Vegeta Goes to Daddy Camp part 3

Vegeta Goes to Daddy Camp
By: Amisha N. Smith
Part 3

Okay, I know what you all are thinking. 'Vegeta and Ned Flanders? What was she smoking when she wrote this?' Well, first of all, I think pairing Vegeta and Ned is a fun concept. When writing this, I felt Vegeta's humorous adventures within Daddy Camp might feel a little dry if he didn't have someone there to bring out the hilarious side of his violent nature. Vegeta doesn't even want to be there anyway, and having a rabid goody two-shoes like ol' Flanders there bugging him should be just enough to send him to his boiling point, thus causing hilarity. Second of all, If I told you what I was smoking when I wrote this, I'd have to kill you. Now, let's do this! On with.



Vegeta Goes to Daddy Camp
Part 3

Vegeta woke up with an excedrin headache to end all excedrin headaches. He brought a hand up to massage his tortured skull and winced as he found out that nearly all the muscles in his body ached as well. Did I finally over-do it inside the Gravity Capsule last night or what?, thought Vegeta, forgetting momentarily that he was not at home. He rubbed his eyes, sleepily. He was more tired now than he was last night before he went to bed! Suddenly he felt someone gingerly tapping him on the shoulder. In no mood to talk, Vegeta turned to snap at Bulma and was reminded where he was by once again finding himself nose to nose with Flanders.

"Good morning, Lord!", Flanders crowed, cheerfully. "It's another beautiful day, which you, by the way, created! You don't want to miss out on the beautiful fruits of your labor, do ya? You know what they say, Lord! The early bird gets the worm!"

Vegeta was enraged. Flanders was foolish enough to try to bother him late last night while he was trying to get some sleep, and now he wants to bug him this morning while he's groggy and in pain. "Ya know what?", Vegeta snarled savagely. He was so mad he could taste his own blood in his mouth. "You're absolutely right. The early bird does get the worm. And I see a worm I'm about to crush right now."

"That's the spirit, your Godly-odliness!", cheered Flanders, completely unaware of the fact that Vegeta was about to kill him. Suddenly the doors to the cabin opened and Ox stepped in. "Good morning, ladies", he said loudly with a nasty grin on his face. "Time ta get up, sleeping beauties! You're gonna have a busy day, today." Men shuffled, groggily, out of their bunks and went to the bathrooms in back of the cabin to freshen up. Vegeta leaped lightly down from his top bunk, doing his best to ignore Flanders for now. Suddenly Ox took four swift steps forward and was standing right in front of Vegeta. Vegeta yawned loudly, hardly caring about Ox's presence. "What do you want?", he snarled at Ox as he rubbed the back of his neck. Little did Ox know, Vegeta was already storing up power into his right arm. He was in no mood to fight right now, so should Ox try anything Vegeta would simply point his right hand at Ox and blast him into the next two dimensions. "Hey, now! Is that any way to talk to a friend?", Ox sneered, innocent to the fact that his life was in serious danger.

"I just wanted to thank you for what you did for me last night." Vegeta looked up at Ox, a puzzled expression on his face. Was this big fool thanking him for the royal ass-whooping he received yesterday? Vegeta cocked his head and smiled evilly up at him. "Anytime, baldy", he sneered back at Ox. "I was only too glad to do it for ya." Much to Vegeta's astonishment, Ox started laughing. "I'm sure you were, pal", Ox boomed out loudly as he exited the cabin, laughing hysterically. Vegeta watched him go.

"Wierd ass", he muttered as he went to find an empty bathroom. He planned to take a bath instead of a shower, in hopes of soothing his headache and some of his aching muscles. "See ya at the breakfast table, master!", Flanders called after him.

Vegeta made it to the cafeteria at a quarter till ten. He had just enough time to have a small bit of something before they closed the cafeteria before lunchtime. Vegeta piled his plate with pancakes and drowned them in syrup. He went outside and plopped down at a lone bench and was just about to dig in when suddenly Flanders sat down right beside Vegeta, sporting a plate full of pancakes of his own. Vegeta's lips curled as he growled, menacingly. Needless to say, he was not happy to see Flanders.

"Hey-diddly-dee, master!", Flanders cheered. "I waited for you to show up for breakfast. I was wondering if you could maybe bless my food for me before I ate it." With a snarl, Vegeta snatched Flanders' plate from him. "I've got a better idea", he said with a cruel smirk. "I'll baptize it for ya!" He stood up and flung Flanders' pancakes into a nearby stream. Vegeta and Lookers-on laughed as they watched Flanders' breakfast get washed off the rocks by the rushing water. Suddenly Mr. Rapparound, the camp's owner, appeared. He walked up to where Vegeta was sitting and slowly shook his head. "Now Vegeta," he said,

"is that any way to treat a camp-neighbor?"

"Bite me!", the Saiyan prince snarled back. Mr. Rapparound just looked down at Vegeta, his eyes full of wisdom. "It's alright, Vegeta", he said. "I know it's not easy for a young man like yourself to admit he needs help raising his child. But the fact that you even bothered to come here shows promise." Mr. Rapparound looked over at the other men who had come to Daddy Camp. "In six months I will be sending most of you home. I hope I'll be sending you home as graduates of Daddy Camp." He started to walk off. "You have ten minutes to finish your breakfast. Afterwards, you shall all report to classroom number one. You're about to learn a few desperately needed sensitivity skills." Vegeta watched him go. He then turned his attention towards his plate of pancakes. Sensitivity skills, he thought to himself as he started to eat. Hmph, I can hardly wait.

Classroom number one was actually a small building in which sat dozens of pupils on the floor. Vegeta sat way in the back, hoping not to be noticed by Flanders or Mr. Rapparound. The teacher of the class, Mr. Zanne, walked into the building. He waved hello to his pupils. "Hi, everybody!", he said in a high-pitched voice. "My name is Mr. Zanne! I'll be your teacher if you'll be my students!" Mr. Zanne started laughing heartily, as if what he said was the funniest thing in the world. No one joined him. This is gonna be a long six months, thought Vegeta to himself. "Today," Zanne continued, "we'll be exploring the sensitive side of all of you. And to help us do that, I've brought along two assistants." He held up two small objects. "This is Mr. Pin," he said, lifting his right hand, "and this is Mr. Thread", he said as he lifted his left hand. "We're gonna learn how to sew today! Isn't that swell?" You've got to be kidding!, thought Vegeta. Me!? The Prince of the Saiyans!? Learn how to SEW!? Vegeta took a quick look around, trying to spot a way to sneak out of there. Unfortunately, the only exit was blocked off by Ox standing in front of it, and Vegeta didn't want to make a scene by knocking him flat on his ass just to get out of class. "Now come on up, guys", said Mr. Zanne as he pointed to a table beside him. The table had pins, thimbles, spools of thread, blue jean pants legs, and little patches. "Take one of each! Aw, come on guys! It'll be fun!" Men groaned as they shuffled up to the table and selected their tools. Vegeta sat where he was, weighing his options. The last thing he wanted to be caught dead doing was sewing. But if he refused, he would fail Daddy Camp. Then he'd have to hear it from Bulma. Or worse yet, he'd have to look at her with tears in her eyes..

Vegeta growled angrily as he approached the table to get his sewing things. This is so stupid. I swear to God this is the stupidest thing that's ever happened to me, thought Vegeta. He pushed people out of the line, quickly got his tools, and sat down trying to hide his face. "Okay, guys!", squealed the instructor after everybody had their equipment.

"I'm gonna show you how to do it." Mr. Zanne selected some sewing equipment of his own and sat down on the floor in front of the class.

"It's fairly simple. Just put the patch over the leg, like so. Then position the needle in the corner of the patch, like so. Then you push the needle in, like so. Then you pull it out, like so. See, isn't that nifty?" Many of the class' pupils complained as they found the task more difficult than it sounded. Vegeta, on the other hand, surprised and mortified himself by finding it a piece of cake. Great, he thought to himself. I'm a Saiyan that can mend. This is worse than the time my father tried to make me take music lessons. Suddenly, just as Vegeta thought things couldn't get much worse..

"Hey-diddly-dee, master!", said Flanders as he appeared beside Vegeta. "Whoa! Impressive! You're a natural at this! Of course, your being God and all, you're probably a natural at just about everything." Vegeta tried to ignore Flanders by concentrating on his work. Nevertheless, his lips curled into an angry snarl. As far as Vegeta's patience was concerned, Flanders might as well have been dancing on a mine field. "Hey!", Flanders continued. "Since you're so good at this, maybe you can cook, too? I hope so, because I was wondering if you can give me some advise on how to spiffy up my famous eggplant stew! I fed it to my neighbor, Homer, once. And he said it kinda tasted like crap, so if you have any ideas...." Suddenly Vegeta couldn't stand it any more. He took the jean leg he was sewing on and started throttling Flanders with it until he passed out. Then, just before he was about to start sewing again, he paused and looked at his thread and needle. He then looked at the unconscious Flanders. An evil smile curled his lips..

Mr. Rapparound entered the classroom and was pleased with what he saw. Although he knew most of the men there didn't like what they were doing, they were putting their best foot forward, and that's what counted. Mr. Rapparound took a quick look around the class, wondering how Vegeta was doing. He knew that Vegeta was a special case, indeed. Suddenly, he jumped as he heard someone scream. Flanders jumped up and started running around covering his face with his hands and screaming, "Oh, no!! The Lord has blinded me!! The Lord has blinded me!!" Mr. Rapparound and Mr. Zanne ran to Flanders and tried to restrain him. They pulled his hands down from his face.... "Dear Lord!", Mr. Zanne exclaimed. "Someone call the nurse!" Mr. Rapparound looked at Flanders and was mortified by what he saw. "Oh my God!", he said. "How on earth did he manage to sew his eyes shut?" Mr. Zanne and Mr. Rapparound escorted Flanders out of the classroom. Had either of them managed to somehow glance back at Vegeta, they would have been justly alarmed at what they saw. For although everyone else was looking at Flanders, Vegeta was calmly putting the finishing touches on his sewing job. A cold grin stretched his lips.

Thirty minutes later Mr. Zanne re-entered the classroom, a harried look on his face. "Um," he began, "due to a somewhat farfetched safety hazard, I have been asked to recall our current project. Please pass your sewing equipment forward." All of the pupils in the class eagerly obeyed. Especially Vegeta, who blatantly threw all his equipment directly at Mr. Zanne. Once the sewing tools had been put away, Mr. Zanne brought out a baby doll. He held it up for everyone to see. "This is our new project", he said. "We are now going to see how well you can take care of a baby."

That announcement was answered by a groan from many of the men in that room. Vegeta looked at the ugly doll, dreading this project. He began to wonder if he should have let Flanders slide that last time. "This is a very special doll", Zanne continued. "It cries, sleeps, laughs, eats, and wets itself. One of you in this room will be chosen to be it's father for a week. Your job will be to comfort it when it cries, rock it to sleep, play with it, feed it, and change it's diaper on a regular basis. Oh, and by the way, if it's needs are not taken care of it will start to cry. And a small chip inside the baby will tell us how long it's been crying and if it's needs have been met at all properly. So please, for all our sakes, treat this project seriously." Mr. Zanne stopped speaking and looked around the room with a grin. His eyes stopped on Vegeta, and his grin widened, significantly. Oh no, thought Vegeta. Gimme a break. Don't do this to me.

"Vegeta", Mr. Zanne chimed. "Mr. Rapparound vouched specifically for you for this project." He walked up to Vegeta and handed him the ugly baby doll. "Congratulations, Vegeta!", he said. "It's a boy!"

That night Vegeta told Bulma over the phone about his new assignment. He was rather offended when Bulma started to laugh. "What's so funny?", he growled. "Oh Vegeta", Bulma laughed. "It's not that bad, is it? All you have to do is take care of a doll." "I am a Saiyan warrior! I don't play with dolls!", Vegeta yelled. All that did was make Bulma laugh harder. "Woman", Vegeta snarled. "Will you stop your ridiculous laughing long enough to listen to me? I don't know the first thing about taking care of a baby!"

"Well", said Bulma as she finally got a hold to herself. "Why don't you take it out for a little air? That might put it to sleep. It'll give you a chance to do some sight-seeing, and maybe buy a little something for me to, ahem, 'wear'", Bulma hinted flirtaciously. "Yeah, yeah", Vegeta said, smiling in spite of himself. "I'll be glad to get the hell out of this place for a while. I'm going to the mall. If I see something I want to see you in, you'd better believe it's yours. See ya." That said, Vegeta hung up the phone, picked up the baby doll, and took off, flying in the sky. He flew towards the mall.

Vegeta could tell something was wrong. Ever since he arrived at the mall, people had been giving him fearful looks. One old couple stared at him for the longest while he tried to buy himself a slushy. He turned and gave them a cold look and they turned fearfully away. What the hell is it, thought Vegeta. Does my reputation proceed me or something? Suddenly, as he passed by Radio Shack, he saw something that caught his eye. He turned around, looked at the televisions displayed through the window, and saw....himself! On the news! Breaking into a bank!!?? What the hell!?, thought Vegeta. He ran into the store and turned up the volume on one of the televisions. "....was recorded late last night," continued a reporter. "....of two bank robbers who broke into the City Central Bank and stole at least a billion dollars worth of gold. One of them was clearly identifiable. The other one wore a mask." Vegeta watched in shock as he saw himself punch through a wall in the bank and start unloading gold from the vault. And he was not alone. Some guy, a burly man that had to be at least eight feet tall, was with him. He was beating Vegeta with a billy club all over his body, telling him to hurry the hell up. Vegeta winced as each blow was dealt. "What the hell is going on here?", he whispered to himself. Suddenly, he heard something click behind him. He turned around to face practically all of the mall's security, each man pointing a gun straight at his heart. Oh shit, thought Vegeta. He knew he was in serious trouble.