A/N: Insert the standard "I don't claim the rights to these characters" spiel here. Beware, this story contains adult themes (i.e., big chunks o' lemon) and gets VERY explicit at times. Read at your own risk. Also, this story only covers the exploits of Lina and Xellos. Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis' adventures during the time frame that "Penance" takes place are detailed in a fic called "Pursuit of Merit", which is about halfway written but probably won't be done until '05. "Penance" is followed up by "Reckoning" and then "Absolution" series, all of which are available here on fanfiction.net.
You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.
Reviews are welcome!!
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He shivered madly as he bounded back across the blizzard-darkened room, the chilly air on his bare skin seeming unbearable after the warmth of the bed. Someone had the start the fire, though, and he just wished he would have taken the time to put on some sort of clothing. With a final leap he plunged back under the covers, snuggling close to Lina and stealing some of her warmth. She moaned and pushed against him, apparently wanting to have nothing to do with his cold skin. He rolled onto his side and watched her wake up, her ruby eyes fluttering open and focusing on him.
Good morning, Lina dearest, he whispered, running the back of his fingers over her cheek.
Oh, hey, she murmured. Were you up just now?
He nodded, running his hand through the hair at her temple. I had to start the fire, he replied softly, gazing at her as if she were the finest treasure the world had ever produced.
She stretched, her silken limbs grazing his skin, which was beginning to warm up again. Eh? Is it morning?
She sat up, peering about and tucking the covers around her chest. But it's so dark!
I fear the blizzard is still going on, he said gently, watching her antics as he supported his head on his hand.
But we'll be totally snowed in! What will we do then?
We already are snowed in. We have plenty of food for another week or so. Well, we have enough food for a month for me, but only a week for you.
Shut up, she growled, turning her attention back to him.
I don't think you need to worry, he murmured, laying his head back down on the pillow.
I'm losing too much researching time, she hissed, glancing out the window again.
We can find other things to keep ourselves occupied, he replied, gently reaching out and taking her around the waist. He pulled her under the covers and pressed her warm body against his, closing his eyes and snuggling into her neck. She sighed and relaxed, cuddling him back, her hand lazily wandering over the sculpted muscles of his upper arm.
It feels like we're a million miles away from the real world, she breathed.
He smiled and held her closer, enjoying the simplicity of just holding her, his legs entwined with hers underneath the heavy comforters. It's just the two of us, he agreed, his fingers lacing with hers, and he realized he had never just sat and held her hand. He had seen a lot of human couples do it, and he felt an odd closeness as he took her hand in his.
Where can this go, Xellos? What will you do once spring comes?
He shrugged, bringing her hand up to his lips and kissing it softly. Does it matter if this goes anywhere? he wondered aloud. Isn't the point to have fun?
I suppose, she said, eying him with skeptical scrutiny.
I don't really know what I'll do when the winter goes. Perhaps I'll wander the land, making talismans and charms and peddling my wares and knowledge. Maybe I'll seek fame and fortune. Who knows, I might even hire myself out to warring kings and make my living decimating armies. Really, I suppose the sky's the limit.
Her eyes wandered over his face and a blush appeared across the bridge of her nose. Well, I was thinking, she muttered.
You could wander with me, if you wanted to. If we happened to be going the same way, I mean.
He smiled and pressed against her more tightly. Well, if I happen to be going the right way, I might very well join you. Who knows, it might be fun.
It might be, she agreed, and the two of them lay in comfortable silence for several more hours, watching the snow fall outside as the fire in the hearth warmed the room.
After a meal, they both sat on the rug in front of the fire, not bothering to dress themselves. Xellos sat behind Lina, his legs cradling her on either side, and a thick blanket wrapped around both of their shoulders. See, look here, she said, pointing at a word in the heavy book she held, and he rested his chin on her silky shoulder, looking down his nose at the text.
What does it mean?
He squinted at it a little and wrapped his arms around her marginally more tightly. She was covering most of the page up with her hand, but finally he spied the word she was pointing at. he said after a few brief moments of thought. That's the closest translation I can come up with.
What's that?
What, soul-fire?
He pursed his lips and glanced up at the ceiling as he thought. Well, it's actually an archaic term for an astral body, of a sort, he replied slowly. Perhaps more like a melding of the astral body and the soul. You see, each living being not only has an astral body, but also an essence that is the same in both the astral and the physical plane. That's what everyone seems to refer to as a soul'. Why, is that part of a spell?
she said quickly, closing the book before he could glance at it again. He felt her put a subtle spell on the book. She couldn't lock it against him, but she could find out whether or not he had looked.
He stored her actions away in his memory for further examination, then sighed. Well, you can't get at the soul unless you destroy one of the bodies or another. I suppose that a person can express their soul and share it through using either the astral or physical body. Everyone's astral body looks different, also. You, for example, look very much like some sort of flame. Your outlines are constantly moving, but your body overall is strong and bright. You're fairly easy to spot.
And you? What did you look like on the astral plane?
He laughed softly, amazed that he could feel anything other than the pain of loss when he thought about his life as a Monster. I, my dearest Lina, was rather like a large, black cone.
She made a little gasping noise of completed mental association and looked over her shoulder at him. That's where those things came from! she breathed. Saygram's body warped in the shape of a cone before he died, and you used those during the whole Darkstar and Valgaav ordeal as well!
he said, reaching up and tapping her on the end of the nose. She scowled at him fiercely, causing him to laugh at her. So, why do you need spells like that, Lina? he asked, chortling softly. Why are you so interested in the astral plane?
I really don't want- she began.
Why would you possibly need to manipulate astral energy, Lina dearest? he asked, all signs of mirth sloughing away. To what end do you search for astral spells?
She kissed him by way of an answer, turning in his arms. Grabbing the back of his neck, she leaned back and pulled him down on top of her, and thoroughly distracted him so that his question lay in his mind, forgotten, for a couple of more hours.
It's never been like that, she muttered, her breath still coming in short bursts as she covered her face with her hand.
Xellos rolled to the side and pulled her close to him, watching the fire in the hearth leap playfully. You mean it was never like that with Gourry, he said, his heart constricting in his chest, and he had to make a conscious effort not to grip her with everything he had.
She didn't move or even tense up, and when she finally spoke it was with numb resignation. You knew, then.
I could smell him on your skin, Xellos murmured. It was a different sort of feeling for me, back then.
I see.
You left him.
There was another long silence. There were things I had to do. There still are.
And you're worried that Gourry might not be the man for you.
That's part of it.
Xellos quietly mulled everything over in his head, the machinations of his brain speeding along. So, she had felt tied down, and so had freed herself completely instead of struggling onward. It made perfect sense to him. Therefore, if he didn't want to repeat Gourry's mistake, he would have to let her go if he wanted to keep her. Well, then, I hope you find the perfect man. Best of luck.
She squirmed slightly in his arms. You don't want to be that man?
A rush of heated satisfaction flooded through him, pleased that he could still get people to do exactly what he wanted them to. Oh, I'm not what you need, I think. After all, I'm far too powerful, for one. I know you wouldn't want to play second fiddle. I'm also not going to let you run my life. Besides, I think you'd rather get treasures all by yourself, instead of splitting the spoils of marauding with someone else.
His words had the effect he had hoped they would. She turned in his embrace and looked up into his face, expression full of wrath. I'll have you know, mister, that you're not that much stronger than me, and you won't be at all for much longer, especially if I can get the spell, I mean, once I get my research finished. And who are you to make judgments for me? I generate my own decisions, thank you very much, she snapped. I'll say who's the perfect man for me.
I know, he whispered, reaching out a hand and smoothing out her unruly hair. I understand your mind, Lina, and what drives you. No other being on this planet can claim to do that.
Her eyes grew wide and he saw something flickering in their depths. Oh, why was this woman so important to him? Why was he willing to do so much just to see her smile? she whispered, and craned her head to kiss him.
