A/N- Ok I want to kill my grammar and spell check, it has this mean issue with me, (I think they have a plot to kill me!) Well I'm in the process of trying to fix what ever the hell is wrong with it! (I can never manage to fix the damn thing, my computer is like brand new and it does this to me! I swear those computer buddies are ganging up on me.)

Mommy Dearest

Jess went home that night after talking to his mother for awhile, she was going to come by the next day to see the apartment and catch up some more. It was scary to think he was just talking to his mother a few hours ago. He lye in bed looking at the ceiling, it was an ordinary ceiling white, much like everyone else's ceilings. But tonight it felt different lying in the bed, he shifted away from Rory who was nuzzled on his chest, looked at her soft face, she moaned softly due to his absence. He gently touched along her cheek and he saw her lips curve gracefully. He smiled as her eyes gently opened her eyes, those blue eyes could light up a room, they where like the bottom of a flame steady, electrical blue flaming with this beauty that was indescribable, even asleep she was pure radiant. He smiled as she started to sit up, he did the same he didn't mean to wake her it just happened, he wondered if she was having trouble sleeping as well.

"Hi," she whispered in her sleepy state. She smiled and moved closer to him. She touched his face tenderly, with that loving look shed always gave him when he was restless much like he was tonight. "You ok?" She knew he was troubled by his mother's visit maybe it brought back childhood memories. She didn't know much about his childhood, she didn't know how he felt about it and he didn't seem to be very open about it so she didn't push the subject.

He looked and her and nodded, there was so much he wanted to tell her, but he didn't know who. "I'm fine," He said softly. "She comes back and expects it to be fine." He mumbled quickly, hoping she wouldn't really catch on to his insanity.

She heard what he said so she decided to ask, "Do you wanna talk?" Ah, there is a new concept, it would help him if he told her how he felt, and it would better for the both of them.

He looked at her for a minute then decided to give it a try, "Did you ever hate your mom or wish she was someone else?"

She looked at him; he looked puzzled like his mind was on one thing and only one thing. But she didn't know how to answer his question; she never really hated her mom like she thought he might of. She never wanted her mom to be any different either. "No, I love her to much." That was the only thing there was to say.

Jess looked at her, of course she didn't want a different mom she had a normal childhood, he loved Liz but, there where things he wished she wasn't. "Despite how much you love her."

Rory nodded, "What was she like Jess?"

Jess looked at her and then he went back to that one thought that had invaded his thoughts ever scene she walked in the bar door.

~Flashback~

He was all of five she was about twenty-four. He sat on the couch of their tiny apartment in the city, the couch was blue, a deep royal blue. He never forgot anything about that room, day, or those years. But this day was one of the worst, that whole year had been filled with pure hell things a five-year-old child shouldn't experience. He remembered being hungry due to the lack of food, he remembered her lack of control over simple things, most of all he remembered her. That day August 5, 1987 she went crazy.

He sat watching her while she walked through the living room, at least three times. She was shaking uncontrollably. She hollered at him for doing something that he didn't do. She walked into the kitchen, and grabbed a glass filled it with water and went to have a sip. She was shaking so back that the water went over the rim of the cup, and all over the floor, 'Fuck' she yelled at the top of her lungs and through the glass to the floor, it shattered and went all over.

She walked into the living room and grabbed him by the arm, she grabbed him so hard she left bruises but that was nothing compared to what was coming. She dragged him across the floor toward the kitchen, he screamed for her to stop but it just egged her on, making her tug at his arm harder than before. He was a tiny child growing up, probably due to not eating enough, so she could easily hurt him just like she was doing. She screamed at him 'Look what you made me do!' she pointed at the floor and tugged for him to get up, 'Mommy, I swear I didn't do it' he cried out while the tears rushed down his cheeks, 'Mommy, please your hurting me.' She didn't stop though she dragged him to his room and threw him on the bed. 'Your grounded!' she screamed and belted him across the face, and hit him several more times, his small body was battered and bruised, he curled up into a ball and rocked him self. His body hurt all over, his lip was split and his nose was bleeding. He had welts and bruises all over him. He cried, and wished his mom were someone else; he hated her so much for what she had just done to him.

End of flash back

Jess stared down at the floor breathing heavily. He touched his lip and swore it was bleeding. He looked over at his arm, where the bruise had been it was no longer there he was finally away from that hell.

Rory watched him; he looked like he was in another world one she had never been to, and by the looks of him, one she never wanted to be to. "Jess,"

He looked up at her, he looked so scared like a beaten down dog. The look of horror on his face was evident he was in another time zone. "She was a junkie," he whispered.

She pulled him close to her, that was the only thing left to do, but her pulled away.

He looked at her and then looked away, "She loved it, more then she loved me."

"Oh, Jess its ok," she said softly.

"What happened?"

He told her his memory, he told her his secrets that no one ever knew about. He finished his story with, "That wasn't the only time she beat the shit out of me," he looked away, that was that past the bitter past and that was why he wished she was someone different.

She pulled him close this time he didn't pull away he buried his head in her shoulder, he didn't cry he just breathed.

She kissed his hair, and gently rubbed his bareback. "I'm so sorry, Jess." she whispered into his hair. "You need some sleep,"

Jess pulled her downward with him and they landed on the bed, he pulled the bedspread up to their necks and pulled her close, "I never want to do that to our kids, no child should ever have to go through what I did." he said softly.

"Shhh, you would never do that," She never had a doubt in the world that he would make a great father.

Jess closed his eyes and pulled her even closer to him. He could feel her heart, as a child it didn't matter how close he was to his mother he never felt her heart.

~

Jess woke up the next morning, at least he didn't have to go to work today, this was his last day off and then he'd have to go back to work again Rory was still pulled close to him and he could still feel her heart. She shifted and moaned, in her tired way.

"Hi," she mumbled. She got on top of him and straddled him, she leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. "I love you," He smiled and quickly rolled over on top of her. He kissed her, "Not as much as I love you," he said as he went to kiss her then pulled away playfully, teasing her.

She finally got a hold of his lips she loved it when he would tease her. He'd nip on her bottom lip and she smile as she kissed him. She broke the kiss and looked deeply into his eyes, his eyes where still mysterious but, not as much as they where before, those black eyes peering back at her where still so deep and full of passion and sorrow, but know there was a little something missing however, it added more beauty to him. What it was made him seem braver to her. She now knew why he was the way he was, what Jess went through as a child was horrible, no five year old should have to deal with that and the anger for the woman who did that to him grew inside of her.

Jess looked into her eyes and smiled, he felt somewhat relived he never told anyone about those terrible times, it was too much to bear. He was glad he could tell her though he needed someone to tell. She seemed to be in thought, of what he did not know. She was always in thought. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to be like her lost in thought, but always able to meet the destination spot, it was actually quite amazing.

She left her thoughts when she saw him, smiling like she was from another planet. "What?" she said quickly.

"Your radiant," he said with his strong manly man voice.

She smiled at his new language, "Very 1600's of you."

"I know, its very inspiring, I feel like writing a poem about your pupils," he said in a humorous voice.

She laughed at his retarded humor. "I'm sure," she said with a laugh. She felt so hungry, yet so full she wasn't sure what she wanted. But then again maybe she felt full because he was crushing her. "I'm hungry, and your crushing me."

"Oh," He said quickly, he got off of her. "What do you want for breakfast?" he asked as he got off the bed he turned around to face her.

She sat up on her knees, and looked at him. He stood there, just stood. "Jess, I'm sorry she did that to you." She said meekly.

He looked at her and he let out a breath. " Its ok, its my past its not your fault,"

She smiled up at him, "I'm still sorry," she said quickly.

He nodded. She got off the bed and they walked into their tiny yet lovely little kitchen. Actually it wasn't lovely it was pure shit, but it was theirs.

Jess sat at one end of the table and she sat on the other, She looked at him while they ate their cereal, "What else did she do?" Rory was curios she wanted to know, but she didn't want to push him. "You don't have to tell." He cut her off, by starting his story.

Once again he thought about his past.

~ Flashback~

'Jimmy, You need to take him! I can't do this anymore,' she yelled into the phone, 'No, I can't,' she said louder. 'You son of a bitch! I can't I'm addicted, I tried I can't,' 'I don't know what to do with him!' there was a silence.

He was about seven she had just gotten a phone call, from some Jimmy guy. He had no clue that Jimmy was, all he knew was that his mom didn't want him, and this Jimmy was a son of a bitch according to his mother.

Liz hung up the phone and glared over at him. 'Why did you do this to me!' she screamed at the little boy sitting on the floor. 'You wretched my life! You made him leave! He loved me until you came!' she screamed. She was far from san she was gone. Most kid's moms loved them, kissed and hugged them, but her she was different. She got up and walked over to the kitchen. She got up and went to the kitchen flung open the cabinet and grabbed a bottle. She was already toasted, but she was looking for more. She slugged the bottle and rummaged through the cabinet, she grabbed this plastic bag that looked like flour, he knew it was her cocaine, she opened the bag and poured it on the counter. He watched her get her hit, then top it off with a slug from the bottle, that's when she went ballistic. 'You,' she screamed and pointed at him. He got up and ran to his room, she quickly caught up to him, and slapping him so hard she didn't know what his him. She continued to hit him harder and harder then she threw him onto his bed and tried to suffocate him with a pillow, he couldn't breath he remembered the feeling his chest burned and then it was gone. She had left him there. Three days later she came back. She decided to go clean she had to go clean.

~End of flashback~

He sat there and looked at the ground as he described that day. He looked up at her she was unreadable. She looked worried, sad, and caring. He didn't want her to feel sorry for him, his past was his past that was then this was now.

She stared at him, "I'm so sorry," she whispered again. "Does it ever bother you?"

"Don't be sorry, I left it in the past, that where it belongs. I never told anyone that." He muttered, as the thought of his mother trying to kill him rushed through his thoughts. He closed his eyes to get rid of the haze, he still had a grudge for his mother deep down he hated her, but as much as he hated her he loved her and for the only reason that she was his mother. He smiled faintly at Rory.

She smiled softly she let out a breath of air. In exactly three hours she'd have to sit next to the woman who tried to kill her seven-year-old son, who was now Rory's husband. The hate was like a wild fire, it just kept spreading through her body she didn't' know how much longer she could tame the flames.

~

The three hours past quickly with the help of Jem and Scout in 'To Kill A Mocking Bird' Rory found herself reading it over and over and she didn't know why. She wished she could write, like all the great authors she had read.

Jess's mother had just gotten to the apartment, she was tall, taller than Jess she had dark hair and musty eyes she didn't really look like him, the only thing they had in common was their hair color. She had an accent, which you would never recognize if you weren't from the city. She wasn't really elegant but she wasn't frumpy either, she had a graceful aw around her, yet she seems oddly trashy.

They made their greetings and she was shown the small modest apartment, then they settled back into the living room. Small talk had seemed to get old quick, so Liz decided to say something before she fell asleep.

"Jess, you've made quite the life for yourself!" the city woman's voice ran through the apartment like a freight train.

Jess looked at her and nodded.

"You guys have been together a awhile then huh?" she found it hard to start a conversation with her son or her unknown daughter in law, who looked at her like she was ready to tackle and beat her to the ground.

Rory looked at her, "Yeah, like 5 years," she said quickly.

Jess nodded once again.

"How come I wasn't invited to the wedding Jess?" Liz looked over at her silent son.

Jess looked at her, "Well if you called and told me where in the hell you where once in a while I might of invited you."

Liz looked over at Rory who still looked like she wanted to kill her and she decided it was best no to start with her. "Well maybe you should call your mother once in a while." She said smartly back to her son.

Jess shrugged and went to say something but was cut off by a raging Rory. "Oh, Shit," he muttered under his breath.

Rory stood up, "How can you call your self a mother!" Rory said without a thought the wild fire just broke the city limits there was no turning back. "The things you did to him! You junkie bitch!" she yelled.

Liz looked at her "I never did anything to him besides be an excellent mother!"

"Was snorting and beating him, a good excuse for being mother of the year!" Rory matched her tone.

"What I did or do in none of your business! Your just another trashy girl he picked up, that he hasn't managed to dump yet! Just like all those other sluts!"

Jess stood up "Out," he yelled and pointed at the door, he didn't care that she was his mother, she basically called Rory a slut and she had no right.

"You can't talk to me like that, I'm your mother!"

"I don't give a good god damn who you are get out!" His eyes raged, as the New Yorker raged out the door.

He put his head in his hands and sat down, he was so tired and drained, and this just topped the cake.

Rory looked over at him, he looked upset. "I'm sorry I couldn't hold it in, it was eating away at me! She thinks she's the god damn mother of the year!" She said quickly but made sure he could hear it all.

Jess got up and walked towards their bedroom. "Its ok, lets go to bed," he said weakly.

She got up and quickly gabbed his hand and followed him. They slept most of the afternoon, Rory couldn't help but feel bad, she bitched out her mother in law that she had never even meet. Jess seemed more tired than usual she didn't know if he was sick or what, he was never sick so he was probably just tired. She held on close to him, he seemed to be cold so she pulled the covers up on him, it was odd he was so strong but, they tiniest bit of cold, could make him shiver.