Author's note: Amazing what I find in my Fic folder. I'd been meaning to get to this. Here you go. Short yes, but we'll take it as it comes. We have some cameos, and the great meeting.
Dr. Chilton sat in his office chair and observed the figure before him.
"We've had a lot of people ask to visit Dr. Lecter," he said mildly, and ran a hand through his greasy hair. "I do believe you're the first lab mouse who asked to see him."
Brain observed the man behind the desk calmly.
"Of course," he said calmly.
"Dr. Lecter is quite inscrutable," Dr. Chilton said. "We've tried to test him. Minnesota Multiphasic, House-Tree-Person…he folds them all into origami." As if to demonstrate, he put a folded chicken on the desk.
Pinky squealed with glee. "Ooooh, look!" he said, and ran onto the desk. Eagerly he worked the chicken's tail and its beak pecked up and down. "Ha ha ha! Look, Brain, it's a chickie!"
Brain sighed. "Please ignore Pinky," he instructed Dr. Chilton. "He was born without a brainstem."
Dr. Chilton smirked.
"Now," Brain said, "I'd like to see Dr. Lecter. I am his attorney."
Dr. Chilton let out a sigh. "I suppose you're going to ask for better accommodations for him," he said guardedly.
"Actually, no," Brain said politely. "I'm planning instead to free him as part of an intricate scheme under which I will rule the world."
"Oh, good," Dr. Chilton mused. "His old attorney was always pestering us for better conditions."
Brain piloted his suit behind Dr. Chilton as they went down into the farthest reaches of the basement where Dr. Lecter was kept. Dr. Chilton explained the rules of visiting Dr. Lecter.
"You may only use the document carrier to send anything to him," Chilton said. "Do not accept anything he holds out through the barrier to you. Do not give him anything through the barrier. He may have whatever he likes on soft paper. No staples, no paperclips, no pens. He has his own felt-tip markers."
"A wise decision," Brain agreed. "After all, I escaped from my cage with the aid of a simple paper clip."
Dr. Chilton looked at Brain curiously. "What makes you think Dr. Lecter will talk to you?" he asked. "He's mocked everyone else who comes to see him."
Brain drew himself up proudly in his suit. "Because," he said simply. "Dr. Lecter does not often meet his intellectual peer. Barring that, he may be amused by Pinky."
"Oooooh," Pinky cooed from his position in his pocket. "I get to amuse Dr. Lecter!" A thoughtful expression crossed his face. "But Braaaaaain….mightn't it be dangerous? Isn't he a cannibal?"
"He is indeed," Brain agreed. "However, you're a mouse, Pinky."
Pinky smiled and thought mightily. "Oh, right," he said abashedly.
Brain turned back to Dr. Chilton. "May I see my client, please?" he asked.
"Of course," Dr. Chilton said and escorted the mouse in his robot suit down to the basement cell where Dr. Lecter was kept. As they went, he kept up pleasant conversation.
"Now, Mr. Brain, I was wondering if you had any studies of Dr. Lecter," Dr. Chilton said.
"I certainly do," Brain agreed. "I have studied him quite closely." He reached into his briefcase and pulled out three battered blue books. "Here are the scripts for Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and Red Dragon."
Chilton stopped. "Where did you get those?"
Suddenly, three small mouse-like beings popped out of a handy cell. They were black with white faces. They had three-fingered hands and tails. They could speak English well. One wore a blue shirt with no pants. One wore a pair of khaki pants, a stout belt, and no shirt. The third wore a dress.
"He got it from US!" the one without a shirt said. " We're the Warner Brothers, Yakko and Wakko!"
The one in the dress curtseyed. "And the Warner Sister, Dot," she said primly.
Chilton let out a pained shriek. "Who let them out of the Violent Toons ward? Help! Guards! Barney! Help!"
"But Dr. Chilton, you get to be this episode's SPECIAL friend!" they chortled, and dragged him into a cell. The door slammed shut. Brain watched them and then continued on his way.
"Er, Brain," Pinky asked. "Aren't you going to let Barney know, or something?"
Brain grinned. "All in due time, Pinky," he said. Horrendous shrieks and pleas for release emanated from the steel door.
Pinky looked over the shoulder of the mechanical suit and looked frightened. "Does 'due time' change when they have him in a pink tutu?"
"Not at all, Pinky," Brain said. The screams and shrieks began to fade as gates slammed shut behind them and they went on their way. "Not at all."
Down on the basement level of the Violent Men's Ward, Brain piloted his suit up to the desk. There, Barney awaited him. He introduced himself.
"I put a chair down there for you," he said. "You'll do fine."
"Thank you, Barney," Brain said. "I am looking forward to this. Dr. Lecter's genius rivals my own."
Brain continued down the hallway. As he passed a cell, the occupant leaned forward.
"I can smell…your…cheese," gibbered the cell's occupant.
"Oh yeah?" Pinky chortled. "Well, I can smell your cheese!" Gleefully he pointed at a piece of limburger cheese sitting on a plate in Miggs's cell. "Ha ha ha! Narf!"
"Oh, my," Miggs said in a cultured voice. "I am so embarrassed. Let me clean that right up, old sport." He set about throwing away the cheese and spritzing some room freshener in his cell. "Frightfully sorry about that, old chap."
But Brain paid him no heed. Tonight's plan was far more important. He walked down the hall to where Dr. Lecter stood in his cell.
Dr. Lecter stopped and stared at the tuxedoed robot suit with a small mouse's head sticking out of it. His eyebrows rose.
"Good morning," he said bloodlessly. "I believe this is the first time a mouse has come to visit me."
"Hello, Dr. Lecter," Brain said. "My name is the Brain. May I talk with you?"
"Are you FBI? You look like one of Jack Crawford's men."
Brain shook his head.
"Not at all, Dr. Lecter. I'm a lab mouse bent on world domination. And I'd like to free you to do that."
Dr. Lecter nodded. "May I see your identification?" he asked.
Brain shrugged and reached into a pocket. He removed a folder which he flapped open. It revealed a card with Brain's picture on one side. On the other, written in red letters, were the words LAB MOUSE BENT ON WORLD DOMINATION.
Dr. Lecter blinked. "Closer, please."
Brain approached the barrier.
"Closer."
"Here," Pinky cried, and helpfully took the card and jumped in the document carrier. Brain shoved it through. Dr. Lecter took the card and thanked him courteously. Pinky looked around the cell.
"Are those your drawings, doctor?" he asked.
"Yes," Dr. Lecter assured the British-accented, overbite-inflicted lab mouse. "That is the Duomo, as seen from the Belvedere."
Pinky ran up and plastered his mousy body against the picture. "NARF! Ha ha ha! Look Brain, I'm in Italy!"
Both Brain and Dr. Lecter sighed. Dr. Lecter picked up the mouse and dropped him into the document carrier headlong.
"Thank you," Brain said.
"POIT! Ha ha ha! That document carrier is FUN!" Pinky crowed.
"Enough, Pinky," Brain admonished. "Dr. Lecter, your hearing will be shortly. Soon you'll be free…and soon after that, I will rule the world."
