After All, Chapter 7
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, it's all Joss Whedon's
Author's Note: Wouldn't it be nice if it were all simple? If choices were clear cut, Black and White, without any gray? But it's never easy. No one goes unhurt, no one leaves without scars. Even our three women. Damn
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After All
Chapter 7
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The three sat at the kitchen table for awhile, no one saying much of anything.
The sexual electricity was palpable, and the tension could be cut with a knife. Finally, Faith got up, made some excuse about wanting to get a head start on the job front, and headed to the bathroom to do her dailies. Buffy and Willow sat at the table, more or less just looking at each other, touching hands, talking about anything but what happened.
Faith emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered. She quickly dressed and headed out the door. She had accessed the situation, and figured the best place for her to be was anywhere but here. She needed to think, and this wasn't the place to do it.
Willow stood up, and taking Buffy's hand, drew her to her. She'd forgotten how small the Blonde was. Being Buffy, being the slayer, seemed to give her a bigger presence. But the young woman, so nervous in her arms, was so.fragile. So.needing to be protected. Willow simply held her close, letting her become comfortable and warm in her arms. Buffy soon responded, and shyly kissed Willow, her lips brushing then settling on the taller redhead's The kiss started shy, soft, but progressed into a passionate one as Buffy became more relaxed. There mouths seemed to open on cue, and their tongues touched, played and caressed as each woman felt tiny sparks down their spines.
Both women were breathless when the kiss ended, but Willow, though definitely a bit foggy, still was in control enough to lead Buffy into her bedroom, she shut the door, and they kissed again. This kiss became very passionate, each releasing long pent feelings.
Willow broke the kiss, Buffy whimpering a little. Buffy began to be nervous, though, when Willow began to undress her. Willow just used kisses and caresses to reassure Buffy, and her nervousness was soon replaced with tingles and pleasure. Willow quickly undressed herself, and the two women stood for a moment, just looking at each other.
For Willow, it had been a long fantasy finally made real. She was amazed that Buffy was even more beautiful than she had imagined. Her athletic body was perfectly proportioned; everything fit together so nicely. The soft curves were trim, but very feminine.
For Buffy, it was . an epiphany. She'd never had such strong feelings for a woman before, and her friend, standing before her, just made the feelings more intense and deep. Her body was slim, soft, and beautiful. She never thought she could be turned on by a woman, but Willow most definitely excited the lust in her. She stood, dumbfounded. Wanting, but not knowing how to go about it.
Willow came up behind Buffy, and embraced her, pulling the slayer to her. Her hands covered the slayers small, pert breasts. She gently caressed them, as she kissed the slayers smooth neck. Buffy let out a sigh of utter contentment. She's never felt so loved, so.wanted. Willow felt Buffy's nipples harden under her palms, and Buffy, almost instinctively, arched her back , pressing her breasts into Willow's hands, and her bottom into Willow. Willow felt her own excitement increase, her nipples hardening and pushing into Buffy's back, her sex getting warm and moist. Her hands began to wander over Buffy, to Buffy's increasing pleasure. Buffy, letting her feelings take over, began to pant and softly moan at Willow's intimate touches.
Somehow, in the fog of lust and desire, they stumbled over to Willow's bed, and fell upon it, each wrapping themselves around the other. Arms and legs became pleasure objects as their kisses deepened and became almost fierce. They touched in ways they had only fantasized before. They each place a thigh between the other's legs, and slowly began to rub against each other, the excitement building within their bodies. They caressed, their lips finding new playthings. Their excitement became obvious, their thighs wet with their excitement. Their hands explored each other as they pushed each other higher and higher on the peak, their excitement becoming icy fire within them. As their climaxes approached, the pulled each other close, rubbing their whole bodies together in a syncopated rhythm, their breathing ragged with excitement, their moans increasing in depth and volume. So close as to be together, they came. It seemed like they melted into each other, their excitement flowing between them. Their bodies continued to move against each other even as they no longer knew who was who. Slowly, they descended from the peak, and they gripped each other. Then the embraced relaxed, their lips found each other, and the kiss, while warm, was gentle and loving. They sighed, not saying a word, and drifted into a gentle nap, each still in the other's embrace.
Willow awoke first, sitting up in her bed. She looked over at Buffy, and her heart just ached. She had almost wished it had been awful. That after all the anticipation, and build it, it had turned out to be nothing. But it wasn't. It had been beautiful. And it just made it all the harder.
Willow felt dirty. Like she was cheating on both of them, and it made her skin crawl. She hated feeling this way. It wasn't fair. Both of them.Faith, and Buffy.did something to her.
That night with Faith, after the big fight with Buffy, had been. passionate, intense, mind blowing. She had done things to Willow she'd never experienced with anyone. She'd awoken things in Willow she hadn't known existed. It was a totally different experience with her and Faith, and she knows now she'd fallen in love with her that night. When . nothing happened after that night, she'd rationalized it as a one time thing. That she'd just had an emotional meltdown, and Faith had been there, and things just happened. Then Faith showed up at her door. And it all slammed right back into her gut. It was all right there. She almost wanted to just throw Faith right there on the floor and rape her, the feelings had been so strong. But, Buffy was there, drunk, and needing.and she couldn't. Because she loved Buffy too.
And now.this. Goddess, it just wasn't fair. No one should love to people at one time. She loved them both, in different ways. With Faith it was passionate and intense, animalistic and lustful. But in the same breath, there was an edge of caring and warmth in it.a need filled on both sides. With Buffy, god, it was gentle, softer, more quiet, but definitely passionate. Buffy brought out a nurturing instinct in Willow. Faith brought out a wantonness she didn't know she had. Why couldn't they be one woman, Willow sighed. I hate this. I hate feeling like this. My heart feels like it's being torn into two, by two of the most wonderful women I've ever known. I don't know what to do. What am I gonna do?
She quietly got up from the bed, and collected her things. She needed to shower, to get to work. It was getting late, and she had clients to meet. Maybe that would at least take her mind off her problems for awhile.
But, she doubted it.
She knew her mind was not going to be on business today
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Faith didn't bother looking for a job that day.
She knew it was pointless, her mind wasn't going to be in "get employed" mode. Her thoughts all strayed back to Willow. And what she knew was going on, even as she was sitting her in the park.
Her head told her that she had to let this happen. She knew that Willow had to do this. Faith, if Willow chose her, didn't want her coming to her with regrets. No " What ifs". No regrets. No baggage. She wanted Willow to want HER above all else.
But her gut was a different story, and she couldn't help feeling jealousy. Red is mine, B. You had your chance. Years of chances. Why now? Damn you, B, you take everything I want. You got no right! None! It should be me there, and you should be anywhere else. Dammit, Dammit, DAMMIT!!!
Faith couldn't sit here. She got up, and began to run, and run. She needed to work off her anger, get too tired to be angry anymore. She just kept running 'til her wind gave out, 'til she was doubled over, a hitch in her side causing her to stop. She caught her breath, and slowly the anger melted. but it was replaced by an overwhelming sense of sadness. and the tears came. Fuck, now I'm getting all blubbery. But she couldn't help it. The pangs, the ache just made the tears worse and worse. Finally she just sat down, and cried. Her heart told her that she was gonna lose this one, that she should just crawl away now with whatever dignity she had left.
But something deep in Faith wasn't going for it. Faith's great strength, her best quality, was that she wasn't a quitter. She might run when she's in danger, she might even change sides when she's totally disillusioned, but she never quit. When she felt loyal to someone, or wanted something badly enough, she didn't stop. She gave it her all, and then some. And she wasn't going to quit now. She didn't want this. She certainly didn't like this. But she was here. She was in love. She loved Red with all her heart, and there was no way she was just going to crawl away like some wounded puppy. Unless Red told her to get lost, she was here. And staying here. And if Oh so Perfect Buffy Summers didn't like that, she could take a hike. Goodbye, and good riddance, far as Faith was concerned. This wasn't good vs. evil. This was love. Period.
Faith wiped away her tears, and her face set into a new resolve.
Do what you gotta do, Red. Whatever it takes for you to decide. But as far as I'm thinking, it's already done.
You're gonna chose me.
Cause I'm the one who's right for you.
And I'll wait as long as it takes.
I'm not going anywhere!
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No, Faith is not a quitter. She wasn't the one to finally quit.
No, It was Buffy.
But saying she 'quit' is harsh. Because she didn't stop loving Willow. She loved her more every day. And that finally is what made her back off, to give up.
Because she saw what this was doing to Willow, and she knew that in the end, it would kill her. It was making her a wreck, it was making it hell to live at the apartment.
The decision didn't happen in a day, or a week. It took a month for Buffy to finally decide this couldn't go on. So, she decided it wouldn't. She decided that Willow's sanity, her happiness, meant more to Buffy than Buffy's own. She decided to let her go.
She, fortunately, had an excuse. Giles had called her a week ago. Due to the increase in activity in the Hellmouth in Cleveland, the Watcher's council had decided to set up a Training center there. To get the local slayers properly trained, and educated. And to bring in other girls from other parts of the country to be trained. They already had a director, and a Head of Academics, but they still needed someone to head up the Training Program. They wanted Buffy.
At first, she turned it down. She still hoped that somehow, She and Willow would work out. But as time passed, and as the situation just got worse, she called Giles back. She said she would accept the position. She needed a few days to clear things up in San Francisco, then would be ready.
This wasn't easy for her. It felt like someone was running hot knives through her heart, her gut, everywhere. It hurt so much, she often had to hide in the bathroom to cry. But what was happening here was worse, and she knew something had to be done. And she did it.
The worst part was telling Willow. She didn't want to. She thought about running away, not saying anything. sneaking out. But, she wasn't 16 years old anymore. She couldn't do that again. So, she hardened her heart, and had a talk with Willow.
They are in the kitchen. Buffy has her bags packed, by the door. She is going to leave once this is done.
"You're leaving?" Willow said. Her voice was thick. Her heart was breaking, and it was her own damned fault. She knew that.
Buffy nodded. " I have to , Will. I accepted the job in Cleveland, and I'm committed. And let's face it, this isn't working" Buffy said, her voice neutral, but dying a little inside.
" I'm so sorry, Buffy. I screwed everything up so badly" Willow said, She's trying to keep her emotions in check, but her face shows her pain and remorse." I didn't want it to be this way. I never meant it to be this way. If it helps, Buffy, I really, really hate myself right now. I don't deserve either of you" Willow says, putting her face in her hands. Buffy, hurting herself, can't stand seeing this, and reaches out to comfort her friend. Cause, no matter, Willow is her friend.
" Shhh . shhh.shhh" Buffy says. " I wish it had been different, Willow. I do. But we both know something had to give. This couldn't go on this way. I'm not going to lie, Will. This hurts. Badly. And I'm really angry. I wish that you'd chosen. It would've been easier. But I can't just watch this drag on. I can't watch you go through this anymore. So, I gotta go. Now. Before I can't" She gets up to go.
" You hate me, don't you?" Willow says. Her eyes are wide, full of tears. She is dying herself. This is the end of their friendship, the end of everything between them, and she knows it. Losing seven years of your life leaves a huge hole in your heart.
"No, I don't hate you Will" Buffy says, her voice cracking. " I wish I could. It'd be so much easier to hate you. But I can't. I can't look at you anymore, I can't be here anymore. It hurts too damned much". With that, Buffy turns away, towards the front door.
Willow wants to call out. Wants to ask her to stay. To say they'll work it out, somehow. She wants to crawl on her knees after Buffy. But she doesn't. She can't. She knows Buffy's right. And that hurts most of all.
Buffy turns back for one last look. Anything, any sign. to change her mind. But Will is staring down at the table in front of her. Buffy wishes she hadn't looked back. "Bye, Will" she says, turns, and leaves.
Willow, almost silently, says " Bye, Buffy". She continues to stare at the table.
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Buffy is about to leave the lobby of the apartments when her way is blocked. By Faith.
Buffy is in no mood for this. " Get out of my way, Faith" She growls.
"She loves you, you know" Faith says, quietly.
" Not enough Faith. Not enough to choose. Now, move before I have to hit you." Buffy says, her anger rising.
" Will that help, B? Will that make it easier? If so, go ahead. Hit me" Faith says." I won't stop you"
Faith stands there, braced for it. Buffy just looks at her, and shakes her head.
"What's the point, Faith? You won, I lost. Move. I wanna go" Buffy says, getting ready to shove her out of the way, if necessary.
Faith doesn't move. " I didn't 'Win' B. No one 'won'. You're walking away. Why are you doing this?"
"You don't get it, do you?" Buffy says." This is killing her Faith. She's not sleeping, she's not eating, and she's always upset. She's gonna break, if something doesn't happen. I'm sorry, I can't watch that. I love her too much" Buffy closes her eyes, the ache in her heart throbbing madly.
" B. I didn't want this. Not like this" Faith says.
"Faith. Don't. Please don't" Buffy opens her eyes, and a single tear is running down her cheek. " Just. take care of her". She walks past Faith, out of the building, out of their lives.
Faith watches her go. Her face is not triumphant, or happy. She is sad.
She turns and , shoulders slumped, walks upstairs.
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TBC
Please. Before I hear hisses and boos at Willow, remember her choices were not easy. Faith or Buffy. If we were to follow the Buffyverse according to Josh, and both Angel and Spike had the shanshu prophesy realized: they both became human. Then, they go to Buffy and say " Choose". Easy? Don't think so. And how is what Buffy is doing that much different than what Angel did to her at the end of season 3? It's never easy, is it?
This isn't over. More to come, soon. Be aware, this is still a B/W ship. So, Faith fans, you might not like much what's gonna happen. I have sharp knives ready for your use. Just, watch the ears ok?
