A/N: Insert the standard "I don't claim the rights to these characters" spiel here. Beware, this story contains adult themes (i.e., big chunks o' lemon) and gets VERY explicit at times. Read at your own risk. Also, this story only covers the exploits of Lina and Xellos. Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis' adventures during the time frame that "Penance" takes place are detailed in a fic called "Pursuit of Merit", which is about halfway written but probably won't be done until '05. "Penance" is followed up by "Reckoning" and then "Absolution" series, all of which are available here on fanfiction.net.

You can view this story in its un-chaptered form at my website, also. I went back and broke it up into chapters because I was getting complaints that it was too long. Sorry if the chapter divisions seem awkward in places, or if some chapters seem too short or too long. That's what happens when you write a story without chapter divisions, and then later chop it up.

Reviews are welcome!!

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He sat next to the fire, prodding the burning timbers with a stick as he watched her silently. She was still unconscious and he was starting to worry. It had been several hours since he had come to, Lina resting her head on his abdomen amongst every single white magic talisman he owned. She had certainly gone all out for him, that was for certain.

As he looked down at her, he wondered if she would have used those new spells on him, had he still been a Monster. He had still been conscious for the whole ordeal and had seen what she did. Even though he could no longer actually see on the astral plane, his senses concerning that state of being were still unnaturally sharp. The first spell she had cast bound Easwied's astral form, restricting all movement on that plane. It was a simple spell, but required quite a bit of power to maintain. Lina obviously had that power. It was more effective the larger the astral body, actually, which was why it had worked so well. He was not surprised that a fool like Easwied had been bound by it.

The second spell she had woven stretched the Monster's astral form, tightening it into segments, much like he had seen butchers section off sausages. The second spell hadn't been as clean- she must not have perfected it yet. Still, it divided the Monster's power somewhat, which was, as he knew, an excruciating experience. He wondered if she was aware of how much astral division hurt. He had thought he was going to be obliterated altogether when his mistress separated him from his astral form when turning into a human, it was so painful. Lina had assured Easwied an agonizing death when she cast the second spell.

With the astral body trapped and somewhat segmented, it was easy to destroy the whole thing with a spell like the Ragna Blade. A Rah Tilt would have worked as well, since the second spell basically turned one big, strong astral form into several little ones. Once Lina had divided Easwied, even one of her friends, like Zelgadis or Amelia, could have destroyed the Monster. It wouldn't work as well on a Dark Lord, since their astral forms were most likely too big for even the segmentation spell to be completely successful, but it would have helped a lot. She had almost tried a third spell, he had felt it, but hadn't known for certain what it was supposed to do. He suspected that it would disintegrate the astral segments of a Monster's body, but he couldn't be sure. He was, however, suddenly far more confident that he knew what was in the books she was looking for.
A cold shiver ran the length of his spine and he looked at her passionlessly, not knowing how he felt. A part of him understood the logic of her quest; after all, most of his former race was out to get her, and it only made sense for her to try and protect herself and those she cared about. However, she was using that spell against his former people, and although Monsters didn't really care about one another, they still felt loyalty to the race. He might be a human at present, but he hadn't always been that way, and it was difficult to bear watching a human defeat one of his previous kind. It was also hard to swallow that a mere human had beaten a Monster, even one of Easwied's power, not to mention that he, who still had significantly more power than she did, had not even come close to defeating his opponent. And, to top it all off, it was his former mistress who had tipped the Monster off to his whereabouts. That meant two things: one, she was watching him and knew where he was at all times, and two, she most likely had some other purpose in mind when she sent Easwied on his trail. He scowled into the night, stirring the embers at the edge of the fire with his stick. Damn them all; wasn't there anyone in this world that he could count on?

A wry smile crossed his face, but it held no humor. He hadn't needed to count on anyone when he was a Monster. Now, however, the game had changed. Humans needed one another, and he was one of them. He realized that he finally understood why Lina was so much more powerful than most other humans. Lina counted on her friends to watch her back, and they did so. Together they were far more formidable than a lone human. Just look at what they had accomplished as a team. He had been a part of that team, whether he had been aware of it or not. Still, now that he knew for certain what Lina was up to, could he rely on her? He wasn't sure what the worst part of his penance for his mistakes was- to be punished for his actions against his own kind, the loss of his power and his immortality, or to come to understand that even the people that one held dearest were capable of deception. Oh, there were ugly, ugly sides to humanity, as dark and unholy as any Monster. Humans, it seemed, were both angels and demons.

He sighed and glanced over at Lina again. So she hadn't betrayed him, exactly. In fact, he owed her his life. He had seen the tears form in her eyes, and she had fought so hard to protect him. He actually meant something to her, he realized, and she meant the same to him. It was time to let it go entirely, he decided. He had a choice: he could worry about the ramifications of her spell against the Monster race, and decide to turn against her out of loyalty to a people that was no longer loyal to him, or he could join her and finally embrace his humanity. It was a simple choice, really, life with Lina or life without Lina. As he lay dying in the dirt, body wracked with pain and mild shock that he actually had blood, that he was actually bleeding to death, his mind had turned to all the small moments he had shared with her over the past months, such as the feel of her breath on the skin of his chest, or her hand in his. Hovering on the edge of oblivion, he decided that it had been worth it. All the horror, disappointment, and pain of being human was worth being with her. He knew that she was the only person he would ever be able to feel that for.

And so, as he sat by the fire and studied the woman that had changed his life, he chose Lina. At that moment she stirred softly, groaning and holding her head. After a few minutes she sat up slowly, wincing at the bright light from the fire. She seemed to come back to consciousness fully and looked around, eyes frantic until they came to rest on him. He smiled at her gently and she staggered to her feet, face beaming. she cried, and lurched over to him, falling into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. He hugged her back, closing his eyes and listening to her breathe. Yes, it was worth it. She was the right choice to make.

Suddenly she leaned back and grabbed him by the collar, shaking him back and forth for all he was worth. Don't you ever do something stupid like that again! she shouted, baring her teeth. I almost lost you, do you know that?

But, Lina dearest, he protested, holding up his hands.

Shut up! I won't tolerate that sort of behavior ever again, do you understand me?

He gathered her back into his arms and looked down at her face. I never want to be lost by you, he murmured. Thank you. You saved me.

I'll always save you, she said gruffly, running a hand through her hair, but she smiled as he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. After all, what would I do without you?

He smiled for real then, meeting her eyes and seeing himself answered. Be terribly bored, he replied, moving aside her thick mane and kissing her throat.

We should get out the blanket, she murmured, watching as his fingers slowly opened her shirt and bared her chest.

I'll keep you warm, he whispered against the skin between her breasts, and not another word was spoken until after the sun rose the next day.

Are you all right? he asked a week later, watching Lina emerge from the bushes. She had been ill consistently for several days, but it always seemed to pass by mid-day.

I'm fine, she growled, looking miserable as she trudged back onto the road. Are we there yet?

We'll leave the main road sometime mid-afternoon, I imagine, he replied, walking over to her and rubbing her back. He was very worried about her, especially since she had never been sick in the entire time he'd known her. If she fell seriously ill he really didn't know what to do. It was very unlike her to be unwell, and it disturbed him deeply. In fact, her vomiting wasn't the only thing wrong with her, he realized. Her breasts had become just slightly swollen and were very tender when he touched them during their lovemaking, and he wondered if she hadn't contracted some sort of disease.

She groaned and leaned back into his touch, closing her eyes. That feels good, she murmured. He smiled and massaged her more vigorously, more moans of pleasure reward enough for him.

Are you sure there isn't anything more I can do? he asked softly, kissing the top of her head.

She turned around and leaned her cheek against his chest, putting her arms about his trim waist. I'm sure, she murmured into his shirt. But thanks.

Anything you need me to do, I will, he said, holding her close. It seemed as if he lived for these moments, anymore. If he thought they were close during the winter, it was nothing compared to what they shared now. She had slowly begun to show him how she felt about him after their battle with the Monster, and his past happiness seemed like a shadow when juxtaposed with his joy at present. Lina was his world, and as long as she was happy, the rest of life could wait.

I know, I know, she muttered, pushing away from him and starting back down the road. He lengthened his step and caught up with her, walking alongside as she took his arm. They strolled along in companionable silence unti he finally signaled them to leave the path.

It took them most of the afternoon to beat their way through the thick forest, the vegetation of which bordered on jungle. Couldn't we ever go to ruins that are easy to find? Lina growled, pushing some vines out of the way.

If they weren't hidden, odds are people would still live there, he replied mildly.

Shut up, she snapped in return, blushing, and he smiled. She was so darling and indignant when he pointed out silly statements she had made. He took the lead, whacking plants out of the way with his staff and making sure she didn't slip on anything.

See, it wasn't so bad, he said, gesturing at some stones that jutted out of the forest floor.

She blinked at the stones for several moments before glaring at him with a raised eyebrow. You're a foot taller than I am. Of course it wasn't hard for you to crawl over all those damn logs! she snarled.

He sighed and examined the stones.

Well what? Don't tell me this is it.

He levitated to the tops of the trees, unable to see anything but where the road cut across the land a few miles to the west and a hilltop, bare except for a couple of trees, a short distance away. I'm afraid so, he replied, landing lightly next to her. This is where your books should be.

She turned around, studying the small clearing. But there are two sets of ruins.

So there are. One set must be older than the other.

Which one do we look in?

I really don't have the faintest. Didn't it say anything in the first books you read?

No. I guess we'll have to look in both. I'll take the one on the left.

All right, be careful, he said, eying the ruins skeptically.

I'm always careful, she answered, not even bothering to turn around as she waved at him. He watched her slip into the half-buried cracks of the ruins before plunging in himself.

The ruins were dank and cold, the walls and floors lined with slippery algae and water. Foul, still air met his nose at every turn, and he raised the corner of his cloak to his nose to protect himself from the stink. His light spell reflected off the slick walls, making it difficult to search for hidden passages. Even if he found where the books had been kept, he doubted he would find the volumes. Unlike Lorander, these ruins were completely unprotected, and the damp of the forest had most likely caused the books to decay. He wasn't sure he wanted to stay in the ruins much longer anyway. When he had placed his hand on some of the stones for balance the rock had crumbled beneath his grip and entire tunnels had shaken. Lina was most likely in the same situation, and the thought made him turn around immediately.

Just as he did so, the entire ruin shook, obviously a tremor of something large falling. He stood perfectly still, waiting for it to pass as the others had done, but instead it grew stronger. Tendrils of cold shot down his spine and paralyzed him as he realized what was happening. The ruins were collapsing, which was starting a domino effect. If he didn't get out soon, the entire place would be rubble and he'd be crushed along with it. He braced himself against a column as the shaking continued, noticing with horror that it wasn't his ruin that was caving in. That meant only one thing- Lina was in danger.

he screamed, immediately breaking out into a run, completely heedless of the slippery floors or dangerous tremors. He considered just blasting a hole straight to her, but he had no idea where she was and didn't want to risk making the collapse worse. Lina was a survivor, and he was sure she was on her way to the exit. Still, after so much time, she was certainly deep within the ruins and no amount of running would save her. Even if she managed to cast a spell in time to keep herself from being crushed, she would run out of oxygen unless he could free himself, locate her, and blast her out of the rubble without killing her.

he shouted again, knowing she couldn't possibly hear him. He tripped on an outcropping and tumbled, skinning his hands and knees on the porous floor. He scrambled to his feet and continued to run, lungs burning and heart racing as he desperately tried to find his way out. He had to save her, he just had to. Life would be so utterly dull without her, and he would be alone, so alone. She was all he had, and she was worth anything he could do to save her. The rumbling became too violent for him to stand, and so he cast a quick spell, speeding through the darkened tunnels. Oh no, he knew she was trapped, he could feel it in his bones, and there was no way he could get to her before she died. It was over, everything was over, and there wasn't a single thing he could do about it. Burning tears formed in his eyes and streamed down his face. He couldn't reach her in time. He hoped with every fiber of his being that she wasn't afraid or already dead. Oh please let him be in time, he said silently, chanting her name like a protective mantra inside his head. He had to save Lina, but there was no possible way. . .

Just as his lungs felt like they were about to burst from his mad sprinting and massive expenditure of magical energy he was struck down by excruciating pain, falling into a writhing heap on the dank floor of the collapsing tunnel. Rock rained down upon him as every nerve in his body was set aflame, agony completely taking over his consciousness. He screamed as the pain burned into him, shaping him, and suddenly it was there, the vast darkness of the astral plane, like a sea of power before him.