A/N: Insert the standard "I don't claim the rights to these characters" spiel here. Beware, this story contains adult themes (i.e., big chunks o' lemon) and gets VERY explicit at times. Read at your own risk. Also, this story only covers the exploits of Lina and Xellos. Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis' adventures during the time frame that "Penance" takes place are detailed in a fic called "Pursuit of Merit", which is about halfway written but probably won't be done until '05. "Penance" is followed up by "Reckoning" and then "Absolution" series, all of which are available here on fanfiction.net.
You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.
Reviews are welcome!!
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A few days later they sat at a different inn, Lina puzzling over a map as Xellos sat beside her, quietly sipping his tea. I don't get it, she growled. There's supposed to be some ruins right here!
Xellos put down his cup and stood, moving around behind her and looking over her shoulder at the map. His silky hair brushed against her skin and she scowled to hide a blush. he muttered, reaching around her and tracing the lines on the map. She watched his long fingers move over the parchment and wondered where he had managed to find a pair of gloves identical to the ones he used to have. In fact, his entire wardrobe was fairly similar to what he had worn before.
she said, trying to look up at him.
He sat back down and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. Well, that map is completely wrong.
What? I paid good money for this map! I was assured it was accurate!
He shrugged, picking up his mug. How would the seller possibly have known? By the looks of it, this map was made a hundred years ago or so at the most. The towns have been gone for close to a thousand years.
Then where are the towns? she asked angrily. Despite his apparent depression, he still managed to annoy the hell out of her. Of course, it always frustrated her when people knew more than she did.
He gently took the map from her hands and pulled it over to him, frowning slightly as he examined it. he said, poking a hole in the map with a fork. Here, and here.
But all thats there is grass!
Miss Lina, these ruins are very, very old. Over the course of centuries, doesn't it make sense that they would be completely buried?
I guess so, she growled, crossing her arms over her chest. So how do we get to them?
He shrugged, taking a sip of tea. Dig, I imagine, he replied casually.
she mumbled. How long to walk there?
Two days to the nearest one.
Just wonderful, she spat.
He raised an eyebrow, looking at her over the rim of his cup. What's wrong?
She felt herself turn a deep color of red and scowled at the table. I won't be able to use my magic until a couple days after we get there, she muttered.
Why can't you. . .oh, he said, realization dawning on his face.
You'll have to handle the magic, she grumbled, looking to the side in embarrassment.
But, Miss Lina, when I cast-
Oh, shut up, she said hotly. I know that you don't like to use it because it reminds you of what you've lost and you don't like casting spells because they make you tired and you used to have a limitless supply of power blah blah blah. You don't have a choice and that's that, okay?
He seemed to slump slightly in his chair. Very well, he said, staring into his teacup.
She sighed and reached over to him, putting her hand on his forearm. she said as gently as she could. I can learn a lot from you. You know quite a few spells that have been lost to humans for a long time, and I'd like to see them. In exchange, you can learn how to enjoy being human from me. How does that work for you?
Fine, I suppose, he said.
Good, because your attitude is getting on my nerves. There are plenty of great things about being human.
If you insist. I shall try harder, he said.
Glad to hear it. Let's enjoy the rest of today and set out tomorrow. What do you say?
As you wish, he replied.
They stood on a hill overlooking the small plain, the sky bright and blue above them. Lina stopped beside him and turned her face to the sun, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. On days like this it's good to be alive, she murmured.
He looked at her askance, then turned his gaze to the plain. he asked.
She scowled and glared at him. Of course! she snapped.
He looked at her, confused, and she sighed, shaking her head. I apologize, he began, although he wasn't certain what he was apologizing for.
she growled, moving around him. She reached up and pulled back his hair, directing his face to the sun. He blushed at her touch and let her move his limbs. Now close your eyes.
All right.
He heard her take a deep breath behind him. Now, feel the sun on your face. Isn't it nice and warm? It's especially nice for this time of year. The warmth feels good on your skin, and the air smells wonderful and crisp. The world is quiet and peaceful, and you're here to see it. Isn't it lovely?
He stood very still for several moments, trying to find the pleasure in what she was relating. It was true, the sun did feel nicer on his skin than it had when he was immortal, but it didn't make him happy to be human. I suppose, he said, not wanting to upset her.
She shoved him and stormed a few paces away. You're impossible, she grumbled.
He watched her go, her fists flexing at her sides as she paced around. He didn't really want to be causing her stress, but he really didn't see the fun in being mortal. So what if the sun was nice and warm? He could have sensed that just as well as a Monster. I'm sorry, he called after her, lengthening his stride to catch up.
What in the hell are you looking for? she spat, shoulders hunched as she walked along.
He sighed and scratched his head. Miss Lina, I mean no offense, but you don't understand the glory of being a Monster. I miss my power and abilities. What I search for is something that is better than when I was a Monster.
She shook her head, her red hair flying every which way in the autumn wind. Well, I can't help you there. I don't know what it's like to be a Monster.
I know, he murmured, keeping pace with her.
She looked up at him them, her petite face suddenly solemn. You're not alone, Xellos. I know you don't feel a part of humanity yet, but you're not alone.
He closed his eyes and smiled down at her. Thank you, Miss Lina.
she grumbled, but a faint smile touched her lips.
They walked a bit farther and he stopped, tapping his staff on the ground. After a moment's observation, he decided that they were probably in the right location. Here, I believe, he said. The library was about here. You know, this would be much easier if you would tell me what it was you were searching for.
I can't, she said, coming to stand beside him, examining the dirt as if she could see through it.
Why not?
She looked up at him, a twisted grin on her face. Oh, I've waited so long for this, she murmured, eyes gleaming.
For what?
Oh, this is too good!
Ask me again.
Er, why not?
She broke out into muffled laughter, her entire body shaking with mirth. she chortled, It's a secret!
His eyes grew wide and he smiled bashfully, scratching at his cheek with a gloved finger. Oh, I see, he murmured.
Ha ha ha ha ha! she squealed, dancing around him. I finally got to say it to you! Take that!
Ah, yes, he sighed, still smiling uncertainly.
After several more minutes of dancing and carrying on she had calmed down somewhat. Oh, that was great, she said, wiping her eyes. So, you really remember this place?
he replied. It was a rather charming little town. They had wonderful dairy products here.
You traveled through here, then? Without hassle?
Yes, that's right, he said.
She shook her head. So you've basically already lived as a human before. Heck, we all thought you were human for a long time.
Well, yes. I suppose you're correct.
So get used to it, she said rather sharply.
He frowned slightly. Very well, Miss Lina. I'll try.
Whatever. Let's begin, shall we? she said, and began to tear up clods of dirt.
I have an easier way, Xellos said. He murmured a few words and walked around the area, concentrating. he declared, and pointed. He chanted a spell, thinking how queer it was to have to rely on other magic than his own powers, and planted his staff into the ground as deeply as he could. Lina gasped as the earth below them began to shake and part, his staff at the center. With a gesture he cast Levitation on both of them and they hovered above the rift in the earth. he said with a grin.
Okay, that was pretty good, Lina admitted, waiting as he lowered them into the crack. They began clearing away dirt with their hands until an old wooden door appeared. The library? she asked.
he replied. I don't know in what condition the books will be in, however.
It's worth a shot, she said, breaking down the door and stumbling inside. He followed her in, augmenting her light spell with his own, and looked around. The insides of the building were covered in dust and dirt, with part of the roof caved in. He turned, gazing up at the ceiling and remembering what it looked like the last time he had been there. Oh, here's some! Lina called, and he swiveled his body to face her.
he cried, holding out a hand as she shoved the heavy beam out of the way. She gasped as a large chunk of rock fell on her head and she crumpled to the ground as debris began to rain down upon her. He shouted a spell as quickly as he could, throwing all the power he could towards her, cold sweat running down his face as panic set in. She couldn't be hurt, she just couldn't be. Fear gripped his heart with icy fingers and he waited until he was certain his movement wouldn't cause a complete cave-in. When the dust cleared he made his way through the dirt and rocks, careful not to cause another chain reaction of rubble. His breath came in nervous bursts as he began to dig for her, heart tight in his chest. He could only hope his spell had been quick and strong enough. She was the only reason he had to stay alive. She had entertained him in the past, and perhaps would teach him how to have fun again in the future. Lina was still Lina, and just as riveting whether he was a Monster or not. he hissed, using his staff as a pry bar, and within a few moments she was in sight. He reached down and supported her head and neck with one hand, wrapping the other around her waist and gently pulling her out. He carried her over the debris and laid her down, removing his cloak and spreading it out. He positioned her on top of it, making sure they were in a stable section of the library, and wiped the dirt off of her face. She was breathing and she didn't appear to be bleeding anywhere. It seemed as if his spell had saved her. Miss Lina, wake up, he pleaded, clearing the hair away from her features.
There was no response and he held his fingers to her throat, finding her pulse thready and weak. He moaned and gathered her to him tightly, pressing his cheek against the dusty tangles of her hair. Despair reached up from inside of him and gripped his heart, warring with the fear he felt trying to overtake him. He was lost without her and he knew it. Miss Lina, he tried again, murmuring into her hair. Please wake up.
She still did not reply, her limbs slack in his embrace. What was he going to do? His face twisted in sadness and pain, and he looked around desperately. If he didn't do something she might not make it. He really had no clue how to tell if a human being was going to die or not, not unless he killed him. His eyes scanned the books, wondering if he had time to search for a healing spell. He laughed bitterly at the thought. As if he, a former Monster, would have any idea how to call upon white magic even if he did read about it in a book. No, his best bet was to get her to a town as quickly as possible. Hopefully someone there would know what to do for her.
Very carefully he gathered her up in his arms, making certain to support her neck and head. Her body was relatively light, and he let his gaze travel along the supple length of her slender limbs. Oh, his poor Lina. He hoped she wasn't in pain. Looking around one last time at the library, he ducked back through the door and floated upward through the crack he had made in the earth.
Once on the surface he set her down long enough to lash his staff to his back and arrange his leather satchel, then gathered her up again. The nearest town was to the south, he believed, and just as well. He still couldn't put enough distance between him and the town Lina had taken him from. As his long strides carried them towards civilization his thoughts floated back to what had transpired after she had abandoned him. She had intended to abandon him, he knew that no matter how she might deny it. It didn't really bother him that she had wanted to escape him, but he desperately wanted to know why. Why had she left him in such a weak state?
In the end it didn't matter, he supposed. He looked down into her face, thankful that there was no tension or pain in her features. He would hate for her to experience the agony he had felt while she was away from him. Oh, the priests had tended him well enough, and it had only been a short time before he had fully recovered. Once well, he really hadn't known what to do with himself, and had taken to spending his days sitting in the town square on a bench near the fountain, simply watching the populace in action. He hoped that by watching them go about their daily lives he could somehow learn what it meant to be human. Then the beasts had shown up, as he recalled they did from time to time in that region. What he hadn't recalled was the stupidity of masses of frightened humans. When the beasts appeared and began to slaughter the humans, they had immediately blamed him. He was the only newcomer in town, and didn't have a permanent home, employment, or even a last name. He had watched them come at him with axes and ropes, and was at a loss on what to do. Lina had left him, and he would probably never see her again. He knew that in order to fend them off he would have to use his magic, and then the awful void would confront him. He found that emptiness far worse than anything the humans could do. Therefore he had merely shut his eyes and steeled himself as the villagers rushed him beating him senseless in mere minutes. The next thing he knew he was hanging in the square, people pelting him with rotten food and rocks. Then the ravens had come, pecking at the morsels that clung to his skin and wounding him in the process. After a few days the beasts had gone away on their own, just as he knew they would, and the villagers, too, had abandoned him.
Then Lina had shown up once again, turning his world upside down. Just when he thought he knew the way things were going, she upset them. It had always been that way, however, even when he was a Monster. He looked down at her, the delicate curves of her face pale in the sunlight. He had always known that she was attractive, but why he had wanted her was her passion. In fact, he wasn't certain he had ever really studied her before on the physical plane. A small smile passed across his lips as he gazed upon her, watching the wind play through her hair. Was she worth it? Was staying with her worth being mortal? Suddenly he wasn't certain the answer was no, and so he turned his eyes back to the road, shoving such thoughts from his mind.
His physical body was much stronger and had far more stamina than he would have expected, but he supposed that thousands of years of using it had probably toughened it considerably. He still became tired after several hours of carrying her, and night would soon be upon them. The thought that he could cast a spell and speed their travel flitted across his brain, but he roughly shoved it away. He would use magic if he had to, such as to help Lina in her search or to save her, but he didn't want to encounter the void his Monster powers had left unless he absolutely had to. Stopping, he looked around, considering his options. He could speed their travel with magic, he could keep walking, or they could stop for the night. He hissed at the pain in his feet and the aches in his arms and back, and decided that walking was out of the question. There was a copse of trees nearby that would offer adequate cover and shelter. A glance at Lina told him that she would certainly have no opinion about their lodging, and so he adjusted his grip on her and strode off into the small wooded area. He gently set her on the ground and covered her with his cloak, quickly building a fire and fixing himself a small meal from the rations in his leather bag. As he closed his satchel he found himself wondering what had happened to the bag he had carried as a priest. The bag had actually been a portal into a sector of subspace, and he had some wonderful things stored in there. The space was unlimited as well, which would have served him well in his current situation. If he was capable of it he would have preferred to carry more generous meals, but there was no reason to be fretting about that now. Sighing, he packed up the remains of his supper and tended the fire, casting a concerned glance at Lina. If she did indeed have internal injuries in her skull he didn't want to leave her lying down. He was no expert on mortal anatomy, but he could envision the blood pooling at the back of her skull, leaving her dead for him to find in the morning. Choosing a tree near to the fire, he gathered her up, still wrapped in his cloak, and propped himself up. He positioned her with her head leaning against his shoulder, the rest of her cradled along his ribs and the inside of his hip, stabilized by his crossed legs. He gripped his staff horizontally with both hands and tried to get comfortable. With a sigh, he gazed down at her, watching with fascination as she breathed. Her body was warm and supple against him and he was suddenly filled with wonder. Lina was practically vibrating with life despite her condition, and he mused upon the puzzle that she was. She was fiercely alive, and he wondered for the first time if perhaps he could truly live as well. He smiled down at her and closed his eyes, pressing his lips to her hair and inhaling deeply of her warm scent. He wasn't sure if he could, but for her he would certainly try.
