(Originally, this fiction was supposed to be one shot... but there's a horrific shortage of Cleris of any kind and I decided to write more, even if this is depressing. Anyone who is reading this, please let me know what you think and if I should go on to write a longer story or just leave it.)
He stood on the beach in front of his childhood friend, sopping wet, the waves still crashing up against his calves... but he moved no further. Tifa wrapped her arms around her body, shivering as she rubbed her palms up and down in an attempt to warm herself. Her ruby eyes regarded him; their glance was soft and melancholy. She had decided to stay here with him for as long as he needed these longs days of reflection, to become lost in what he had and what he might have had with Aeris... that was after the last time Cid called her, cursing up a storm and saying Cloud had tried to kill himself. She had thought he was stronger than that now... but he'd been underwater for so long...
"Hey." He said simply, wringing out his shirt and then dropping it, letting it cling to his body and chill him. He did it every night and he still hadn't learned to take his clothes off before diving into the surf. Tifa watched him warily, she wasn't sure she could trust him not to do something rash. Something Aeris wouldn't have wanted him to do, she felt her eyes become murky and turned away. How could she look at him and see his face so empty and expect to tell herself he would be all right? She missed her friend as much as he missed his love- but she hadn't needed Aeris the way he needed her. He had become so cold and distant... Tifa had long since realized the only reason he had come out of his shell for that short while was Aeris' presence.
She wasn't a fool. She saw the way they looked at each other, even if they had never admitted the way they felt they would still have been as obvious as a Chocobo in a group of Red XIII's race. The way it was, after Costa de Sol they were always missing together and they were always in the same party and they always shared a bed when the Inn wasn't big enough to house them all separately. Barret had once commented that it was strange that they refused to when the other beds weren't in the same room... Tifa could see that it was because they didn't trust themselves. She almost wondered if they had ever given in.... she didn't have the guts to ask Cloud about it. Then or now.
She'd known for a long time, she'd even caught them kissing once, not that she interrupted to tell them that. She let them believe they were convincing actors because she didn't want to hear the speech that she knew would come if Cloud found out she knew. Tifa may have been in love with him, but she wasn't four years old. She was a strong woman who could more than look after herself, not only that, she was strong inside after she'd been through so much. Tifa could admit easily that what had happened to her was peanuts compared to what happened to Cloud, but she also knew she'd lived a hard life and she shouldn't be falling apart every time she didn't get what she wanted; she should be used to it by now.
She hadn't liked Cloud when they were children, or she supposed she had, but she hadn't liked him the way he liked her or nearly as much. They had been shaky friends, she wished she could go back and change that because the only reason they had been shaky friends was a stupid one and it was her fault. The well surprised them both, her because he asked her, him because she asked him to be her hero. Cloud didn't keep that promise until the end... when he caught her, but by then she had realized the truth. The little boy she'd barely known was the person Aeris loved, the one she was searching for, the one that loved her in return. The man Cloud showed the world before he met Aeris and for a long time after her death, that was who Tifa wanted, the man she loved was just a dark shadow on Cloud's much more innocent soul.
She hadn't been able to see for so long, she hadn't known that he was so lost... the dripping figure before her was a vision, as he had always been, but his outer beauty hid so much ugly pain and anguish. He was searching for himself most of his life, he was young after all, he hadn't even turned twenty-two yet, and no one seemed to notice or care until the flower girl came into his life. She saw the outside and knew that couldn't be all there was... Tifa never realized Cloud was so complex, she never knew how sensitive he was- it was almost odd to try to ask herself to believe that after the months of coldness and curt commentary. And yet, if she let herself she could see so much compassion and feeling behind his eyes, they looked like ice, but they were more like the reflective surface of a lake. Perfect and beautiful, but showing you only what you brought to them.
It took every part of her trying to see passed the barrier to penetrate and then the tiniest glimpse of what dwelt there would make her recoil in pain. Cloud Strife was aptly named. He had been through more than enough to kill him, and that didn't refer to all the danger he lived his life around, but to the mental torture and anguish. The experiments, Nibelheim, Sephiroth, his mother... Zack... Aeris... it was a miracle he was sane. Tifa hadn't seen him romantically when they were young because he hadn't seemed strong- but he was so much stronger than the greatest warriors, the man had hit absolute bottom and bounced. She stared up at the sunset above the beach, the great star was falling in a fiery blaze and the crimson seemed to kiss the sand and the tops of the waves.
"Hey," She answered him finally, "thinking again? Cloud... I don't want to tell you that you have to move on. You don't have to move on the way you think, but couldn't you start living, Cloud? Couldn't you be? She wanted so desperately to know you for who you really are... she wanted so much to know you the way I could have." Tifa faltered and sucked in a deep breath, he couldn't know what she had been thinking and she didn't want to open up that black hole of emotion when he had enough already. "You were so hopeful when we left the crater... don't you still want to meet her... as you?"
He remained silent, watching his friend push her long dark hair back from her face as the wind whipped it around her body. Nothing stirred in him as he looked at her and he wondered vaguely what that meant. "How did you know she wanted to meet me?" He whispered, almost under his breath, he wanted so much to be able to talk to her, but he could never bring himself to open up. He hadn't opened up to anyone since Aeris' death... not in the same way. He stayed motionless on the beach, ignoring the way Tifa pleaded him silently to come inside.
"She used to ask me about you. She wanted to know what you were like when you were a kid." Tifa stopped, feeling a familiar emptiness next to her heart where Aeris' smile used to be. Her own lips curled up lightly and she stared out to sea again, the memory flushing her.
"Well!" Tifa giggled uncontrollably as Aeris shoved her over and climbed into bed with her. They had opted to bunk up since Cloud was reluctant to share a private room with either of them, Aeris because of what they might do, Tifa because of what he might say. It was just a generic night on the journey, nothing very important had happened to them in what seemed like ages, they had become so accustomed to flash and danger that life seemed boring without it. They were on their way to Cosmo Canyon and it was a very long and tedious way. Cloud had eventually relented to pleas to find a town and Inn, which brought them very much off their path.
"Well what!" Aeris giggled back. The pair had had far too much fun for two women on a mission to save the world, both of them old enough to know they should be sleeping and not gossiping, neither of them caring. Tifa looked at her friend's sparkling emerald eyes and wondered what the Ancient could be thinking, she wanted to talk as if they were twelve and there was nothing more horrifying about tomorrow than dad taking a turn cooking. Tifa wanted to seize this chance to be normal, it didn't come very often and it never came without bringing some new shock behind it. She missed the days as a big group around the campfire, Barret drinking too much and telling stories, Vincent looking dark and uncomfortable with the gay surrounding, Cid smoking and swearing until he was blue in the face, Red XIII being intellectual about something or other...
She missed them all; they were like a family together in more ways than one. Tifa missed the chance to see Cloud sitting next to the girl in pink now by her side that would poke and bother him until she could make him laugh. She missed hearing him laugh... it was a sound she'd heard not more than two or three times, all of them when Aeris was responsible. He had a deep, gentle laugh that made his eyes light up like a child's and seemed to linger on the air long after he had fallen silent. She supposed that was what she missed the most. It was magic to watch him transform from distant and sad to a blushing, giggling boy who would rather have looked sorrow square in the eye and laughed than caught the long face.
"You know what I mean!" She prodded her friend; "I asked you who you'd have a crush on, if you were going to have a crush on anybody. Tell me! I just want to gossip and it's not like anyone's had time to get around! We'll have to make it up." She giggled to herself; Aeris had gone a little quiet.
"Well a crush is one thing..." the Ancient trailed off, then turned to Tifa with a strangely contented smile, "but someone in love- that's something to gossip about." She fell silent and her smile grew a little. Tifa sensed a change in the atmosphere and knew that they wouldn't be getting lost in a silly game this night; she could always tell when Aeris was going to be philosophical and she always listened to the lesson, Aeris had a sort of wisdom all her own. She saw things no one else noticed, especially within people's hearts. "Have you ever been in love, Tifa?" Aeris' soft voice drifted across the darkened room.
"No...well...not really." Tifa paused, giving the issue some more thought. She didn't want to turn the talk to herself so she quickly settled on her first impulse, "No. I've decided, I haven't and I don't really know what that means."
"Maybe it means you haven't met your soul mate yet." Aeris said quietly.
"You believe we have soul mates?" Tifa looked at her. The moonlight slanted across the soft features of Aeris' face and she seemed to be worlds away from the small bedroom and settled in a happier place without pain or suffering- or a planet struggling to hold on to life. A place without an ultimate evil waiting to strike. Tifa shivered at her own thoughts, she could never escape the knowledge that their journey was the deciding factor between life and death.
"I do... I have to, because I've found mine." Aeris woke up suddenly and giggled, "I'm sorry, you must think I'm so corny. I can't help it; it's a corny subject... Tifa, there's someone who just seems to be everything I could ever need or want. He's my other half- he makes me whole. It's not cliche to say that because it's true; I need him because he can protect me, he makes me feel safe. He needs me because I can help him feel safe on the inside- that's where I'm strong and he's weak. Oh... I don't know... I could go on for hours about how much we give each other, but when it really comes down to it I guess I just love him. But then sometimes I think about it and wonder how I could... I don't know everything about him; he's too complicated. There's someone inside of him fighting to get out... that's who I want to meet. I want to see him the way he really is- no masks... no past that twists his manner.... I feel like I've known him my whole life, but I'm still waiting to meet him- for real."
"Aeris..." Tifa was shocked by the confession, she wondered if she should just tell her friend that she knew it was Cloud. It seemed silly to continue on so secretly and ruin the few scarce moments they could snatch to be with each other just because they were trying to keep it from their very dearest friends. Aeris had practically told her just now; maybe she was so exhausted... maybe she was tired of the secrets, too. Whatever it was, she didn't seem to be very aware of what she was doing. Besides all that, and the obvious evidence, Tifa hadn't yet seen proof of he secret couple and she could have been wrong about them, it was that very night she had her first indisputable proof.
The beautiful flower girl turned to her friend and her expression became one of concern, "I'm sorry Tifa, did I upset you? You look awfully pale. Maybe... we should just get some rest now. I wanted to bug you for some stories about Cloud when he was little, I've almost run out of things to tease him about." She pretended to pout, trying to lift the spirits of the troubled girl before her.
Tifa nodded, yawning, "All right, I'll rest. If you can't think of anything to bug good ole Cloud about just do his hair... that one never gets old. Good night, Aeris." She smiled and lay down. As she had expected Aeris remained motionless for a long moment until Tifa started to purposely slow her breathing, when the Ancient was convinced she was asleep she carefully rose from the bed and padded towards the door quickly and quietly. Tifa opened her eyes just enough to see out of in time to see Aeris open the door, looking behind her at the dim bedroom as she did so, only to run into Cloud's chest when she stepped forward. He had been in the hallway about to turn the knob himself.
"Cloud!" She whispered in muted surprise, he grinned sheepishly.
"I couldn't sleep." He said softly, glancing over Aeris' shoulder to Tifa, "Is she-?"
"Yeah." Aeris answered, looking up at him, "Cloud...don't ask me why I think so, but I think Tifa knows. I was talking to her before she fell asleep and I think I said too much- it seemed to have a strange affect on her, she looked so thoughtful and then she looked sick. But I asked her if she'd ever been in love and she said no. I wonder if maybe we were wrong about her...."
Tifa lay still, listening in and trying to process what they were talking about, she was waiting for something to tell her that what seemed to be the blatant topic really was the blatant topic. She would be very embarrassed if she was mistaken about this, but she didn't see how she could be.
"I don't think so." Cloud said gently, "Tifa needs to think about what she really wants and even if it isn't me- she still does. Aeris, Tifa is important to me, but she's her own person and she needs to solve her own problems. You can't spend every moment worrying about someone else, most people are strong enough to take care of themselves... it's only me you need to worry about." He added softly, Tifa watched as Aeris hands slid up his chest and his arms circled her waist.
"I do worry, but you know I'll always look after you, right?" She smiled at him, her face illuminated by the light pouring in from the hall. One of Cloud's hands slipped up to cradle her head.
"Right... and you know I'll always be your bodyguard?" He grinned lopsidedly.
"My spiky-headed prince will always come for me." She started to giggle as quietly as she could, they were both rather given to being corny and couldn't seem to help it even in the most serious moments, and then they seemed to have even less control over their making fun of themselves.
"He will." Cloud said in cheerful reassurance. Aeris giggled again as he leaned down to her and pressed his lips against hers with a certain grace that came with being absolutely sure of what he did as the right thing. He had painstakingly learned that there was at least one person in the world who could always be counted upon not to hurt him. Aeris arms closed around his neck as she pulled him closer, Tifa watched the couple for long uncounted minutes that seemed to take lifetimes to pass by her. That night she learned beyond a shadow of a doubt that everyone's suspicions about Cloud and Aeris were true. And she learned that she did love him, even if it wasn't quite as wholly and perfectly, she did love him in her own way and she would later prove that by giving up everything for him.
"Cloud I came here to help you go on, live on, just help. I don't want to think I can't help you, I don't want to think the only thing I'm good for anymore is telling you a few stories about Aeris you don't know. I left a lot of chances to build a whole new city, a whole new way of life because I couldn't leave you behind, shattered and alone. It would make her so happy if you started helping to heal the planet she gave her life to save... don't you want that?" Tifa's eyes searched his desperately for some sign she was getting through to him. Cloud shrugged and finally started walking up towards the town.
"I don't know what I want, Tifa." He said, his voice was low and gravely lately, rough from lack of use, it lacked the luster and strange melody it had had once. He stopped suddenly and turned back to her, "I want... to know what she would say. I can't have that, can I? So why should I waste time trying to attain it."
"What happened to you?" Tifa mumbled coldly, she was so frustrated with him she could have screamed. "Do you really think that who you're becoming is someone Aeris would love!" She snapped out, hugging herself and shivering as tears gathered behind her eyes. She didn't know exactly why she was crying, she cried so much recently she was never sure anymore. Cloud's eyes seemed to pierce right through her, as if she wasn't there.
"Well if she were here this wouldn't be happening, would it?" He retorted, an edge to his voice.
"If she hadn't done what she did we'd all be dead. How can you be so selfish? How can you take away from what she did for us all? Once upon a time you understood better than anyone why she had to go- you know she went because she loves you so much, because she cares so much for this whole messed up world! If she wasn't like that you'd still be that cold bastard you were when- Cloud? Are you even listening to me?" She closed the distance between them and reached up to grab his shoulders, shaking him, "Cloud! If she hadn't done it she wouldn't be the person she was and you wouldn't have loved her anyway! This is the way it had to be!"
There was a long silence and Cloud finally dragged his gaze up to Tifa's, his eyes were terribly red and his cheeks were stained with tears for what felt like the thousandth time that day alone. "I know..." he whispered, "I've always known... I promised her I wouldn't be afraid, Tifa... I'm not afraid, I trust her, she said she would come back... I know it all- why does it still hurt so much?" He fell against her and she; unable to support his weight, let both of them collapse onto the beach.
"It's always going to hurt, but you've got to stay strong."
"I can't... I can't," He sobbed softly, "She was my strength."
"She still is."
