The Lack of Feeling
Tianna stirred, her eyes blinked open and she stretched. At least she knew she tried. She looked up, yes, her hands were above her head, she was stretching-- she just couldn't feel her body. Tianna looked around and all she saw was white. Oh dear, I've died, she thought as she looked down at herself. No, her slightly scarred form was dressed in a simply white T- shirt like smock, that reached down just past her knees. She wasn't dead, she was dreaming.
That would explain the blur around the edge of her window of sight. She stood, her bare feet barely perceiving the cold coming from the tiled floor beneath her. Tianna walked slowly to the door at her left. First she peered out of the small, rectangular window, there was a hallway, and another door directly across from hers. She fancied she could see herself looking back at her from behind the other door.
She searched her side of the door for a knob, but there was none to be found. There was only a small keyhole and a distinct round impression directly above that signified where a knob had once been. "Some one has taken my knob," Tianna said out loud. At least she thought she spoke the words. She couldn't hear her own words, nor could she feel her mouth move.
"I must get out there, some one has taken my knob." Her numb fingertips grasped onto the small ledge in front the pane of glass in her door, and then pulled. Very slowly the door pulled open and Tianna moved out into the hallway. She looked back over her shoulder as the door swung shut behind her. "There's a knob on this side," she noted," but it isn't my knob. No, my knob belongs on the other side."
Tianna looked to her left and saw only the white of the hallway, but saw no end. She turned her head to the right, and saw the same vision. Doors, just like hers, line the walls. All perfectly placed and balanced. "Well, I have to go one of the ways. I certainly can't go both." She chose left, meandering down the hallway with her hand dragging along behind her feeling none of the texture visible on the wall. "I wonder how they got everything so symmetrical," Tianna spoke and this time was almost sure her mouth had moved. "Maybe they used a mirror..." No, if they'd used a mirror then I'd see myself, she finished silently.
The hallway began getting brighter and Tianna squinted against the light and shielded her eyes with her hand. The hallway seemed to open into a bright room and Tianna stopped momentarily to question to her shadow, "Now where am I?" There were people, at least she thought they were people. The seemed to be dressed like her, but everything was a blur and it was worse with the light reflecting off of everything. "Angels? I thought angels had wings," Just ahead of her there was a darkened silhouette of a child. She approached the figure until it came into the same light as everything else. "Are you an angel?"
"I was under the impression that you were the angel," the girl who appeared no more than eight years old talked as if she were more aged, "you were the one given wings."
"Am I dead?" Tianna queried looking down on the girl child.
"You don't appear to be."
"That's good. It means I'm dreaming. I am dreaming right?"
"Perhaps. Then again, perhaps not."
"Someone has stolen my knob."
"They've taken all of the knobs."
"Oh," Tianna didn't say anything for a long time, just looked around. The people, the ones she thought were angels, were just wandering around, no one had seemed to notice her at all. They interacted with each other, but none of them had given her a glance. She looked back to the girl. "Are you the only one who sees me?" Tianna whispered as if speaking too loudly would interrupt the others ongoing.
"No," the girl smiled as if she held all the secrets of the universe in her mind, "you are the only one who sees me."
"Who are they?" Tianna pointed to the two men in white with masks on. They were coming nearer to the girl and her, but seemed to move in a slow motion that made Tianna dizzy.
"They're the men in white coats."
"I've heard that somewhere, before... a long time ago." Tianna said, her mind growing distanced. "It's this place. It feels so unfamiliar, yet I think that I should know it well." Tianna looked down to the girl child and reached a hand out to her. The girl seemed to be fading away the closer the men got, and Tianna didn't want her to disappear. "I think I used to belong here."
"You do belong here Tianna," the voice that echoed in Tianna's ears was not that of the girl child but of a man. It was a voice she didn't recognize. It made her uncomfortable. "You've been with us before you know. I'm hurt that you'd forget us."
"Mart, don't talk to her just stitch up those cuts before she looses anymore blood and dies." That voice had been a woman's, it did nothing to soothe Tianna.
She tried to open both eyes and see those that were speaking to, and about, her. Though when she did open her eyes she realized that only one of the could, the other was blocked, something prevented it from opening. Her left eye blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the two persons in white looming over her, and moving their hands over her. She only dully felt them prodding her with their fingers.
"The good news is they're fixing you up." A child-like voice spoke quietly.
"She's going to die anyway."
"But not at our hands, you know she has to go back to him."
Tianna turned her head to the side and her one eye focused on the girl who had just been in her dream, "You..." She felt a hard pressure in her shoulder and asked the girl, "What was that?"
"They just relocated your shoulder," The girl took a step closer to Tianna.
"Was it missing?" Tianna murmured, it was hard for her to come up with more complex sentences, and she felt her words slurring together.
"She talking again. Should we give her more morphine?" The woman in white asked the male.
"No, no... just give her the serum injection."
"Why can't I feel anything?" Tianna knew the two in white were doing things to her, poking and prodding, she saw the blurry image of what could be needles and some blue colored substance being injected into her flesh, but she felt only vague points of pressure.
"Used to be because he left," The two in white didn't seem aware of the little girl though she was standing right next to Tianna with a hand resting on the side of the steel table where she lay.
"When who left?" Tianna didn't understand. She groaned softly trying to remember something, anything, but found all she remembered was her dream. There were images, but she didn't know what any of them meant. She was lost. "Do I still have my fingers? I can't feel them..."
"Mart, now she's mumbling about her fingers... Do you think she'll come around? Should we restrain her?"
"I don't think that will be necessary, it's probably just her psychosis working it's way to her mouth from the drugs."
"Oh you meant physically," The girl giggled softly, despite the fact that the situation lacked humor. She looked up to the doctors then back down to Tianna. "They gave you drugs. Most of them were to shut down you sensory of touch. They gave you other shots though, that I don't think were meant to be helpful, but at least they are fixing all you wounds."
"I don't remember what happened to me..." Tianna said softly, "I don't remember anything."
"No, I'm sure you don't. You need time to heal. Soon, maybe when the doctors stop giving you the numbing stuff, you're going to wake up. When you do you are going to remember. You will remember everything, but not yet. They wont allow it."
"What's your name?"
"You can call me, Angel."
"But, you said, you weren't an... angel." Tianna's sentence was broken into parts as she once again slipped from the conscious world and back into the blackness of her mind. Back into the blackness where she could just be quiet and think, or just be quiet and sleep. Back where she didn't have to worry about the lack of feeling.
Tianna stirred, her eyes blinked open and she stretched. At least she knew she tried. She looked up, yes, her hands were above her head, she was stretching-- she just couldn't feel her body. Tianna looked around and all she saw was white. Oh dear, I've died, she thought as she looked down at herself. No, her slightly scarred form was dressed in a simply white T- shirt like smock, that reached down just past her knees. She wasn't dead, she was dreaming.
That would explain the blur around the edge of her window of sight. She stood, her bare feet barely perceiving the cold coming from the tiled floor beneath her. Tianna walked slowly to the door at her left. First she peered out of the small, rectangular window, there was a hallway, and another door directly across from hers. She fancied she could see herself looking back at her from behind the other door.
She searched her side of the door for a knob, but there was none to be found. There was only a small keyhole and a distinct round impression directly above that signified where a knob had once been. "Some one has taken my knob," Tianna said out loud. At least she thought she spoke the words. She couldn't hear her own words, nor could she feel her mouth move.
"I must get out there, some one has taken my knob." Her numb fingertips grasped onto the small ledge in front the pane of glass in her door, and then pulled. Very slowly the door pulled open and Tianna moved out into the hallway. She looked back over her shoulder as the door swung shut behind her. "There's a knob on this side," she noted," but it isn't my knob. No, my knob belongs on the other side."
Tianna looked to her left and saw only the white of the hallway, but saw no end. She turned her head to the right, and saw the same vision. Doors, just like hers, line the walls. All perfectly placed and balanced. "Well, I have to go one of the ways. I certainly can't go both." She chose left, meandering down the hallway with her hand dragging along behind her feeling none of the texture visible on the wall. "I wonder how they got everything so symmetrical," Tianna spoke and this time was almost sure her mouth had moved. "Maybe they used a mirror..." No, if they'd used a mirror then I'd see myself, she finished silently.
The hallway began getting brighter and Tianna squinted against the light and shielded her eyes with her hand. The hallway seemed to open into a bright room and Tianna stopped momentarily to question to her shadow, "Now where am I?" There were people, at least she thought they were people. The seemed to be dressed like her, but everything was a blur and it was worse with the light reflecting off of everything. "Angels? I thought angels had wings," Just ahead of her there was a darkened silhouette of a child. She approached the figure until it came into the same light as everything else. "Are you an angel?"
"I was under the impression that you were the angel," the girl who appeared no more than eight years old talked as if she were more aged, "you were the one given wings."
"Am I dead?" Tianna queried looking down on the girl child.
"You don't appear to be."
"That's good. It means I'm dreaming. I am dreaming right?"
"Perhaps. Then again, perhaps not."
"Someone has stolen my knob."
"They've taken all of the knobs."
"Oh," Tianna didn't say anything for a long time, just looked around. The people, the ones she thought were angels, were just wandering around, no one had seemed to notice her at all. They interacted with each other, but none of them had given her a glance. She looked back to the girl. "Are you the only one who sees me?" Tianna whispered as if speaking too loudly would interrupt the others ongoing.
"No," the girl smiled as if she held all the secrets of the universe in her mind, "you are the only one who sees me."
"Who are they?" Tianna pointed to the two men in white with masks on. They were coming nearer to the girl and her, but seemed to move in a slow motion that made Tianna dizzy.
"They're the men in white coats."
"I've heard that somewhere, before... a long time ago." Tianna said, her mind growing distanced. "It's this place. It feels so unfamiliar, yet I think that I should know it well." Tianna looked down to the girl child and reached a hand out to her. The girl seemed to be fading away the closer the men got, and Tianna didn't want her to disappear. "I think I used to belong here."
"You do belong here Tianna," the voice that echoed in Tianna's ears was not that of the girl child but of a man. It was a voice she didn't recognize. It made her uncomfortable. "You've been with us before you know. I'm hurt that you'd forget us."
"Mart, don't talk to her just stitch up those cuts before she looses anymore blood and dies." That voice had been a woman's, it did nothing to soothe Tianna.
She tried to open both eyes and see those that were speaking to, and about, her. Though when she did open her eyes she realized that only one of the could, the other was blocked, something prevented it from opening. Her left eye blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the two persons in white looming over her, and moving their hands over her. She only dully felt them prodding her with their fingers.
"The good news is they're fixing you up." A child-like voice spoke quietly.
"She's going to die anyway."
"But not at our hands, you know she has to go back to him."
Tianna turned her head to the side and her one eye focused on the girl who had just been in her dream, "You..." She felt a hard pressure in her shoulder and asked the girl, "What was that?"
"They just relocated your shoulder," The girl took a step closer to Tianna.
"Was it missing?" Tianna murmured, it was hard for her to come up with more complex sentences, and she felt her words slurring together.
"She talking again. Should we give her more morphine?" The woman in white asked the male.
"No, no... just give her the serum injection."
"Why can't I feel anything?" Tianna knew the two in white were doing things to her, poking and prodding, she saw the blurry image of what could be needles and some blue colored substance being injected into her flesh, but she felt only vague points of pressure.
"Used to be because he left," The two in white didn't seem aware of the little girl though she was standing right next to Tianna with a hand resting on the side of the steel table where she lay.
"When who left?" Tianna didn't understand. She groaned softly trying to remember something, anything, but found all she remembered was her dream. There were images, but she didn't know what any of them meant. She was lost. "Do I still have my fingers? I can't feel them..."
"Mart, now she's mumbling about her fingers... Do you think she'll come around? Should we restrain her?"
"I don't think that will be necessary, it's probably just her psychosis working it's way to her mouth from the drugs."
"Oh you meant physically," The girl giggled softly, despite the fact that the situation lacked humor. She looked up to the doctors then back down to Tianna. "They gave you drugs. Most of them were to shut down you sensory of touch. They gave you other shots though, that I don't think were meant to be helpful, but at least they are fixing all you wounds."
"I don't remember what happened to me..." Tianna said softly, "I don't remember anything."
"No, I'm sure you don't. You need time to heal. Soon, maybe when the doctors stop giving you the numbing stuff, you're going to wake up. When you do you are going to remember. You will remember everything, but not yet. They wont allow it."
"What's your name?"
"You can call me, Angel."
"But, you said, you weren't an... angel." Tianna's sentence was broken into parts as she once again slipped from the conscious world and back into the blackness of her mind. Back into the blackness where she could just be quiet and think, or just be quiet and sleep. Back where she didn't have to worry about the lack of feeling.
