Author's note: Here we are, probably the weirdest crossover you will ever see. I'm not the only one responsible for this; LoT and I came up with the idea in chat. Then Samantha Bridges agreed to sweeten the pot by offering a chapter of 'Leaper' if I wrote this. So here we go…
They're Pinky and the Brain,
They're Pinky and the Brain,
One is a genius,
The other's insane
They're laboratory mice,
Their genes have been spliced,
They're Pinky, Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brian (narf)
Night fell over Acme Labs. On a table stood a small cage with two mice in it. One bounced around happily; the other pored over a set of plans with an oversized pencil in his hand.
"What do you want to do tonight, Brain?" the tall, goofy mouse asked. He laughed delightedly and began to play with the edge of the other mouse's paper.
Brain sighed and scratched his large forehead. His voice was smooth and powerful.
"The same thing we do every night, Pinky," he said, and stuck his finger in the air. "Try to take over the world!" He tapped the paper with his hand. "My plan for tonight is foolproof."
"Poit!" Pinky giggled. "Ha ha ha!"
Brain eyed Pinky distrustfully. "You never fail to remind me, Pinky. When I say my plan is foolproof you simply prove to be a better fool."
"Narf," Pinky agreed. Brain got up and took a paper clip, which he used to pick the lock of his cage. In a moment, he and Pinky were free.
"Tell me, Pinky…are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky screwed up his face and thought mightily as he could.
"Umm, I think so, Brain, but who are we going to find to date Dr. Chilton?"
"For tonight's plan," Brain said, "we will pose as attorneys for Dr. Hannibal Lecter. We will free him on a technicality. Then, he will write an inspirational book that will become a best-seller. In his book will be a subliminal message that reads 'You will serve the Brain'. It will be perceived by the humans who will read this book, thus setting the stage for world domination!"
"Ha ha ha!" Pinky crowed. "Narf! Poit! And then…then we'll be invited to Dr. Lecter's famous dinner parties!"
Brain took his pencil and whacked Pinky with it on the back of the head.
"I feel cleansed now," Brain said.
"But Braaaaaain," Pinky said, "how are you going to free Dr. Lecter anyway?"
"Through the legal system, Pinky," Brain said.
"Ooooh, you're going to give him a traffic ticket?"
Brain whacked Pinky with the pencil again.
"No," Brain said. He walked over to a handy closet, in which his robotic suit was stored. It took the small mouse some time to climb to the top, but when he had, he looked like a normal man in a tuxedo, except that his mouse-sized head stuck out of the neck hole.
"We will go to the courthouse and file papers to allow us to represent Dr. Lecter pro bono," Brain continued. "I will be John Brain, attorney at law, and you will be Albert Pinky, my faithful paralegal."
"NARF! Ha ha ha! Oooooh, I get to be a parachute," Pinky cried, capering up and down on the table. He leaped off the table, only to discover two things. Firstly, that he did not possess the ability to parachute to the ground. Secondly, that a fall off a three-foot table was akin to sixty feet when one is a mouse.
Brain sighed. "If I could reach you, I would hurt you," he commented. "Now, quickly, Pinky."
Pinky scurried up the leg of the suit and plopped himself in the suit's shirt pocket. Brain began to operate the levers and switches that allowed him to pilot the suit.
"We will need some of the lab's equipment," Brain said thoughtfully.
"What would that be?" Pinky asked, interested.
"The minivan, Pinky." The robot suit's hand scooped up the minivan keys and they were off.
At the courthouse, no one seemed terribly surprised to see a lawyer with a small mouse-sized head poking out of a normal body. Nor the fact that a second mouse was happily ensconced in his shirt pocket. Brain advanced forward to the judge and cleared his throat.
"Your Honor," he said. "We are here today to ensure that a man has adequate legal representation. I am John Brain, and I wish to be allowed to represent Dr. Hannibal Lecter on a pro bono basis."
"And I am Pinky, and I'm Brain's paramecium," Pinky said importantly. "Zort!"
The judge looked calmly down at the mouse.
"Doesn't Dr. Hannibal Lecter have attorneys?" the judge asked.
"Yes, he does," Brain said. "But none of his current attorneys can bring to bear the viewpoints of a lab mouse bent on world domination."
"Very well," the judge said. "So ordered. You may go to the asylum and visit Dr. Lecter now."
Brain threw both his small arms in the air.
"YES!" he said.
