A/N: Insert the standard "I don't claim the rights to these characters" spiel here. Beware, this story contains adult themes (i.e., big chunks o' lemon) and gets VERY explicit at times. Read at your own risk. Also, this story only covers the exploits of Lina and Xellos. Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis' adventures during the time frame that "Penance" takes place are detailed in a fic called "Pursuit of Merit", which is about halfway written but probably won't be done until '05. "Penance" is followed up by "Reckoning" and then "Absolution" series, all of which are available here on fanfiction.net.

You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.

Reviews are welcome!!

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It was bitter, very bitter. How many years had they been together? How many as friends, and how many as lovers? Of course, the transition between the two was difficult to discern, since the progression had seemed natural. Still, over time, the east that she felt around him had changed to tension. It was oddly simple for Lina to find the fault within herself. Gourry was older, after all, even if it was only a few years. He just seemed to want something different than she did at this point in their lives. He was still willing to stick it out with her, of that there was no doubt, but she could see the fatigue settling in his eyes. He was tired of never learning more about her, of never being let in. She could see these within him, and what she couldn't see, she could sense. She regretted it, and that regret was what tasted bitter. She had wanted to let him in, honestly she had, but she didn't want to have to explain herself. She knew he understood how she was, what she was, and accepted it, but what she needed was for him to understand the why. Gourry, as dear and as wonderful as he was, and no matter how much she cared for him, was not equipped to examine and discover things about her. She knew this, and it turned her heart into lead.

Somehow it just didn't seem fair. It had taken her so long to become his lover in the first place, and now she found she wanted to get away from him. He wouldn't let her go easily, she knew that. Whatever else happened, he loved her dearly. It showed in his voice when he spoke to her, in his eyes when he looked at her, and in his touch when they lay together at night. He was the only man her body had ever known, and she honestly had no desire for it to be any other way. Still, they were drifting. When they loved one another in the darkness she was aware of his need for more of her. She had given him what she could, but he had bestowed his soul upon her and desperately wanted hers in return. She wondered if part of her problem was the easy conquest he had been. There was no challenge in having him or being with him when she was the only woman in the world he had eyes for.

Her mind strayed, as it often did, to the other men in her life. Zelgadis had felt something for her at one time, but both of them were too driven by their own goals to ever become more than friends. Lina had been happy when Zelgadis had gone to Amelia, finally returning the Princess' love. Amelia tempered him and loved him unconditionally, much as Lina knew Gourry loved her. For Lina, however, there were conditions. Gourry wanted all of her, and she did not want to give. She thought back to the last time she had seen Xellos. The Monster had always hinted that he was willing to have fun with her. It wasn't love; she was certain Xellos wasn't capable of feeling such a thing. She had been curious, though, as to what it would feel like to have those strong, lusty hands move from her throat down to the rest of her body. Still, she had been with Gourry at the time, and circumstances had not allowed for experimentation with the trickster priest. She wondered where Xellos was at the moment. The wedding was bothering her more than she anticipated, and if anyone could take her mind off of things, it was Xellos.

Then again, she hadn't expected the wedding to be so difficult for her. First of all, she was sincerely happy to see two of her closest friends, of her only friends, get married. Secondly, she was very, very happy for all the free food. Still, something stuck in her throat, and she suspected that it was her growing bitterness towards the relationship she and Gourry shared. Perhaps she was becoming disgusted with the way he smiled at her sweetly every time she stole a glance at him, or how he kept trying to put his arms around her. On some level she felt that he was laying claim to her, and that was never something she appreciated.

She glanced at him again and realized that for some reason she didn't want to be around him right then; the sight of him made the bitterness rise in her throat. She just didn't know if she wanted him to be her entire future or not, and that uncertainty put her ill at ease.

The festive mood of the whole affair was bringing her down as well. Zelgadis and Amelia sat at the high table, faces flushed and beaming, their fingers interlaced. Amelia paused in her animated conversation every so often and brought her new husband's hand up to her lips. Zel would blush and smile, tightening his grip on her hand. They both looked so breathlessly happy and excited. They were very obviously in love, and Lina just didn't want to put up with it.

She was lost in her thoughts when she felt a strong hand on her shoulder. she said passionlessly.

Hey, Lina, he said. Isn't this great?

Yeah, fabulous, she grumbled, putting her elbows on the table and leaning on them.

Gourry beamed and rubbed her upper arm with his thumb. Doesn't it make you feel like we should get married someday?

Her insides went cold and she shrugged off his hand. he asked, voice filled with concern.

Let's talk about it later, she said curtly.

Okay. I think we should, though. After all, we're already sleeping together.

Like you need to remind me, she growled.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. Lina Gabriev, he said softly.

She shot him a look that could have blistered paint. I'm not your property, she snapped. There is no way I'll ever change my name. I belong to no one!

His face fell and he shrugged. Okay, you don't need to change your name. I love you, not you're called. I just thought that once we got married-

And I thought I told you that we'd talk about this later, she spat, getting up from the table abruptly.

Oh, sure, Lina. Sorry.

She groaned and rubbed her temples. she mumbled, her eyes flickering towards the newlyweds. Zelgadis' eyes kept flicking eagerly up and down Amelia's body. She wished Gourry would look at her that way once in a while, but his intentions were always too naive. He wanted her, there was no doubt about that, but he didn't seem to hunger for her. However, there might be someone who possibly did.

Where's Xellos? she asked suddenly. I thought he was supposed to come, whether we liked it or not.

Gourry replied, worry still lingering in his features.

she said, scanning the crowd.

Well, I haven't seen him, Gourry mumbled more glumly than was customary.

She wondered what was eating the big blonde. Then, very suddenly, she wanted to be away from it all and realized she could make that desire a reality. I have a headache, she announced.

Would you like me to take you back to your room? Gourry offered, standing.

No, I'll be fine, she muttered, waving him off.

Are you sure?

Yes. I'll see you in the morning.

He embraced her tightly for a brief moment, pressing her head against his chest. All right then. Sleep tight.

Sure thing, she said, and moved out of the ballroom.

At the high table, Amelia prodded Zel gently with her elbow, gesturing with her eyes towards the doorway. Zelgadis put down his wineglass and followed her gaze just in time to see Lina leave the room briskly. he asked his new wife.

Something's going on between Mister Gourry and Miss Lina, she whispered.

What do you think it is? Zelgadis said, gazing down into her wide, blue eyes.

If I didn't know better, I'd say they were having a lover's quarrel, she replied softly.

He smiled and squeezed her hand. Well, I've been thinking that they've been intimate for a while, Zel said.

Her eyes went even wider. How can you be sure?

I can't. I can tell you this, however: a man looks at the woman he's decided upon a certain way, and it only deepens after they've become lovers.

What's the look? she murmured, cheeks staining a deeper shade of pink.

It's the way I look at you, he whispered, blushing.

A flush crept up her neck and merged with the rosiness of her face. she breathed. She stared off into the crowds of people for quite some time. I think I'll go find out what's wrong with her before it gets worse, she said, beginning to rise from her seat.

a voice boomed, and Zelgadis winced as Prince Phil scooped up his daughter in a bear hug.

Amelia said without her usual vigor. Zel followed her gaze in the direction Lina had gone. He nodded at his wife and rose, quickly making his way through the crowds and into the hallway, hot on the trail of the departed sorceress.