A/N: Insert the standard "I don't claim the rights to these characters" spiel here. Beware, this story contains adult themes (i.e., big chunks o' lemon) and gets VERY explicit at times. Read at your own risk. Also, this story only covers the exploits of Lina and Xellos. Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis' adventures during the time frame that "Penance" takes place are detailed in a fic called "Pursuit of Merit", which is about halfway written but probably won't be done until '05. "Penance" is followed up by "Reckoning" and then "Absolution" series, all of which are available here on fanfiction.net.

You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.

Reviews are welcome!!

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A week later found her hundreds of miles away from Seyruun. She wasn't certain that Gourry wouldn't try to follow her, although she knew Zelgadis would do his best to ensure the swordsman stayed put. Still, better safe than sorry, and so she put as many miles between them as possible. She actually had no idea where she was precisely, nor did she care. She just wanted to go wherever her feet took her and let fate take care of the rest.

She had been walking about half a day when something shiny up ahead caught her eye. Whatever it was shimmered devilishly in the sunlight, as if summoning her with its twinkling. It seemed to be lying just to the right of the road and had to be at least the size of her fist, or so she estimated from the amount of sparkle it was putting off. Still, her love of shining things had brought her trouble in the past, and so she considered turning back and taking a different fork in the road. Besides, if something so large and so obvious hadn't been taken already there might be danger. Not that she minded peril, but she just wasn't in the mood for it. She still wondered why the thing up ahead hadn't been stolen, and after many minutes of deliberation she decided that it couldn't hurt to at least check it out.

Her decision having been made, she strolled nonchalantly towards the shiny thing, shuffling her feet in the dust of the road as if she didn't have a care in the world. The light from the shiny thing winked at her as she got closer, seeming like a beacon and only fueling her curiosity. Before long she was on top of it, and she saw the reason that no one had disturbed it. It was connected to a staff, which was half-buried beneath a dead man. A lot of people were afraid of taking things off of dead people, wary of any curses the deceased would cast on the thief. That was most people, however, not Lina Inverse. She reached down to snatch the jewel when she felt as if she were finally truly seeing the situation. A cold shudder raced down her body as she realized she recognized both the jewel and the staff. They had belonged to Xellos.

She took a step back, eyes wide as she snatched her hand away. The rest of the body was covered by a dark, tattered cloak, hiding the person's hair and features. She swallowed and gingerly crouched down, daintily lifting the corner of the black fabric. Silky purple hair glinted duskily in the midday sun, making her breath catch in her throat. Clearing the hair away, she gently touched the familiar cheek, and odd sorrow filling her chest as she wiped mud off of his face. she breathed. There was no response from the man.

She sighed and pushed down the shock that was rising within her. Xellos was an extremely powerful Monster, and if something had managed to kill him, she was certainly no match for it. She pursed her lips and glanced around warily, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Well, nothing except for the dead man before her. She looked at him again and realized his skin had been fairly warm. If he was indeed dead, he hadn't been so for long.

Fighting the desire to flee, she decided to feel for his pulse. The way he was lying on the staff prohibited her from checking his heartbeat, and so she gripped the wood and tried to move it. Suddenly the staff was in motion, startling her so much that she fell soundly on her rear. A low groaning sounded through the air and stared, wide-eyed, as the man pulled the staff further underneath his body. she tried again, shuffling over to him on her hands and knees, heedless of the mud that stuck to her clothing. Is that you?

She was rewarded with a low moan and the man shifted, the set of his shoulders that of someone in pain. She sat by his head and gently wiped the hair out of his face, nose wrinkling in distaste as she fingered the mud-caked strands. His skin was deathly pale and also coated with filth. Still, she recognized his sharp, impishly handsome features. It was undoubtedly Xellos.

What happened? she asked, grunting as she rolled him onto his back. He coughed and moaned, eyes still shut tight against the sun. He was in obvious pain and apparently very, very weak. He had been beaten badly, she realized as she guided his head and shoulders into her lap. So badly, in fact, that her healing spells wouldn't even make a difference. Fear gripped her again with icy claws. Xellos was so strong; what could have possibly reduced him to this state?

He coughed again and she freed her waterskin, dribbling moisture in between his parted, cracked lips. Come on, Xellos, she growled. Come to.

He turned his head at the sound of her voice, an eye opening just a crack. Miss Lina? he rasped.

she said, smoothing the hair back from his battered forehead.

How are you doing? he asked, dry lips twisting in a tight smile.

Shut up. You're in no condition to be worrying about me. How the hell did this happen to you?

His features fell and he coughed again. Could we talk about his later? I'm afraid I'm not quite feeling up to being interrogated just now.

She scowled. Right. Can you walk? she asked, staring down at him with a worry-etched countenance.

Perhaps with help, he replied, wincing as he shifted.

You really got your ass kicked, she said between gritted teeth, using every ounce of her wiry strength to help him upright.

I suppose that's one way to put it, he said ruefully as he leaned heavily on her shoulder.

Come on, she grunted, gripping his wrist where it was draped across her shoulder, her other hand holding him tightly around his trim waist.

We need to make it to the next town by nightfall.

Slowly but surely, they made it to an inn before night was fully upon them. Lina had haggled fiercely for two rooms, but the inn was so full she was forced to settle for one. She angrily hauled Xellos to his feet and dragged him up the stairs roughly, ignoring his protestations and pleas for her to be gentle. As she got him into the room, however, she was glad they were staying together. She realized she really didn't want to leave him alone in the shape he was in.

She sat him in a chair as she contemplated the room. There were two beds, as she had requested, and she wondered for a moment if she should take other measures to prevent him from meeting her in the night. She seemed to recall several times where he had seemed interested in her. One glance at him, however, made her decision for her; he was having difficulty staying upright in his chair. She seriously doubted he would pose a problem this evening. She shuddered at the thought of the last time he had been alone in an inn with her, then pushed the thoughts away. She had been drunk, and his hands had been so cool and strong as they traced the tendons in her neck. She had wanted him that night and had a feeling he would have let her take him, but she had passed out before anything could happen. In fact, she had awoke in her own bed in Amelia's wing of the castle the next morning. She suspected that it had been Xellos who had seen to her welfare.

She pulled herself back into the present and planted her hands on her hips, sighing as she watched him struggle to stay upright. It was her turn to take care of him, it seemed. You're filthy, buster, she growled. You need to bathe.

I suppose so, he replied without raising his head, leaning heavily on his staff even while sitting.

I didn't think a Monster could let himself get into such a sorry state, she said tartly.

Miss Lina, there's something I should tell you, he murmured, shaking as he began to sit up straight. His knuckles turned white where he gripped his staff and his eyes started to slowly open.

Sudden fear gripped er around the middle and she turned away sharply. For some reason she didn't want to see what the amethyst depths of his eyes would reveal. Let's get you bathed and we can talk about it in the morning, she said abruptly. If I help you down to the baths do you think you can manage cleaning yourself?

He surprised her with a short, melodious laugh. I have a feeling I had better try, he said, and heaved himself to standing with a pained grunt.

When she turned around, his eyes were closed and his customary smile was on his face. Shaking her head, she went to him and put an arm around his waist. She supported him in that manner until they reached the bathhouse.

Once Xellos was safely leaned against the wall inside the men's bath, Lina called the attendant back outside and pressed a gold coin into his hand. Make sure he's well cared for, she growled. If he doesn't come out of there perfectly clean and happy, or if he doesn't come out of there at all, I think you'll find yourself regretting it. Do you understand me?

Yes, Miss, the attendant stammered, and immediately disappeared into the building. She smiled to herself and took a bath as well before heading back to the room.

Xellos appeared a few moments after she returned, supported by the bath attendant. She slipped the attendant another coin and helped Xellos to the bed farthest from the door. He sat down heavily and beamed up at her, fingering the lose, brown cotton pajamas he was dressed in. They took my clothes, he explained as he let his staff come to rest next to him on the mattress. I imagine they will be mended as well. It was terribly undignified, being stripped and dressed like that, although they did try to be gentle.

she replied absently, mind silently working on the questions she wanted to ask him. Somehow she found the discipline to keep her mouth shut, but she was so buried in thought she jumped when his hand gently touched her wrist.

Miss Lina? he asked softly. Are you all right?

She stared at where he had placed his hand upon her, his long, shapely fingers wrapped around her slender bones. There are some things I want to know, Xellos, she said in a low voice. And if you tell me that the answers are a secret, I swear to all that's holy that I will hurt you.

Are you sure you want the truth? he replied softly, tenderly releasing her wrist.

I just know that not knowing is driving me nuts, she replied, touching her skin in the same spot his cool, smooth fingers had held her.

I think it will disturb you, he said with an uncharacteristically melancholy sigh.

I don't care! she protested. I want to know why you were lying in a ditch half dead and how you were put in that state!

You never have had much concern for the consequences of your curiosity, have you, Miss Lina?

Tell me.

Are you certain? It could change things.

Tell me, dammit!

He turned his head to the side, reaching up and putting a hand to the back of his neck. Miss Lina, I-I'm rather nervous, I suppose. I don't want things to change any more than they already have, he murmured, his thick bangs falling over his face and hiding his eyes.

You, nervous? Why?

That's why I need to be absolutely sure that you won't regret knowing. Please.

She sighed and pursed her lips, examining him for several moments and wondering why he was acting so strangely. He certainly wasn't being the ebullient, mischievous Xellos that she knew. All right, Xellos. I'm absolutely sure I want to know exactly what's going on. There, are you satisfied?

Very well, he replied, turning his head toward her slightly.


Look into my eyes, Miss Lina, he whispered, turning his face to her and opening his eyes.

She took a step closer and bent a little so that she could look him in the face. her eyes met his and she looked deeply into the endless amethyst, feeling herself pulled towards him. she began, and then it hit her like a slap across the face. It was his pupils- his pupils, once slitted, were round. She stared so deeply into a human being's eyes. Oh my god, she breathed, taking a step back as her own eyes opened wide.

He reached for her again, but she had moved out of his grasp. His hand fell beside him on the bed and his body began to shake. I can't take it, Miss Lina, he whispered, tears forming in the corners of his eyes as he closed them. How can you take this?

She knelt next to him and put her hands on his knees, at a loss on what to do. Take what, Xellos?

He turned a tear-streaked face to her. This body...I die a little more every second of every day. How do you keep from going mad, knowing that with every moment that passes you are that much closer to decay?

Oh, Xellos, she murmured, gripping his knees more tightly. She just didn't know what to say to him. She was still too shocked by what he had revealed to her.

he sobbed. I am mortal. I find that without eternity stretched out before me I do not want to live at all.

Don't talk like that, she said sharply, standing up. Being mortal just means you have to do more with the time you're alive.

But how can you bring yourself to do anything when you can feel the end crawling through your veins?

I can't feel that, she replied. Then again, I don't know what it feels like to be ageless and eternal. I think that I understand your bland demeanor now, though. Humans love life and live it with passion, or at least they should. The candle that burns brightest burns quickest.

I can't do this. . .

It doesn't matter. Look at you. You used to be strongest Monster under the sun, after the five lords.

Please, don't remind me of what I have lost.

Well, how can you let yourself be beaten like this? You lose your immortality, but you can lead a different kind of life now. You're free, you don't have to answer to anyone ever again.

I would rather not feel this pain. Nothing has ever hurt so badly.

I suspect you don't have any comparison for that, either, she grumbled. You've never loved someone and lost them, or had a person you loved die.

But I'M dying, he countered. I'm also missing most of my astral form. All of my Monsterly powers have been completely stripped away. Xellos, the priest of Beastmaster, is no more, and now only the pitiful human is left.

How do you even know what sort of human you are? she said hotly, becoming impatient. You haven't even tried!

If I cannot serve my mistress then I do not want to exist at all.

Who, Beastmaster?

She defined my existence. Without her, I am nothing.

Good god, pull your head out of your ass! she howled, grabbing her forehead. This is your chance to define your world for yourself!

He looked up at her, dark eyes probing her face so intently that it gave her the shivers. He was still powerful, she had no doubt of that, and wondered if she wanted him to discover that fact as well. How, Miss Lina?

Just follow my lead. Lina Inverse leads the life she wants to and no other!

A small smile crossed his face, momentarily restoring some of his previous handsomeness. So I, too, shall live the life Lina Inverse wants to lead, he replied softly, a hint of humor in his quiet, smooth tones.

she said with a nod. Now you should go to sleep. I'll have a doctor come look at you in the morning.

He tried weakly for several moments to maneuver himself under the covers, and finally she had to step in and help him. She gently laid his shoulders against the bottom of the pillow, and as she stood up he managed to catch a lock of her fiery hair. Thank you, Miss Lina, he whispered, running the strands between his fingers.

She took a step away from him, smiling to handle the horror she felt at his weakness. The lock of hair was pulled from his hand and he laid his palm on the mattress, his eyes already drooping shut.

You're welcome, Xellos, she whispered, and climbed into her own bed. She rolled onto her side and watched him breathe for a long time, then was herself gently pulled into slumber.