Chapter 15. The Unguarded Heart
"I still think you owe Dellia an apology," Padmé said quietly to Anakin as they stood side by side on the Senate building's rooftop landing platform waiting for Balé, Dormé and Captain Typho to arrive by shuttle from their military transport.
Anakin shifted impatiently. She still hadn't given this up.
"I think it would be a bad idea. She still doesn't understand fully what happened, and going over it in detail would just embarrass her more."
"She is pining for Lon now. Pining!" Padmé insisted, still with a lowered voice.
"Maybe they were meant for each other, and I just helped them along," Anakin said crossly, wishing she would stop harassing him about it once and for all. "Did you ever think of that?" When Padmé didn't respond right away he added, "I don't understand why you're still mad about this. It only worked so well because Dellia wants to be in love with someone. Anyone."
It was Padmé's turn to feel a wave of impatience. "I'm upset because you're so casual about having interfered with other people's lives like that, Anakin. It just isn't right!"
A shuttle was becoming visible in the distance, heading in their direction.
"People do it all the time, Padmé," Anakin said abruptly. Even the rising whine of the approaching shuttle didn't drown out the peculiar hardness in his voice. "They do it all the time in ways that are terrible and soul destroying. They put a transponder bomb into your body and make you a slave. They kidnap someone you love and torture them to death. They decide what you can do, where you can go, and whom you can love. In every case your life is changed forever and no one discusses whether it's right or wrong. What I did was nothing like that."
He stopped when the roar of the shuttle's landing cycle made it impossible to be heard. Padmé stood beside him in stunned silence, torn between deep sympathy and her steadfast moral convictions.
"That still doesn't make it right," Padmé persisted when the shuttle's roar had quieted to a throbbing purr. "Why contribute to what we know is wrong?"
Anakin remained silent while several figures disembarked from the shuttle. As one, he and Padmé walked forward to meet them. At first all the passengers looked like adults and Anakin couldn't see Balé anywhere. Suddenly a small figure that evidently had been hidden in the middle of the group broke free and headed straight for Padmé at a dead run. Typho took off after her but Balé managed to throw herself into Padmé's arms before the Security Chief came puffing up behind her.
Anakin watched their reunion hungrily, taking in every word, every look and every hug until Typho spoke to him.
"She was supposed to stay put until we arrive under cover." Captain Typho looked worn out in a way that even a mischievous ten-year-old child could not have brought about.
Anakin looked at him sharply. "Do you expect any immediate danger?"
"Always," said Typho shortly.
Anakin nodded and bent closer to Padmé and Balé, who were crouched together in the middle of the spacious landing platform.
"We had better go inside now," he said firmly.
Balé looked at him sideways from the safety of Padmé's shoulder. Anakin looked straight back at her, marveling at how much she had grown in a little more than half a year. She was destined to be a petite Nubian woman, but she looked taller and sturdier than the child Anakin had left behind on Naboo. Padmé stood up and took Balé's hand, turning to go back into the building. The little girl continued to regard Anakin steadily.
Finally Balé smiled shyly and offered him her other hand, and Anakin took it gently. Balé clung even harder to Padmé's hand as they walked into the building, but she never took her eyes off Anakin or let go of him.
All of a sudden she grinned. "You don't look like a Jedi any more." Anakin was wearing his official suit.
"I'm still a Jedi," he reassured her. "You can't always believe what you see."
"Padmé said you got my puzzle box. She promised she would give it to you, and she did."
"Yes, I got it," Anakin said, glancing at Padmé with a look full of memories. She nodded almost imperceptibly out of a similar place in her own heart.
"Did you find my note?" Balé really wanted to know whether Anakin had figured out how to work it.
"For my Jedi, from Balé Mindin Naberrie," he quoted, and then smiled. "It wasn't too hard."
Balé nodded, satisfied. They stepped through the double doors into the waiting lounge.
"Captain Typho says I'm a handful," she announced, well within the good Captain's earshot. Padmé, who had watched the interaction between her husband and her adopted daughter with deep interest, bit her lip while the Security Captain only shook his head.
Anakin approved wholeheartedly of anything that made the Captain despair. While they waited for the rest of the party to catch up with them he dropped down on one knee so he could speak to Balé face to face. He and Padmé were the only grownups that did that.
"Maybe you need a Jedi protector," he said gravely. "We're known for our way with…people who are a handful."
This of course played right into Balé's plans.
"I think I do," she said with equal gravity. "Captain Typho says I need to be protected the whole time I'm on Coruscant."
Padmé shot a glance at her Security Chief, but before he could comment the double doors opened again and Dormé fell into Padmé's arms while the four Nubian Security Guards gathered around them.
For a change it was Padmé whose tears flowed. "I've missed you so much," she wept, clinging to Dormé, who held her soothingly while wondering at her mistress' raw emotions.
Balé took advantage of the situation to zero in on Anakin, who for the moment seemed to be all hers. That was just the way she liked it.
"I want to learn to fight," she said. "Can you teach me?"
Anakin paused briefly, hoping that wasn't all she thought he was good for.
"Why?" he finally asked.
"I don't want to be scared. Everybody at home is scared."
Anakin glanced quickly at Padmé to see whether she had heard, but she was absorbed in an animated conversation with Dormé.
"What's going on?" he asked quietly.
"I wish you were there," Balé said, looking at him steadily. "Like you were when we were on the Queen's Yacht. Then Grandma and Sola and everybody would feel safe." In her heart Balé believed that nothing bad could happen to her or her loved ones if Anakin was nearby.
Captain Typho interrupted them by insisting that the group leave the public lounge and move on to the Naboo Delegation offices for a briefing. Balé moved closer to Anakin, her initial shyness rapidly disappearing.
"Piggyback?" he offered. She was getting too big to ride on his shoulders. Balé agreed instantly and clambered happily onto his back.
As the group moved toward the lifts Padmé looked over at them and Anakin caught her eye. A long, wordless look passed between them. Their earlier discussion wasn't over yet, but it had been put aside for the time being.
"Thank you for letting me come," Balé said to Padmé from her perch on Anakin's back. Padmé reached over and patted the little girl's leg.
And you were worried she wouldn't remember you? Padmé couldn't resist reminding him.
Anakin beamed.
The group proceeded into the lifts and through the winding corridors of the off ice complex in a disciplined group; two uniformed security officers in front, Padmé and Dormé behind them talking quietly, the dark-robed Jedi behind them, carrying the little girl on his back, and two other security officers bringing up the rear. Captain Typho fell into step with Padmé on the way.
"How secure are your offices, Senator?" he asked softly.
"They are swept for listening devices daily," she said, frowning. "Why?"
"Who does the sweeps?"
"Our own staff." Padmé tried to control her rising anxiety.
Captain Typho scowled into the distance, thinking. "I'd like to search them again myself before we talk. Just to be on the safe side."
Padmé took a deep calming breath, as Anakin recently had taught her to do. "Is it that bad?"
"We can't afford to take a single chance," the Captain said grimly
It was decided that, while Typho and two of the uniformed guards checked the Naboo Delegation's offices the rest of the party would adjourn to the elegant Senator's lounge for some refreshment during the hour that Typho needed to take the offices apart and put them back together again. It was a reasonable thing for a party of travelers to do, and would not arouse suspicion.
Anakin didn't plan to join them. It was one thing to greet them at the shuttle. It would give quite a different impression if he spent too much time in the company of the Senator from Naboo and her staff. But he wanted to be in on the briefing.
"Suppose I give Balé a quick tour of the building?" he suggested. A little bounce on his back indicated enthusiasm from that quarter. Balé hated having to amuse herself while the grownups talked. Lately they went on and on.
Padmé looked at Captain Typho for agreement, and when he nodded slightly, gave her permission. Who better than Anakin to keep her safe?
"Can you give us two hours?" the Captain asked.
It was obvious that Typho did not include Anakin in Padmé's inner circle and wanted to speak with her without him there.
Your security IS my concern, Anakin protested silently.
I'll fill you in later, Padmé replied quickly.
He wasn't happy about it but there was nothing to do but agree.
"Two hours," Anakin nodded, and set off toward the nearest bank of lifts with his very pleased passenger.
Around the next bend in the wall, unseen by the party that he knew was coming his way, a tall, dark-haired Jedi Padawan slipped out of the Naboo Delegation offices and vanished down the corridor in the opposite direction.
* * * * *
Thousands of people worked in the Senate building day and night. The Senators, despite their numbers, were the smallest group. The offices and corridors were crammed full with staff, security guards, soldiers, bureaucrats, and workers of all kinds on a regular basis. It was surprising how many of them knew Anakin by sight by now – not so much the Senators themselves, but the soldiers, the guards, and many of the staff, in addition to the ever-present Jedi advisors.
Not all of those who recognized the dark figure striding through the corridors or appearing in a doorway were happy to see him. The soldiers and guards who believed that their careers now depended on Anakin's goodwill automatically stood up straighter and stopped joking around in his presence.
The staff whose workload automatically doubled every time he appeared in their offices generally tried to make themselves invisible when they saw him. Some had been known to bolt in the other direction. Their superiors, who by now were well acquainted with the stories of the young Jedi's intimate personal relationship with the Chancellor smiled and bowed to him hypocritically.
A certain group of Senators tended to defer to Anakin – the ones from relatively weak systems for whom the war had brought a nightmare of fear, who now tended to cluster around the Chancellor like courtiers to a king hoping for the protection of his influence.
By some miracle of his own selective focus Anakin remained unaware of the rumors about himself and the Chancellor and ignored all groups equally, so he didn't pay much attention to the whispers that followed him when his notable and to some, ominous figure suddenly appeared in the Senate corridors with a young child riding on his back. A clearly happy child.
Anakin began his tour by showing Balé the gigantic Senate Chamber itself. The Senate wasn't in session yet, so the cavernous space was mostly empty. Anakin shifted Balé around and held her on his arm so she could see as he pointed out how the floating pods worked and where the Chancellor stood.
"I didn't know a room could be that big," Balé whispered, suitably awed. "Does it get all full of people during a…a…"
"During a session?" Anakin supplied. "Yes. Mostly. Not as full as it used to since the war."
"Why?"
"Because some systems left the Senate, and those are the ones we are fighting against now. Their pods are empty." He didn't add that more pods became empty every week.
"Are we fighting to make them come back home?" Balé whispered.
Anakin pondered this. "I suppose we are," he said. "In a way. When they all come home again we will have peace."
"I hope they come home soon," Balé said sadly, leaning on his neck.
Anakin decided that it was time to move on. He hoisted her onto his back again and headed down toward the Senate Library hoping to find Poulin.
Balé enjoyed the ride tremendously. For one thing, even at Anakin's shoulder height she could look at the world from a vantage point she didn't often enjoy. She noticed, even if Anakin didn't, how some people nodded and deferred to him, and by extension to her. She became bolder and began to point over his shoulder to the places she wanted to explore, and her steed obediently turned and took her there. By the time they had gone down a few levels nearer the in-house barracks and training rooms the corridors were full of people in uniform.
"I want to go see the soldiers!" Balé demanded. "The ones that are all lined up in their shiny white armor!" She had seen a lot of those back home. They were everywhere on Naboo.
"We don't have any of those here," Anakin said, bemused. They would, once the next part of the Chancellor's plan was implemented, but so far there were no clone troops guarding the Senate.
"We have some gray and red ones, though."
He took her into the mustering room where the Senate's regular troops gathered for briefings and orders. There were always uniformed soldiers there ready to go on duty because Anakin had staggered the shifts to avoid the weaknesses inherent in massive shift changes. The first person they ran into was the newly promoted Captain Keinan Pell.
Anakin grinned at him. "I told you so."
"Fastest promotion in the history of this service," Pell said with satisfaction. "Practically overnight. Yer a right miracle worker, ye are."
"It doesn't come free," Anakin reminded him.
"Aye, I know that." He eyed Anakin's burden. "An' who might this be?"
"Balé, this is Captain Pell," Anakin said. "Captain, this is my… this is… Balé." He hoped no one had noticed his hesitation. For some reason he longed to try out the word "daughter." Just to see what it felt like.
"Oh, aye?" Pell sized up the situation instantly. If the little girl wanted soldiers, the little girl would get soldiers, or there would be a steely-eyed Jedi to account to. He turned around and called his troops to order in dress formation. Even the ones that weren't fully dressed yet.
Balé laughed with delight, especially at the partially dressed ones, who despite the humor inherent in the situation stood perfectly at attention with stony faces, acutely aware of the presence of both their Captain and the dark Jedi with the light saber.
Balé leaned down and whispered to Anakin. He moved closer to the nearest soldier and said, "She wants to try on your helmet."
The soldier's eyes shifted nervously to Anakin. He didn't know what to do. If he took off his helmet he would be breaking his pose of attention.
"Take off your helmet and give it to her," Anakin said softly.
The man scrambled to remove it and passed it to Balé, who happily put it on. It covered her eyes. The room throbbed silently with suppressed fascination.
"May I keep it?" Bale's slightly muffled voice said into the strangled atmosphere.
"Have the Quartermaster issue you another one," Anakin said to the soldier. He turned to Pell, studiously ignoring the violent efforts that were being made throughout the room to keep a straight face.
"Thank you, Captain. Carry on."
"Aye," said Captain Pell simply. "At ease."
Even with the order given, not a single soldier relaxed until Anakin was well out of the room. When they finally did Captain Pell cut through the rising uproar with the cold voice of reason.
"None of yer business, Lads. If ye know what's good for yer, ye'll get on with yer duties."
Anakin had chosen his Captain well.
* * * * *
Anakin had intended to introduce Balé to Poulin, but after a meandering search and a companionable stop for refreshments the boy was nowhere to be found, and it was almost time to return. Somewhat reluctantly Anakin wound his way back to the upper levels of the Senate complex. The utilitarian aspect of the lower levels gradually gave way to the plush, softly lit winding corridors and spacious meeting rooms of the building's more public face. Somewhere between the Senate Chamber and the conference rooms Balé became excited.
"Look! Red soldiers!" Balé had finally taken off the helmet and was clutching it awkwardly in one hand. Now she could see again.
Ahead in a broad foyer Anakin could see a contingent of the Senate's magnificent, scarlet-clad Elite Guard flanking a small group of dignitaries as they moved toward the Chamber. He instantly checked his mental shielding to prepare for the fact that two separate parts of his life were about to meet. It was unavoidable. The Chancellor himself was coming his way.
Anakin stepped aside to let them pass and Chancellor Palpatine called a halt to the small procession to greet him personally. The significance of this action was not lost on the two delegates and three assistants who accompanied him, and they glanced at one another meaningfully behind the Chancellor's back.
"Chancellor Palpatine." Anakin bowed as gracefully as he could with the little girl still on his back and the helmet hanging down awkwardly by his side.
"And who is this?" asked the Chancellor, taking in everything about the little girl. The look of her. The connection between her and Anakin – the way their Force presences seemed to resonate together. His young Jedi's protectiveness toward her. No amount of shielding could hide the bond from his perception.
"This is my friend Balé," Anakin said as well as he could, considering that the child was suddenly clutching him violently around the throat. He could hardly breathe. The helmet had fallen to the floor.
She was absolutely radiating fear.
The Chancellor's eyes bored into hers. Anakin had to loosen her grip gently and hold her arm away from his throat before he passed out.
"How charming," the Chancellor said gracefully to the child. "And where do you come from?"
Normally Balé was very good about the manners that had been drilled into her from an early age, but she remained silent. Anakin could feel her trembling, body and soul.
"Balé is visiting from Naboo," he filled in. "I borrowed her for a tour of the building. But I'm afraid I have to return her now." Anakin had no idea why Balé was so terrified, but he wanted to get her back to where she would feel safe as quickly as possible.
"Ah, Naboo. I see our small planet continues to provide the Galaxy with beauty and delight."
Anakin bowed awkwardly again, since one hand was guarding his ability to breathe.
"I don't want to keep you, Chancellor."
Chancellor Palpatine smiled and waved the procession on. As it retreated Anakin gently loosened Balé's grip and set her down on the floor next to him, retrieving the helmet in the process. Crouching on one knee, he looked into her eyes.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm scared of him." She clutched the front of his suit so tightly that her fists were white.
Anakin gathered her into his arms, the helmet dangling from his fingers, and headed back toward the Naboo delegation's offices.
"Why?"
Balé shook her head, then buried in his shoulder.
"I don't know. I don't like…I'm scared of his eyes. They went inside of me."
Anakin puzzled about it all the way back to Padmé.
By the time they reached the Naboo Delegation's offices the meeting had finished and preparations were underway for the whole party to depart for their quarters in the Senate apartment building. Padmé looked tense and worried.
There is no time to talk now, she sent briefly.
Later, then, Anakin replied, already beginning to feel left out. He evidently was not to be a part of the group.
The feeling worsened when he handed Balé back to Padmé and watched his family walk away. Balé turned around and waved to him as they rounded the first bend in the corridor, and then they left him behind.
She is mine, too, Anakin thought bitterly as he watched them go. You both are. Yet under the present arrangements, given their vow of secrecy, all he could do was stand aside and allow Padmé to take all the responsibility and make all of the decisions. He couldn't assert his right to participate in every part of their lives, and worst of all, he couldn't make himself known to Balé as anything more than her Jedi friend.
The sudden, terrible feeling of loneliness took his breath away.
