We all know I don't own the characters so whatever.

Review. Please. By the way, earlier I said James and Lily were dating. They aren't. They like each other.

Football, The Battle, The Burliness

"Okay, so you have two end zones. Our team tries to score in this one and they try in the other; like the goal posts in Quidditch. Eleven players from each team go out at a time. There are kind of two teams on a team: defense and offense. Defense tries to stop the other team from scoring and offense tries to score. Every time you score it is worth six points. Then, you try for the two-point conversion, and if you get it you have eight points. Now the offense gets four chances to go ten yards. Each time its called a down. You start off with first and ten. If you go the ten yards you have another first down and ten. If you don't you have a second down and however many yards are left from the ten before. You play it on the ground in pads and helmets. You squat down and when you start everyone has a job. There are centers, quarterback, lots of things." Ev looked up into the faces of the people surrounding her.

They looked astounded.

"Well, it's sort of complicated. But that's what makes it great. There are penalties if you do something wrong like delay on the play, or starting to early, or holding or something. With me so far?"

"It's like she's trying to speak to me, I know it. Look, you're hot, but I don't understand what you're saying," Sirius said loudly to her as if she was deaf.

"When's the wizard going to get back to you about that brain," Ev asked Sirius sarcastically. His face turned even more confused.

"You guys suck," Ev continued, shaking her head. She stood up and walked towards the portrait to get out of the common room.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked.

"To talk to the headmaster," Ev responded, "you have to have a weight room. How am I supposed to work out."

After Ev was gone the others looked at her.

"There's something seriously wrong with that girl," James said.

"Don't be mean, James," Lily reprimanded.

James turned red.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dumbledore looked up as Ev walked through his office door.

She then stopped, staring at him in his purple pajamas. "Okaaaayyy."

"Can I help you?" he asked, smiling at her.

"I'd love it if you could try. Here's the thing D Dog," Dumbledore merely looked amused at what she called him, "now, I like to work out. It's how I vent, but apparently you don't have a weight room. And that's a problem for me. I like to exercise."

"How would you like me to help with that?"

"Could you, like, put one in?" Ev questioned.

"Well, I don't pretend to know all the rooms in my own school, but you could ask the house elves. They clean the school, so chances are, maybe they ran across a weight room that I don't know about." Dumbledore beamed at her.

"How am I supposed to ask them."

"Don't mention this to anyone, but I will inform you of where the kitchens are." Dumbledore then proceeded to tell her of the easiest way to the kitchens and how to get in. "Please, don't reveal it to anyone else. I'd have students going down there at all hours of the night. Get yourself a snack while you're down there."

"Thank you, professor." Ev said sincerely.

He inclined his head, "You are very welcome."

"See ya later, Double D," said casually as she walked toward the door.

"Doubled D?" questioned the headmaster.

"Sounds better than D Dog I think." Ev told him.

He smiled at her. "Of course, call me what you like, Miss Rhyahnnon."

"Everard," Ev put in, "call me Everard."

"Good evening, Everard."

"Auf Wiedersehen, Double D." Ev ambled out the door and Dumbledore smiled at her retreating form. He liked her. (What she says means "until we see each other again" in German)

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'''

Ev tickled the pear and, after turning the knob that appeared there, poked her hear into the room. Ah, yes, the kitchens. A mischievous grin lit her face and she strode into the room.

"House elves," she called. Not like that, don't scare them, speak like them, she thought. "House elves," she called in a high-pitched voice. "I'm here to borrow some brown sugar."

A small house elf in a clean white tea cozy appeared, holding a tray of tea.

"Hello," he said squeakily, "can I help thee, ma'm."

"Umm, yeah, Dumbledore sent me hear to ask about maybe the castle having a weight room. Does it have one?" she asked hopefully.

"No, miss, it doesn't, but we can make one."

"Make one?"

"Please follow me, but first would you like anything to drink or eat?" he asked with anticipation.

"Sure, do you have bottled water?" The house elf nodded and ran to get one. He hurried to her and thrust it into her hands. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." He set down the tray and led her out into the dark cold hallways.

After a bit of a walk he walked to the end of a hallway, turned around and walked the other way then came back. He did this three times. Ev just looked on but was pleasantly surprised when a door appeared in the stonewall.

The house elf opened it and led her in. "The Room of Requirement, miss. All you have to do is think of what you want and it appears. Try it."

Ev thought of a book and, lo and behold, one appeared on the floor. "Wow," she exclaimed, this could be useful. "Thanks." The elf turned to go. "What's your name?"

"Gill," he replied and, shutting the door, left her alone.

Hmmm, Ev reflected, then grinned, excellent, very excellent.

What do I want? What do I want?

Ten minutes later Ev had changed into sweatpants and a spandex workout tank top that showed her stomach. Thinking, suddenly a whole gym transpired before her eyes.

Grinning, she went to work.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::

Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Ara, and Rae were all still in the common room. James, Sirius, and Peter were finishing homework as the others spoke about past years, Quidditch, and other topics.

They were doing this as Ev walked through the door, wearing workout clothes? What the hell?

"Hey guys," Ev said, arching her back to stretch her muscles.

"Where have you been? What are .. wearing? Doing?" Ara asked with her mouth open.

"Yeah," the others chorused quietly.

"I was just lifting weights, doing squats, bench press, dead lift, you know." Ev responded.

"No, we don't know!" Sirius exclaimed. "Where did you find a weight room?"

"The Room of Requirement," Ev answered.

"Oh," Rae said. "No, what?"

"Ugghhh, follow me." Ev walked out of the room. Hesitantly the others followed.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

"Holy mother of, whoa!" James said, looking around the room Ev led them to. It was currently filled with gym equipment.

"How'd you find this place?" Peter asked.

"A hundred thousand sperm and you were the fastest." Ev said dubiously.

He looked at her, wide eyed.

"Ugh, follow me." Ev said, disgusted.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

"Holy mother of, whoa," everyone exclaimed as they looked around the kitchen.

A house elf scurried forward. Eagerly, she asked, "Can I help you?"

"Bottle of water," Ev said, still in her workout clothes. Seconds later one was placed in her hands. Ev took off the cap and poured some in her mouth.

"How'd you find this place?" they all questioned.

"Dumbledore told me when I asked." Ev sat down at one of the house tables.

They all followed suit and sat with her.

"Anyone hungry?" Sirius suddenly spurted.

"Fine, but no dead animals," Ev said, laughing. She snapped her fingers. "Good woman," she called to a house elf.

It rushed forward only to reveal that it was a male. Everyone laughed.

"Can we have some ice cream."

"Sure," he responded.

"With whipped cream." Rae said loudly.

"And nuts," Lily added, equally as loud.

"You like nuts do you," James said suggestively. Lily glared at him but then giggled.

"Shut up, moron," she said dryly.

"Can I interrupt this little flirty moment," Sirius said, "ah well, I'm gonna. I would so love to have ice cream with no bakes on it. Not hard, but still melted. Can you do that? Do you know how to do that?"

"Well, what are these no bakes?" the elf asked timidly.

"You don't know what no bakes are?!" Sirius and Ev exclaimed loudly.

"No," the house elf said, looking scared. Ev and Sirius looked at each other, shaking their heads.

"Would you very much mind if I took over your kitchen and made some?" Ev inquired. The house elf shook his head.

"Alrighty then." Ev stood up and walked into the kitchen, leaving the others to talk amongst them for a minute, before the food they wanted was brought.

After a minute, Sirius followed her into the kitchen. "You know how to make no bakes?"

"Fuck yeah, it's my specialty."

She grabbed ingredients and Sirius hopped onto the counter beside the stove as she made it.

"And I thought you were god for nothing," he said, staring at her.

Ev stared back at him. "Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."

"Do you have to be a bitch?" Sirius said angrily.

"Yes I do. I go from zero to bitch in 3.5 seconds. Three flat on a good day."

"Wow, you can think and talk at the same time." Sirius said.

"Was that your attempt at being witty?" Ev responded, quick as a flash.

"Sorry if I look interested in anything you have to say. I'm not."

"You know what? Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use protection." Ev looked fiercely at him.

Sirius stared at her, then, suddenly, burst out laughing.

"Blessed are those that can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused." Ev supplied.

By now Sirius was laughing so hard a tear streamed down his face. Laughter is infectious and soon Ev herself was laughing too. Leaning over before the stove.

"You go from angry to funny in like three seconds." Sirius gasped out.

"All I gotta do is count to ten and I'm funny," Ev said, laughing.

"Don't wear mittens, it'll slow ya down," Sirius said. A bark of laughter fell out of his mouth and set him off again. By now he had slid down onto the floor and was practically rolling with laughter.

Pretty soon Ev was right next to him, hardly breathing she was laughing so hard.

Finally Sirius sat up. "Wow, I couldn't breathe but it was totally worth it," he mimicked her, sending them both into fresh peals of laughter.

"Ahem," someone grunted.

Ev and Sirius looked up, still grinning. "Yes," Sirius gasped out.

"So, you've finally stopped hating each other?" Lily asked. The others all nodded.

"No, I think he's a bastard."

"And she's a bitch."

The others just growled and walked out at their stupidity. Why were they so stubborn? Couldn't they be friends?

"This coming from a dog," Ev (Ev like in ever for LuvSnuffles!) said about Sirius' earlier comment.

"What? What do you mean?"

"You being an Animagus. Moony, Wormtail, Prongs, Padfoot." Ev answered.

"How, how do you know about that?" Sirius said, his eyes wide.

"Heard ya talking about the upcoming full moon," Ev said casually, standing up.

"Well aren't you just the smartest thing to walk the earth since sliced bread." Sirius muttered, standing up also.

"Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted," Ev said sourly, looking at him out of the corner of her eyes.

They both snorted and continued to laugh.

******************************* Thanking my first two reviewers, especially Jayme3. Also Nox3.

All ya threes love me. ( Yeah, anyway. Forgive me.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. (