waiting for the sun to set so I can see him again. The hours seem to drag on for days and it's getting harder and harder to leave him for so long. All I want is to be in his arms. I don't need the afternoon warmth or the bright rays – just the dark shadows and his embrace.
"Then I looked into your eyes
where the road stretched out
before me and I realize I never
lived before your love. I never
felt before your touch. I never
needed anyone to make me
feel alive but then again I
wasn't really living."
Sitting beneath a whispering tree I watch the crowds pass me by and close my eyes, imagining his touch. I can see his face and I reach out a hand to touch his cheek but the vision fades and I'm touching only the breeze. I hear his soft voice beside me and curse my mind for playing such tricks. I feel him beside me and curse my body. It's torture and yet I endure it every day; every hour; every minute – until I'm with him again. Closing my eyes I don't want to believe the soft caress on my shoulder or the tender kiss on my neck but when I open my eyes he's there. Smiling at me, touching me and all I see is him in the sunlight.
"I never lived before your love.
I wanted more then just an
ordinary life. All my dreams
seemed like castles in the sky.
I stand before you and my
heart is in your hands and I
don't know how I survived
without your kiss."
I can't believe my eyes yet I know it's true: he's with me beneath the sun. I kiss his lips and the world fades away. My heart flutters and I feel as though I'm flying. Up and up I feel myself rise until we're together in the clouds. His arms are holding me so tight and I'm almost afraid to look down. We're flying through the heavens, wrapped in clouds of white and skies of blue. Looking into his eyes I see myself as he sees me and I love him more. I tell him I love him and beg him to never leave me. He smiles and swears to be with me always. I rest my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his neck. He'll never leave me: he holds my heart in his hands.
"'Cause you've given me a
reason to exist. I never lived
before your love. I never felt
before your touch. I never
needed anyone to make me
feel alive then again I wasn't
really living."
Night settles around us and we're blanketed in black skies and sliver stars twinkling so beautifully. I love the way the evening glow reflects against his skin and his eyes. I love the way he looks at me – as though it's the first time every time. I love to hear my name on his lips: soft and adoring. Starring into his eyes I don't even notice as we begin to descend – not until my feet touch the ground. The park is empty and silent and I'm lost in his gaze. I could spend all of eternity starring into those eyes. He kisses me and I surrender to him. Gently he pushes me down onto the bed sitting beneath a canopy of ivy and white flowers. My mind is telling me that we can't but my body is burning for his embrace. Time slows and the universe breathes only for this moment and I'm spiraling further and further into his touch.
"I never lived before your
love and I don't know why
the sun decides to shine but
you breathed your love into
me just in time. I never lived
before your love. I never felt
before your touch. I never
needed anyone to make me
feel alive but then again I wasn't
really living."
Opening my eyes I'm starring up at my ceiling, my alarm clock beeping, the sun shining through my window and the lingering memory of a dream I wish was reality. If I close my eyes and try hard enough I can still imagine his face alight in the sun's rays. It was only a dream but he can still take me to heaven with just a kiss.
"I never lived before your love."
