OK, this is my first CSI fanfic, so please be nice. I think it will be the
first chapter of 3, but we shall see (
I know there is another G/S fanfic that uses the song "Love soon" by John
Mayer, but this is different ( So I'm sorry to the original author, I'm not
plagiarizing!
Something I've realized since the day I came to Vegas is that life will not always go the way we want it to. I mean, who would've thought, 3 years ago, that Grissom and I would be the way we are now. Somehow though, I can't bring myself to do anything more than I've already done. Maybe I'm afraid, embarrassed, who knows? Whatever's wrong with me though, it's really not helping our situation. My internal optimist was picturing us together by now, and happy. Pessimistically speaking though, I should have seen this coming, and I feel like a fool.
My friends say that I should move on, find someone who can deal with caring for me, someone with social skills. Perhaps what they don't realize is this; though I may hide it, I am just as socially inept as he is.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Sara, can you turn some music on?" I nodded at Nick as he continued driving to the club. The whole team was going apparently, and so I got dragged along too.
Throughout the rest of the ride, I kept flicking radio stations, as restless in my music choice as in my personal life. I was glad to get to the club, and as I got out of the car, I scanned the dark parking lot. I couldn't see Grissom's car, but that didn't mean much.
"Maybe he caught a ride with Catherine." I winced at Nick's words - partly because I was being so transparently obvious with my feelings, and partly because Nick was probably right, and Grissom was spending time with Catherine.
"Who?" I answered Nick, trying to appear oblivious.
"Yeah right, Sara." Nick smirked at me "I am not that stupid." Nick finished, turning and leaving me standing in the parking lot as he walked towards the club.
"Hey Nick" I called after him. "Nick, wait up!" I called, running after him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The club was dark and, as we walked in, I had to wait for my eyes to adjust in order to be able to see the rest of the team. They were sitting in the corner around a large table, talking animatedly. Catherine and Warrick were leaning in close to each other - presumably in order to hear what the other was saying. Greg was flirting with one of the other club patrons, and before I knew it, Nick was walking over to join him. I walked slowly over to the table, trying to find someone to talk to amongst the tangle of people at our table.
Eventually I headed reluctantly over to the very corner of the room - where Grissom was sitting. It's really kind of ironic, and is a great example of the socially inept 'wallflowers', that Grissom and I were the two people to be sitting in the dark corner of a crowded club, while our workmates had fun around us. But that's how it went. Grissom didn't say a word while I sat there, choosing to merely nod at me, and continue his listless staring around the room.
As I had noone to talk to, I soon began to pay attention to the music that was being played by a young woman on the stage at the front of the club. She was holding a guitar and leisurely singing along to her own strumming.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I know you've been sworn
I read your complaint
you're needing someone older
and though I've been warned to live day by day
there's something taking over
did you expect to kiss me one time
while looking at me with the same eyes ever again?
so come on and face it
so come on and face it
it's time that we say it
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The song caught my attention, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that Grissom's attention was also on the music. The song was so representative of how I felt about Grissom, and our relationship that I nearly cried.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
you can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now
it's what we are
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As the song continued, my stomach started to clench. The frustration of the years previous was compounding, to the point where I felt tears well up behind my eyes. I couldn't look in Grissom's direction, because I knew that he would be looking off into space, not bothered by the words of the song, as they didn't mirror his feelings. I was alone in a sea of pain that I found so easy to ignore at work, but that began to drown me within the confines of a dark, smoky club.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Your mother complains that you need a woman
you haven't mentioned me yet
and all of your friends don't know who I am
I've been your best kept secret
I understand I wasn't part of the plan
a dollar short, a minute early
but I'm your woman
so come on and face it
so come on and face it
it's time that we say it
you can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now
it's what we are
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I turned my head towards the corner of the room as tears began to spill down my face. I just couldn't stand it anymore. There would be no 'soon' for Grissom and I, which had been made perfectly clear by the succinct 'no' I received upon my dinner invitation to Grissom.
And to make matters even more pathetic, I couldn't get over him. I would spend all of my life alone because I couldn't get over a man that didn't want me. All I could hear in my brain was that simple mantra: "He doesn't want you".
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
let's bypass the bullshit and move on because
the minute hand moves faster than you think it does
and by no fault of yours and by no fault of mine
the bottom line is laying in the bed that we've been playing in tonight
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As my sobbing began to worsen, I knew that I had to leave. His presence and that song. I was dying inside.
I wanted, more than anything, to be wrapped in his arms as I cried, but I couldn't be. I would never have that memory, and I was so jealous of the woman that would. Lady Heather, Terri Miller.
I stood up and walked quickly toward the exit of the club. I had to leave, maybe for good.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
you can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now
it's what we are
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Something I've realized since the day I came to Vegas is that life will not always go the way we want it to. I mean, who would've thought, 3 years ago, that Grissom and I would be the way we are now. Somehow though, I can't bring myself to do anything more than I've already done. Maybe I'm afraid, embarrassed, who knows? Whatever's wrong with me though, it's really not helping our situation. My internal optimist was picturing us together by now, and happy. Pessimistically speaking though, I should have seen this coming, and I feel like a fool.
My friends say that I should move on, find someone who can deal with caring for me, someone with social skills. Perhaps what they don't realize is this; though I may hide it, I am just as socially inept as he is.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Hey Sara, can you turn some music on?" I nodded at Nick as he continued driving to the club. The whole team was going apparently, and so I got dragged along too.
Throughout the rest of the ride, I kept flicking radio stations, as restless in my music choice as in my personal life. I was glad to get to the club, and as I got out of the car, I scanned the dark parking lot. I couldn't see Grissom's car, but that didn't mean much.
"Maybe he caught a ride with Catherine." I winced at Nick's words - partly because I was being so transparently obvious with my feelings, and partly because Nick was probably right, and Grissom was spending time with Catherine.
"Who?" I answered Nick, trying to appear oblivious.
"Yeah right, Sara." Nick smirked at me "I am not that stupid." Nick finished, turning and leaving me standing in the parking lot as he walked towards the club.
"Hey Nick" I called after him. "Nick, wait up!" I called, running after him.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The club was dark and, as we walked in, I had to wait for my eyes to adjust in order to be able to see the rest of the team. They were sitting in the corner around a large table, talking animatedly. Catherine and Warrick were leaning in close to each other - presumably in order to hear what the other was saying. Greg was flirting with one of the other club patrons, and before I knew it, Nick was walking over to join him. I walked slowly over to the table, trying to find someone to talk to amongst the tangle of people at our table.
Eventually I headed reluctantly over to the very corner of the room - where Grissom was sitting. It's really kind of ironic, and is a great example of the socially inept 'wallflowers', that Grissom and I were the two people to be sitting in the dark corner of a crowded club, while our workmates had fun around us. But that's how it went. Grissom didn't say a word while I sat there, choosing to merely nod at me, and continue his listless staring around the room.
As I had noone to talk to, I soon began to pay attention to the music that was being played by a young woman on the stage at the front of the club. She was holding a guitar and leisurely singing along to her own strumming.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I know you've been sworn
I read your complaint
you're needing someone older
and though I've been warned to live day by day
there's something taking over
did you expect to kiss me one time
while looking at me with the same eyes ever again?
so come on and face it
so come on and face it
it's time that we say it
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The song caught my attention, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that Grissom's attention was also on the music. The song was so representative of how I felt about Grissom, and our relationship that I nearly cried.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
you can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now
it's what we are
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As the song continued, my stomach started to clench. The frustration of the years previous was compounding, to the point where I felt tears well up behind my eyes. I couldn't look in Grissom's direction, because I knew that he would be looking off into space, not bothered by the words of the song, as they didn't mirror his feelings. I was alone in a sea of pain that I found so easy to ignore at work, but that began to drown me within the confines of a dark, smoky club.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Your mother complains that you need a woman
you haven't mentioned me yet
and all of your friends don't know who I am
I've been your best kept secret
I understand I wasn't part of the plan
a dollar short, a minute early
but I'm your woman
so come on and face it
so come on and face it
it's time that we say it
you can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now
it's what we are
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I turned my head towards the corner of the room as tears began to spill down my face. I just couldn't stand it anymore. There would be no 'soon' for Grissom and I, which had been made perfectly clear by the succinct 'no' I received upon my dinner invitation to Grissom.
And to make matters even more pathetic, I couldn't get over him. I would spend all of my life alone because I couldn't get over a man that didn't want me. All I could hear in my brain was that simple mantra: "He doesn't want you".
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
let's bypass the bullshit and move on because
the minute hand moves faster than you think it does
and by no fault of yours and by no fault of mine
the bottom line is laying in the bed that we've been playing in tonight
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As my sobbing began to worsen, I knew that I had to leave. His presence and that song. I was dying inside.
I wanted, more than anything, to be wrapped in his arms as I cried, but I couldn't be. I would never have that memory, and I was so jealous of the woman that would. Lady Heather, Terri Miller.
I stood up and walked quickly toward the exit of the club. I had to leave, maybe for good.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
you can cross the line whenever you want to
I'm calling it love soon
close your mind and waste some time if you have to
I'm calling it love soon
it's not about you now
it's what we are
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
