Chapter Eleven: Aftermath

            They lay in bed together, Hoshi nestled sleeping in the crook of Trip's arm. He felt more than a little guilty. She was involved with him, or at least, with an alternate version of him … but he certainly wasn't involved with her, and he'd gone way too far.

            But even as he regretted taking liberties with her that he had no right to, even as he felt certain that his behavior towards this reality's Hoshi Sato was not fitting for the role that he was supposed to be playing, he didn't see how he could have done anything else. It was clear that the other Trip had an active sexual relationship with this Hoshi, and refraining from making love to her just because he was afraid that he wouldn't measure up to his alternate self's style between the sheets … and it was not in him to brutalize her the way she was probably used to. He had done what he had to do to keep his secret, to the best of his ability, and if he couldn't go far enough to make her believe that he was who he was supposed to be, then there was nothing he could do about it anyway.

            But then again, he had just made love to a stranger (no matter what she looked like and the similarities he saw between this Hoshi and the one he knew, she was still pretty much a stranger) while masquerading as someone that he was not. It was unchivalrous, immoral and probably illegal, and in any case not something that he could easily forgive himself despite the extenuating circumstances. Although he didn't see what else he could have done, he still couldn't excuse it. He had deceived her. He had lied to her. And Trip didn't want to be a liar, especially not to a woman who loved him.

 If this had been something to be suffered through, something he hadn't wanted to do that he'd done for the sake of his cover, then he might have been able to forgive himself …

            But he had wanted to, hadn't he? He had seen his friend, his crewmate from his own reality, a woman that he protected and cared for as though she were part of him like a sister; he had seen her altered, still beautiful, but suffering, loving and giving and getting mostly pain for her troubles from the man she loved.

He had wanted her, in ways that he had never thought he would want her, and he had taken her, in ways that she had never expected to be taken. He had done what he wanted to do. In the end, it probably had done more to damage his cover than to protect it. Hoshi already thought something was wrong, or at least, something was different – something was right in a way that it shouldn't be, at least.

            Hoshi shifted in her sleep, her drying hair soft against his bare shoulder.

            He heard her voice in his memory: Please. Don't let it stop.

            He had given her a gift this evening. A gift of tenderness from the image of the man she loved with all her heart, however undeserving that man was of her affection … tenderness that her real lover would never have given her, that much was certain. It was a gift that he had no right to give, but one that she more than deserved to receive.

            And if he looked at it in that light, watching the happy look on her face as she slept at his side, he found that despite all the moral issues he had with what he'd done, he wasn't really sorry.

            He did feel guilty for not being very sorry about it, though.

            Hoshi opened her eyes and saw him watching her. She gave him a funny little smile. "Hi," she said. "How long was I out?"

            "You must have been pretty tired," Trip said. "An hour, maybe two. I lost track somewhere in there."

            "Weren't you tired?" Hoshi asked, looking up at him quizzically.

            He smiled down at her, a little sheepishly. "I was watching you," he said.

            A blush crept over her. "Oh," she said. "Well, I guess I should get up, huh? And get dressed … and get dinner …"

            "Don't even worry about it," Trip said. "You need your rest. I'll head down and grab us some food from the mess-hall. Cook won't like that I steal dishes, but tough on him."

            Hoshi laughed softly. "I don't think he'll complain too loudly," she said. Her eyes on his face were warm, but still puzzled, as he rolled out of bed and started climbing back into his uniform again.

            "You don't have to do that," Hoshi said.

            "Think I don't know that?" Trip said. "I want to. Anyway, I think Travis should be heading down there right about now and there's a couple things I want to talk to him about."

            Hoshi looked suddenly troubled and confused. "Travis?" she asked, as though he had completely derailed her train of thought.

            Trip glanced askance at her as he finished dressing himself. "Yeah," he said. "Travis. Mayweather, you know? Tall, dark, kinda good-looking, sits at the helm, not too talky?"

            Mild exasperation touched Hoshi's face. "I know who Travis is, Trip," she said dryly. "But …" She hesitated, as though she were measuring whether or not it was safe to continue her sentence.

            He looked at her, raising his eyebrows. "Yeah?"

            Hoshi sighed. "Never mind," she said.

            "Now you know I'm going to harass you until you tell me what you were going to say," Trip said.

            She looked worried, as though she wasn't sure how he meant this. "Um … I was just thinking that maybe Travis has enough on his mind," she said. "I wish you wouldn't … take anything out on him." She winced a little as she finished.

            "Don't worry," Trip said. "He's as safe as can be."

            Hoshi did not look convinced, but she said nothing more as Trip left their quarters.