Chapter 2: WHAT THE HFIL?!?! (The Final Insult)
(Yugi: FUCKING INTERNET!!! NEVER FUCKING WORKS!!!)
(EAA: I hear ya. Here's the next chapter, sorry it's late.)
Kaiba walked down the street in a stupor. He couldn't believe what he had witnessed today. It made his head spin thinking about it.
Yugi a bully?
Ryou from another country?
Otogi looking like Qusimodo?
Anzu a slut?
Honda smart?
Jounouchi a champion Duelist?
Mokuba plotting Yugi's down fall?
And he still could believe what he had thought about Ishizu. What was going to happen next? In his mystified state, he didn't notice someone walking in front him. So it surprised him when they ran into each other.
"Watch where you're going you baka!" said a voice. Kaiba knew that voice. It was Bakura's other personality. He turned to see & was once again surprised. He was wearing Yugi's Millennium Puzzle. Not only that but he had the Rod in one hand, the Scales in the other, The Ring, The Taku & the Anhk around his neck & The Millennium Eye was.....well, where it should be, in his left eye socket.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Kaiba shouted. "How.how.did.you get all the Items!?!" he said. Yami Bakura blinked or more so winked after all he only had one eye now.
"I've always had them." He said. "It wasn't too hard to get them after all." Kaiba blinked in confusion. He should have expected this. Was he in some alternate universe? Was this some kind of illusion Shadi had put in his head? He was pondering this over when suddenly he felt someone pinch his ass from behind. He jumped & turned to see Anzu.
"I couldn't help myself. You are just the hottest piece of Bishonen." She said, throwing herself on him once more. "I want to have your children."
"Get off me!" He shouted, thrashing around.
"HA! The fucking pussy ass bitch is afraid of this little twat!" Yugi said, laughing & pointing at the sight.
"It has become visible that our delegation has located our 'beside yourself' cohort." Honda said.
"Stop talking like that!" Kaiba shouted, trying to get Anzu off of him. Ryou, Jounouchi & Otogi walked over to them. Yami Bakura's face lit up.
"Ryou-chan!" He shouted. He skipped over to Ryou & give him a big hug. "Oh I missed you so much, aibou." Kaiba's mouth dropped YET AGAIN! Yami Bakura HATED every living thing but now he was hugging Ryou? Calling him Aibou? That was something Yami only did with Yugi. That's when he remembered. He hadn't seen him all day. The scene was interrupted when an announcement came from one of the shops.
"ATTENTION PLEASE! OUR MOST POWERFUL OVERLORD WILL NOW LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE MASSES! PLEASE HEAD TO THE NEAREST LOCATION WHERE YOU CAN SEE OUR MOST GREAT OVERLORD!"
"Overlord?" Kaiba said. He knew this wasn't going to end well.
"Shit, the Overlord is calling us. We better fucking move our pussy asses over to Domino Station now, mother fuckers." Yugi shouted. So the group walked over to Domino Station, dragging a confused Kaiba along. Honda was talking to Otogi about the principles of walking in words that Kaiba believed he was making up. Anzu in the mean time won't stop saying sweet nothings in his ear. Ryou & his Yami where skipping & singing as they want, arm in arm. They arrived at Domino station & over to a group of people who where bowing down. The others did like wise. Kaiba rolled his eyes & followed suit. Who was this overlord? The TV screen they sat in front of switch channels over to the 'overlord.' The expression on Kaiba's face was priceless. He was staring at Marik, donned in Pharaoh garbs.
"Greetings, infidels! I, your Pharaoh Marik, am pleased at the tributes that you have donated to me. As such, I will spare your worthless lives for another month. Now then, the reason I've called all of you sub-humans together is for an important announcement. I will be coming to Domino. And be warned I better see respect from you fools. I will accept no treatment that is less then what your mighty Pharaoh deserves. See you later, ignorant mortals!" Then he left the broadcast. Kaiba stood up.
"SNICE WHEN IS HE PHARAOH!?!?" He shouted.
"Damn, Kaiba! Are you out of your fucking mind? That pussy bitch Marik has ALWAYS been the mother fucking Pharaoh. He's the fucking lord over this shit hole planet!" Yugi shouted. He should have expected this. Everything was backward, crazy and just plain fucked up!
"I thought Yami was Pharaoh!" Kaiba shouted. The others laughed like they knew something he didn't.
"Yami?" Jounouchi said. "Please! Apart from you he's the worst gamer on the planet! He has never won once! What the hell are you thinking?!" Kaiba felt like an anvil fell on him. His ultimate rival reduced to a level on novice? It was too much for him.
"NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!" He shouted, running away again.
"That cock sucking shit headed dike is fucking insane!" Yugi said.
Kaiba ran all the way back to his mansion & slammed the door shut. Everything was going wrong! Or maybe it was him! Could it be possible that his status, his duels, everything he had was just the product of some dream & this was how the world was? He couldn't think about anything else. He decided to go for a walk to clear his mind a little. But it would have been better if he stayed inside. Kaiba walked over to the park when he saw three duelists he knew: Mako, Weevil & Rex. Kaiba blinked. Where did those names come from?
"Oh look it's Kaiba!" Weevil said. Kaiba walked over to them, wondering how they had changed. "Good to see ol' boy." Great just what Kaiba needed. Another one talking sophisticated nonsense.
"What are you three doing here?" He said, slightly annoyed.
"I just fancied a stroll in the park. I hear you've gone off the deep end." Weevil said.
"You're the one who's off the deep end!!!" Kaiba shouted, throwing his arms in the air.
"There's no reason to act like that ol' chap. Have you seen Joseph around? He's simply a marvelous duelist! I was quite taken back when he & Yugi both defeated me. I'll never forget my first meeting with the little scamp."
WEEVIL REPLAY MODE
Weevil: Yugi, I understand that you possess the only copy of Exodia.
Yugi: SHIT! You're fucking right, motherfucker! I'm the only bad ass bastard with these bitchen sweet cards! There like the most fucking rare God damn thing on the planet!
Weevil: Would it be ok if I could look at those cards.
Yugi: Why the fuck not? Here you fucking go, pussy!
Weevil: (Looking at Exodia) I see. So these five cards summon Exodia. You know, my dear friend for a long time I couldn't find a way to defeat these amazing cards. Oh! Wait! I've just come up with a way this very moment! Say farewell Exodia!
Yugi: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!! YOU FUCKER FUDGE PACKER!!!! I'M GOING TO FUCK UP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FACE YOU DOUCHE BAG!!!!
(Yugi beats the shit out of Weevil)
END REPLAY MODE
"Right." Kaiba said.
"Any way I should get through this park in one piece." Weevil shouted. Kaiba raised his eyebrow in confusion.
"He's allergic to bugs." Rex said, walking over to the two. Kaiba felt a HUGE Question mark fall over his head. "Yes! Simply detestable creatures!" Weevil shouted, jumping into Rex's arms. "Icky, icky evil bugs! I HATE THEM!"
"Okay." Kaiba said slowly. "This is getting WAY out of hand."
"I know how he feels." Rex said as Weevil kept crying like a little girl. "Dinosaurs scare the Bejesus out of me! They're huge! They have big teeth! I want my mommy!" Rex shouted. The two boys both screamed & ran around in circles. Kaiba glanced over to see Mako up in the tree.
"What the hell are you doing up there?" Kaiba shouted.
"I'm trying to get as high as I can in case it floods!" Mako said. Kaiba tilted his head. "But it's sunny out today!"
"It could be a flash flood!" He said, hugging the tree trunk. "I CAN'T SWIM! I'M HYDROPHOBIC!!! AND THE FISH ARE JUST AS BAD!!!" Kaiba fell over, anime style. Then he heard Yugi singing loudly as he approached him. Kaiba sighed. He was signing 'Ten Dirty Words' by Blink182.
"SHIT, PISS, FUCK, CUNT, COCKSUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER, TITS, FART, TURD & TWAT!!!"
"Someone shoot me." Kaiba said under his breath.
"Ah, shit! It's the pussy fagot Weevil and that damn fucker Rex too!" Yugi shouted. "Come here you little cunts!" He pulled out a big metal bat. From where? Who knows?
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S YUGI MUTO!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!" They shouted, running away.
"COME HERE YOU PUSSIES SO I CAN FUCK YOU UP!!!!" Yugi shouted with the air of a Yami Marik laugh. He chased them down & then bashed them repeatedly just like you would if you played Grand Theft Auto. Blood was flying everywhere as Yugi laughed like a mad man. Kaiba sweatdropped & backed up from him. "MERCY IS FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WEAK ASSHOLES!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!" He shouted. Yugi was drenched in body, bits of bone & some of their internal organs. Yugi spun around and tossed the bat into the tree, hitting Mako in the head. He fell out of the tree & into a 2-foot deep fountain that was right beneath him.
"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I'M DROWNING!!!! HELP ME!!!!" Mako shouted. "I CAN'T SWIM!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!" He splashed around in the water, which he just as easily could have stood up in. Yugi laughed and then dived into the fountain to beat Mako senseless. Kaiba didn't want to stick around if Yugi decided to come after him so he ran out of the park.
What's going to happen now? Tune in Saturday for the outcome!
(Yugi: FUCKING INTERNET!!! NEVER FUCKING WORKS!!!)
(EAA: I hear ya. Here's the next chapter, sorry it's late.)
Kaiba walked down the street in a stupor. He couldn't believe what he had witnessed today. It made his head spin thinking about it.
Yugi a bully?
Ryou from another country?
Otogi looking like Qusimodo?
Anzu a slut?
Honda smart?
Jounouchi a champion Duelist?
Mokuba plotting Yugi's down fall?
And he still could believe what he had thought about Ishizu. What was going to happen next? In his mystified state, he didn't notice someone walking in front him. So it surprised him when they ran into each other.
"Watch where you're going you baka!" said a voice. Kaiba knew that voice. It was Bakura's other personality. He turned to see & was once again surprised. He was wearing Yugi's Millennium Puzzle. Not only that but he had the Rod in one hand, the Scales in the other, The Ring, The Taku & the Anhk around his neck & The Millennium Eye was.....well, where it should be, in his left eye socket.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" Kaiba shouted. "How.how.did.you get all the Items!?!" he said. Yami Bakura blinked or more so winked after all he only had one eye now.
"I've always had them." He said. "It wasn't too hard to get them after all." Kaiba blinked in confusion. He should have expected this. Was he in some alternate universe? Was this some kind of illusion Shadi had put in his head? He was pondering this over when suddenly he felt someone pinch his ass from behind. He jumped & turned to see Anzu.
"I couldn't help myself. You are just the hottest piece of Bishonen." She said, throwing herself on him once more. "I want to have your children."
"Get off me!" He shouted, thrashing around.
"HA! The fucking pussy ass bitch is afraid of this little twat!" Yugi said, laughing & pointing at the sight.
"It has become visible that our delegation has located our 'beside yourself' cohort." Honda said.
"Stop talking like that!" Kaiba shouted, trying to get Anzu off of him. Ryou, Jounouchi & Otogi walked over to them. Yami Bakura's face lit up.
"Ryou-chan!" He shouted. He skipped over to Ryou & give him a big hug. "Oh I missed you so much, aibou." Kaiba's mouth dropped YET AGAIN! Yami Bakura HATED every living thing but now he was hugging Ryou? Calling him Aibou? That was something Yami only did with Yugi. That's when he remembered. He hadn't seen him all day. The scene was interrupted when an announcement came from one of the shops.
"ATTENTION PLEASE! OUR MOST POWERFUL OVERLORD WILL NOW LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE MASSES! PLEASE HEAD TO THE NEAREST LOCATION WHERE YOU CAN SEE OUR MOST GREAT OVERLORD!"
"Overlord?" Kaiba said. He knew this wasn't going to end well.
"Shit, the Overlord is calling us. We better fucking move our pussy asses over to Domino Station now, mother fuckers." Yugi shouted. So the group walked over to Domino Station, dragging a confused Kaiba along. Honda was talking to Otogi about the principles of walking in words that Kaiba believed he was making up. Anzu in the mean time won't stop saying sweet nothings in his ear. Ryou & his Yami where skipping & singing as they want, arm in arm. They arrived at Domino station & over to a group of people who where bowing down. The others did like wise. Kaiba rolled his eyes & followed suit. Who was this overlord? The TV screen they sat in front of switch channels over to the 'overlord.' The expression on Kaiba's face was priceless. He was staring at Marik, donned in Pharaoh garbs.
"Greetings, infidels! I, your Pharaoh Marik, am pleased at the tributes that you have donated to me. As such, I will spare your worthless lives for another month. Now then, the reason I've called all of you sub-humans together is for an important announcement. I will be coming to Domino. And be warned I better see respect from you fools. I will accept no treatment that is less then what your mighty Pharaoh deserves. See you later, ignorant mortals!" Then he left the broadcast. Kaiba stood up.
"SNICE WHEN IS HE PHARAOH!?!?" He shouted.
"Damn, Kaiba! Are you out of your fucking mind? That pussy bitch Marik has ALWAYS been the mother fucking Pharaoh. He's the fucking lord over this shit hole planet!" Yugi shouted. He should have expected this. Everything was backward, crazy and just plain fucked up!
"I thought Yami was Pharaoh!" Kaiba shouted. The others laughed like they knew something he didn't.
"Yami?" Jounouchi said. "Please! Apart from you he's the worst gamer on the planet! He has never won once! What the hell are you thinking?!" Kaiba felt like an anvil fell on him. His ultimate rival reduced to a level on novice? It was too much for him.
"NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!" He shouted, running away again.
"That cock sucking shit headed dike is fucking insane!" Yugi said.
Kaiba ran all the way back to his mansion & slammed the door shut. Everything was going wrong! Or maybe it was him! Could it be possible that his status, his duels, everything he had was just the product of some dream & this was how the world was? He couldn't think about anything else. He decided to go for a walk to clear his mind a little. But it would have been better if he stayed inside. Kaiba walked over to the park when he saw three duelists he knew: Mako, Weevil & Rex. Kaiba blinked. Where did those names come from?
"Oh look it's Kaiba!" Weevil said. Kaiba walked over to them, wondering how they had changed. "Good to see ol' boy." Great just what Kaiba needed. Another one talking sophisticated nonsense.
"What are you three doing here?" He said, slightly annoyed.
"I just fancied a stroll in the park. I hear you've gone off the deep end." Weevil said.
"You're the one who's off the deep end!!!" Kaiba shouted, throwing his arms in the air.
"There's no reason to act like that ol' chap. Have you seen Joseph around? He's simply a marvelous duelist! I was quite taken back when he & Yugi both defeated me. I'll never forget my first meeting with the little scamp."
WEEVIL REPLAY MODE
Weevil: Yugi, I understand that you possess the only copy of Exodia.
Yugi: SHIT! You're fucking right, motherfucker! I'm the only bad ass bastard with these bitchen sweet cards! There like the most fucking rare God damn thing on the planet!
Weevil: Would it be ok if I could look at those cards.
Yugi: Why the fuck not? Here you fucking go, pussy!
Weevil: (Looking at Exodia) I see. So these five cards summon Exodia. You know, my dear friend for a long time I couldn't find a way to defeat these amazing cards. Oh! Wait! I've just come up with a way this very moment! Say farewell Exodia!
Yugi: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!! YOU FUCKER FUDGE PACKER!!!! I'M GOING TO FUCK UP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FACE YOU DOUCHE BAG!!!!
(Yugi beats the shit out of Weevil)
END REPLAY MODE
"Right." Kaiba said.
"Any way I should get through this park in one piece." Weevil shouted. Kaiba raised his eyebrow in confusion.
"He's allergic to bugs." Rex said, walking over to the two. Kaiba felt a HUGE Question mark fall over his head. "Yes! Simply detestable creatures!" Weevil shouted, jumping into Rex's arms. "Icky, icky evil bugs! I HATE THEM!"
"Okay." Kaiba said slowly. "This is getting WAY out of hand."
"I know how he feels." Rex said as Weevil kept crying like a little girl. "Dinosaurs scare the Bejesus out of me! They're huge! They have big teeth! I want my mommy!" Rex shouted. The two boys both screamed & ran around in circles. Kaiba glanced over to see Mako up in the tree.
"What the hell are you doing up there?" Kaiba shouted.
"I'm trying to get as high as I can in case it floods!" Mako said. Kaiba tilted his head. "But it's sunny out today!"
"It could be a flash flood!" He said, hugging the tree trunk. "I CAN'T SWIM! I'M HYDROPHOBIC!!! AND THE FISH ARE JUST AS BAD!!!" Kaiba fell over, anime style. Then he heard Yugi singing loudly as he approached him. Kaiba sighed. He was signing 'Ten Dirty Words' by Blink182.
"SHIT, PISS, FUCK, CUNT, COCKSUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER, TITS, FART, TURD & TWAT!!!"
"Someone shoot me." Kaiba said under his breath.
"Ah, shit! It's the pussy fagot Weevil and that damn fucker Rex too!" Yugi shouted. "Come here you little cunts!" He pulled out a big metal bat. From where? Who knows?
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S YUGI MUTO!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!" They shouted, running away.
"COME HERE YOU PUSSIES SO I CAN FUCK YOU UP!!!!" Yugi shouted with the air of a Yami Marik laugh. He chased them down & then bashed them repeatedly just like you would if you played Grand Theft Auto. Blood was flying everywhere as Yugi laughed like a mad man. Kaiba sweatdropped & backed up from him. "MERCY IS FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING WEAK ASSHOLES!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!" He shouted. Yugi was drenched in body, bits of bone & some of their internal organs. Yugi spun around and tossed the bat into the tree, hitting Mako in the head. He fell out of the tree & into a 2-foot deep fountain that was right beneath him.
"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I'M DROWNING!!!! HELP ME!!!!" Mako shouted. "I CAN'T SWIM!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!" He splashed around in the water, which he just as easily could have stood up in. Yugi laughed and then dived into the fountain to beat Mako senseless. Kaiba didn't want to stick around if Yugi decided to come after him so he ran out of the park.
What's going to happen now? Tune in Saturday for the outcome!
