Chapter 3 - Et Tu, Tutu?


Archer, arms crossed, stared out the window of his ready room.
"Computer record," he ordered. The computer beeped.
"Captain's Star Log, supplemental. We are scheduled to arrive shortly at Lius,
where we will establish first contact and hopefully pick up some much needed supplies.
Our sources have said that the...Liusians are a warrior race, and as per the usual, they
are also easily offended. We will have to take great care in our dealings with them,
as our situation has become-"
The door chimed, and he turned.
"Computer pause," he said. "Come."
The door whisked open, and Hoshi stepped inside. She hesitated, as if reluctant
to speak.
"What is it, Hoshi?"
"Travis says that we're about an hour away from Lius," she twitched.
Archer puzzled.
"Fine," he said. "Is that all?"
"No, sir," she said, pointing to her padd. "The Liusians sent a data file with their
last message..."
"Alright," he coaxed. "What does it say?"
"It has to do with their customs," she said slowly. "They insist that we follow
a certain...dress code."
Archer closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.
"How bad is it?" he asked. "No wait, let me guess... We're supposed to wear
white robes."
"How did you know that?" Hoshi chirped.
"Beats me," he said. "Seems like... Never mind."
"Sir?"
"Never mind," he repeated. "So it's white robes... Well, I guess it could be
worse."
Hoshi hemmed and fidgeted in place.
"I suppose...there's something else?" Archer sighed.
"Well, actually, sir, we're wearing the white robes," she qualified, "as in, 'you
and me'."
"I don't follow you."
"I think it's best if I just let you read it," Hoshi said, then she carefully set the
padd on his desk and quickly left.
Archer pondered her prancing ponytail for a moment, then the door closed.
He ambled to the table and craned his neck, glancing down at the padd. He read it,
then he read it again, then he read it a third time and furrowed. He paced for a few
minutes, then he went and sat at his desk, where he picked up the padd and read it
a fourth time. Finally, he tapped his fingers and stared off at nothing for a while,
then he reached and pressed the comm button.
"Um... Archer to...T'Pol"

Shortly, the door chimed. He answered, and T'Pol came inside. He glanced
at her, briefly, then he looked away and handed her the padd. She took it and read
it, then she read it again, then she read it a third time before speaking.
"Perhaps you should ask Ensign Sato," she said flatly.
"Well, I would," Archer said, standing up, "but the...honor...belongs to the
senior female."
T'Pol blinked.
"Then I suggest you promote her," she said flatly.
"Unfortunately, that won't work either," Archer grimaced. "They've already
seen our pictures, and they know our ranks."
T'Pol stared.
"Now, I won't- I can't order you to do this," he paced. "But I'm sure you're
aware of our...situation. We've been in the Expanse for months now, and our
supplies are running...uhh..."
T'Pol stared.
"I had hoped that Star Fleet would have figured out some way to send us
something," he paced. "But apparently, they're still working on it."
T'Pol stared.
Finally, Archer stopped and forced himself to look her in the eye.
"You...know how much we need dilithium," he said quietly.
T'Pol glared.

Thirty minutes later, the turbolift door opened, and Commander Tucker dashed
onto the bridge.
"He in there?" he thumbed.
Hoshi nodded grimly.
Trip hurried to the ready room and found the captain leaning on his window
sill, gazing outwards.
"Shuttle pod's ready," he thumbed. "Did you talk to 'em?"
Archer nodded as he turned around. He walked to his desk and sat down
heavily in his chair, then he looked up at Trip.
"Yep," he puffed. "I just spoke with, uh, Undersecretary Shilála. He gave us
the landing coordinates."
"So, whatda they look like?" Trip asked. "Bumpy foreheads?"
"No," Archer said. "No... They look fairly normal," then he thought for a moment
and added, "Their chins seem a little small, though."
Trip raised his eyebrows and nodded, then he thumbed again.
"Hey, what's up with T'Pol?" he asked. "I saw her a few minutes ago, and she
wouldn't even speak to me."
Archer sucked his teeth. He leaned slowly forward and shoved the padd across
the desk.
The commander picked it up and read it, then he read it again, then he read it
a third time and giggled.
"Trip," Archer warned.
"I didn't say a thing," he smirked.
The captain started to warn him some more, but the comm sounded.
"Sir," Hoshi said. "The quartermaster just called. He's finished the, uh...
Costumes?"
Archer cleared his throat.
"Very good, Ensign," he said. "Go get dressed, then meet us in the shuttle bay.
Oh, and inform T'Pol, Archer out."
There was a brief pause, then Hoshi beeped again.
"Sir, I think it's best if-"
"That's an order, Ensign. Archer out."

Trip made a quick and gleeful exit. Archer rolled his eyes, then he grabbed
the padd and went to his quarters to don his white robe. After briefly reviewing the
protocols, he proceeded to the shuttle bay, where he found Hoshi and Trip standing
by the pod.
The captain furrowed.
"What're you doin' here?" he demanded.
Trip shrugged, arms crossed.
"I wouldn't be much of a chief engineer if I didn't personally inspect the shuttle
pod before an important mission, now would I?"
Archer eyes narrowed.
"So help me, Trip," he warned, "if you so much as break a smile..."
At that point, the doors to the shuttle bay slid open, and T'Pol, wearing a long,
white robe, glided silently into the room. She carefully descended the steps and, upon
reaching the bottom, she stopped dead in her tracks. Looking down, she paused for
a moment, then she adjusted her robe and moved swiftly towards the others by open
hatch.
Trip looked at Archer; Archer looked at T'Pol; T'Pol glared at Trip, then she
looked back at Archer.
"I am wearing it," she said coolly, "underneath."
Then she glared at Trip some more.
Trip held up his hands and walked away.

On the brief ride to the planet, Archer focused intently on piloting the shuttle
pod, while Hoshi helped T'Pol with her tiara.