Chapter 16. Under Cover of Darkness
For the sake of propriety Anakin was banished back to his small room in the Temple to sleep for the duration of Balé's visit. As soon as he was on his own he dreamt again – for the first time since his return to the Temple from Naboo. The dreams were not like the nightmares that had called him to Tatooine. They were vague and confused and full of puzzles and contradictions, troubling enough to wake him but too elusive to make any sense.
During the first weeks and months of his recovery, when he had been helpless and weak, sleep had been a welcome friend; a way of disappearing and putting aside the pain and the things he didn't want to think about. By Padmé's side he slept like an infant – so sheltered and comforted that two hours of sleep could do the job of four.
His very first night back in his own room in the Temple Anakin's peace was shattered well before dawn. He was not surprised or disoriented when he woke up – just resigned. It was time to get up. He knew from experience that it wasn't worth trying to get back to sleep.
The dreams left him with a feeling of loss that he couldn't attribute. It clung to his mind and feelings like a mist, so he dressed quickly and decided to go out for a run. His Jedi robes felt comfortable and familiar, and his muscles were longing for the kind of workout his days in the Senate never left time for. The Temple complex provided a number of different opportunities for a long run, and he decided to make it a good one. Without stopping in any of the dark and chilly training rooms for his warm-up he headed straight outside to the Temple plaza.
The halls and lifts were as empty as he expected, based on his many nighttime excursions out of and back into the complex. The sky outside had hardly begun to lighten, and the threshold sentry gave him a sleepy nod. He was very surprised, then, to encounter someone else just outside the double doors into the great entry hall.
Anakin's presence was evidently even more startling to his fellow wanderer, because the figure in the light Jedi robes froze as soon as he appeared. Each believing himself to be alone and safe, neither had thought to check ahead for the presence of others. After the first split second of recognition a pool of silence formed between them. Bitterness flowed into it from one side, cold calculation from the other.
Anakin spoke first.
"I have been wondering," he said evenly, "what you and Deputy Chief Tibbs could have to say to one another."
The silence pulsed like a heartbeat while Lon Erian decided how to answer.
"There are a lot of things going on," he said reluctantly. Only this event, this moment, this act of being caught breaking the rules by the last person he would have wanted to see, could have pulled a response out of him, and Anakin knew it. "You aren't involved in all of them."
"Life is funny sometimes," Anakin said softly into the cold gray light. "Sometimes you're on top and it seems as though nothing can stand in your way. Then a single moment, a single action can change everything for you. Forever."
"Are you really that vindictive?" Lon asked. "Would you actually turn me in, just because you could?"
Anakin allowed the space between them to fill with silence for a while longer. When he finally spoke it was in that same soft voice.
"You would," he pointed out.
Lon couldn't hide his fury and despair, even by remaining silent.
"Tibbs was just passing on some gossip," he finally muttered.
"About me?"
Lon shifted uncomfortably.
"Zangan has it in for you," he said sourly. "He's passing around the story that you are the Chancellor's…" He stopped, and then started again. "That there are personal reasons why the Chancellor has given you so much authority."
Anakin drew a sharp breath.
"Go on," he said, certain there was more.
"What assurance do I have that you won't turn me in anyway?"
"You would be surprised at how little I care about what you do, and with whom you do it, as long as it doesn't affect me personally. But when something affects me or those connected with me, I will have the truth. One way or another."
Lon's silent, intense thought process was palpable.
"Zangan has gone to some of the delegates with the story, claiming that the Chancellor is endangering the Senate by allowing an inexperienced favorite to interfere with proven Security procedures."
Anakin stood like a statue in the gray light, his eyes searing into Lon's.
"And that's it?" Anakin asked, knowing it wasn't.
Lon nodded tersely.
"Aren't you supposed to stand the Trials soon?" Anakin enquired almost tenderly.
Lon didn't answer, but the tension in his body was apparent.
"Let me put it another way," Anakin said, more forcefully this time since Lon didn't seem to appreciate what was at stake for him. "What was Tibbs really after in the Data Center?"
"A list." Lon finally said between gritted teeth.
Anakin took a determined step toward him.
"A list of systems within the Republic that meet certain criteria," Lon added quickly. "I've been working on the model for some time." Then he couldn't resist adding nastily, "It would probably be over your head."
Anakin sighed heavily and walked past Lon while remarking sadly, "Understanding your position here seems to be over yours. I have to go."
"Wait."
Anakin stopped but did not turn around.
"It's a list of systems still officially within the Republic but which, according to my analysis, may support Separatist activities."
Anakin looked up at the slowly brightening sky. "Who authorized Tibbs to obtain the list?"
Lon actually laughed. "I'm surprised you don't know that."
Now Anakin turned around and looked at him. He didn't know; or he hadn't known, until something in Lon's voice and manner and something in the Force whispered a name to him.
"Chancellor Palpatine," he declared, making sound as though he were certain.
"Well, if you know, why are you bothering me about it?"
Anakin stepped close to the Jedi Padawan and threw a hard metallic arm around his shoulder. Lon flinched and pulled against his grip.
"It just goes to show you, Lon," Anakin said sincerely. "The truth will set you free."
Lon tried to shrug him off but Anakin held fast.
"Just make sure that I have a copy of the same list by the end of the day." Anakin could feel Lon gather himself in the Force for an attack, and then subside. He went on as though he hadn't noticed anything. "If there are any discrepancies between what you give me and what I get from Tibbs…"
Lon broke his hold and turned away.
"By the way," Anakin said to his back, "just a friendly warning – you might want to keep in mind that Dellia is very indiscreet."
Lon turned around with a smile of pure pleasure on his face. It made a startling contrast to the mood of the conversation that had just taken place.
"Oh, I know," he said pointedly. "That works both ways."
By the time the sun began to send the first tendrils of daylight into the Temple courtyard, it was empty and silent again.
* * * * *
Anakin's run turned into a grueling one because his body was driven by a turbulent mind and even the physical exertion didn't have its normal calming effect. He ran as though he were being pursued by something dark and relentless, and no matter how hard he pushed himself, he couldn't seem to shake off the feeling.
Why would the Chancellor ask Tibbs to do something that I could do for him?
He pushed a little harder. He really was feeling the effects of having let his own training slide.
Is Tibbs operating behind Zangan's back or is this all connected?
Keep going. Don't slow down.
Anakin's thoughts about Zangan didn't so much take the form of words as of dark and unpleasant images detailing what he would like to do to the offensive Cixassian. He kept running.
What didn't Master Medulla want to tell me? Why did he look at me so oddly?
Oh-oh. Thoughts are scattering. Try to get focus back. Run.
Why was Balé so terrified of the Chancellor?
One more circuit. Keep going. You're all over the place here.
What is Obi-Wan doing? And what is he worried about?
Yes! Second wind. Go.
I can't shake off this feeling. It's as though something is sticking to me.
Final sprint and then you can slow down.
Obi-Wan said to trust no one.
Breathe. Keep jogging. Breathe.
Why can't I get my thoughts clear?
Run as he might, Anakin couldn't shake off the sense that the dreams were still with him somehow. And he couldn't seem to center himself.
When he finally gave it up and returned to his room with trembling knees and ragged breath despite a lengthy cool-down, he realized that he had only a short time before he was expected to report to the Jedi Council on the week's activities in the Senate. At the moment he had no idea what he was going to say, and there was no time to meditate beforehand.
Not good.
While he was showering and dressing Anakin made superhuman efforts to calm himself and clear his thinking. He almost had achieved a particular state of inner stoniness that often substituted for genuine calm when Padmé called out to him. The wrench of missing her threatened to unbalance him again.
Anakin? Can you come to see us?
Us. He liked the sound of that.
Soon, he replied, longing to go right now.
Please come. I need to talk to you.
It was not a helpful addition to his state of mind.
I will, he reassured her as he walked toward the Council Chamber, resigning himself to standing before his Jedi Masters with an untidy mind. It wasn't just an unpleasant prospect. If you had something to hide it was tantamount to stepping in front of a moving speeder with the throttle open and expecting to live. The Council members were the most powerful Jedi in the Galaxy, and Master Yoda knew him far too well for comfort.
He wasn't worried about hiding the extent to which his life was linked with Padmé's. Their attachment was well known; their marriage, as far as he knew, well hidden. She had become so much a part of him that for the Jedi Masters to perceive all the nuances of their commitment to one another would have been like trying to distinguish among different kinds of cells in a single body.
The other areas of his life were more difficult to shield from a circle of powerful adepts who, he believed, were intent on judging him. His feelings toward Balé were raw and volatile. She had brought a painful awareness of new possibilities into his life that once again had unleashed the demons of wanting something that he wasn't supposed to have. Family life called to him and Anakin found himself aching for it the way he had longed for Padmé when he thought she was out of his reach – breathlessly, and in a state of constant yearning. It was a weakness, and one that a Jedi Master would be able to perceive without difficulty.
But what he was really having trouble with was anger. He was simmering with antagonism at Zangan, and Tibbs, and Lon, and even the Chancellor, if it turned out that he was being played for a fool. At Master Medulla, for his knowing-but-not-telling look. At the bureaucrats and the soldiers and the gossips…
Stop this, he ordered himself. Stop this now. Breathe. Calm down. It's only going to get you in trouble.
He arrived outside of the Council Chamber and waited to be called inside.
What was he afraid of? He had been reporting to the Council regularly for many weeks without incident. Why did this time feel different? Not long before he had been resigned to being removed from the Order, telling himself that it didn't matter. So why was he concerned now that the Council might probe his weaknesses and divine his secrets? What had changed?
I am a Jedi.
Anakin had changed. He was no longer on lockdown. All of the feelings he had held back, suppressed, denied were surging up full force and he couldn't seem to stop them. His inner armor had come away and he couldn't contain himself any more.
I was born to be a Jedi.
If he had learned anything from his time in Senate working for the Chancellor, it was that he didn't belong in that world. He was a powerful Jedi. He had lost those powers and still they had returned, and that could only mean that he was meant to use them, and that he had a purpose to fulfill. He could not imagine fulfilling his purpose within the suffocating boundaries of the ordinary lives that he now saw all around him every day. The Jedi were not only protectors and defenders, which in Anakin's eyes was the most noble calling, but they existed in a kind of separate realm outside of the ordinary run of things – they operated freely in all spheres and their actions were restricted only by their own unique Code.
Anakin couldn't imagine any other kind of life than that of a Jedi Knight, although in his soul those dreams were not separate from his determination to have a family life. He just assumed that he would find a way to have both. As far as he was concerned the only thing standing between him and the existence he yearned for – and was meant to have – were those twelve Jedi Masters inside that Council Chamber. They held his dreams in their hands, and if he stood before them in turmoil and without complete control over his thoughts and feelings, they would continue to judge him unfit for the one thing he was most suited for.
Lon will probably have not only his Knighthood but also his own Padawan before the Council ever judges me worthy to become a Knight, he thought resentfully. If they ever do.
He managed to keep from sweating outright, but try as he might Anakin was unable to center himself. Inwardly he was a mess, and he was terrified that they would see it. When facing an enemy he at least had a fighting chance. When facing the Council, he didn't.
Anger and now fear, too. You're really in for it this time, Skywalker.
The massive door to the Council Chamber opened of its own accord and Anakin gathered himself as well as he could and strode inside.
"Welcome, Anakin," Master Windu said. Anakin bowed.
The discussion began as usual. The Council members asked questions and Anakin answered, never volunteering information that had not been specifically requested, although he dutifully reported his suspicions regarding the misdirection of intelligence information. As always they asked many of the same questions they asked every time, as though to verify whether his answers changed in nuance or emphasis or detail from week to week. And as always Anakin could not tell from the nature of the questions what exactly they were looking for. They never gave him specific tasks. Anakin almost had given up trying to understand what they wanted from him in this Senate assignment.
After the questions and answers there was some discussion among the Council in which they included Anakin when he had something to offer. The discussion proceeded as smoothly as it had in all previous weeks and Anakin began to relax.
Then Master Gallia spoke up.
"We have received formal complaints from several Delegates about Jedi involvement…." She paused and corrected herself "…Jedi interference in Senate security matters. Apparently these Senators have been warned by the Security Department that the reorganization of Senate security is being carried out in a way that is ill conceived and likely to increase the Senate's exposure to outside threats. They have lodged a formal protest with us and with the Office of the Supreme Chancellor."
Anakin felt a burst of red rage. Zangan.
All eyes turned to him, as if inviting him to comment.
Master Windu nodded at Anakin, who controlled himself enough outwardly to say that he was aware of these accusations, that they were based on the jealousy of the bureaucrats who had the authority taken out of their hands, and that as far as he knew the Chancellor approved of the changes that had been made. Then he shut up in order to have more energy to battle his feelings.
"The Chancellor is not an expert in security," Mace Windu said straightforwardly to Anakin. "He relies on your skills and your judgment in this matter. Are you fully confident in your work?"
Anakin was ready to explode. Why am I the one whose competence is being questioned? Why do I have to prove myself over and over again?
He managed to stop and take a deep quiet breath, which only just prevented him from shaking with rage.
"I am confident in my work," Anakin gasped out shortly, and then held his tongue again.
There was a pause for consideration.
"Very well," Master Windu said, and turned to look at Master Gallia. "Adi?"
She nodded, and the discussion turned to other matters. There wasn't the slightest indication from any Council member that Anakin's struggle with his feelings had been noticed.
He was stunned.
He stood before them with an attitude of respect, looking just as he ought to. But they droned on and on. He looked at their eyes – the eyes he had feared because he thought they could penetrate into his soul. Suddenly these twelve people no longer seemed prescient.
Anakin looked at Master Yoda, with whom he had spoken and meditated only days before, and saw that the Ancient One was indeed watching him carefully. And yet… and yet… Anakin did not have the feeling that he was being perceived.
The sensation of being hidden from the Council members' perception was so strong that Anakin dared to try an experiment. Recklessly he allowed himself to visualize Zangan's destruction without trying to control the emotions that went along with the powerful fantasy.
Nothing. There wasn't a single reaction anywhere in the Chamber. The discussion continued around him exactly as before.
They can't see me! I can hide in plain sight and they can't see me! Anakin felt the way he had in Padmé's office watching Dellia and Lon. He would have liked to dance around the Council chamber! For the first time since his recovery he felt powerful. Really powerful. If power was the freedom to act as he saw fit, without being held back and challenged all the time, then that was how he felt. Powerful… and free.
Master Windu was speaking now.
"Anakin, you are to continue with your assigned tasks. If Chancellor Palpatine has more work for you, carry it out. Don't concern yourself with the intelligence problems any more than they directly affect your duties. We have others working on that aspect."
Not like me, you don't, Anakin thought. He did not intend to abandon his investigations. He had promised Padmé that he would help her.
"Continue your meetings with Master Yoda and report back to us as usual in a week's time," Master Windu finished.
Anakin turned to his ancient teacher and bowed politely in acknowledgement. Ask me how I feel, he thought. I dare you. There was no indication of a response.
Anakin left the Council chamber a different person than the one who had gone in.
Things have changed, he thought gleefully. Everything is going to be different now.
* * * * *
After Anakin's departure from the Council Chamber there was a long silence.
"It seems our plan is working," Mace Windu finally said sadly.
"Found him, the Darkness has," Yoda said softly. "Shrouded, he is."
Adi Gallia added, "Even in the face of a direct challenge to his competence he remained completely unreadable. That is not like Anakin."
"Cloaked, his feelings are," Yoda pointed out. "Not controlled. Sense them, I still can." He looked around at his worried colleagues. "Work with him, I will, to help him hold fast."
"Perhaps we should pull him back now," Mace said heavily. "Before things get to the point where we can no longer reach him."
"That would leave us in the same position as before," Plo Koon reminded him. "Do you have an alternate suggestion? Our ability to see through the Force declines every day. Until the Sith move openly our hands are tied."
"Tell him of his role soon, we must," Master Yoda insisted.
Master Windu sighed. "I wish we could tell him now. But for the trap to work it must appear that none of us is aware of the movements in the dark side. Especially not Anakin."
"What news is there from Master Kenobi?" Adi asked.
"He has confirmed that assassins are being recruited and trained on D'lai," Mace said quietly, staring into some sorrowful distance. "As we suspected, they are being taught to target Jedi. Force-interrupter devices like the one used to attack Obi-Wan on Naboo are being manufactured there."
"Is there reason to believe this is somehow connected with Anakin?" Plo asked.
Mace shrugged and looked down. "Many things seem to be connected with Anakin," he said. "We don't yet know how." After another moment's silence he looked around the Council Chamber, catching the eye of each Council member in turn. "Are we all agreed to continue with this plan?"
The troubled silence indicated acquiescence.
