A/N: Insert the standard "I don't claim the rights to these characters" spiel here. Beware, this story contains adult themes (i.e., big chunks o' lemon) and gets VERY explicit at times. Read at your own risk. Also, this story only covers the exploits of Lina and Xellos. Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis' adventures during the time frame that "Penance" takes place are detailed in a fic called "Pursuit of Merit", which is about halfway written but probably won't be done until '05. "Penance" is followed up by "Reckoning" and then "Absolution" series, all of which are available here on fanfiction.net.
You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.
Reviews are welcome!!
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She was closing the door behind her when she felt someone standing nearby. Whirling, she faced the darkness and readied herself, heart pounding in her chest. Who's there? she said softly, eyes scanning the shadows.
Where are you going? a familiar voice asked, and she saw Zelgadis step out from the darkness.
Uh, for a walk, she said quickly. It was too stuffy in there with all those people.
Going for a walk with your luggage? Zel asked.
Sure, why not?
Zel sighed and shook his head. It isn't like you to run, Lina.
You don't understand, she muttered.
Try me.
I'd rather just go.
Listen, Amelia's going to want to know why you're cutting out on our wedding party. Is it Gourry? Are you leaving him?
What on earth are you talking about? she growled.
Zelgadis pursed his lips and looked at her, eyes flat. I know what's been going on between you two. You've been lovers for a while now, haven't you?
You're crazy, she replied, preparing to brush past him.
He held out a solid arm to the side and stopped her in her tracks. Don't lie to me, Lina. You're awful at it. You might be able to fool yourself, but you're not pulling one over on me.
What is it you want, Zel? she asked, suddenly feeling deflated. Her shoulders slumped as she let her satchel slide to the floor with a thud.
So, you are leaving him.
You wouldn't understand.
Zelgadis dropped his arm and sighed, lowering his chin to his chest. Think not?
She looked up into his sculpted features and recalled what he had been through in his life. Fine, she grumbled, unable, as always, to keep things from Zelgadis. I don't know if I can stand spending the rest of forever with him. I'm not sure I love him.
You're worried he won't give you what you need, and ask too much of you in the bargain, he said quietly.
She blinked and exhaled softly. That's exactly it. How did you know?
A small smile graced his mouth. Because I've spent the last year asking myself those same questions. You don't think my relationship with Amelia came easily, do you?
But you figured it out? Weren't you afraid?
A blush stained the tops of his cheeks and he coughed. I was terrified of her and what she might need from me. But after I thought about it I realized she didn't expect anything from me. All she truly wanted was to have me near her. It turned out that I wanted, I still want, the same thing from her. If she's near me then that's all that I need.
How do I know?
I can't tell you. Hopefully someday you'll just feel it. I wish I could tell you more, but I think you need to find the answers out for yourself.
She sighed and reached out impulsively, squeezing his upper arm with her hand. Make sure he doesn't think that I'm doing this because I don't care about him, okay?
He closed his eyes and nodded. Of course, he replied.
She smiled and picked up her pack, slinging it over her shoulder. Good luck with your new wife. I wish you both all the best.
He watched her walk away from him into the night. Best luck to you, Lina Inverse. I hope you find your answers.
Me too, she replied, and disappeared into the night.
