BLOODY TEARS
Chapter Two: Don't You Want To Be A Grown Up?
Squid dropped his spade, letting himself slide down the side of his hole.
He wiped the sweat from his forehead, leaving behind a streak of dirt.
"Hey man, you ok?"
X-Ray appeared, standing next to the hole, blocking out the sun for a few
magical moments.
When Squid didn't answer. X-Ray jumped skillfully into the hole and knelt
beside him.
"Yo Squid!" he slapped his face gently, "Wake up."
"Leave me 'lone," Squid muttered.
X-Ray noticed that the makesift bandage on his friends wrist was soaked
through with blood.
"That's it man, you ain't digging no holes today. Get out and I'll finish
it for you."
Squid shook his head and tried to stand, but his head spun and X-Ray swam
out of focus, lost in the hazy blackness.
"Hey, someone help!" X-Ray yelled. Squid collapsed onto the dirt.
Magnet and Armpit lifted him from the hole as gently as they could. Squid
moaned softly when they put him down but didn't wake.
D-Tent stood around him, wondering what to do.
"Man, we can't just leave him to bleed to death," Magnet stated.
"We could tell Mom or Mr Sir," Caveman suggested.
"Doubt they'd help much."
They were quiet for a moment.
"You need to put more pressure on the wound."
"Huh?" They all turned to Zero, shocked at his 'speech'.
"To stop the bleeding. You need pressure." Zero jumped down into Squids
hole and started digging.
The rest of D-Tent stared at him, until Caveman stopped them, "He's not
stupid, he just doesn't talk much. If he says we need pressure, we need
pressure."
X-Ray shrugged, and decided to trust him. What else was there for him to
do?
***
Squid woke back in his own bunk. His head felt heavy and his eyes seemed to
refuse to open properly.
Someone was half humming-half singing a song quietly.
"'If only, if only,' the woodpecker sighs... bark on the trees... hum
hum... the skies..."
He turned his head to see Caveman sitting on his bunk, reading a letter. He
watched Cavemans eyes flicking from left to right.
"Letter from your Mummy?" he asked, a him sarcastically, more that a hint
of bitterness.
Caveman looked up, surprised, "You're awake-"
"Yeah, I'm awake!" Squid could feel anger and jelousy building up inside
him, "So take you precious letter from Mummy and leave me the hell alone!"
The Caveman frowned, but left none the less.
Squid rolled over and burried his face in his pillow as warm tears splashed
down his hceeks. He curled up into a ball, hugging his injured wrist to his
chest. He thought about looking through X-Rays things for his knife but he
didn't want to get up. He just wanted to stay safe and warm, hiden under
blankets, away from thoughts of fathers who never came home and mothers who
never stopped drinking, away from shovels and lizards and rattlesnakes,
away from the pain that always seemed to find him, no matter how hard he
tried to hide from it.
Time passed, it could have been seconds or hours, or even days for all he
knew or cared.
Voices floated around him but they seemed distant and unreal.
"...yo Squid, talk to me man..."
"...what's wrong with him...?"
"...someone go get Mum..."
"...Squid wake up! Tell us what's wrong..."
"...he looks like he's in shock or something..."
Next thing he knew Mr Pendanski face was swimming back and forth in front
of his eyes.
"Alan, cut it out, this isn't funny." The words and the movement of his
mouth didn't seem to fit together. Mr Pendanski pulled the blankets off of
Squid and tried to make him sit up. The moment Mr Pendanski's hands clasped
his shoulders, the memory of another man holding his shoulders came into
his mind. It was his father and he was a small childd. He could smell the
beer on his breath so clearly.
*Flashback*
Squids father pulled off his blankets, smiling sinisterly, "Take off your
pajamas, don't worry, this will be fun..."
*Flashback Ends*
Squid started screaming, blinded by tears, he struck at Mr Pendanski
wildly, attaacking with all his strength. Other hands grabbed at him,
trying to hold him back and he struck at them too, panicking, still
screaming.
"NO! Let me go! It HURTS!"
It took Armpit, Zigzag, Magnet and Mr Pendanski to hold Squid down, still
struggling and screaming like a caged animal.
*Flashback*
"This is what grown ups do... don't you want to be a grown up?"
*Flashback Ends*
"No!" Squid screamed, "No! Daddy, let me go, please..."
"What's he talking about?"
There were some mumbled words, then Zigzags voice rang out.
"Squid, calm down! Your Dad's not here, he can't hurt you! We wont let him
hurt you."
Squids eyes snapped open. He looked around the tent wildly.
"I..." he couldn't think of what to say.
"It's alright Squid," said X-Ray, "Get some rest. We'll come back later-"
"No!" Squid cried, the word came flying from his mouth before he could stop
it.
"OK, we'll stay."
Mr Pendanski stood, he noticed the bandages on Squids wrist.
"What happened to your wrist Alan?"
"Shovel slipped," he muttered.
Mr Pendanski left.
Squid sat up, wrapped his arms around his knees and hugged them to his
chest. The other boys all sat on their own bunks, except for Zigzag, who
sat on the end of Squids, watching him intently.
"I'm sorry," Squid said finally.
"What for? Man, you didn't do nothin'."
Squid shrugged.
"Talk to us Squid, we're D-Tent, we stick together. When one of us is
hurtin', we're all there to help them. Let us help you."
Zigzag reached out a hand and touched his shoulder. Squid jerked back,
"Don't touch me," he said tensely, "I'm dirty."
Zigzag looked around at the rest of D-Tent, they all exchanged confused
looks, "So what? We're all dirty, we're been digging all day."
Squid shook his head, refusing to look at them, "No... not dirty on the
outside... dirty on the inside..."
"What do you mean?"
Squid stood up abrupty, "I've gotta go."
Zigzag grabbed his hand, "Squid, we're your friends, tell us what's wrong."
Squid looked around at his tentmates. He knew he was trapped.
He sat back down heavily on his bunk. Zigzag didn't let go of his hand.
"Uh... before, you were screaming about... about your father. Sometimes in
your sleep... you cry about him too, the things you say... they make it
sound like... like he..."
Squid froze. He held his breath. One hand was squeezing Zigzags and the
other was clenched into a fist. He bit his tongue until he tasted blood.
*Flashback*
"There, that wasn't too bad, was it?"
Little Squid didn't answer. His whole body hurt, and he was too afraid to
speak.
"Now go to sleep. Tomorrow I'll buy you an ice cream..."
*Flashback ends*
"Squid? Squid?! Are you ok?"
Squid nodded deftly.
"Squid, your father... did he..." Zigzag dropped his voice to a whisper,
"Did he rape you?"
Squid yanked his hand away from Zigzags and stood up, facing his bunkmates,
feeling terror and shame eating up his insides.
"No!" he cried.
"We're not going to think any less of you," said X-Ray.
"No!" Squid cried again, "No! ...he didn't - I wasn't... no..."
"Squid..." Zigzag took a step towards him.
Squid took a step back, "No!" he raised his hands to his head and closed
his eyes, trying to block out the memories, the voices, the pain...
"No!" he screamed, "Leave me alone! It didn't happen! It didn't!"
He turned and stumbled from the tent. Zigzag ran after him and grabbed him.
Squid hit Zigzag as hard as he could and tried to keep running but Zigzag
had a firm grip on his work uniform.
"Leave me alone! Let me go! I hate you, I hate you..."
Squid collapsed to the groupd, pulling Zigzag down with him.
"It's not fair!" he whimpered, "How could he do that to me? How could he
Ziggy?"
Zigzag rocked him back and forth gently. He didn't know what to say so he
didn't say anything. Looking up, he saw the rest of D-Tent hovering near
by, he motioned for them to come over. Him and X-Ray half carried Squid
back to the tent.
Zigzag rocked Squid back and forth again until he'd stopped crying and fell
asleep.
"Man," said Armpit, "What kind of sicko rapes their own son?"
"I dunno, but if I ever meet him -WHAM!" Zigzag punch the air in front of
him violently.
X-Ray nodded in agreement, looking down at the sleeping boy on the bunk in
front of him.