A/N: Insert the standard "I don't claim the rights to these characters" spiel here. Beware, this story contains adult themes (i.e., big chunks o' lemon) and gets VERY explicit at times. Read at your own risk. Also, this story only covers the exploits of Lina and Xellos. Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis' adventures during the time frame that "Penance" takes place are detailed in a fic called "Pursuit of Merit", which is about halfway written but probably won't be done until '05. "Penance" is followed up by "Reckoning" and then "Absolution" series, all of which are available here on fanfiction.net.
You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.
Reviews are welcome!!
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She felt awful doing this to him, she really did, but it had to be done. After all, she couldn't very well be traveling with Xellos when she was supposed to looking out for herself, could she. Besides, there was information she had to find, and she didn't feeling like sharing the journey with anyone. Yes, it was better this way. If she didn't leave now it would be really difficult to get away. She knew that once he regained consciousness things would change. She wasn't sure how, but she knew that things would be different. It really scared her, actually, knowing that Xellos, who had always been so powerful, was now mortal. It must be awful for him. Still, it wasn't really her business. She had done what she could, and she had to go her own way. It was the best thing for her, and she was the only one that mattered.
And so Lina left at dawn, leaving Xellos in the room, still unconscious. The priests had cast what spells they could and administered potions, and she made sure that the innkeep and his employees knew exactly what to do for the injured man. Oh, the innkeep had been reluctant at first, but Lina tossed him a few rubies and he seemed mollified. So Xellos was in good hands and she could hit the road.
She couldn't help thinking of him as she walked down the path to the main highway, remembering the fever-flush of his skin as he blinked up at her with those dark eyes. It was awful to see him in such pain. Why it bothered her at all she wasn't certain. After all, Xellos was a Monster, and as such was an enemy. The moment she had the thought she knew it wasn't true. Xellos was a friend, after a fashion. After all, if it hadn't been for him they would have never made it through some of their journeys. He had helped with Kanzel and Mazenda, and getting to the Clair Bible. He had assisted them in fighting Darkstar, and had even aided in curing Amelia. She never would have been able to defeat Orkalym and Anemony if he hadn't been there. So, all in all, he was probably her best ally. Of course, that was before, when he was still a Monster...
A small part of her couldn't help but feel responsible for what he was going through. It wasn't in her nature to feel guilty, but uneasiness stabbed at her nonetheless. He hadn't said how he had become human, but she was almost certain it was a form of punishment. Yes, he was definitely being taught a lesson, but for what? It hit her immediately that there was only one thing he could possibly be in trouble for, and that was helping a human to destroy other Monsters. It was so soon after the fight with Deep Sea's minions that there really wasn't any other possibility. So Xellos had been turned into a mortal, and was suffering so, because of her.
She almost turned back at that moment, hating that she would be the cause of so much pain. She forced herself to press onward, however, and soon was of the mind set that he had been the one stupid enough to be tricked by her, so whatever had happened to him was his own fault. She really had nothing to do with it, actually. If he hadn't underestimated her and been so obvious about his casting she wouldn't have been able to wrest the spell away from him and modify it. There, she thought to herself in satisfaction, it was all his fault.
The spell he had cast was also the objective of her journey. Oh, sure, she had some personal things to sort out, but she also needed to do some research. Images of Gourry came to her mind, memories of him standing behind her under a tree in the rain, his brawny arms about her to keep her warm, or his mouth upon hers as he made love to her in the dark. She shook her head to chase away the thoughts of him. She was still young and didn't want to be tied down. Maybe someday she would go back to him, but not for a while. A young woman shouldn't shackle herself to one man at such a tender age, in her opinion. She still had things to do, one of which was finding out how to fight off a Monster. Ever since her encounter with the Clair Bible she had known that an attack spell to defeat any Monster was out of the range of possibility. However, the spell Xellos had cast had shown immense promise. That and the curse upon Amelia, which he had probably cast as well, had tremendous potential. They showed her that she didn't have to destroy a Monster outright; she could just manipulate their astral energies against themselves. It was probably quite easy, but she couldn't recreate the spell that Xellos had used. There was something about the way his Monster's power had worked the beginning of the casting that she couldn't see or do. She was sure that she could find an equivalent for humans, however. After all, the first time a piece of Shabranigdo had been resurrected humans had been around, and there had to be spells from that era that were extremely powerful but hadn't been passed down through the generations. She knew that there were hundreds of ruined cities around the continent from that time, and those cities most likely housed libraries, which would contain spellbooks. If she could just get her hands on those spellbooks perhaps she would learn something that would help her defeat Monsters in the future. It was fairly likely that she would continue to have problems with the Monster race for the rest of her life, since she had been the downfall of so many already. She had a piece of Shabranigdo, Gaav, Hellmaster, Valgaav, Sherra, Orkalym, and Anemony under her belt, not to mention all the lesser Monsters, like Kanzel, Mazenda, and Saygram she had destroyed. Yes, the Monsters would undoubtedly come after her again, and she would no longer have the Beastmaster's priest to watch her back, as he seemed to have been fond of doing. She had realized over time that Xellos had. . .something. . .for her, but he was of no use to her now. He was only a shell of the man that he had been. The funny thing was, she realized as she walked along, the sun rising higher into the sky, she had actually liked him. His company hadn't been half bad. He was full of interesting information and was very smart. Of course, one had to be intelligent if he was going to manipulate people into doing exactly what he wanted them to, she supposed. Still, he had been nice, in an odd way, and it was never boring being around him. Well, all that was bound to change one day. They probably would have become mortal enemies at some point in time anyway. However, she could still recall every time he had touched her with those gloved hands of his. . .Scowling at herself, she cleared her mind of all thoughts save of her objective and decided to give none of her acquaintances a second thought until she reached her goal.
Several days later found her on her way back to the town she had left Xellos in. Her brief journey had been completely fruitless, mostly because she came to realize that she had no idea where the ancient cities were buried, and neither did anyone else. Only one person she knew would possibly be aware of such information, and she had left him behind to recuperate. She honestly hadn't intended to ever see him again, and had been utterly content to leave him behind forever. She needed the information, though, and so she had to see him again. A blush stained her cheeks as she thought about it. She wondered if he would have an opinion on the way she just up and left him. Well, it didn't matter if he did. She'd just show him exactly where he could shove his opinions.
Growling to herself, she rounded a corner and found herself at the edge of the town square. It was late evening, the sun beginning to sink below the horizon, and the shadows cast in the square were dark and long. She scowled at the late hour, thinking how she should find the inn and see if Xellos was still there, when she really looked at the town square for the first time. It was actually fairly broad for a town as small as this one, and it had the standard fountain in the center. This square, however, had a series of large T-shaped structures, off to the side of the square that was in the direction of the road, and on one of the structures hung a man. She hadn't approached from the highway, so she could only see his back. His wrists were tied at shoulder height to the top part of the T, bound with rope. His ankles were held to the vertical beam of the T with the same coarse rope and his feet were bare and dirty. He was shirtless and his head hung low so that she couldn't really make him out very clearly in the evening shadows. She was repelled by the brutality of the punishment, and she wasn't even sure the man was alive. A raven landed on the crossbeam of the T and cawed loudly, giving her the shivers. Very cautiously she moved around to the front of the man, looking up in apprehension, and nearly fell over when she recognized him. It was Xellos.
She was so shocked she just stood there for several moments and stared at him. He was filthy, bits of rotten fruit and dirt dried on his skin and in his hair, and his bare torso was covered with scrapes and bruises. He had several lacerations on his shoulders, hands, and feet, and it appeared that he had been beaten with some sort of weapon in the process. His shoulders seemed to be wrenched painfully, and she was certain that it wasn't fun to be hung in such a manner. But what had happened for him to merit this? Was he dead? she asked cautiously, approaching him from the front. Dread filled her at the thought that he wouldn't reply, and she wondered what she would do if he really was dead.
He opened an eye, his gaze clear and cold. Ah, Miss Lina, he said, voice weak. Lovely to see you again.
She couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not, so flat was his tone. I leave you for a few days and look what happens, she grumbled, trying to distract herself from the horror she felt at his condition. At least he didn't seem to be sick anymore.
Yes, well, the inhabitants of this town aren't very understanding, he replied.
How did this happen?
Let's just say I make a perfect scapegoat, Xellos muttered. I'd really much rather discuss this on the ground.
She got the hint and stepped forward, freeing his ankles first and then levitating to cut down his wrists. she asked, gently helping him to the cobblestones.
He laughed once, the sound hollow and bitter. As if this could ever get better, he said, lip curling.
He might talk like the old Xellos, but he certainly wasn't acting like him. Hey, I'm sorry. If I would have known they would do something like this I wouldn't have left you.
He glanced at her from under half-closed lids and smiled coldly. Don't lie, Miss Lina. It's unbecoming.
Anger raced through her and she scowled down at him. Shut up, she snarled. I'm not lying!
Then why did you leave?
Because I had things to do.
Then why did you return?
I came back for you.
Please, there needn't be deception between us. We've known one another far too long for that.
It's true!
He smiled then, relaxing into her arms. Then what do you need from me?
She blushed, hating how he was still able to determine her motives. You're the only one who can help me in my research. I was hoping you'd be willing to travel with me.
Ah. Well, I suppose that would be better than hanging around here, he said, and grunted in pain as he tried to move.
She put a hand on his shoulder, wincing inwardly at the suffering he must be going through. Hey, hold on. Let me heal you.
You can't heal what really hurts, he said coldly as he attempted to struggle against her.
She scowled and slapped him across the face. You shut up. I'm trying to help you.
He stared up at her, eyes wide with shock for several moments. That's why you slapped me? he asked pointedly.
She jostled him sharply, stomach lurching as his face contorted in pain. Oh, I'm sorry, she murmured, gently holding him by the shoulders and pulling him into her lap. She leaned over him and put her fingers lightly to his face, casting a healing spell. He looked up at her, his nose only an inch from hers, and she blushed deeply.
It's all right, he said halfheartedly, closing his eyes and relaxing into her touch.
She watched as the bruises slowly faded from his face, then moved her hands down and placed them flat on his chest. she murmured.
His eyes fluttered open, seeming endless in the darkness. he whispered, and her blush became even more intense.
In a few moments she had healed all of his wounds, which were relatively superficial as opposed to the ones he had suffered previously. That didn't mean they hadn't hurt him, however, and the thought of the villagers attacking him made her oddly angry. Can you stand? she asked, pulling her hands away as if his skin burned her.
he muttered, standing stiffly. He looked down at her, his face in shadow as his silky hair blew in the night wind. Thank you.
How did this happen?
He turned his face towards the road going out of town. Beasts showed up. Trolls and the like. They blamed me, the stranger, for their appearance. You know how these provincials are- when something happens that they can't explain they'll offer the newcomer up as a sacrifice if they think it will save their skins.
And?'
And so they beat me and tied me up, which is where I've been for the last few days.
Why didn't you fight them?
He turned to her, an expression on his face that she had never seen before. He actually seemed. . .sad. You helped me just to leave me again. I was condemned to life, nearly died, was healed, and nearly killed again. What reason did I have to fight? Why would I possibly want to continue existing?
I would think you'd have some sort of survival instinct.
He shook his head. I didn't want to feel it again, that horrible emptiness where such power used to be. I didn't want to reach out and grasp nothing.
She really didn't know what to say. I can't tell you to want to be mortal. However, that's the way it is, and you might as well make the best of it. Having been a mortal my whole life, I can tell you that I wouldn't have it any other way.
But why?
She sighed, looking up into his eyes. Why don't you come with me and find out?
He examined her for long moments, his eyes shining eerily in the shadows beneath his bangs. Very well, he said quietly. I will help you. I suppose there's nothing stopping me.
That's the spirit, she said, making a fist and holding it high. You might as well enjoy being human, since you're stuck like that.
He sighed, glancing around. So where to?
An evil grin spread across her face. Oh, we're not going just yet. I have some business to take care of.
she snarled gleefully, reaching out and grabbing his wrist. Let's go.
He made a small noise of surprise as she began to tow him through town, not stopping until they got to the in. She kicked in the door with a yell and barged in, glowering at the people assembled in the common room. Okay, where's that bastard innkeep? she bellowed.
It's the witch who brought that man! someone shouted, and suddenly swords were drawn and pointed at her.
Cover me! she called to Xellos, dashing into the fray. It had been so long she she had fought people that it seemed almost fun. It was certainly easier than fighting Monsters. She dodged one man's thrust and kicked another in the stomach, wishing that she had Gourry's swordsmanship at her back. A twinge passed through her as she thought of him, but she quickly pushed it away.
It's the demon! another man shouted, pointing at Xellos. They crowd moved past her and began to rush him, leaving her in their wake. She snarled and readied a spell when the look upon his face stopped her.
Xellos stood his ground, watching calmly as the mass of people came at him. Her breath stopped in her throat, and she wondered for a split second if he would give in or fight. Suddenly his face hardened, his jaw clenching, and he raised an arm, palm facing outward. She gasped as she felt immense power gather instantly, quickly casting a Ray Wing on herself. Xellos said softly, eyes cold, and the whole building was engulfed with flames. Some of the men on the fringes of the spell screamed and ran, bodies on fire as they fumbled about in a panic. Xellos slowly rose above the crowd with a lazy levitation spell, the long, lean lines of his body clean against the light of the blaze below him. He calmly looked from side to side, and Lina had never seen such heartlessness in anyone's eyes before in her life, not even when she witnessed him fighting Valgaav. In fact, the unholy, evil glee on his face when he fought Valgaav was far preferable to the emptiness she saw in him now. Calmly he pointed towards one of the men that was crashing about blindly and cast a quick spell. Lina gasped from her vantage point as the earth shifted and a spike of rock burst through the floor, impaling the man. She couldn't believe her eyes- she had just seen someone cast a Dug Haut from the air, something she would have thought impossible. It required immense power to do such a thing. Slowly the realization that Xellos might be more dangerous as a human dawned upon her. Without the forced loyalty that he had been burdened with as a Monster there was no telling what he would do. He had not had affinity for life when he was a Monster, but now that he was burdened with mortality he seemed to have even less of a problem destroying lives. All she could hope for was that he saw her as a friend and not an enemy.
Before she could blink it seemed to be over. She landed in a cold sweat, clenching her teeth as Xellos extinguished the flames of his Fireball with a wind spell. He turned toward her and she held her breath, wondering if he would now take his revenge for her leaving him behind. He stared at her for a moment, then broke out into the smile he had worn nearly constantly as a Monster. Well, I feel much better, he said brightly.
She shuddered. If this was his power as a mortal, what sort of might must he have possessed as a Monster? Uh, see? Was that so bad? She had been going to give the innkeep the thrashing of his life for betraying her orders and payment, but Xellos had done much more, and that fact frightened her quite a bit.
His face fell, his expression returning to one of melancholy. You don't understand, Miss Lina, he whispered, looking at the charred remains of the floor. You don't know what it's like to reach for your power and feel three-quarters of it missing.
She scowled and strode up to him, putting her hands on her hips and jutting out her jaw. I do so. Remember that spell Mazenda put on me? Do you think that was a good time?
He cocked his head, blinking down at her. I had forgotten, he said softly.
He stared at her long enough to make her uncomfortable. She turned away and coughed, looking around. Well, I guess there's not much left to do here. Why don't we find your stuff and get out of here?
All right, he said mildly, looking about at the sooty remains of the building.
Lina looked at him askance. Well, he might not be a Monster anymore, but he was definitely just as mercurial now as he was then. She supposed she'd never be able to predict his actions or moods, no matter what race he belonged to. Oh well, that was half the fun. She began to dig through the fallen timbers, hearing him rummage around opposite the building from her. she said, holding up his staff. The wood didn't have a single scratch on it.
Immediately he was at her side, gently removing the staff from her hand. Thank you, he murmured. I would have hated to lose this.
It's a part of me, he replied, running his shapely hands over the wood.
He grinned sheepishly, putting a hand behind his head. Well, it really used to be a part of me. It was actually an extension of my physical form when I appeared from the astral plane.
she said, not really sure how to respond.
He sighed and fingered the jewel set in the end. It's just a staff now, he muttered. Still, it's nice to have it back.
I'm glad, she said awkwardly, finding herself unduly distracted. She had never seen him without all his clothes on before, and he was far more muscular than she had imagined. She knew he was physically quite strong, judging by all the times he had held her during rescuing her, but she still hadn't expected him to be so cut. He wasn't big and brawny like Gourry, but quite impressive nonetheless. His many layers of clothing had apparently been hiding quite a bit.
Miss Lina? he asked, and she looked up at him, face stained with a blush.
Um, yeah?
I asked you where we were going to sleep tonight.
Oh, I suppose the woods is all right with me, she said. Are you feeling okay?
I'm still feeling a little weak, but I'm all right, he replied. We might as well move on.
Let's go, then, she muttered, and led the way out of town.
