Shirin no Kami

Chapter 12: What is Love?

"I've lived here ever since I could remember. Kero-chan and Yue-san always looked after me, teaching me how to care for nature and the spirits so they could live in peace without the worry of humans taking their land. I've looked after 'Spirit Forest' and protected the many animals that live here so that they may live to see another day of this beautiful earth. All this time, I've looked after them, taught them, protected them, and even became their friends. I wonder. How come I never looked out to find my true humanity? Why was it so wrong to be with my people that I need to be here with the spirits? And most of all, how does it feel to be human?"

Sakura contemplated all this in her head as she lay in her bed with her leg all patched up. She looked around the cabin, trying to find something to do to let the time pass as she let her leg heal. "Ever since Syaoran has come into my life, I've only questioned my humanity further. I keep on getting these weird feelings that I never got before. My chest gets heavy, my face turns red, and my head gets woozy. Just what is this funny feeling?" Sakura grabbed a long wooden staff right beside her and pulled herself off the bed. "I need to go for a walk!" she complained, "I can't be lazy and only let Syaoran look at the forest all by himself, he might miss something important."

Syaoran walked along the dirt path on the ground, checking all the trees and spirits in good shape. In his head, he wondered how such a beautiful place could be neglected by so many people. Suddenly, Syaoran smelled something pleasant to the nose. "What is that beautiful smell?" he asked, taking a detour off the main path. The trail of the smell was faint at first, but as he went deeper into the trees, the smell permeated the entire air. Syaoran kept on sniffing and sniffing, until finally, he reached a beautiful flower pasture. Everywhere you looked was an assortment of yellow, purple, and blue flowers. On the sides there were dandelions, which broke apart and made even smaller dandelions as the wind blew them.

"Wow!" he exclaimed, "This is one of the most beautiful detours I've ever seen. I bet you no human has ever seen this place." "You're wrong!" shouted a serious voice from behind Syaoran. Syaoran turned around and saw a white pair of wings flutter down into the center of the yellow pasture of flowers. "Yue," Syaoran greeted. Yue only gave him a serious face and looked at the flower pasture with Syaoran.

Syaoran looked at him and sat down on a rock, viewing the flowers as he rested his chin on his hand. "Yue?" Syaoran began to ask, "Why are you so secluded from the rest of the world?" Yue closed his eyes from the pungent smell and tried to answer his question to the best of his knowledge. "Do you really believe that you are the first human who has been accepted to 'Spirit Forest'?" Although a rhetorical question, Syaoran nodded anyways. "You're wrong!" Yue calmly replied, "The 'Spirit Forest' was once a human territory, a place even more beautiful than it was today."

Syaoran could not imagine this: a 'Spirit Forest' even more beautiful than now? Syaoran simply could not fathom this possibility. "This flower pasture itself…" Yue paused, "…was grown and cared for by humans." Syaoran stared at Yue in shock, "Then does that mean there was a tribe here? Much like the one back at my home?" Yue chuckled a bit at the question. "I don't know about your tribe," he said, "But yes, there was a tribe here who coexisted with 'Spirit Forest'." Syaoran looked around the flower pasture, trying to find a grave, a human, or at least maybe some evidence that proved that a tribe existed. "Where are all the tribe members?" he asked innocently. Yue coldly gave him a look of sadness, "Sakura is the last one!"

Sakura gently supported herself on the staff and made her way to her favorite spot, an area covered with trees where all the animals and spirits would visit her each and everyday. Sakura lightly tugged on her skirt with her index finger and thumb and curtsied onto the soft green grass. Bending her knees and resting her bottom on her calves, she let her skirt spread out in a perfect circle. The animals and spirits then gathered together, resting atop her skirt and cuddling together in a unified fashion.

"Lucky spirits," she whispered, "You don't have to worry about what you are. You know your purpose and lifestyle. But me, I don't know what I am." Sakura saw two bunnies snuggling close together, with little tiny spirits in a yellow aura around them. "Sugoi!" Sakura cheered as she picked up one of the white bunnies, "There are Chibi spirits everywhere. You're going to have babies!" Sakura set the rabbit down next to its mate, "That's so great! You guys can have this feeling of closeness. Yet, I don't know how this feels like."

Sakura reached into her pocket and pulled out some acorns. The squirrel right next to her climbed up her shoulder and grabbed it. "What do you call that feeling of closeness?" she asked, "Why do you animals feel it but I can't?" "I think it's called love…" an unusual solemn voice said, "…I once remember Yue talking about it." Kero stepped out into Sakura's sight and snuggled close to her. Sakura put her hand on Kero's head, lightly massaging behind his ears. "So Kero-chan," she continues to pet him, "What brings you here today?" Kero gave a little purr as Sakura continued to nuzzle him. "It was really quiet," he said, "And I thought you might need some company since you can't do much today."

Sakura stopped nuzzling him and started to pet the animals. "What is love?" Sakura asked Kero seriously. "I don't know," he replied, "Must be some kind of human closeness feeling." Sakura didn't quite understand, "Like the closeness I have now?" Kero shook his head, "It's different," he said, almost experienced, "It's something that has to do with your own kind, not with other spirits and animals." Sakura stared at Kero dumbfounded. "OKAY!" he gave up, "I don't know what it is!" Sakura smiled as Kero pouted after being wrong.

"You know what Kero?" Sakura called Kero's attention, "I've always wondered what love is too. It's like the last piece of knowledge I need to know before I truly realize what being a human is all about." Kero growled at that statement, "Sakura!" he said disappointed, "Humans are evil, just why would you want to be one of them." Sakura pondered this for a moment, "Are humans truly evil?" she repeated to herself, "Then wouldn't that mean, I am evil?" "No no!" Kero fumbled, "It's not like that!" he said shaking his hands, "It's just that, you are the exception Sakura! After all, you are the Guardian."

"What about Syaoran?" she asked, "Is he evil too?" The answer inside Kero truly wanted to say "yes." But then he thought about Sakura and her life. If he was really evil, would he save Sakura by putting his life on the line? Kero's bias tried to make him say "yes", but the fact was, "No!" Kero replied, "Syaoran is not evil either!" Kero and Sakura sat on the ground as they watched the rays of sunlight pierce through the canopy and light up their surroundings. "Why is my life so different to other humans? Why am I Guardian?" these questions eat Sakura up, making her confused about her own humanity. Kero looked at Sakura with a gazing stare, "I wish I could tell you everything Sakura," he said, "But only Yue knows the whole story."

Sakura smiled at Kero's statement, "I don't care if I know now!" she stated happily, "As long as I live each day finding a bit of myself, I'm happy enough!" Sakura began to nuzzle Kero behind the ear again until he gave another purr.

Syaoran popped his eyes out in disbelief, "Sakura, is the last of the tribe?" he confirmed, "How can that be?" Yue clasped his arms behind his back and began to tell the story. "They called the tribe who lived here, the 'Divine Tribe'. For centuries and centuries, further settlers from the East came here for Enlightment and haven." Syaoran listened on anxiously. "But for centuries and centuries, Japan started to become feudal, more people gave up on the belief of spirits. Burning countless forests and sacred grounds to where the spirits dwell." Yue took a pause for Syaoran to collect everything. "So for countless generations, 'Spirit Forest' became a new haven for spirits and humans alike. The chief Guardian would be chosen by the people, whose sworn duty was to protect the forest and the spirits from harm."

Syaoran interrupted his story with a question, "If this is the case, then why are all the people gone from 'Spirit Forest'? Why is Sakura the last member of the 'Divine Tribe'?" Yue painfully closed his eyes and tried to remember, "It was when I was the chosen as moon spirit..."

Nearly 14 years ago…

"Yue!" a man shouted from the distance, hearing the echoes in the air, "YUE!" A man with black short hair was running through the trees and bushes, greeting the many spirits that formed as he ran by. Suddenly, the man stopped in front of another man with white hair and spectacles. "Hey Touya!" he greeted, "What's wrong today?" Touya, the man with black hair, put his hands on the white-haired man's shoulders, "I need you to do me a big favor Yuki!" he said frantically, "I have matters to attend to, can you please watch over Sakura today?" Yuki gave one of his biggest smiles and nodded, "Just go!" he insisted, "I'll be fine."

Touya thanked Yuki really quick and ran off, "Thanks Yuki!" Yuki gave a slight smile and walked through the forest, looking for Sakura. "Sakura," he called, "Sakura, where are you?" Yuki looked around every bush, he looked behind every tree. He couldn't find Sakura. "Is this what you were looking for?" a humorous voice asked. Yuki turned around and saw a bright yellow lion with wings; he was carrying a baby by grabbing onto its shirt with his sharp teeth. "Oh Kero!" he gasped, "Thanks a lot!" Kero gently set a baby Sakura down on the soft grass. The baby giggled happily as she was placed down. Her auburn short hair streaks covered her cute chubby face.

"Sakura," he said as he picked her up, "We're going to have fun today won't we?" Sakura happily clapped her hands together while giggling. Her emerald green eyes lightened Yuki's mood as he looked at her. "Kero," Yuki called him over, "I need you to watch Sakura for a while." Kero dropped his face as he heard this. "Weren't you supposed to look after her?" he asked sarcastically. "Yes," he replied, "But I don't feel right about something. Touya went to go check something out. I want to make sure it is nothing." Kero looked back and forth between Yuki and Sakura; he weighed his choices and tried to think of a satisfying answer. "Ah what the heck!" Kero shouted, "Go Yue!" Kero grabbed Sakura with his mouth. "Thank you!"

Touya ran faster as he began to smell a horrible stench in the air. "Oh no!" he worriedly gasped, "It can't be! He wouldn't, he couldn't!" Touya smelled everything he needed to know: gunpowder, fire, smoke. All these pointed to one thing, Touya's worst nightmare. He kept on running until he saw his first sign of destruction, a burning tree, blocking his path to the clearing behind. "Oh no!" he yelled as he saw the carnage. Touya took a deep breath and slowly backed away. Then he charged, ramming into the burning tree, breaking it down like a wall built of splinters.

Touya looked around, burning bodies, burning trees, dead spirits. Everything in the vicinity was dead, except for one man who crackled like the fire around them. Touya shook his fist, yelling at the insane man. "How could you do this!?" he scolded, "My tribe took you in after you were injured. We fed you, clothed you, and even treated you like family. How could you betray us Uragiri?" The man known as Uragiri picked his head up, the shadows of the fire only reflected the white in his smile and eyes. "Answer me Uragiri! How could you do this to our home?" Uragiri started to step forward to Touya, one step at a time. His receding hairline head was messy. The grease from his head mirrored his sly personality.

Just as sure when Touya believed Uragiri would give him an explanation, he took out a flag from the back of his pocket. He tied it on a stick and staked it into the ground. The insignia on the flag displayed two Japanese characters on a white flag. "I claim this land for the emperor," he said, "This land shouldn't be in the hands of you usurpers. You take this land and you use it to worships spirits who don't even exist?" "This forest houses the spirits," he snapped, "How dare you say they don't exist?" Uragiri laughed as the fire burned higher, "Savages!" he insulted, "Believing in nothing but your precious spirits. If they are worth so much to you then I will sell this property for a great price."

Touya found no point in arguing with the madman, he wanted one thing and one thing only, revenge! Touya unsheathed his machete, "You make me sick!" he replied. In one huge outburst of rage, Touya held the machete with both his hands above his head and began to charge at Uragiri. "I'll kill you!" he shouted. Yue heard these yells and began to fly even faster as he saw the fire and heard the screaming. "I'm coming Touya!" he reassured flying even faster. Touya kept on rushing forth, his sword ready to slice Uragiri in half. Strangely enough, Uragiri held his position still, reaching something in his back.

Yue burst through the gate of fire and saw Touya charging at Uragiri. It all happened so slow in Yue's eyes. Touya rushed closer and closer to Uragiri. Yue began to suspect that the traitor had something up his sleeve. Suddenly, Uragiri lashed out his dagger from behind his back. "Look out Touya!" Yue warned as Touya rushed blindly in. However, it was too late, once Touya was bringing his machete down; Uragiri had already stabbed him directly in the stomach. Uragiri gave a smirk on his face as Touya whispered his dying words to him, "You won't…get…away…with…this…" Touya's blood filled hand streaked down Uragiri's face, scratching a permanent scar as he was dragged down.

Yue looked in astonishment, he could not distinguish between reality and dream for a while. While in the daze, Uragiri put his hand over his scarred cheek and smiled as he walked away from Yue, letting the remainder of the forest burn down. Yue wrapped his wings around his body, turning into Yuki in one brilliant flash. "TOUYA!" he yelled, running to Touya's side. Yuki picked Touya up from the ground and placed his head in his lap, "Touya," he cried, "This is not possible, tell me it's not!" Touya's eyes slowly peeked open at the brilliant white light of Yuki.

"Yuki…" he heavily breathed out, "…I guess you had to see all this destruction happen to your home huh?" Yuki cried, the water droplet tears blurred the vision he saw in his spectacles. "Touya," he cried out, "You are the Guardian. How can you protect us now?" "Wrong," Touya snapped back weakly, "I am no longer the Guardian…From now on; you have to protect my sister and this forest for me." Yuki took off his glasses and wiped his eyes, "I'll always do anything for you Touya…my love." Touya was taken back a bit, "Love?" he confirmed, Yuki nodded, "Yes…I loved you too, Yuki!" Yuki gave a cheerful smile.

"Please, remember, my sister is in your hands now. Protect our last Guardian from any pain she may endure." "I understand," Yuki nodded, "I will protect her. But why doesn't your spirit still guide us?" Touya gave a slight chuckle to try to cheer Yuki up from his sadness, "Silly spirit," he choked, "I'll always be a spirit even when I'm dead." Slowly but surely, Yuki and Touya looked into each other's tear drown eyes. However, Touya's tears were the first to streak down as he closed them forever. Yuki collapsed on Touya's chest, crying for his painful heart to endure the pain of his lost loved one. "I promise to you Touya! Humans will never get 'Spirit Forest', even if I have to kill every single one of them."

Yuki wrapped his wings around his body and clenched his fist in the air. "My name is Yue!" he yelled at the sky, "I am the moon spirit of 'Spirit Forest', the protector of Guardian Sakura, I swear by this hand that I will never allow humans into this realm ever again." A sad down pouring of rain begins to douse out the flames of the vicinity. Nothing is saved by this rain. Instead, it erases the flames which show what 'Spirit Forest' has become due to human greed. "I will kill all humans!" Yue rose up, "I swear of that!"

End Flashback

A single tear escapes Yue's eyes. Syaoran relives the painful story in his own mind and is just as sad as Yue is. "So that's why!" Syaoran said finally realizing it, "That's why you hate humans so much." Yue began to walk away from telling the painful story. "Yue," Syaoran stopped Yue in his tracks as he called his name, "I want you to know that I would never hurt Sakura! I know that's on your mind!" Yue turned his head, giving Syaoran one of the most serious stares he's ever given him. "A human, that's what you are," Yue stated, "I expected so much out of humans because the reason why we spirits even exist is because of humans."

Yue turned around and stood up tall, overshadowing Syaoran, "When I hear of man's petty promises, I always realize how weak humans truly are. Yes, Sakura is human, but she's also a spirit of this forest forever. Your promise means nothing if you can't keep it." Yue gave Syaoran a piercing stare as he further closed in on Syaoran's face, "Only I can protect Sakura, not you! You are nothing but a human who's incapable of protecting what you hold dear." Syaoran felt insulted, and all Yue could do was walk away.

Syaoran sat on the rock, staring as the sun began to set. He began to feel shame and depression from Yue's words. "I'm not useless," he denied, "I can protect whatever I want." Syaoran bravely stood up and yelled back at Yue deep in the forest, "Listen Yue! I'll show you what I can protect! I'll show you!" Syaoran received no yell response in return. Feeling angry, Syaoran punched the rock he was sitting on and headed for home.

The cabin was quiet, Sakura had just arrived back not too long ago and she was now sipping an herbal tea blend she had prepared before she left. Sakura sipped her hot steaming tea slowly, trying not to scald her tongue. Suddenly, the door burst open, bringing in a gust of evening breeze as the person entered in. "How was the forest today?" she asked Syaoran as he entered in. "Not bad," he replied, "Just a little sadness for me, that's all." Sakura gave a worried face. "Oh my gosh, what happened?" she asked with a tone of concern. "Nothing," Syaoran replied.

Sakura began to pour another cup of tea for Syaoran. He peeked over her shoulder to see what she was doing. As Sakura felt his soft warm body press against her back, she began to blush a lot. She backed up, although a little too quickly, which resulted in Syaoran getting burned with the hot scalding tea. "OW IT BURNS!!!!!" Syaoran began running around the room, his arms and legs flailing everywhere. "I'm so sorry!" Sakura apologized in panic. She frenetically looked around the room for something cold. In one desperate act, she grabbed a bucket full of water and splashed it all over Syaoran.

Syaoran ridiculously stopped in his tracks, feeling the light cool water douse out his painful hot burning sensation. "Thanks a lot!" he said sarcastically. Sakura could not help it, but she began to giggle and laugh uncontrollably. Syaoran began to blush a little as he knew how ridiculous he looked in wet clothes. "Oh yeah?" Syaoran challenged as he smirked a little. Sakura looked at his face with distrust as she knew what was coming was not good. Syaoran grabbed another bucket of water and splashed it all over Sakura, making them both soaking wet.

Now it was Syaoran's turn to laugh uncontrollably. Sakura pouted a bit and tackled him. Syaoran stumbled back while Sakura clutched onto his chest. He kept on stumbling back until his feet got tangled on the blankets strewn over the floor. Syaoran fell back and hit his head on the back of Sakura's bed, nearly breaking it. Syaoran rubbed his head from the painful hit. "Are you okay?" Sakura asked with a smile as she blushed. "Yeah!" he replied, blushing as well.

Sakura was on top of Syaoran, she put her arms around the back of his neck, bringing their faces closer together. "Is this what humans call fun?" she asked with curiousness in her eyes. Syaoran gave a slight nod as he began to blush even more, feeling Sakura's figure on top of him. "Sakura," he called to get her full undivided attention, "You know I will always protect you right?" Sakura gave a big flushed face, "Yes," she replied, "But Syaoran, I want to protect you too!" Syaoran gave her a confused face. "You've been through so much Syaoran. You've been hurt time and again. You've been lost; I never want to see you sad ever again!"

Syaoran felt honored, his heart crushed into a million pieces at these words. "I'm not lost," he replied, "I've found you. I've found somebody who has made me again. With you, I don't have to find my way. Cause you make my way!" Sakura felt so happy, she was beginning to get all sweaty regardless of the cool water still saturated on her body. She happily engaged in a passionate kiss with him. Syaoran felt her soft lips against his lips. The tension melted away, the anguish, the sorry, the pain, everything Syaoran ever endured erased away by a mere kiss Sakura gave him.

"Syaoran," Sakura broke the kiss for a brief moment, "I'll make you happy! So happy, that pain won't even matter anymore." Sakura began to cry. However, whereas somebody cries for happiness or sadness, Sakura cries for her guilty conscience. She proceeds to remove Syaoran's clothes until he is shirtless. Syaoran returns the favor by slowly slipping Sakura's vest off her softly shaped body, and slowly slipping off her belly shirt until she is also naked. Syaoran and Sakura once again engaged in a huge passionate kiss. An open window lightly brings a breeze that blows out the candle to the room. Sakura finally is satisfied about something that's always bothered her. "So this is what love is…"