"First Kiss: Rei/Ami" by Desslok

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[Author's Note: the characters here are inspired by the live-

action Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon tv show, not the anime or the

manga. If you haven't given PGSM a chance, please do so. It's

really good!]

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"Oi, what could be keeping Usagi?" Makoto asked for the fifth

time in the last hour. She paced the floor of their secret

hangout anxiously watching the door. The tall brunette turned to

the table where Ami and Rei sat working on their homework

assignments. "Ami-chan, did she say anything to you?"

Ami looked up at Makoto, startled by the sudden, direct question.

Folding her hands over her book, she stammered, "No, Mako-chan,

she did not say anything to me. She had to remain behind to

clean, but that should have been over by now."

Rei grunted in exasperation. "She is not a child. You should not

treat her like one. Maybe she met up with her friend Osaka."

Suddenly, Rei's eyes darted to her left, just in time to see the

look of anxiety and dismay that Ami was already concealing. The

young miko glanced over to Makoto, but she had apparently not

noticed, busy as she was with her pacing.

"I'm sure she'd call us if anything was wrong," Ami offered

suddenly, her voice squeaking slightly. "She probably is with

Osaka-san." Ami's wan, resigned smile did not escape Rei's

notice.

Makoto grunted unhappily and spun a chair around, straddling it

and resting her hands on the back. She glared at Rei for a

moment before jumping to her feet once more. "I'm going to go

look for her," she declared emphatically. Without waiting for a

response from Rei, and without noticing Ami slowly rising to her

feet, Makoto loped up the stairs and out the door. Ami turned

toward Rei and sheepishly returned to her seat. Rei said

nothing.

Turning back to her books, Ami tried to resume studying. After a

few moments, she grew aware of Rei's penetrating stare. Lowering

her head submissively, Ami once again folded her hands in front

of herself and spun slightly toward Rei. "What is it, Rei-chan?"

The silence grew uncomfortable and Ami squirmed in her seat,

waiting in vain for Rei to respond. Tentatively, she lifted her

head to make eye contact. Rei leaned forward, her gaze bearing

down on Ami relentlessly. Again, Ami asked, "What is it, Rei-

chan?"

"Ami-chan, you've been acting a little strange lately," Rei noted

quietly. She did not offer any further analysis.

Ami swallowed, trying to wash away the lump in her throat. "I'm

just concerned about Usagi," she offered. Rei shook her head

curtly and waited.

"I am sorry, Rei-chan," Ami finally said, her gaze dropping back

to the tabletop. "I suppose I am not a very good friend for not

being able to explain."

Sighing inaudibly, Rei reached out and gently took Ami's chin in

her hand, lifting it so that their eyes could meet. Ami flinched

as Rei's fingertips came into contact with her skin, but did not

resist.

"Ami-chan, you are a good friend. You do not have a lot of

experience with friends. Neither do I. Truthfully, neither does

Makoto. But, this is not why you have been so upset lately, is

it?"

Ami tried fruitlessly to twist herself out of Rei's grasp, but

the miko's gentle grip remained firm. Tears began to well up in

the corners of her eyes. "I... I've had very strange

feelings...." she finally admitted. Rei nodded, her countenance

softening as she waited for Ami to continue.

"When Usagi spends time with Osaka-san, I get very angry," Ami

explained. Again, Rei bided her time, willing Ami to continue.

With a resigned sigh, Ami went on. "You explained to me that we

all have a dark side, but I think mine is very dark. I think..."

"It is ok, Ami-chan," Rei murmured soothingly. "We all want to

spend time with our friends, especially Usagi."

Ami shook her head fiercely, shaking Rei's hand loose at last.

"It is not just that, Rei-chan. I have had other bad thoughts.

When Usagi spends time with her other friends, I get upset. When

you and Makoto and Usagi went to the amusement park with Motoki

and his friends, I got very upset. When I see you and Makoto

together, I get upset. I don't understand what is wrong with me.

I feel like..."

Rei watched, pondering, as Ami hid her face behind her hands,

obviously trying to hold back more tears. She considered Ami's

words, in light of her own observations. She also recalled her

own feelings and reactions, when certain truths about her had

come to light. After some consideration, she asked softly, "What

do you feel like at those times, Ami-chan?"

"I feel... like a jealous lover..." Ami croaked in a voice laden

with unshed tears. "I want you all, all to myself." She lifted

her head briefly from her hands, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Her heart breaking for her friend, Rei leaned forward and brushed

Ami's tears with the backs of her fingers. "Ami-chan," she

whispered, and her words unleashed the torrent of emotion Ami had

been barely able to restrain. With a sound between a sob and a

scream, Ami fell forward into Rei's arms. Rei slid her chair

closer and pulled Ami towards her, gently stroking her hair and

the back of her neck, waiting for the storm to subside.

After awhile, Rei began to talk quietly in Ami's ear. "Ami-chan,

not too long ago, I found myself increasingly agitated. I was

angry or sad all the time and I had no idea why. I was always

angry with all of the other girls at my temple and I was driving

them away, but the more I did, the worse I became. With one hand

I tried to pull them all closer, to cling to them, while with the

other hand, I pushed them away. I finally figured out that the

problem was not with them, but with me."

Ami pulled her damp face away from Rei just enough to speak.

"What was the problem, Rei-chan?" she sputtered.

Rei sighed heavily. "I am not like Usagi, Ami-chan. I do not like

boys the way that she does or that most girls do. I never have.

But, I've also realized that it is not just that." She closed

her eyes and admitted out loud for the first time something she

had only suspected about herself for a few months. "I like girls,

Ami-chan, in the way that most girls like boys." Rei could feel

Ami stiffen, but the young genius did not pull away.

"I was always mad or upset because I did not want to listen to

what my heart was trying to tell me. I didn't like anyone in

particular, but I also convinced myself I liked many of them, but

I did not want to admit that I liked any, and so all of those

emotions swirled around and made me act very strangely. When I

noticed you acting in a similar way, it made me think that maybe,

you had the same problem that I had."

Sitting up suddenly, Ami looked at Rei with fear in her eyes.

"Rei-chan, how did you fix it? How did you make it go away?"

Rei shook her head sadly. "Ami-chan, you cannot 'fix' the way you

feel. You simply must accept who you are. Once you accept the

way you feel, you can move forward with your life and you will

not be so upset without knowing why."

"Is there someone in particular you like, Rei-chan," Ami asked,

trying to divert her thoughts away from her own situation for a

moment.

Thoughts of Makoto pushing her on a cart, her hair flying in air

behind her, came unbidden to Rei's mind. She recalled Usagi

coming to her defense at the temple, preventing the other girls

from her school from hurting her. Finally, she became quite

conscious of Ami's proximity, remembering the sparks she felt

when they would share secret smiles when Usagi would say or do

something outrageous. This time, Rei lowered her eyes, unable to

meet Ami's, as she admitted, "I think I like you all." A moment

passed, then Rei was startled to feel Ami's hand grasping her

chin. Looking up sharply, she saw Ami leaning forward.

"I think we have the same problem, Rei-chan," Ami whispered, her

expression expectant.

Closing her eyes, Rei pressed her head forward, tilting it

slightly. Her lips found Ami's even as her young friend's hands

grasped her own. Rei's heart leapt in her chest and she could

feel the nervous quiver in Ami's fingers, and her own.

Eventually, they parted, each searching the other to make sure

that everything was all right. Seeing their expressions mirrored

on each other, both girls began to giggle.

Ami rested her head on Rei's chest, leaning against her side. "I

don't know what happens now, Rei-chan," she finally admitted.

Rei kissed the top of Ami's head. "Neither do I, Ami-chan, but I

think everything will be better now." Ami nodded and nuzzled Rei

gently before sitting back up and sliding her chair back to its

customary place. The two senshi shared a warm smile as the door

flew open and Usagi breezed in, an irritated Makoto in tow. Ami

and Rei both perked up as their two friends entered the room,

then they noticed each other doing so, and broke out in a fresh

fit of giggles.

Usagi looked questioningly at Makoto, who shrugged, but suddenly

began to feel a spark of emotion inside. She frowned as she

entered the room, not paying attention as Usagi showed Ami and

Rei all the things she had bought. Why in the world would the

sight of Ami and Rei sharing a secret chuckle agitate her so?